Blood, sweat, and tears (Chapter 4)
Title: Blood, sweat, and tears.
Rating: RRRRR.
Warning: Not for the faint of heart.
Disclaimer: I don't own Skins, the characters, or much else.
Author's Notes: It's depressing, and sad, and I probably shouldn't take out my bad days on my characters.
Naomi hadn't seen Emily in 3 days, and a new feeling had started to take over her. It was an odd feeling, one that she couldn't justify in her own mind. It was irrational, unexpected, and uncontrollable. She hated it.
She hated how it crept up a little more at the strangest times. Whenever she signed into Facebook and saw animated conversations going on between Emily and Effy, reminding her that Emily hadn't disappeared from their little social circle; she was just avoiding her. She felt it when she got a text from someone, and saw that it wasn't one of Emily's random "i love u" texts that she used to get about eight times a day. She'd feel it when someone would accidentally mention her name, and she felt it even more when they'd look at her apologetically, pity glazing their eyes.
It was as if Naomi was no longer visable to Emily. Emily had forgotten about her, and everyone else had noticed.
It left Naomi feeling disgusting. She'd shift uncomfortably when she was reminded, as if trying to shrug out of her own skin. Logically, she knew none of this was her own fault, but as much as she hated to admit it, her emotions weren't logical. They were going crazy, screaming for the only person who could make these feelings go away.
She didn't feel numb. She could definitely still feel. But she felt empty. She felt every little thing hollow her out a little more, and it left her feeling something she was having trouble understanding.
***
Another day, another party. Everyone would be there. Emily hadn't been going to parties recently in her attempt avoid Naomi. But this time it was someone's birthday. Someone they all cared about, supposedly, yet she hadn't a clue who it was. She just knew Emily would be there.
Naomi arrived relatively early. She was early enough to watch Effy and Freddie arrive together, closer than necessary, but silent. Next came Cook, already wasted, stumbling and screaming, but he came to a sudden halt when he saw Naomi sitting on the wall, smoking.
"Naomi," His voice was broken.
"Cook." She noticed how cold, and unforgiving her voice was. It was a good sign, she thought.
"Naomi," He repeated, seemingly frozen. "I'm really- I'm so fucking..." He stopped when something caught his attentions, and ability to speak. Naomi followed his gaze down the road, and found Emily and Katie standing close on the corner, muttering to eachother, throwing worried glances up at her and Cook. They looked uncertain as to whether they should continue walking down the road, or run while they still had the chance.
Naomi wasn't sure why she did it, but she decided to make it easy for Emily. She stood up, ignoring Cook, and walked inside the house, giving Emily a safe entrance. She never had to face the blonde's heartbreak.
***
"Shit. She's gone." Emily's voice was hoarse, like it always was when she was stressed.
"I thought that's what you wanted." Katie murmured, still eyeing where Cook stood, an unreadable expression settled on his features.
"It was. It is. I don't know!" Emily panicked.
"She's only gone inside." Katie said, indifferent towards the situation. She straightened her shirt, making sure her cleavage was clearly visable, before she swaggered ahead, leaving Emily hurrying after her.
"Cook," She said flatly, as she came to face him. He ignored her, keeping his eyes fixed on the other red head, tottering up towards him.
"You." He pointed, closing the space between Emily and himself. He could feel a familiar anger rising in his chest, and instantly felt the need to hit something. Emily looked up, meeting his gaze, also feeling anger burning in her chest. She found herself without any words as the anger took over her completely. Her hands were fisted firmly by her sides, knuckles turning white as she tried to keep them still.
"You need to talk to that girl." He pointed at the party where Naomi had disappeared.
"You're fucking preaching to me?" she ground out through gritted teeth. Katie's eyes darted between the two increasingly angry teens.
"I made a mistake, yeah. You're fucking breaking that girl's heart, and you know it."
"Oh, and I suppose you didn't realise it would hurt us when you pressed my girlfriend against the wall and kissed her." She spat, venom entering every pore of the boy towering above her. Her words knocked him back slightly. In just those words, the way Emily said "it would hurt us", the way she in no uncertain terms, called Naomi her girlfriend, Cook realised just how badly he had fucked up. His anger dissolved into regret, pulling painfully at his heart.
"I'm sorry, Emily. I'm so sorry." He mumbled, over and over again.
"Just fuck off, Cook. No one feels sorry for you." And with that, she pushed past him, and walked into the party, a flustered Katie following.
***
Naomi was chugging her way through another plastic cup full of cider. She hated cider, but justified it quite simply: it was there, and she was sad - who needs a better reason to drink?
She danced her way into the middle of the room, where she found Pandora and Thomas jumping around to a song she vaguely recognised. Pandora's eyes were the size of Mars, she was sure.
"What's she on?" Naomi shouted over the music at Thomas, gesturing to the girl now clinging to Effy. He reached into his pocket, then opened his fist revealing a few heart-shaped pills that sat invitingly in his palm.
"Do you want any?" His voice was laced with care, and his eyes worried. She hated it. She took about three, letting them melt on her tongue, and her senses numb wonderfully.
A few moments later, she couldn't make out much. Lights swam past her eyes, entertaining her to no end. The party had picked up now the pills had spread to virtually every corner of whoever's house they had infested.
Everything seemed to spin in her vision, and the music quickly became painfully loud. She had to stumble away from the dancing swell of people, and she crawled up the stairs to the bathroom.
She tripped over a couple of boys who were in a passionate clinch on the floor, undressing eachother, and she made her way to the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. She welcomed the cool, quiet atmosphere of the room, and suddenly became very interested in how white everything was. Everything seemed to sparkle shockingly bright.
Something silver caught her eyes, and she picked it up. A razorblade - People hurt themselves with these. She thought, as she held it up to the light, watching it shine. They do it when they're sad. I'm sad, aren't I? Naomi's thoughts swirled around as she eyed the suspicious blade. She was willing to try anything to make these feelings disappear, wasn't she? She nodded, agreeing with her intoxicated thoughts, and she slid down the wall, blade in hand.
Naomi dragged the cool metal over her skin in a smooth, swirling line. It was sharp, but she was numb, and she became fascinated with the red liquid pouring from her, already forgetting how it had come to break free of her skin. She thought those people were right, that it did make her happy, as her hands swam through the mass of red pooling on the floor beneath her.
***
Emily had decided not to get fucked up tonight. She did need to talk to Naomi, and she didn't want to do it completely wasted. But her plans came to a grinding halt when her eyes fell upon the sweaty blonde, her eyes hooded, and a euphoric smile plastered on her pink lips. Emily's heart dropped, and she felt like she had been punched in the gut. She couldn't find any words, but her mind screamed.
Do something! You have to do something! SHE WILL DIE.
"Naomi," Emily choked, falling to her knees next to the girl.
"Emily?" Naomi tilted her head slightly. "What's wrong?" She asked, placing a bloody hand on her arm. Emily looked down at where Naomi's hand splattered her own skin with blood.
"Naomi, baby, you need to give me that." She said slowly, reaching for the blade in Naomi's hand with her own shaky fingers. Naomi nodded and handed it to her. Emily threw it in the toilet, and turned her eyes back to the blonde who was frowning, trying to stay upright.
Emily searched for where Naomi had hurt herself, but couldn't see much past the blood.
"Oh, God. Where did you hurt yourself?" She sobbed, holding the girl's head up.
"I'm not hurt, silly." Naomi just smiled, closing her eyes.
"No, no. Don't sleep." Emily begged softly. Anyone who wasn't completely fucked could see the panic in the smaller girl. Naomi nodded slowly, but kept her eyes shut.
"Naomi, can you look at me?" She asked, holding the girl's head up with one hand, while dialling frantically with the other.
"I need an ambulance, now. I think she's tried to kill herself." Emily said, her voice cracking as she said the last few words.
"Your address, please?" The girl on the other end of the line asked.
"I... I don't know." Emily sobbed, pulling a few towels from behind her and gently wiping away the blood on her wrists. There weren't any cuts on her wrists. That was good.
Emily put the phone on the floor, ignoring whatever the woman was saying, and gently wiped her arms, uncovering long, fluid, lines carved into her.
"Oh, shit, Naomi." Emily mumbled to the unconscious girl. She wrapped the towel around her arm tightly, and grabbed another towel, continuing to search for more.
Fortunately, she didn't find much else, and soon enough, paramedics came bounding in.
"You'll be alright, Naomi," She whispered over, and over brushing the hair out of her eyes, and stroking her cheek.
Rating: RRRRR.
Warning: Not for the faint of heart.
Disclaimer: I don't own Skins, the characters, or much else.
Author's Notes: It's depressing, and sad, and I probably shouldn't take out my bad days on my characters.
Naomi hadn't seen Emily in 3 days, and a new feeling had started to take over her. It was an odd feeling, one that she couldn't justify in her own mind. It was irrational, unexpected, and uncontrollable. She hated it.
She hated how it crept up a little more at the strangest times. Whenever she signed into Facebook and saw animated conversations going on between Emily and Effy, reminding her that Emily hadn't disappeared from their little social circle; she was just avoiding her. She felt it when she got a text from someone, and saw that it wasn't one of Emily's random "i love u" texts that she used to get about eight times a day. She'd feel it when someone would accidentally mention her name, and she felt it even more when they'd look at her apologetically, pity glazing their eyes.
It was as if Naomi was no longer visable to Emily. Emily had forgotten about her, and everyone else had noticed.
It left Naomi feeling disgusting. She'd shift uncomfortably when she was reminded, as if trying to shrug out of her own skin. Logically, she knew none of this was her own fault, but as much as she hated to admit it, her emotions weren't logical. They were going crazy, screaming for the only person who could make these feelings go away.
She didn't feel numb. She could definitely still feel. But she felt empty. She felt every little thing hollow her out a little more, and it left her feeling something she was having trouble understanding.
***
Another day, another party. Everyone would be there. Emily hadn't been going to parties recently in her attempt avoid Naomi. But this time it was someone's birthday. Someone they all cared about, supposedly, yet she hadn't a clue who it was. She just knew Emily would be there.
Naomi arrived relatively early. She was early enough to watch Effy and Freddie arrive together, closer than necessary, but silent. Next came Cook, already wasted, stumbling and screaming, but he came to a sudden halt when he saw Naomi sitting on the wall, smoking.
"Naomi," His voice was broken.
"Cook." She noticed how cold, and unforgiving her voice was. It was a good sign, she thought.
"Naomi," He repeated, seemingly frozen. "I'm really- I'm so fucking..." He stopped when something caught his attentions, and ability to speak. Naomi followed his gaze down the road, and found Emily and Katie standing close on the corner, muttering to eachother, throwing worried glances up at her and Cook. They looked uncertain as to whether they should continue walking down the road, or run while they still had the chance.
Naomi wasn't sure why she did it, but she decided to make it easy for Emily. She stood up, ignoring Cook, and walked inside the house, giving Emily a safe entrance. She never had to face the blonde's heartbreak.
***
"Shit. She's gone." Emily's voice was hoarse, like it always was when she was stressed.
"I thought that's what you wanted." Katie murmured, still eyeing where Cook stood, an unreadable expression settled on his features.
"It was. It is. I don't know!" Emily panicked.
"She's only gone inside." Katie said, indifferent towards the situation. She straightened her shirt, making sure her cleavage was clearly visable, before she swaggered ahead, leaving Emily hurrying after her.
"Cook," She said flatly, as she came to face him. He ignored her, keeping his eyes fixed on the other red head, tottering up towards him.
"You." He pointed, closing the space between Emily and himself. He could feel a familiar anger rising in his chest, and instantly felt the need to hit something. Emily looked up, meeting his gaze, also feeling anger burning in her chest. She found herself without any words as the anger took over her completely. Her hands were fisted firmly by her sides, knuckles turning white as she tried to keep them still.
"You need to talk to that girl." He pointed at the party where Naomi had disappeared.
"You're fucking preaching to me?" she ground out through gritted teeth. Katie's eyes darted between the two increasingly angry teens.
"I made a mistake, yeah. You're fucking breaking that girl's heart, and you know it."
"Oh, and I suppose you didn't realise it would hurt us when you pressed my girlfriend against the wall and kissed her." She spat, venom entering every pore of the boy towering above her. Her words knocked him back slightly. In just those words, the way Emily said "it would hurt us", the way she in no uncertain terms, called Naomi her girlfriend, Cook realised just how badly he had fucked up. His anger dissolved into regret, pulling painfully at his heart.
"I'm sorry, Emily. I'm so sorry." He mumbled, over and over again.
"Just fuck off, Cook. No one feels sorry for you." And with that, she pushed past him, and walked into the party, a flustered Katie following.
***
Naomi was chugging her way through another plastic cup full of cider. She hated cider, but justified it quite simply: it was there, and she was sad - who needs a better reason to drink?
She danced her way into the middle of the room, where she found Pandora and Thomas jumping around to a song she vaguely recognised. Pandora's eyes were the size of Mars, she was sure.
"What's she on?" Naomi shouted over the music at Thomas, gesturing to the girl now clinging to Effy. He reached into his pocket, then opened his fist revealing a few heart-shaped pills that sat invitingly in his palm.
"Do you want any?" His voice was laced with care, and his eyes worried. She hated it. She took about three, letting them melt on her tongue, and her senses numb wonderfully.
A few moments later, she couldn't make out much. Lights swam past her eyes, entertaining her to no end. The party had picked up now the pills had spread to virtually every corner of whoever's house they had infested.
Everything seemed to spin in her vision, and the music quickly became painfully loud. She had to stumble away from the dancing swell of people, and she crawled up the stairs to the bathroom.
She tripped over a couple of boys who were in a passionate clinch on the floor, undressing eachother, and she made her way to the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. She welcomed the cool, quiet atmosphere of the room, and suddenly became very interested in how white everything was. Everything seemed to sparkle shockingly bright.
Something silver caught her eyes, and she picked it up. A razorblade - People hurt themselves with these. She thought, as she held it up to the light, watching it shine. They do it when they're sad. I'm sad, aren't I? Naomi's thoughts swirled around as she eyed the suspicious blade. She was willing to try anything to make these feelings disappear, wasn't she? She nodded, agreeing with her intoxicated thoughts, and she slid down the wall, blade in hand.
Naomi dragged the cool metal over her skin in a smooth, swirling line. It was sharp, but she was numb, and she became fascinated with the red liquid pouring from her, already forgetting how it had come to break free of her skin. She thought those people were right, that it did make her happy, as her hands swam through the mass of red pooling on the floor beneath her.
***
Emily had decided not to get fucked up tonight. She did need to talk to Naomi, and she didn't want to do it completely wasted. But her plans came to a grinding halt when her eyes fell upon the sweaty blonde, her eyes hooded, and a euphoric smile plastered on her pink lips. Emily's heart dropped, and she felt like she had been punched in the gut. She couldn't find any words, but her mind screamed.
Do something! You have to do something! SHE WILL DIE.
"Naomi," Emily choked, falling to her knees next to the girl.
"Emily?" Naomi tilted her head slightly. "What's wrong?" She asked, placing a bloody hand on her arm. Emily looked down at where Naomi's hand splattered her own skin with blood.
"Naomi, baby, you need to give me that." She said slowly, reaching for the blade in Naomi's hand with her own shaky fingers. Naomi nodded and handed it to her. Emily threw it in the toilet, and turned her eyes back to the blonde who was frowning, trying to stay upright.
Emily searched for where Naomi had hurt herself, but couldn't see much past the blood.
"Oh, God. Where did you hurt yourself?" She sobbed, holding the girl's head up.
"I'm not hurt, silly." Naomi just smiled, closing her eyes.
"No, no. Don't sleep." Emily begged softly. Anyone who wasn't completely fucked could see the panic in the smaller girl. Naomi nodded slowly, but kept her eyes shut.
"Naomi, can you look at me?" She asked, holding the girl's head up with one hand, while dialling frantically with the other.
"I need an ambulance, now. I think she's tried to kill herself." Emily said, her voice cracking as she said the last few words.
"Your address, please?" The girl on the other end of the line asked.
"I... I don't know." Emily sobbed, pulling a few towels from behind her and gently wiping away the blood on her wrists. There weren't any cuts on her wrists. That was good.
Emily put the phone on the floor, ignoring whatever the woman was saying, and gently wiped her arms, uncovering long, fluid, lines carved into her.
"Oh, shit, Naomi." Emily mumbled to the unconscious girl. She wrapped the towel around her arm tightly, and grabbed another towel, continuing to search for more.
Fortunately, she didn't find much else, and soon enough, paramedics came bounding in.
"You'll be alright, Naomi," She whispered over, and over brushing the hair out of her eyes, and stroking her cheek.