Comments | ncis_lfws: Session 4: Round 1

vamp926 in ncis_lfws

Session 4: Round 1 - Discussion Post

Feb 02, 2010 10:25

So, everyone who's replied for their comments so far seems to like this idea, so we're going to do it, but first, some rules ( Read more... )

session 4, round 1, discussion post

Comments 43

Choices by leoraine vamp926 February 2 2010, 15:27:08 UTC

Re: Choices by leoraine ceindreadh February 2 2010, 23:36:07 UTC

I liked the idea for this fic, but there were a few places where the phrasing seemed a bit awkward and could have been polished up a bit.

Re: Choices by leoraine leoraine February 3 2010, 08:38:39 UTC

Thank you for the comment. I'm aware of the problem with the phrasing, etc and I'm working on it. [not a natural at english, so I'm still learning:-] I'm happy though that people have problems with the writing and not with the story itself, as that would be harder to fix:-)

Miles Apart by tucker_liz vamp926 February 2 2010, 15:27:32 UTC

Re: Miles Apart by tucker_liz ceindreadh February 2 2010, 23:38:44 UTC

This was on my 'favourite' shortlist, as it was a scene I would have liked to have seen on the show.
I felt though that it ended a bit abruptly, and it would have been interesting to see Vance's POV as he's watching Tony interact with the team.

Re: Miles Apart by tucker_liz tucker_liz February 3 2010, 00:24:42 UTC

Thank you, I'm honored to hear that you enjoyed it.

Upon reading the story again, I can see what you mean, but I was wanting to leave it where Vance was obviously watching the team as Gibbs appeared beside him.

I appreciate the critique, very helpful indeed.

Visitation by sounthernrogue47 vamp926 February 2 2010, 15:28:06 UTC

Ghosts in the Elevator by countryole vamp926 February 2 2010, 15:28:29 UTC

Re: Ghosts in the Elevator by countryole vamp926 February 2 2010, 16:40:00 UTC

I picked this story for Mod's Choice because I love the way you portrayed Tony and Abby's angst. I also love show you showed Abby wantint to be gentler with Tony than she was with Gibbs, and how well Abby understands Tony and how he processes things. It was also a really good show of how conflicted Tony was after Aliyah, despite all that had happened between them.

Re: Ghosts in the Elevator by countryole little_ozzo February 2 2010, 18:21:50 UTC

What really grabbed me was the way you wrote about Tony fiddling with his phone - it really linked very nicely to Aaliyah and the characterisation really hit the mark. It was angsty, but Tony and Abby's quirks weren't lost in the sadness! :-)

Re: Ghosts in the Elevator by countryole ceindreadh February 3 2010, 00:00:33 UTC

This was well written, but I just couldn't get past the idea of 'anxiety induced claustrophobia' which I honestly couldn't see Tony suffering with. And with that in mind, I just didn't get invested in the rest of the fic.
(I wouldn't have voted it out just for that reason though, but it did put it squarely in the 'neutral' category for me)

Thread 5

Cut Adrift by bryhnn87 vamp926 February 2 2010, 15:29:04 UTC

Re: Cut Adrift by bryhnn87 ceindreadh February 2 2010, 23:41:29 UTC

I found the switch between 'Tony' and 'DiNozzo' in the 2nd paragraph to be a bit jarring, and it took me out of the story a bit.
Liked the image of Tony as the kite with the broken string, and I felt Abby's reactions to Gibbs leaving were spot on.