Intermission II - Part III • Falling in Love.
[ Part I] • [ Part II]
The nameless boy, after me telling the story had said "I wanted to exercise how much you are submitting to me. Do you love me?" And my face. My face. My face had never been drained of blood so quickly in my life. A million things flew threw my head, as if I were reliving all of my time with him. I was at a lost for words.
My face was priceless, so I thought. I stared at the screen for a few moments, but I was surprised by how the conversation was still flowing, even with such a delicate topic at hand. I didn't know - did I love him . . .? I enjoyed talking to him, and it was what I looked forward to everyday, what my conversation would be with him. But to go as far as saying I loved him . . . I did tell him many things that not even my parents knew, that previously, only Lauren had been privy to.
So I had a little crush on him, big deal, right? And the things we did together would never really amount to anything, would they. They obviously were seeming to, and despite everything, it was honestly the last thing I would expect.
I asked him if I loved him, for I couldn't seem to answer the question myself, but he told me that he couldn't answer the question for me. I couldn't come up with an answer, so I did the only thing I saw fit for the moment. I asked him if he loved me.
"Do you?"
"Love you?"
"Yes."
"Of course."
". . . are you serious?"
"I am usually quite serious. But you should understand that love is something quite different to me. And is subject to change."
Okay . . . so maybe he really didn't love me in the sense that I had been thinking of. But he had made me so confused. Did he love me? Did he not? And then he proceeded to make references to one of our favorite anime, Baccano!, by calling me Chane, the voiceless character, and that he himself was Claire, his favorite character in the series.
At this point, we fell back into what we considered normal and innuendo filled conversation. It was a little more intense than normal, and continued to be like that until we called it a night.
"Good night ______, I might love you. I still have to think about it."
"Food for thought. Good night . . ."
The next day was normal, and proceeded into me telling another dream.
When going into conversation after the telling of the dream, the nameless boy had told me that it was getting easier and easier to get tensed up about me, which was very embarrassing. He proceeded to tell me of one of his dreams, in which he'd only given me a small synopsis of - an Asian man in a military suit was molesting girls and he decided to stab him because of it. Violent dreamer, he is.
I had taken a notice this day that he had started calling me by my real name, instead of my user name. He had once said that he would continue to call me by my username until he became more accustomed to my actual name - the only person from the internet that he called by their real name was the nameless girl, who he cared for, so when he started calling me my name, you can imagine my surprise and how happy it kind of made me.
We began to talk about the nameless girl because I asked if she had known about our little . . . relationship. You have to understand, the nameless girl, to me, hardly felt like her own person back then, she was just a clone of the nameless boy, and some people, including myself, found it a bit annoying.
He had told me that she was the kind of person who wouldn't mind him being with me. While this was true . . . a lot of things change later on.
The night's conversation ended after many innuendo and sexual exploits later with this:
(01:21:26 AM) Me: I'm still thinking about the question you asked me last night though . . .
(01:21:51 AM) Him: I want you to bring it up when you are ready to.
(01:22:04 AM) Me: I thought so . . .
(01:23:14 AM) Him: If you are going to submit to me, I want it to be complete, and not coaxed by my hand every inch of the way. I asked you once, and that is good enough for me...
(01:24:11 AM) Me: Alright. Next time I say something about it, I'll be for sure.
(01:24:13 AM) Me: I hope.
(01:25:05 AM) Him: Reach a decision before asking me about it. If you have any other questions that might help you to answer, feel free to ask them.
(01:25:35 AM) Me: I will.
(01:26:23 AM) Him: I will be waiting. Are you ready to go to sleep?
(01:26:31 AM) Me: I think I am . . .
(01:26:34 AM) Me: Are you?
(01:26:39 AM) Him: I am.
(01:27:01 AM) Me: Well . . . goodnight then ______ . . .
(01:27:36 AM) Him: Good night, _______. Sleep tight.
(01:27:45 AM) Me: You too.
What I was thinking, what I was doing, I had no idea . . . Drifting farther down into the abyss, still head first.
To be continued in Part IV . . .
The nameless boy, after me telling the story had said "I wanted to exercise how much you are submitting to me. Do you love me?" And my face. My face. My face had never been drained of blood so quickly in my life. A million things flew threw my head, as if I were reliving all of my time with him. I was at a lost for words.
My face was priceless, so I thought. I stared at the screen for a few moments, but I was surprised by how the conversation was still flowing, even with such a delicate topic at hand. I didn't know - did I love him . . .? I enjoyed talking to him, and it was what I looked forward to everyday, what my conversation would be with him. But to go as far as saying I loved him . . . I did tell him many things that not even my parents knew, that previously, only Lauren had been privy to.
So I had a little crush on him, big deal, right? And the things we did together would never really amount to anything, would they. They obviously were seeming to, and despite everything, it was honestly the last thing I would expect.
I asked him if I loved him, for I couldn't seem to answer the question myself, but he told me that he couldn't answer the question for me. I couldn't come up with an answer, so I did the only thing I saw fit for the moment. I asked him if he loved me.
"Do you?"
"Love you?"
"Yes."
"Of course."
". . . are you serious?"
"I am usually quite serious. But you should understand that love is something quite different to me. And is subject to change."
Okay . . . so maybe he really didn't love me in the sense that I had been thinking of. But he had made me so confused. Did he love me? Did he not? And then he proceeded to make references to one of our favorite anime, Baccano!, by calling me Chane, the voiceless character, and that he himself was Claire, his favorite character in the series.
At this point, we fell back into what we considered normal and innuendo filled conversation. It was a little more intense than normal, and continued to be like that until we called it a night.
"Good night ______, I might love you. I still have to think about it."
"Food for thought. Good night . . ."
The next day was normal, and proceeded into me telling another dream.
When going into conversation after the telling of the dream, the nameless boy had told me that it was getting easier and easier to get tensed up about me, which was very embarrassing. He proceeded to tell me of one of his dreams, in which he'd only given me a small synopsis of - an Asian man in a military suit was molesting girls and he decided to stab him because of it. Violent dreamer, he is.
I had taken a notice this day that he had started calling me by my real name, instead of my user name. He had once said that he would continue to call me by my username until he became more accustomed to my actual name - the only person from the internet that he called by their real name was the nameless girl, who he cared for, so when he started calling me my name, you can imagine my surprise and how happy it kind of made me.
We began to talk about the nameless girl because I asked if she had known about our little . . . relationship. You have to understand, the nameless girl, to me, hardly felt like her own person back then, she was just a clone of the nameless boy, and some people, including myself, found it a bit annoying.
He had told me that she was the kind of person who wouldn't mind him being with me. While this was true . . . a lot of things change later on.
The night's conversation ended after many innuendo and sexual exploits later with this:
(01:21:26 AM) Me: I'm still thinking about the question you asked me last night though . . .
(01:21:51 AM) Him: I want you to bring it up when you are ready to.
(01:22:04 AM) Me: I thought so . . .
(01:23:14 AM) Him: If you are going to submit to me, I want it to be complete, and not coaxed by my hand every inch of the way. I asked you once, and that is good enough for me...
(01:24:11 AM) Me: Alright. Next time I say something about it, I'll be for sure.
(01:24:13 AM) Me: I hope.
(01:25:05 AM) Him: Reach a decision before asking me about it. If you have any other questions that might help you to answer, feel free to ask them.
(01:25:35 AM) Me: I will.
(01:26:23 AM) Him: I will be waiting. Are you ready to go to sleep?
(01:26:31 AM) Me: I think I am . . .
(01:26:34 AM) Me: Are you?
(01:26:39 AM) Him: I am.
(01:27:01 AM) Me: Well . . . goodnight then ______ . . .
(01:27:36 AM) Him: Good night, _______. Sleep tight.
(01:27:45 AM) Me: You too.
What I was thinking, what I was doing, I had no idea . . . Drifting farther down into the abyss, still head first.
To be continued in Part IV . . .