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[naddanadda]

please give me feedback. i was trying to write an essay for english and possibly a college application essay, but i'm not sure if it really says anything to anyone besides me, or people who don't know me super well. what could i add to make it more application essay-ish, if at all possible?

My life is changing and it is the exact same feeling. It

Comments

[internaldiscord]

Other than sporadic verbs tenses in your first paragraph... it sounds like you.

Do you have Mrs. Stewart? Because for the This I Believe essay she was specific about the essay not being about a single event...this might be okay though...

As far as essayish goes... more paragraphs. Pausing your thoughts makes it seems less like a blog, more like a credo.

[naddanadda]

i thought she said it was much better to ground your belief in an event or two to make it more real.

but yeah, it's really the first stab i've taken at writing about myself aside from the retarded end of year essay last year and anything that i write here.

i don't understand what you mean by sporadic verb tenses in my first paragraph. i was thinking the last paragraph was sporadic cuz i switch from me to you to us to we to whatever. or are we talking about sat down? cuz i'm not sure how to say that. what i mean is they sat me down in a chair. not i sat down.
but anyway, thanks for the feed back.

[internaldiscord]

I guess the tenses work...they just seem kind of awkward... but it's your voice--so who am I to criticize? :)

[stazzi]

I really like this- the writing is incredibly descriptive and even though you and I aren't incredibly close, I understand where it's coming from. As far as college essays go, I think it needs more of a story to it to be the right type of writing (though who am I to define the right type of writing for college?).

Point being: I think it's something that is worthwhile to read as a reader or worth continueing as a writer. Does that make sense?

[naddanadda]

i think so?
haha thanks stacy. didn't you like take a class about college entrance essays?

[stazzi]

Yeah, it was more like a workshop for essays than a real class though.