Doctor's don't make promises, do they? (Callie/Erica, 4/?)
Title: Doctors don’t make promises, do they?
Author: Nelfy
Characters: Callie Torres, Erica Hahn, Callica ship, slight mentions of Mark, Christina and Addison
Summary: This fanfic shows what happened during the season 4 finale and goes further to explore the relationship between Callie and Erica.
Spoilers: Starts with the season 4 finale
Rating: NC-17 (I changed the rating just to be sure!)
Disclaimer: Characters belong to ABC and Shonda Rhimes
Author’s Note: I made up some history for Erica, since we don’t really know anything about her.
Thank your for all your comments! I’ll try to update at least every three days, but I can’t promise anything. Any guesses already who the artist is whose title’s I use for my chapters? Oh, and before I forget it again: I’ve never been in a relationship, so all the things I’m writing about are taken purely from my imagination, books and TV-shows. So don’t sue me if something is unrealistic ;-). I made up some history for Erica, since we don’t really know anything about her.
Previous chapters: Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three
Chapter Four - Heal me
Callie wasn’t sure whether she was ready to take the next step, but she sure was ready for some teasing. Callie moved from under the covers, straddling Erica. Slowly, she started kissing the blond hottie and let her tongue circle Erica’s lips. Then, the dark-haired beauty started to trace the line from Erica’s ears down her neck to her collar bone, her hands roaming freely over Erica’s exposed waist. She took a moment so look deeply into the blue eyes she loved so much and then let her hands sneak up further to the underside of Erica’s breasts, stroking them slowly. The cardio goddess’s breathe quickened and she felt her heart beat faster, waiting for Callie’s next step.
“You know, I would love to have some French toast for breakfast” Callie gave Erica a peck on the lips and swiftly stood up, leaving Erica breathless and astonished. Well, that’s what I get from teasing her… Groaning inwardly, the blond woman stood up, making her way down to the kitchen, where Callie was already busy making breakfast.
After having eaten, the two doctors decided to stay at home for the day and find out whether they were ready to explore the feelings they had for each other. Erica did not want to pressure Callie into something she was not ready for and she was afraid of loosing both her friend and her lover if she rushed things. Without a doubt, they had a special bond, but neither was sure where this bond would lead them.
“So, what do you think?” Erica asked, deliberately not sitting down next to Callie on the sofa but taking place in her armchair to give the younger woman some space.
“I’m not sure. I’ve never been with a woman, this is new to me. Tell me what you want and I’ll try to figure out whether I’ll be able to give it to you.”
Erica sighed, carefully choosing her next words.
“I don’t want to influence you. I know how I feel, but I don’t want you to say no to me, so I’ll only go as far as you want to. If you want to be just friends, then we’ll be just friends.”
Now it was Callie’s turn to sigh. This is not going to get us anywhere.
“Ok, I have an idea. I need some time to figure out how I really feel about all this without looking at you, because when I look at you I just can’t think clear. When I look at you my mind just wanders to places that make my head spin.” She smirked, and felt her knees go weak when she saw Erica look down timidly, her cheeks and ears turning red.
“Give me an hour. I’ll write down all of my feelings and what I want and you do the same. And then we can compare our notes without influencing each other, and then we’ll go from there. Okay?” Erica knew that she needed to let Callie figure this out on her own, so she agreed. She got up and brought some paper and pens and then retreated to her kitchen. It took her quite some willpower to not kiss Callie or immediately confess her love, but being a surgeon gave her the strength she needed.
I will be ok, no matter what Callie decides, I’ll be alright. I’ve lived without Callie before and I’ll be able to live without Callie again. Erica snorted at her own thoughts, how was she supposed to live without Callie now that she had gotten to know this dark-haired beauty? Slowly, she started to write, pouring her heart out onto the paper. She wrote down things that she would probably never be able to say out loud, but it didn’t matter to her. All that mattered was that Callie knew how much she meant to Erica.
I want you. All of you.
I want to be with you. All the time.
I want to wake up with you in the morning and go to bed with you at night.
I want us to go out on dates, go dancing and enjoy dinner at exotic restaurants.
I want to dream of our future. A future spent together, exploring the world.
I want there to be an us, facing the world together.
I want to show you where I grew up and where I spent my summers.
I want you to show me where you grew up and where you spent your summers.
I want to get to know you, just like you know me without even trying.
I want to never let go of you.
I want to be with you. All the time.
I want you. All of you.
Erica rewrote what she had written only once, deciding that going with the truth was the only option. When she read her list again, she realised that she had not written about work at all. There was no mention of surgeries, patients, doctors and hospitals. Surgery had always dominated Erica’s world, ever since she started her internship at Mercy West. The cardiothoracic surgeon’s world revolved around medicine, medicine was all she breathed and lived for. But since Callie had kissed her the day before, she had not once thought about holding a scalpel or feeling a heart beat in her hands, as she had for once listened to her own heart beat. Slowly, panic was starting to creep up Erica’s body, her breathing and heart beat growing faster. Would she be able to be a surgeon and a lover to Callie? She knew that working with Callie would get increasingly more difficult the more intimate they got.
Erica had experienced this situation once before, with Tess. They spent so much time together that it had sometimes been near impossible for Erica to keep her fingers off of Tess during work, and she had spent all her time and energy on trying to concentrate on being a surgeon that she had no energy left for actually being one. When Erica had nearly lost a patient, a little girl non the less, because she had been busy checking out Tess all day, she had decided to end the relationship and be professional, even at the cost of breaking two hearts. She had decided that relationships at work were simply not an option, and shutting herself off from other people was far easier than dealing with loosing a patient when she had NOT done all she could have. Tess had left to do her residency in New York after their intern exam and Erica had been so relieve to not see her again it had actually hurt. But she trusted herself and her position. No emotions at work. Not for other doctors, nurses and definitely not for patients. Science was enough for Erica, and when science failed her every now and then she retreated to going to bars and picking up random guys. With her good looks and determination, it was always easy for the surgeon to find a guy who was interested in spending the night, keeping her warm and scratching her itch until the morning came and she could rekindle with science.
But now, that the emotions Erica had buried so deep had been easily set free by Callie, she needed to face the truth. Erica did not have relationships at work. She didn’t. It was as simple as that. Medicine consumed her, so much sometimes that she stopped being a human being all together. The surgeon was very well aware of the fact that she was cruel at times, but science didn’t have feelings. Science did not CARE about feelings. Science meant facts. Facts such as the one that Erica didn’t have relationships at work.
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After Erica left the living room, Callie felt a tad lonely. She enjoyed Erica’s company so much that she missed not having her around. When she was honest with herself, Callie had even missed Erica when she had been intimate with Mark. Callie sat back, letting the events of the last night and morning sink in. The dark-haired beauty knew that she wanted Erica, she wanted to be with her and enjoy her company. But George had hurt her like she had never been hurt before and she didn’t want to risk having her heart ripped out again by going too fast. She only needed to make that mistake once. Slowly, Callie started to write, each word making her more confident that Erica would never hurt her like that. After all, Erica’s profession was to mend broken hearts, so she would be able to heal Callie’s.
I know that I like you and that you like me and that is enough for me to give us a chance. We need to take it slow, you need to give me time to open up. George hurt me, bad, and even though I wish that I could say I’m over him, I’m not quite over the pain and the humiliation. I want us to go out on dates, go dancing, like we already did so many times. I want you to take me out to dinner and I want us to have interesting conversations about all the world and his wife. We can take our time getting to know each other and also getting to know our bodies. We will set the pace and we will figure out a way to do this right. I don’t want to tell anyone at work yet, not because I want to hide this amazing thing, but because I can’t stand people gossiping about me again. I’ve had enough of that with this whole George fiasco, so if we could just be friends at work that would be really great. You just need to give me some time to let my heart grow complete again. I just need to give you some time to heal my heart. I heard you are an expert in that area.
A/N: I’ve rewritten parts of this chapter about three or four times and I’m still not certain whether I got the tone right, but I hope you liked it non the less. I didn’t think that romance would be so hard to write.
Up next: Chapter 5