zwei augen zuviel

[nebulawindphone]

I'm still really devastated about my surgery. I know petulant self-pity is a pretty bad look, but it's where I'm at right now.

And I've been figuring more about why I'm so bothered. It's not that I think Rumer made a mistake. Everything's gone as well as it possibly could have given the fairly primitive version of the procedure I signed up for. I'

Comments

[quijax]

I understand that pride. That sense of "I must do it myself." I get stuck there so often myself.

[poettrees]

*hugs*

I hope you can process some of this with a therapist now. There are other narratives available here than "well I fucked up this thing I wanted!" It's possible you'd feel guilt about asking family if you'd done it the other way and might be writing a post about feeling mad at yourself for allowing yourself dependence. Change is really hard and not always immediately cathartic, so that might be a factor, especially since something this big and physical usually has an attendant ritual to help you process, incorporate and move forward, and I'm guessing you haven't had that. This is a big thing you did for yourself!

I know that you are sad and worried and I'm sorry for that. I hope those feelings change. You did the best you could, we are all works in progress.