untitled (still) fic: part 5
Title: think i've given up trying to name the bloody thing.
Warning: bad words.
Disclaimer: Still not mine, but it's getting closer to christmas, eh?
Author's Notes: i'm not sure i liked this one.
Chapter 5
Effy and myself had developed an odd sort of relationship. It was quiet and guarded - always on the defence with eachother - but it was a good friendship. It worked.
I wondered about our friendship, and it's ever complex dynamics as I made my way to the cafe we were meeting at. I never understood why Effy had taken such an interest in me when she was so bored by the majority of mankind. But that's just Effy.
I walked down the old road and caught site of a long pair of legs wrapped in fishnets, disappearing one way into a pair of worn out DMs, and disappearing the other way underneath a miniscule excuse for a dress.
The brunette was leant casually against the wall, smoking. I wordlessly joined her. She didn't even look my way, just blew a small cloud of smoke from between her slightly parted lips.
"You're gay." she said flatly, making me splutter in shock around the cigarette I was trying to spark.
Shit. Fuck. Fuck.
"Naomi," She turned to face me, "stop for a second. Stop thinking and slow down. Feel." She drawled each word out slowly and deliberately. I looked at her, wide-eyed.
"Tell me what you're feeling." She said calmly, but her eyes were fascinated.
"I- I don't know." I stammered. I couldn't think. I was overcome by the fear, my mind wouldn't let me think any further than 'get. the. fuck. out.'
"You do. Think harder." She said firmly, her eyes pinning me to the spot.
"I..." The words just wouldn't leave my lips.
"You're what? Say it."
"I'm scared." I whispered.
"Keep going. What are you scared of." She had such a fierce look of determination set upon her features, it almost scared me. But it gave me an odd sort of courage.
"I can't. I can't be... gay." She just stared at me, listening, so I continued. "I can't be with Emily. I can't do any of this."
"Tell me about Emily." Her voice was barely above a whisper now. There's something about Effy - you forget yourself around her. You forget to question her, forget that she's pulling you apart, figuring you out. If she wants to, she'll disolve your defenses, and you won't even realise.
"She's... she's shy." I frowned, thinking about her. Trying to come up with simple adjectives to describe something - someone - so fucking complex.
"More."
"She's clever, funny, sexy..." I trailed off, thinking again. "Female."
"Love is love." Effy said, bringing me out of my trance. I looked at her seriously.
"I can't be gay."
"You're Naomi Campbell. You can do anything." She said simply. I stayed silent.
"Or did you only believe it when she told you?" Effy flicked her eyes up to meet mine. I was stuck for
words, which even I can admit is a rare occurance. Effy threw her cigarette on the ground and
walked away, leaving me to wonder her words.
***
Naomi was at home, sitting at the kitchen table. Effy is ironically correct in most situations, and though Naomi didn't necessarily believe that she could do anything (because if she was quite honest, she limited herself an awful lot.) when Emily believed in her, Naomi felt like she could do anything.
Naomi thought that Emily's faith was completely blind at times, but somehow it just made it all the more important.
Love is love.
Fuck, but is it? If she's honest, when has love ever just been love? Love is just a series of complications, screaming matches, heartbreak, and sex.
That's all your own fault, though. a voice told Naomi.
It's only complicated because you're making it complicated. You're only making it complicated, because you're scared it's going to get complicated.
"Catch-fucking-22." Naomi muttered out loud as she burried her face in her hands.
"What was that, love?"
"Fuck! Mum, when did you get here?"
"About five minutes ago."
"Why didn't you say anything?!"
"You looked busy."
Naomi just stared at her mother. She could swear to God, that woman is insane.
"Anyway, I'm having a few friends over tonight for a game of scrabble with that lovely politics teacher of yours. I was thinking that you could stay out for a b-"
"Mum." Naomi cut her off, standing up. "I'm gay."
and with that, Naomi Campbell marched out of the kitchen.