Anise and Florian, part 3

[narugami]

I finally finish the latest chapter and lo and behold, it still isn't finished. OTL The climax is pretty well set up, though, so it should be done next time. Warnings include end-game spoilers, Jade, and my dreadful sense of humor. (YOU try writing dialogue for Jade when you haven't got Koyasu Takehito going "Anise-cha~n &hearts" to help. )

Comments

*JUST CAN'T STOP BEAMING*

[aefallen]

THANK YOU SO MUCH! *beams* I always have such a thrill of joy when I even see you updating! *grin* Thank you for your dedicated and detailed work on this story! *smiles* I know you've been really busy, so I know that it wasn't easy to find the time to write this, and I really appreciate you writing it! *grin*

I'm in the university library on one of the slowest computers known to mankind, so you'll probably get a more detailed reveiw when I get back home and have finished my homework, but what I wanted to say:

"Instead, I will issue you a challenge," said Jade, standing up. "Find your own way into the Conference Hall. Not as some ethereal saint who lets an airhead like Tritheim push her around, but as Fone Master Guardian Anise Tatlin, one of the canniest and most lethal soldiers Necromancer Jade has ever met." He paused. "And the cutest. Understand me?"
This was BRILLIANT, especially the lead-up to this line. And the cutest was the best. I love how Jade respects Anise, how he also knows that doing this will help her, too -

Re: *JUST CAN'T STOP BEAMING*

[narugami]

Really? I found Jade very difficult to write because he's smarter than me. I ended up making him sound suave and British to compensate for the lack of evil "sou desu ne" and "Aniiise-chan &hearts" remarks. ^^; Anise is also more than a little out of character, but the Taisa brings out the snark in her. Which is a good thing. Jade wants to see Anise kick ass too XO

Oh, and I translated Taisa as Colonel, even though he's in the navy, because the idea of Jade having the same rank as Roy Mustang amuses me too much.

And I'd dearly love to see you write Jade!! You're studying law, you should be able to come up with some wicked lines for him. :P

[maiki]

accidentally-on-purpose

WORD OF THE YEAR. <3

Taisa's snarks FTW! I like Florian's line at the end, too. :D

[narugami]

Oh, we used to say that a lot in my house when I was a kid! Another good one is "accidident", ie., it was an accident and I didn't do it. :D

(Why yes we do did misbehave a lot, actually. But nothing really bad.)

And I <3 the Taisa. Even though he's kimoi like whoa. :3

[laurie_jo]

I know you don't want to read this, but I can't wait for the next chapter. =D

I love just how cute and sentimental you portrayed Anise. We often forget, but she's only a young girl who was forced to grow up faster than anyone (yes, even Luke!! Guy and his badtouch). She might really have come to conclusions after Eldrant and become a bit of a crybaby. Puberty and all that.

By the way, what does "sou desu ne" means?

[narugami]

I have a few pieces of the last chapter written that I recently gathered together, and today I wrote a bit more. It's going to take me time, since I need to re-check what happened in the previous chapters and edit everything to fit with the English translation. But it is coming; I always intended to finish this, even if it took considerably more procrastination than I expected. So your comments are having an effect ;)

The Anise in this story... IMO we don't see much of the 'real Anise' in the game, only a little bit towards the end, and I do think that all that bottled-up bitterness and seeing too much injustice at a young age had an effect. I'm glad you don't think it's incongruous, since she does act pretty differently from her behavior in 90% of the game.

"That's true" or "Hmm, yes."