Hunger (T) - Part 2 in "Cyclical" Trilogy
Title: Hunger
Author: parcours @ flol
Rating: T (language)
Prompt: 096.Writer‘s Choice: Hungry
Summary: Hold fast in wait.
He's had this certain feeling of hunger that he couldn't quite place.
Within his circle of pre-med friends, they had a debate about what real hunger felt like: there's "true" hunger, which was felt at the base of the throat, superior to the stomach, and meant that the person really needed to eat; and there was the hunger felt in the stomach, the kind of hunger that eating out of boredom will satisfy. They failed to come to a consensus about it because they all ended up getting hungry and decided to grab food. The discussion was mainly for fun anyway.
This hunger he felt, it felt like neither. It felt different.
Ichigo dreamt of reds and oranges and dark yellow and greys these nights. He could not stop thinking of her, about what she's doing or if she had eaten or if she could possibly talk to him about "that thing" one more time. He could concentrate with more menial tasks and school work just fine, but she was always right there, ever present in the back of his mind.
Orihime never allowed it anymore, the opportunity for just the two of them to be together in a space. She wasn't too guarded to arouse their mutual friends' suspicions, yet not available either, for him to comfortably go up to her and invite her out for a casual stroll or whatever else they could do.
She gave him enough, just enough to maintain a friendship.
His chest tightened and he turned, seeing the red glare of "11:52 PM" of his alarm clock. He went to bed early, wanting to allot the time for thinking these things so he could go to sleep, but the mind has no pause button.
And off his mind did go, ruminating and looking back on memories. Ichigo never meant to fall. For every smile she sent his way and the silly little things that endeared her to many, there was nothing romantic in the relief he felt or the joy from knowing that she was okay and she had a fighting chance to be happy in this life when she had gone through so much already.
So where the fuck did this come from? This whole confusing mess of a tangle of hormones and feelings and her laughter and her kindness and…
She waited a long time, he heard. She waited a very long time and he had a measly three months of gradual realization to compare that to. Not to say that there should be a comparison as the two of them were different people after all, but years and months are years and months.
"Pathetic," he growled. The hunger was still there, a stubborn, steady hum in the tumult of his internal… shit.
And he made a move too soon! Couldn't he have just waited? What was he worried about? If there was anyone who should've been worried it was her, what with him walking about with his girlfriends of past. And Orihime handled herself so damn well, never once betraying jealousy.
Yet when Ichigo heard about a Science Department acquaintance pursuing his courtship of Orihime in earnest, the orange-haired Shinigami saw green. That guy wasn't the first to want a chance with her, but why did that one make a difference to him? Once during a fight, Karin accused him of being so damn impulsive and how annoying it was that the trait would be so typical of boys and he remembered how defensive he felt. Yet every single word from her was true.
Beside him, the clock changed to 11:55 PM. Only three minutes had passed? Really?
He wasn't going to get anywhere with her like this at all.
Tatsuki initially thought Ichigo to be stupid and brave all at once when he came to her about his problem. Stupid because it took him long enough to realize things, and brave because he knew what was going to come to him should he say something stupid.
"For what it's worth," he muttered as he nursed his bleeding lip, "I knew you were going to punch me or something if I decided to go to you about this. And I don't care."
It didn't really put a dent on the slight pleasure she felt at having caused that injury. He'll recover; a little ding on his pride every now and then will keep him in check, she figured. "And also it's because she rejected you. I was happy that she used common sense."
Ichigo winced. "So you punched me out of joy. Thanks." He spat on the ground after it felt like his brain re-calibrated itself, the fuzzy edges of his vision sharpening again and he could see Tatsuki's irritated face once more. "What now?"'
Around them, campus life continued. In Orihime's joy and pain when it came to Ichigo, Tatsuki learned much. She saw different faces that showed different expressions, but she learned she didn't know anything else aside from what she saw and what she was being shown and what she was told. No one ever knew what the whole story was with anyone and with anything. Her best friend was steadfast in that perspective, and in believing in the best of people and situations as a result.
It was a testament to Orihime's happy heart and optimism. Nothing made her feel down for too long, perhaps with the exception of the boy in front of her at present.
"What now," Tatsuki murmured, a sigh released from her lips. She wasn't sure about anything herself, which was the whole point wasn't it? "What now is you waiting, if you want to. You got a lot of choices, actually. You can choose to walk and you can choose to wait. Maybe you can walk and wait."
Ichigo didn't like that. She watched his upper lip curl in incredulity. "Keh? How can you move on while waiting?"
She shrugged. What Tatsuki didn't tell Ichigo is that Orihime had done something similar. At the time, once her friend said she was done, she meant it. "I… I know feelings can change, Tatsuki," she murmured, sounding sad but resolute. Orihime nodded with confidence even though Tatsuki knew she was hurting. "I know they can and do sometimes. Or often. Who knows? But I'd like to move on now. I'd like to try."
Yet from what his portion of the conversation sounded like, this guy… this guy actually laid it all out on the table. To be that vulnerable, to will himself to be vulnerable and in return, getting an answer shrouded in uncertainty was something quite painful indeed. Tatsuki pursed her lips together in thought. "So you told her that you wanted to, you know… go on a date or you want to date her or whatever?" Ichigo grunted. "Yeah, that's amazing she still turned you down."
Salt on an open wound. If Ichigo didn't know Tatsuki better, he would have felt more defensive, but she spoke her thoughts differently. He latched on to what he heard instead. "For someone who said she moved on, that's not really 'amazing.' Nothing's surprising about being turned down by that kind of person."
For the first time in the conversation, Tatsuki chuckled bitterly. Of course he wouldn't know how things were like with Orihime before - he wasn't there, wasn't around to hear her. Didn't he remember the concept of yin and yang? Equal parts of light and darkness exists in their friend. Orihime wasn't always a shining bastion of joy and happiness because when she breaks down -
"Where would I even begin if I were to tell you, Ichigo?" It was something that had to be experienced: even though she was a spectator on the sidelines, Tatsuki remained supportive in spite of her occasional caustic opinion against the person who inspired such love in her best friend. It didn't matter to her if the person was also a dear friend of hers.
Words would not do a description of Orihime's devotion justice. But if there were, if she could put it into words... For Ichigo, Orihime would have dared and done anything.
And when she spoke with Orihime later that night over their routine roommate late-night snack sessions, Tatsuki didn't see a frown or a sign to indicate that Ichigo's conversation with her had an effect on the girl at all; a smile was on her friend's lips. Tatsuki didn't go into any details, only mentioning that Ichigo had told her about their "date" at the bistro many weeks ago.
"You didn't tell me," she said, not bothering to hide a bit of the hurt she felt for being kept in the dark.
Orihime shook her head, the room's white light bouncing off of that shimmery darker orange hair. "It wasn't important." She reached for a small biscuit and dipped it into her coffee. "There was a time when it would have been, but not anymore."
"Because you gave up."
"No, Tatsuki-chan," Orihime countered gently. Even though the young woman was looking down at the dark cherrywood table, Tatsuki could see that Orihime was looking inwards somewhere, at memories that couldn't be seen and places that could not be shared and time that could never be rewound. There was something so unspeakably profound about all of this and Tatsuki never expected things between two of the most important people in her life would become so esoteric.
"I moved on. There is a difference." Orihime looked at her with that same smile. "And this is what moving on is like."
When Tatsuki went to bed, she pulled out her mobile phone and dialed Ichigo's number. She ignored his grumpy greeting from receiving a call so late. "You asked me 'what now'," she said without any preamble.
He stayed silent on the other line.
"Don't give up, Ichigo. If you believe you can make her happy, act on it and don't give up. She's worth it and I can't help you after this because you two… you have to figure it out on your own."
Orihime stared at the handwritten note on her table at the research assistants' office. After reading the short note, she asked her fellow assistants if they noticed anyone come by and leave something on her desk for her.
In spite of the fully occupied room, no one saw/heard anything or anyone come by, which left her with an alternative explanation that she could not quite bring herself to believe. After all, for him to (possibly) use his Shinigami form to deliver this note seemed a little over the top.
Between the lab write-ups to correct, the articles to read for her research, and the crumpled paper in her loose grasp, Orihime decided that dealing with anything on an empty stomach was not good at all. She sighed and wished that a waffle cart was nearby.
Part 2 finished! I've been editing and re-editing, but this is as good as it's going to get for now. Food still plays a huge part in this arc for some reason (First part: Bistro. This part: Hungry, waffle, late-night snack). I didn't do that on purpose. Thank you for reading and I hope everyone's having a great summer - or whatever season your side of the world is experiencing!
Author: parcours @ flol
Rating: T (language)
Prompt: 096.Writer‘s Choice: Hungry
Summary: Hold fast in wait.
He's had this certain feeling of hunger that he couldn't quite place.
Within his circle of pre-med friends, they had a debate about what real hunger felt like: there's "true" hunger, which was felt at the base of the throat, superior to the stomach, and meant that the person really needed to eat; and there was the hunger felt in the stomach, the kind of hunger that eating out of boredom will satisfy. They failed to come to a consensus about it because they all ended up getting hungry and decided to grab food. The discussion was mainly for fun anyway.
This hunger he felt, it felt like neither. It felt different.
Ichigo dreamt of reds and oranges and dark yellow and greys these nights. He could not stop thinking of her, about what she's doing or if she had eaten or if she could possibly talk to him about "that thing" one more time. He could concentrate with more menial tasks and school work just fine, but she was always right there, ever present in the back of his mind.
Orihime never allowed it anymore, the opportunity for just the two of them to be together in a space. She wasn't too guarded to arouse their mutual friends' suspicions, yet not available either, for him to comfortably go up to her and invite her out for a casual stroll or whatever else they could do.
She gave him enough, just enough to maintain a friendship.
His chest tightened and he turned, seeing the red glare of "11:52 PM" of his alarm clock. He went to bed early, wanting to allot the time for thinking these things so he could go to sleep, but the mind has no pause button.
And off his mind did go, ruminating and looking back on memories. Ichigo never meant to fall. For every smile she sent his way and the silly little things that endeared her to many, there was nothing romantic in the relief he felt or the joy from knowing that she was okay and she had a fighting chance to be happy in this life when she had gone through so much already.
So where the fuck did this come from? This whole confusing mess of a tangle of hormones and feelings and her laughter and her kindness and…
She waited a long time, he heard. She waited a very long time and he had a measly three months of gradual realization to compare that to. Not to say that there should be a comparison as the two of them were different people after all, but years and months are years and months.
"Pathetic," he growled. The hunger was still there, a stubborn, steady hum in the tumult of his internal… shit.
And he made a move too soon! Couldn't he have just waited? What was he worried about? If there was anyone who should've been worried it was her, what with him walking about with his girlfriends of past. And Orihime handled herself so damn well, never once betraying jealousy.
Yet when Ichigo heard about a Science Department acquaintance pursuing his courtship of Orihime in earnest, the orange-haired Shinigami saw green. That guy wasn't the first to want a chance with her, but why did that one make a difference to him? Once during a fight, Karin accused him of being so damn impulsive and how annoying it was that the trait would be so typical of boys and he remembered how defensive he felt. Yet every single word from her was true.
Beside him, the clock changed to 11:55 PM. Only three minutes had passed? Really?
He wasn't going to get anywhere with her like this at all.
Tatsuki initially thought Ichigo to be stupid and brave all at once when he came to her about his problem. Stupid because it took him long enough to realize things, and brave because he knew what was going to come to him should he say something stupid.
"For what it's worth," he muttered as he nursed his bleeding lip, "I knew you were going to punch me or something if I decided to go to you about this. And I don't care."
It didn't really put a dent on the slight pleasure she felt at having caused that injury. He'll recover; a little ding on his pride every now and then will keep him in check, she figured. "And also it's because she rejected you. I was happy that she used common sense."
Ichigo winced. "So you punched me out of joy. Thanks." He spat on the ground after it felt like his brain re-calibrated itself, the fuzzy edges of his vision sharpening again and he could see Tatsuki's irritated face once more. "What now?"'
Around them, campus life continued. In Orihime's joy and pain when it came to Ichigo, Tatsuki learned much. She saw different faces that showed different expressions, but she learned she didn't know anything else aside from what she saw and what she was being shown and what she was told. No one ever knew what the whole story was with anyone and with anything. Her best friend was steadfast in that perspective, and in believing in the best of people and situations as a result.
It was a testament to Orihime's happy heart and optimism. Nothing made her feel down for too long, perhaps with the exception of the boy in front of her at present.
"What now," Tatsuki murmured, a sigh released from her lips. She wasn't sure about anything herself, which was the whole point wasn't it? "What now is you waiting, if you want to. You got a lot of choices, actually. You can choose to walk and you can choose to wait. Maybe you can walk and wait."
Ichigo didn't like that. She watched his upper lip curl in incredulity. "Keh? How can you move on while waiting?"
She shrugged. What Tatsuki didn't tell Ichigo is that Orihime had done something similar. At the time, once her friend said she was done, she meant it. "I… I know feelings can change, Tatsuki," she murmured, sounding sad but resolute. Orihime nodded with confidence even though Tatsuki knew she was hurting. "I know they can and do sometimes. Or often. Who knows? But I'd like to move on now. I'd like to try."
Yet from what his portion of the conversation sounded like, this guy… this guy actually laid it all out on the table. To be that vulnerable, to will himself to be vulnerable and in return, getting an answer shrouded in uncertainty was something quite painful indeed. Tatsuki pursed her lips together in thought. "So you told her that you wanted to, you know… go on a date or you want to date her or whatever?" Ichigo grunted. "Yeah, that's amazing she still turned you down."
Salt on an open wound. If Ichigo didn't know Tatsuki better, he would have felt more defensive, but she spoke her thoughts differently. He latched on to what he heard instead. "For someone who said she moved on, that's not really 'amazing.' Nothing's surprising about being turned down by that kind of person."
For the first time in the conversation, Tatsuki chuckled bitterly. Of course he wouldn't know how things were like with Orihime before - he wasn't there, wasn't around to hear her. Didn't he remember the concept of yin and yang? Equal parts of light and darkness exists in their friend. Orihime wasn't always a shining bastion of joy and happiness because when she breaks down -
"Where would I even begin if I were to tell you, Ichigo?" It was something that had to be experienced: even though she was a spectator on the sidelines, Tatsuki remained supportive in spite of her occasional caustic opinion against the person who inspired such love in her best friend. It didn't matter to her if the person was also a dear friend of hers.
Words would not do a description of Orihime's devotion justice. But if there were, if she could put it into words... For Ichigo, Orihime would have dared and done anything.
And when she spoke with Orihime later that night over their routine roommate late-night snack sessions, Tatsuki didn't see a frown or a sign to indicate that Ichigo's conversation with her had an effect on the girl at all; a smile was on her friend's lips. Tatsuki didn't go into any details, only mentioning that Ichigo had told her about their "date" at the bistro many weeks ago.
"You didn't tell me," she said, not bothering to hide a bit of the hurt she felt for being kept in the dark.
Orihime shook her head, the room's white light bouncing off of that shimmery darker orange hair. "It wasn't important." She reached for a small biscuit and dipped it into her coffee. "There was a time when it would have been, but not anymore."
"Because you gave up."
"No, Tatsuki-chan," Orihime countered gently. Even though the young woman was looking down at the dark cherrywood table, Tatsuki could see that Orihime was looking inwards somewhere, at memories that couldn't be seen and places that could not be shared and time that could never be rewound. There was something so unspeakably profound about all of this and Tatsuki never expected things between two of the most important people in her life would become so esoteric.
"I moved on. There is a difference." Orihime looked at her with that same smile. "And this is what moving on is like."
When Tatsuki went to bed, she pulled out her mobile phone and dialed Ichigo's number. She ignored his grumpy greeting from receiving a call so late. "You asked me 'what now'," she said without any preamble.
He stayed silent on the other line.
"Don't give up, Ichigo. If you believe you can make her happy, act on it and don't give up. She's worth it and I can't help you after this because you two… you have to figure it out on your own."
Orihime stared at the handwritten note on her table at the research assistants' office. After reading the short note, she asked her fellow assistants if they noticed anyone come by and leave something on her desk for her.
In spite of the fully occupied room, no one saw/heard anything or anyone come by, which left her with an alternative explanation that she could not quite bring herself to believe. After all, for him to (possibly) use his Shinigami form to deliver this note seemed a little over the top.
Between the lab write-ups to correct, the articles to read for her research, and the crumpled paper in her loose grasp, Orihime decided that dealing with anything on an empty stomach was not good at all. She sighed and wished that a waffle cart was nearby.
Part 2 finished! I've been editing and re-editing, but this is as good as it's going to get for now. Food still plays a huge part in this arc for some reason (First part: Bistro. This part: Hungry, waffle, late-night snack). I didn't do that on purpose. Thank you for reading and I hope everyone's having a great summer - or whatever season your side of the world is experiencing!