I would roll five hundred miles
So, I'm going to start out my S4 report by saying that this probably won't be as detailed as usual (wait, don't I always say that? Anyway.). At least not in terms of quotes etc from the guest talks. Because the stuff that the big gang of us got up to was much more memorable - I must admit to zoning out in most of the talks that didn't involve Jonathan and just stuck myself behind my camera for most of the time.
So this will all be silly happenings and personal encounters with the guests, and I can't guarantee it'll be of interest to anybody who wasn't there! And with that, I'll begin!
On Thursday I left Aberdeen and waved a sad (and cold) goodbye to with_milk. I slept almost all of the way to Glasgow, which was nice, though I did wake up when we stopped in Dundee and Perth. I managed to get all the way there without anybody sitting next to me, great stuff. I got off the bus and taxi'd it to the Travelodge. It's a bloody good job I did that instead of braving a bus, I'd have got SO lost. The signage at that Travelodge was pathetic!
Anyway, once I'd dumped my stuff in the room (after being checked in by a grumpy woman) I went out to the Chinese takeaway I'd spotted on the way in. I decided, what with this being a con weekend and no idea when I'd get some food, that I'd pig out a bit, and ordered two main courses just for myself. Sweet and sour chicken, which was scrummy battered chicken balls with sweet and sour sauce, instead of it all being served up mixed, like usual, and instead of getting an egg fried rice I ordered Chicken Fried Rice, which is a meal in itself. And a can of Irn Bru. Anyway, I got back to the room with my food, got into my pyjamas and settled down to watch Comic Relief Does Fame Academy with my food.
I was interested to discover that the chicken fried rice was odd! It was egg fried rice with a big pile of gravy covered chicken on the top. It was gorgeous, but not what I expected! Anyway, a big thumbs up to that place! If for some insane reason I ever find myself on that side of Glasgow again, in that particular Travelodge, I'm so going back there!
Anyway, after watching all the trash I could find on the TV to keep me awake as long as possible, I finally called it a night around midnight, planning to get up about 9, shower, and then potter around the hotel til around 11 and head over to the Quality Central. But when I got out of the shower I had a text from jainaj saying they (they being fray101, angelite, mrbuttmonkey and xfunkydoryx) had landed, so I hurried up and got myself over to the hotel (on a scary bus, I might add) for not too long after they'd checked in.
As expected, the hotel was very Central but completely not Quality. Melissa went out into the corridor to talk to Mark, and came back in with the news that Veronica Mars was cancelled, which made Ryan and Hilary think she meant Breakout, rather than the show, and when we realised she meant the show there wasn't really much of a reaction. I was surprised. And then they were talking about the FBI thing, and everybody thought that was weird.
After some sitting around, lounging, DSing and other fun, we were invaded by the Irish contingent, led by almarsare. A little while after that, we decided it was time for food, and headed out of the hotel. And when we went looking for lunch, much amusement was had! The ten of us followed some of that “a friend of a friend says” type of advice from rowandaze that always results in people getting lost and went uphill, because roads that go uphill lead to places in Glasgow. Apparently. So we walked past a pub or two, a Bella Italia, a Pizza Hut, and then discovered we seemed to be on a main street. Which we were. And we found a TGI Friday's, so we went there.
“Are you all together?”
Yes, we are. There are ten of us. Yes, we're STILL together. No matter how many times we're asked if we're still together, whether it's by the staff or random customers on their way out that you've accosted and told to ask us, we're STILL together. And there are still ten of us. Eventually they found us a table, and we sat down (after the crazy waitress lady walked behind Hilary and before me, and danced along behind to a song she was singing, while holding on to Hilary's shoulders. It was bizarre.).
So then we ordered, and before the food came, there was some hilarity with the drinks. The waitress had decided it would be humorous if she tied a knot in Cara's straw. This led to Cara being confused about why her drink wasn't coming up the straw, and I was staring at the waitress woman who was holding out a fresh straw and giggling. It was really weird, and confusing at first, because Cara had an ice-cream-y drink so it was almost impossible to tell that it was a KNOT in the end and not just a big lump of ice or something.
Eventually the food came, though Jaina's didn't come for quite a while after ours did... and she had to ask for it... and when it came it tasted like lighter fluid. Or, what Jaina imagines that lighter fluid would taste like, if one had a penchant for tasting lighter fluid. I had a nice giant burger with lots of chips (and after the story that Cara had told about flies in the chip fryer just coming out as little black peppery bits, Ryan and I were slightly disturbed by the little black parts on ours. But it was okay. We think).
So after getting ourselves nice and full, we did a bit of shopping. This is also known as “dragging Ryan round the girliest shops you can find”. I don't know what it is about me, but I always end up shopping with a load of girls and one lad. Like Tim. Not jossno1fan. The other Tim I know. Anyway, Melissa bought some shoes, though not remotely the shoes she was looking for in the first place. Kat didn't buy a dress from Monsoon, and I was happy because I bought some jeans in Dorothy Perkins. And then we headed back to the hotel, though Hilary and I ditched everybody to go on a mission to find some orange (preferably) tissue paper to help us when it came to making Jonathan's Jaffa Cake Gift Basket look pretty. Some of Hilary's Jaffa products had gotten a little squashed on the plane journey - though not as squashed as Melissa's suitcase, which had died a death in the hold and had to be duct taped up for the way home.
So after we got back to the hotel, we registered. Then we sat around until it was time to buy photo session tickets, which we duly did - though Jaina didn't buy her Twins ticket til the next morning, because she was strong, and then she was weak. Then we bought our 10x8s, and toddled back to the room. After that, there was packing of the Jaffa Cakes into the basket, and then lounging, and a little napping. And then we all woke up for Neighbours.
After Neighbours (and we're talking immediately after, we RAN) Hilary and I went to the stewards meeting. We had hellish duties - 8 hours on Photo Dis, but all would be okay. And they were nowhere near as hellish as Almar's!
After that it was up to the room to get ready for the M&G, and then after a detour by reception to get Kat to complain about the used condom that Ryan found under his bed (they got rid of it while we were out, and I said he should have taken a photo as proof in case they claimed it was never there. He should get a refund!) we headed down to snag ourselves some seats. Only it turned out that since everybody was invited to the M&G, they'd laid the main hall out with tables and the guests were going to come around there without us moving. I wonder if they'll do that at Breakout. I guess it's possible, what with the shape and size of the main hall in the Rad. It would be weird at the Thistle. Because of this, Hilary and I ran back upstairs to get our Jaffa Basket as we could hide it under the table.
We sat around a while longer, had a few photo sessions (I've been through people's photos and saved some, and in the three versions of the photo of me and Ryan that I've stolen - which makes a total of three photos of me and Ryan ever - we clearly have that “talking through gritted teeth 'which camera are we looking at??'” face on us. Lmao.). We had a discussion about comics, in which I explained to Ryan that my brain isn't wired the way to let me read them, it doesn't link pictures to words, and he gave me a lesson in how to read them. We were going to take a field trip to a bookshop and have a real lesson, but we didn't get around to it.
At some stage, Tim arrived, and after me telling him he couldn't sit in the gap beside me because Hilary had already been moved out onto the end so that she wasn't in Melissa and Jaina's way, he went down the Irish end of the table.
Eventually, after a lot of chat and laughter, things got underway. Neil came out and was, of course, Neil. With a cast on his arm. At first we assumed he was kidding, but it turns out he really had broken bones in his hand. Something to do with a car falling on it. The daft bugger. After a lot of rambling from Neil, he started to introduce the guests. Jonathan was first, something which confounds me as he was bound to be one of the more popular guests and they're usually announced in an order that shows that, but whatever.
Jonathan came out and was, of course, completely insane, and already a good bit drunk. He'd remembered his passport this time, didn't miss his flight, all the important stuff - though his Dad had missed his flight. Heh. Silly Mr Woodward.
Then came the twins, and then Michael, Christina and Ron. To be honest I didn't listen much to what they were saying, and be glad, or this report would be double the length. Christina did hide, though, not going onto the stage like the others (barring Jonathan and Neil) had done, so it was almost impossible to get photos of her! I do remember Michael talking about La Cantina, and how people had seen him in the Hallmark advert and told him they thought Niska was going to eat the little girl. Hee! Yan Feldman also asked how many people had been at La Cantina and a few raised our hands, and he said “See? I told you we'd be here!” and I was like “Yay! That was me and Katy!”
Then it was time for meeting and greeting. Amazingly, Ron appeared at the table behind us pretty much immediately, talked to them and then turned around and joined us. We offered him a Jaffa Cake, and after some cajoling, took one. Eating it, he had a face of indifference, leaning towards dislike... and then suddenly gave a horrible grimace and asked if we minded if he left it. Disaster! Though now Tim owns half a Jaffa Cake, and could make a set of Ron Glass teeth from it. Probably.
After Ron had gone, we started eating our Jaffa Cakes. Sean Harry spotted them lying on the table, and came towards us with a “Ah, Jaffa Cakes! This must be the UK Browncoat lot!” and I said “That's us!” while we were all secretly thinking “Crap. He's taking a mental snapshot of us so that he can keep an eye on us.” Because there's something about Sean that makes it impossible to ignore him, we had a little chat - I said “Look what we've brought for Jonathan” and Hilary and I pulled the basket out to show Sean. His eyes popped out of his head a bit, and then after we told him something about Jonathan dunking his first cake in whiskey, he launched into a hilarious tale. Ahem. “Do you want to hear something disgusting? At the first event I ran with Serenity guests, about three years ago now, there was some Ribena backstage. And Nathan poured himself a full glass, undiluted!” We all looked at each other, wondering if there was a punchline. There didn't seem to be. So I prompted for one. “What did he do?” “He drank the whole thing down. Everybody else backstage knew what it was!” There was an awkward silence, and some confusion, and then we gave Sean a Jaffa Cake and he went away.
I'd bought Vodka & Irn Bru from the bar, so when Christina came over and was complaining that we all just had Pepsi and stuff, I told her that there was vodka in mine. She squinted at the bright orange and asked what it was, and Ryan and I struggled to explain. He kept asking me, and I was just going “I don't know! It just tastes like Irn Bru!” She smelled the can and pulled a face, which pleased the rest of the non-Irn-Bru fans on our table, though I maintain that it really just smelt like a can.
When Michael Fairman came over to the table next to ours, he glanced at us, saw Jaina and went “Ah!”, like he recognised her, which freaked Jaina out. Then he saw Melissa and did the same thing. It was amusing and a little scary.
We almost killed Michael with the Irish whiskey chocolates. He ended up needing to drink Kat's water, lmao. He talked about being in Dead Silence, even though Kat had asked him how he was liking Glasgow, he'd started talking about something else because he didn't hear her. Between Kat and Jaina, I think they asked him about four times before he answered. When he was talking about Dead Silence, I said “That's the the thing with Ryan Kwanten, right?” three or so times before he heard me, but he was excited when he realised that I knew who Ryan was. I didn't tell him it was because of Home and Away. Well. I tried. I said “He used to be in an Australian soap,” but he wasn't listening again. Then I told him I'd seen him in LA, and he said “Oh, you were at the thing? Oh! Yes! You were! You were one of the people who thought I was going to eat the little girl in the advert! It's okay! It's not REAL!” And I was laughing, but thinking “No, I wasn't! I didn't actually SPEAK to you at La Cantina, and also, I didn't see the ad while I was over!” But whatever. Lmao.
I went to the bar to get a drink refill, and Hilary came running out to tell me that Jonathan was near our table. After he spent a little while at the other CSTS table, with Sean Harry hovering nearby with his video camera as soon as he'd seen Jonathan approach us, he came over. And we pulled the basket out. This is the highlight of my night, by the way.
We said “We've got something for you,” and put it on the table. I pulled off the orange tissue and his eyes absolutely bugged out of his head. It was a sight to behold. He fell to his knees and said “I think I just came in my pants.” Then he stood back up, and opened one of the tubes. We told him we had an open packet if he wanted and he reached out for one and then stopped, and said he didn't want to be greedy when he had all of that, hee! Then he opened his hollow bible that contained a hip flask (Sean was filming this whole thing, by the way) and started to read some scripture. Then he decided it was wrong (lmao), and handed the flask to me. I took a drink (usually I would decline, but he handed it RIGHT to me, I couldn't!) and he SHOVED a Jaffa Cake into my mouth, and blessed my forehead with more whiskey. The flask got passed around the table (came back practically empty, lmfao) and he looked at the basket some more. “You guys... I don't even know what all these shapes and sizes are!” His guest assistant for the night picked it up to carry it for him, and then he came around behind me, put his hands on my shoulders and started kissing either side of my cheeks, hee! Then I pointed out they were from Hilary too and he moved on to giving her kisses as well.
After Jonathan, I actually made it back to the bar. The twins finally got over to our table, and we offered Rafael a Jaffa Cake, who said “Oh, are those Jaffa Cakes?! My brother's going to LOVE you!” and he took a seat at the end of the table, by Hilary and Jaina. Yan arrived and was indeed thrilled about the Jaffa Cakes, and sat beside Ryan, near Tim and the Irish. I listened to a lot of Rafael's conversation with people about Michaelangelo (he'd asked which turtle it was and said 'is this one me?') and then heard “Rach! Tell him how many?” and Yan said “What's the count?”
I was momentarily confused before I realised that for some reason, somebody had told him I hold the record for Serenity viewings. So I said “39”, and he looked amazed. And I clarified with “Just at the cinema. More on DVD.” More gaping. “You saw it 39 times just at the theatre?” and I said yes, and he said “Yeah, you hold the record.” Heh. Then he thanked me for doing it! Hee!
Then after a little more chat, Ryan and I swapped seats - which was a bit of a debacle in itself, so that I was beside Yan. I sat for a while as they finished what they were talking about, and then butted in with “I saw you in LA - I was the one at La Cantina who told you that you should come over.” He said “Oh, that was you?” and I said “Yeah. I came home and told everybody what you'd said - I outed you. A day or so later Sean had to officially announce you because I'd spoiled his surprise!” and Yan laughed and said “I'm glad you did!”
They were told to move on soon after that, and then finally Neil showed up. We offered him a Jaffa Cake and he pulled a face. He said he doesn't like them, and I told him to go away in that case but he wasn't listening. Then he said he likes chocolate, cake and orange but not Jaffa Cakes. He also turned his nose up at my Irn Bru before asking to try some and then deciding it wasn't as bad as he'd remembered. He ate a leprechaun lolly from the Irish and left the stick on the table, which was another addition to Tim's “things to clone semi famous people from” collection, along with Ron's half eaten Jaffa Cake and Michael's water bottle (his assistant had gotten him some more to stop him from choking to death, after she saw him drink some of Kat's). Tim decided against keeping the stick in the end, though.
After that, we were all guested out. We saw Yan and offered him our last Jaffa Cake. He asked if he could take it away with him, as he didn't want it there and then, so he wrapped it in the plastic packet and put it in his pocket. Then we slowly made our way back up to the room, where we sat around some more, mocking the not-very-funny parts of Comic Relief that were on (a phone call to Mam had informed me that the Apprentice was still on, so they turned it on). We were, however, THRILLED to catch the performance of I Would Roll 500 Miles - it's seriously perfect timing for it to have been on HIMYM, because it's everywhere in the UK this week so it gives it more meaning for the HIMYMers amongst us! By the way, I watched it again at home and I *did* manage to find David Beckham in the audience. Briefly. He was mostly hidden by Nora Batty.
After mocking the very unfunny parts of Mitchell and Webb that nobody in the audience was laughing at (it was so embarrassing for them!) we settled down and got a bit of sleep. Hilary muttered in her sleep a little, and I was sure everybody else was asleep and missing it and I was dying to burst out laughing. Things that aren't really very funny are always funnier when you're supposed to be being quiet.
So that was the end of Friday! Huzzah! 3378 words!
ETA: I added some stuff. Now it's 3622!
So this will all be silly happenings and personal encounters with the guests, and I can't guarantee it'll be of interest to anybody who wasn't there! And with that, I'll begin!
On Thursday I left Aberdeen and waved a sad (and cold) goodbye to with_milk. I slept almost all of the way to Glasgow, which was nice, though I did wake up when we stopped in Dundee and Perth. I managed to get all the way there without anybody sitting next to me, great stuff. I got off the bus and taxi'd it to the Travelodge. It's a bloody good job I did that instead of braving a bus, I'd have got SO lost. The signage at that Travelodge was pathetic!
Anyway, once I'd dumped my stuff in the room (after being checked in by a grumpy woman) I went out to the Chinese takeaway I'd spotted on the way in. I decided, what with this being a con weekend and no idea when I'd get some food, that I'd pig out a bit, and ordered two main courses just for myself. Sweet and sour chicken, which was scrummy battered chicken balls with sweet and sour sauce, instead of it all being served up mixed, like usual, and instead of getting an egg fried rice I ordered Chicken Fried Rice, which is a meal in itself. And a can of Irn Bru. Anyway, I got back to the room with my food, got into my pyjamas and settled down to watch Comic Relief Does Fame Academy with my food.
I was interested to discover that the chicken fried rice was odd! It was egg fried rice with a big pile of gravy covered chicken on the top. It was gorgeous, but not what I expected! Anyway, a big thumbs up to that place! If for some insane reason I ever find myself on that side of Glasgow again, in that particular Travelodge, I'm so going back there!
Anyway, after watching all the trash I could find on the TV to keep me awake as long as possible, I finally called it a night around midnight, planning to get up about 9, shower, and then potter around the hotel til around 11 and head over to the Quality Central. But when I got out of the shower I had a text from jainaj saying they (they being fray101, angelite, mrbuttmonkey and xfunkydoryx) had landed, so I hurried up and got myself over to the hotel (on a scary bus, I might add) for not too long after they'd checked in.
As expected, the hotel was very Central but completely not Quality. Melissa went out into the corridor to talk to Mark, and came back in with the news that Veronica Mars was cancelled, which made Ryan and Hilary think she meant Breakout, rather than the show, and when we realised she meant the show there wasn't really much of a reaction. I was surprised. And then they were talking about the FBI thing, and everybody thought that was weird.
After some sitting around, lounging, DSing and other fun, we were invaded by the Irish contingent, led by almarsare. A little while after that, we decided it was time for food, and headed out of the hotel. And when we went looking for lunch, much amusement was had! The ten of us followed some of that “a friend of a friend says” type of advice from rowandaze that always results in people getting lost and went uphill, because roads that go uphill lead to places in Glasgow. Apparently. So we walked past a pub or two, a Bella Italia, a Pizza Hut, and then discovered we seemed to be on a main street. Which we were. And we found a TGI Friday's, so we went there.
“Are you all together?”
Yes, we are. There are ten of us. Yes, we're STILL together. No matter how many times we're asked if we're still together, whether it's by the staff or random customers on their way out that you've accosted and told to ask us, we're STILL together. And there are still ten of us. Eventually they found us a table, and we sat down (after the crazy waitress lady walked behind Hilary and before me, and danced along behind to a song she was singing, while holding on to Hilary's shoulders. It was bizarre.).
So then we ordered, and before the food came, there was some hilarity with the drinks. The waitress had decided it would be humorous if she tied a knot in Cara's straw. This led to Cara being confused about why her drink wasn't coming up the straw, and I was staring at the waitress woman who was holding out a fresh straw and giggling. It was really weird, and confusing at first, because Cara had an ice-cream-y drink so it was almost impossible to tell that it was a KNOT in the end and not just a big lump of ice or something.
Eventually the food came, though Jaina's didn't come for quite a while after ours did... and she had to ask for it... and when it came it tasted like lighter fluid. Or, what Jaina imagines that lighter fluid would taste like, if one had a penchant for tasting lighter fluid. I had a nice giant burger with lots of chips (and after the story that Cara had told about flies in the chip fryer just coming out as little black peppery bits, Ryan and I were slightly disturbed by the little black parts on ours. But it was okay. We think).
So after getting ourselves nice and full, we did a bit of shopping. This is also known as “dragging Ryan round the girliest shops you can find”. I don't know what it is about me, but I always end up shopping with a load of girls and one lad. Like Tim. Not jossno1fan. The other Tim I know. Anyway, Melissa bought some shoes, though not remotely the shoes she was looking for in the first place. Kat didn't buy a dress from Monsoon, and I was happy because I bought some jeans in Dorothy Perkins. And then we headed back to the hotel, though Hilary and I ditched everybody to go on a mission to find some orange (preferably) tissue paper to help us when it came to making Jonathan's Jaffa Cake Gift Basket look pretty. Some of Hilary's Jaffa products had gotten a little squashed on the plane journey - though not as squashed as Melissa's suitcase, which had died a death in the hold and had to be duct taped up for the way home.
So after we got back to the hotel, we registered. Then we sat around until it was time to buy photo session tickets, which we duly did - though Jaina didn't buy her Twins ticket til the next morning, because she was strong, and then she was weak. Then we bought our 10x8s, and toddled back to the room. After that, there was packing of the Jaffa Cakes into the basket, and then lounging, and a little napping. And then we all woke up for Neighbours.
After Neighbours (and we're talking immediately after, we RAN) Hilary and I went to the stewards meeting. We had hellish duties - 8 hours on Photo Dis, but all would be okay. And they were nowhere near as hellish as Almar's!
After that it was up to the room to get ready for the M&G, and then after a detour by reception to get Kat to complain about the used condom that Ryan found under his bed (they got rid of it while we were out, and I said he should have taken a photo as proof in case they claimed it was never there. He should get a refund!) we headed down to snag ourselves some seats. Only it turned out that since everybody was invited to the M&G, they'd laid the main hall out with tables and the guests were going to come around there without us moving. I wonder if they'll do that at Breakout. I guess it's possible, what with the shape and size of the main hall in the Rad. It would be weird at the Thistle. Because of this, Hilary and I ran back upstairs to get our Jaffa Basket as we could hide it under the table.
We sat around a while longer, had a few photo sessions (I've been through people's photos and saved some, and in the three versions of the photo of me and Ryan that I've stolen - which makes a total of three photos of me and Ryan ever - we clearly have that “talking through gritted teeth 'which camera are we looking at??'” face on us. Lmao.). We had a discussion about comics, in which I explained to Ryan that my brain isn't wired the way to let me read them, it doesn't link pictures to words, and he gave me a lesson in how to read them. We were going to take a field trip to a bookshop and have a real lesson, but we didn't get around to it.
At some stage, Tim arrived, and after me telling him he couldn't sit in the gap beside me because Hilary had already been moved out onto the end so that she wasn't in Melissa and Jaina's way, he went down the Irish end of the table.
Eventually, after a lot of chat and laughter, things got underway. Neil came out and was, of course, Neil. With a cast on his arm. At first we assumed he was kidding, but it turns out he really had broken bones in his hand. Something to do with a car falling on it. The daft bugger. After a lot of rambling from Neil, he started to introduce the guests. Jonathan was first, something which confounds me as he was bound to be one of the more popular guests and they're usually announced in an order that shows that, but whatever.
Jonathan came out and was, of course, completely insane, and already a good bit drunk. He'd remembered his passport this time, didn't miss his flight, all the important stuff - though his Dad had missed his flight. Heh. Silly Mr Woodward.
Then came the twins, and then Michael, Christina and Ron. To be honest I didn't listen much to what they were saying, and be glad, or this report would be double the length. Christina did hide, though, not going onto the stage like the others (barring Jonathan and Neil) had done, so it was almost impossible to get photos of her! I do remember Michael talking about La Cantina, and how people had seen him in the Hallmark advert and told him they thought Niska was going to eat the little girl. Hee! Yan Feldman also asked how many people had been at La Cantina and a few raised our hands, and he said “See? I told you we'd be here!” and I was like “Yay! That was me and Katy!”
Then it was time for meeting and greeting. Amazingly, Ron appeared at the table behind us pretty much immediately, talked to them and then turned around and joined us. We offered him a Jaffa Cake, and after some cajoling, took one. Eating it, he had a face of indifference, leaning towards dislike... and then suddenly gave a horrible grimace and asked if we minded if he left it. Disaster! Though now Tim owns half a Jaffa Cake, and could make a set of Ron Glass teeth from it. Probably.
After Ron had gone, we started eating our Jaffa Cakes. Sean Harry spotted them lying on the table, and came towards us with a “Ah, Jaffa Cakes! This must be the UK Browncoat lot!” and I said “That's us!” while we were all secretly thinking “Crap. He's taking a mental snapshot of us so that he can keep an eye on us.” Because there's something about Sean that makes it impossible to ignore him, we had a little chat - I said “Look what we've brought for Jonathan” and Hilary and I pulled the basket out to show Sean. His eyes popped out of his head a bit, and then after we told him something about Jonathan dunking his first cake in whiskey, he launched into a hilarious tale. Ahem. “Do you want to hear something disgusting? At the first event I ran with Serenity guests, about three years ago now, there was some Ribena backstage. And Nathan poured himself a full glass, undiluted!” We all looked at each other, wondering if there was a punchline. There didn't seem to be. So I prompted for one. “What did he do?” “He drank the whole thing down. Everybody else backstage knew what it was!” There was an awkward silence, and some confusion, and then we gave Sean a Jaffa Cake and he went away.
I'd bought Vodka & Irn Bru from the bar, so when Christina came over and was complaining that we all just had Pepsi and stuff, I told her that there was vodka in mine. She squinted at the bright orange and asked what it was, and Ryan and I struggled to explain. He kept asking me, and I was just going “I don't know! It just tastes like Irn Bru!” She smelled the can and pulled a face, which pleased the rest of the non-Irn-Bru fans on our table, though I maintain that it really just smelt like a can.
When Michael Fairman came over to the table next to ours, he glanced at us, saw Jaina and went “Ah!”, like he recognised her, which freaked Jaina out. Then he saw Melissa and did the same thing. It was amusing and a little scary.
We almost killed Michael with the Irish whiskey chocolates. He ended up needing to drink Kat's water, lmao. He talked about being in Dead Silence, even though Kat had asked him how he was liking Glasgow, he'd started talking about something else because he didn't hear her. Between Kat and Jaina, I think they asked him about four times before he answered. When he was talking about Dead Silence, I said “That's the the thing with Ryan Kwanten, right?” three or so times before he heard me, but he was excited when he realised that I knew who Ryan was. I didn't tell him it was because of Home and Away. Well. I tried. I said “He used to be in an Australian soap,” but he wasn't listening again. Then I told him I'd seen him in LA, and he said “Oh, you were at the thing? Oh! Yes! You were! You were one of the people who thought I was going to eat the little girl in the advert! It's okay! It's not REAL!” And I was laughing, but thinking “No, I wasn't! I didn't actually SPEAK to you at La Cantina, and also, I didn't see the ad while I was over!” But whatever. Lmao.
I went to the bar to get a drink refill, and Hilary came running out to tell me that Jonathan was near our table. After he spent a little while at the other CSTS table, with Sean Harry hovering nearby with his video camera as soon as he'd seen Jonathan approach us, he came over. And we pulled the basket out. This is the highlight of my night, by the way.
We said “We've got something for you,” and put it on the table. I pulled off the orange tissue and his eyes absolutely bugged out of his head. It was a sight to behold. He fell to his knees and said “I think I just came in my pants.” Then he stood back up, and opened one of the tubes. We told him we had an open packet if he wanted and he reached out for one and then stopped, and said he didn't want to be greedy when he had all of that, hee! Then he opened his hollow bible that contained a hip flask (Sean was filming this whole thing, by the way) and started to read some scripture. Then he decided it was wrong (lmao), and handed the flask to me. I took a drink (usually I would decline, but he handed it RIGHT to me, I couldn't!) and he SHOVED a Jaffa Cake into my mouth, and blessed my forehead with more whiskey. The flask got passed around the table (came back practically empty, lmfao) and he looked at the basket some more. “You guys... I don't even know what all these shapes and sizes are!” His guest assistant for the night picked it up to carry it for him, and then he came around behind me, put his hands on my shoulders and started kissing either side of my cheeks, hee! Then I pointed out they were from Hilary too and he moved on to giving her kisses as well.
After Jonathan, I actually made it back to the bar. The twins finally got over to our table, and we offered Rafael a Jaffa Cake, who said “Oh, are those Jaffa Cakes?! My brother's going to LOVE you!” and he took a seat at the end of the table, by Hilary and Jaina. Yan arrived and was indeed thrilled about the Jaffa Cakes, and sat beside Ryan, near Tim and the Irish. I listened to a lot of Rafael's conversation with people about Michaelangelo (he'd asked which turtle it was and said 'is this one me?') and then heard “Rach! Tell him how many?” and Yan said “What's the count?”
I was momentarily confused before I realised that for some reason, somebody had told him I hold the record for Serenity viewings. So I said “39”, and he looked amazed. And I clarified with “Just at the cinema. More on DVD.” More gaping. “You saw it 39 times just at the theatre?” and I said yes, and he said “Yeah, you hold the record.” Heh. Then he thanked me for doing it! Hee!
Then after a little more chat, Ryan and I swapped seats - which was a bit of a debacle in itself, so that I was beside Yan. I sat for a while as they finished what they were talking about, and then butted in with “I saw you in LA - I was the one at La Cantina who told you that you should come over.” He said “Oh, that was you?” and I said “Yeah. I came home and told everybody what you'd said - I outed you. A day or so later Sean had to officially announce you because I'd spoiled his surprise!” and Yan laughed and said “I'm glad you did!”
They were told to move on soon after that, and then finally Neil showed up. We offered him a Jaffa Cake and he pulled a face. He said he doesn't like them, and I told him to go away in that case but he wasn't listening. Then he said he likes chocolate, cake and orange but not Jaffa Cakes. He also turned his nose up at my Irn Bru before asking to try some and then deciding it wasn't as bad as he'd remembered. He ate a leprechaun lolly from the Irish and left the stick on the table, which was another addition to Tim's “things to clone semi famous people from” collection, along with Ron's half eaten Jaffa Cake and Michael's water bottle (his assistant had gotten him some more to stop him from choking to death, after she saw him drink some of Kat's). Tim decided against keeping the stick in the end, though.
After that, we were all guested out. We saw Yan and offered him our last Jaffa Cake. He asked if he could take it away with him, as he didn't want it there and then, so he wrapped it in the plastic packet and put it in his pocket. Then we slowly made our way back up to the room, where we sat around some more, mocking the not-very-funny parts of Comic Relief that were on (a phone call to Mam had informed me that the Apprentice was still on, so they turned it on). We were, however, THRILLED to catch the performance of I Would Roll 500 Miles - it's seriously perfect timing for it to have been on HIMYM, because it's everywhere in the UK this week so it gives it more meaning for the HIMYMers amongst us! By the way, I watched it again at home and I *did* manage to find David Beckham in the audience. Briefly. He was mostly hidden by Nora Batty.
After mocking the very unfunny parts of Mitchell and Webb that nobody in the audience was laughing at (it was so embarrassing for them!) we settled down and got a bit of sleep. Hilary muttered in her sleep a little, and I was sure everybody else was asleep and missing it and I was dying to burst out laughing. Things that aren't really very funny are always funnier when you're supposed to be being quiet.
So that was the end of Friday! Huzzah! 3378 words!
ETA: I added some stuff. Now it's 3622!