Comments | neiths_arrow: E is for Empathic Concerns

neiths_arrow

E is for Empathic Concerns

May 18, 2009 22:46

Title: Empathic Concern
Author: Neiths-Arrow
Pairing: None
Rating: PG13
Genre: angst, hurt-comfort
Spoilers: Up to Season 7
Summary: Janet from the perspective of an unknown junior officer.
Author's Notes: Written for sg_fignewton's Gen Fic Day - aka Alphabet Soup. This story has not been through the beta process, so I apologize for any ( Read more... )

alphabet soup

Comments 18

cnidarian May 19 2009, 16:00:51 UTC

Ack, the kicker at the end hurts. This was lovely though. I always enjoy seeing our favourite characters through the eyes of others. And Ross Rossi - quite a name. ;) So characteristic of Janet to stay with him the whole night. Nicely done!

neiths_arrow May 19 2009, 19:20:39 UTC

Thank you and sorry for the angst. It just came out that way. Actually, his name was Anthony Rossi, but he goes by Ross. This is the reason for Beta's. (sigh) Unfortunately, I left it to the last minute and didn't have time.

cnidarian May 19 2009, 19:30:33 UTC

Ahh. I was wondering if it was a nickname based on his surname. His parents wouldn't have been that mean. ;) Angst is good!

neiths_arrow May 19 2009, 19:30:57 UTC

Lieutenant Rossi is now Lieutenant Anthony Rossi. Thank you for the feedback.

sg_fignewton May 19 2009, 16:32:10 UTC

Ah, lovely. Delightfully Janet. I love how she always had the extra human touch on the show - not just reading the machines, but giving her patients that extra bit of physical comfort. And I like, too, you gave us someone else other than a member of SG-1!

neiths_arrow May 19 2009, 19:23:32 UTC

Thank you! I didn't want the reader to be caught up in any of the other characters - whether their favorite or not. That TV episode was so well done that I sobbed when I found out who had died. I've never done that before. You know she would have touched each of their lives.

sela21k May 19 2009, 17:31:49 UTC

Aw man...you got me at the end.

What a tearjerker.

Well done.

neiths_arrow May 19 2009, 19:25:35 UTC

I kept crying while writing it! My muse couldn't decide whether Ross was going to live or die, so I kept that uncertainty there. I'm glad you liked it.

samantilles May 19 2009, 18:56:38 UTC

I love that you chose to do a non-SG-1 member for this, because it really just demonstrates that its Janet who's awesome, no matter who's in her infirmary!! I also love how he thought he was super special because the CMO was spending time with him, being a "lowly" lieutenant... Simply beautiful!!

Out of curiosity, is the name for the lieutenant ross rossi? "He smiled at the use of his first name." kinda got me off-guard with that one--I can see people calling him Ross for Rossi, though?

neiths_arrow May 19 2009, 19:28:15 UTC

Ah! See my comment to the first comment. My beta would have caught that error. His name is really Anthony Rossi. I think I meant to write "nickname" and "first name" flew out of my fingers.

I'm glad you liked it. She treated everyone as if they were special. I thought of the Lieutenant who had a crush on Sam and how she made sure that Sam visited him in the infirmary. She knew every one of her patients.

thraesja May 19 2009, 23:27:57 UTC

This was lovely. I like the detailed look into how she cares for the rest of the SGC, including young Ross. And the ending brought additional poignancy to Sam's eulogy.

One small note of hopefully useful concrit: I think it might be more powerful if you don't break Janet's POV until the final scene. You stick with her for the most part, but you do break with the paragraph that starts "He smiled at the use of his nickname." and a in few bits and pieces elsewhere. That way the reader, like Janet, doesn't truly know how much she's helped him until after she's gone.

neiths_arrow May 20 2009, 06:00:06 UTC

Thank you for your constructive feedback thraesja. I was not trying for Janet's POV so much as the reader's/watcher's POV. Really, neither character could see what the other was thinking. But the reader can peak inside each mind to know. I needed to switch POV, also, because she (whispers) dies in the end. (Don't tell anyone.) I felt it would be too abrupt if I switched at the last minute. But, I'll explore your idea a bit further in my head.

thraesja May 20 2009, 11:33:41 UTC

Heh. Of course you needed to switch POV at the end. And Ross was perfect for it and you did it well. I find POV switches between scenes less jarring than those in the middle, but that's my preference and not necessarily anyone else's. I didn't mean to imply I thought Janet was somehow reading Ross's mind during the rest of it. :)

I just think the infirmary scene would be stronger if we only see Ross's emotions through Janet's tired and caring eyes, rather than being told what they are directly. Just like the ending is stronger for seeing the grief of the entire SGC through Ross's eyes, rather than being told how much they're all grieving.

Thanks for thinking about it. It's a great story, and I look forward to seeing more from you. Happy writing!

neiths_arrow May 20 2009, 15:31:09 UTC

Wow! I read back on the story and I totally agree with you. I only had one paragraph from Ross' POV in the first section and there was really nothing in it that I couldn't have either moved to the end or expressed in some other way.

I'll probably revise it before posting it anywhere else. Thanks!