I'm in the process of switching out "Amanda" from "Alex" in my friends group. It's been at least six months. Still feels weird. Still feels fake
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I changed my last name to something only mine, after a divorce. I did it in stages, and it felt weird the whole time. I changed it on social media first. It felt weird. Then I started introducing myself with the new name. It felt super weird. Then, after about a year, I went for it and legally changed it. It showed up on my name tag at work, on all my emails, everything official. Weirdest ever. Signing my name with the new name, astoundingly weird. But I loved it nonetheless.
4 years later, it feels (almost) perfectly natural. Except when my mother calls me the wrong name, then its still weird.
So yeah, my experience of rolling it out in stages was a positive one and helped me get used to the weirdness of it. But then again, mine's only a last name, not a first name. Not nearly the same impact, I can't imagine just how weirdly different it must be to change your first name, and hear it every single day. Someone who has actually changed their first name will obviously be a much better data point.
I really LIKE signing the new name. Much better flow, got an X on the end, good for flourishes, still starts with an A which is nice and dramatic. So there's that, at least.
I haven't told my dad. I'm a little concerned about how he'll take it. He's a very laid-back dude, but my sister changed her name completely, so having his only 2 kids change their names on him, IDK how he'll feel about that. I know that I'd feel kind of shitty, even though I also know that would be unreasonable.
I also know that Amanda is a different person. Is someone else. :/
That's a really good idea, actually. Thank you for putting that out there. I'm not used to . . . I don't know. Asking for help or opinions from my family the way a lot of people are. But I love her and respect her and she might have something really useful to say!
I'll just point out that I have known you longer than anybody except your fam, and already calling you "Amanda" when I talk to my dad feels weird. To me you have become Alex.
I think of you as Alex more than as Amanda now and it's jarring to me when I have to call you Amanda to Randy's Mom, or see that listed as your name in email address title or hear nurses call you that. *huggles*
Some people have no trouble, some people really need to get used to the name they chose.
For me, it didn't take as long for my chosen name to not sound weird (though it still does sometimes). It still sounds kinda weird when people use my preferred pronouns, though, and it's been 4 years. The only way you can really tell is to stick it out; if it's really not right for you, you'll get that sense.
Edit to add: I should also mention it's really expensive to change names here (like, the last time I looked it was $130 + an ad in the paper) and so I just... haven't. But I really, really need to.
I have changed my name several times over the years, the first time when I was five. (Yes, five years old. I was an odd child.) My birth name has never felt "right" and I've had a hell of a time finding one that does. I like Jadzia but then I used it online and I have super weird privacy issues so that makes it feel bad to use in meatspace, plus a friend made a nickname out of it that I really like, but even if I could convince my agoraphobia to let me out of the house long enough to go through a legal name change, it just does NOT work with my last name
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4 years later, it feels (almost) perfectly natural. Except when my mother calls me the wrong name, then its still weird.
So yeah, my experience of rolling it out in stages was a positive one and helped me get used to the weirdness of it. But then again, mine's only a last name, not a first name. Not nearly the same impact, I can't imagine just how weirdly different it must be to change your first name, and hear it every single day. Someone who has actually changed their first name will obviously be a much better data point.
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I really LIKE signing the new name. Much better flow, got an X on the end, good for flourishes, still starts with an A which is nice and dramatic. So there's that, at least.
I haven't told my dad. I'm a little concerned about how he'll take it. He's a very laid-back dude, but my sister changed her name completely, so having his only 2 kids change their names on him, IDK how he'll feel about that. I know that I'd feel kind of shitty, even though I also know that would be unreasonable.
I also know that Amanda is a different person. Is someone else. :/
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For me, it didn't take as long for my chosen name to not sound weird (though it still does sometimes). It still sounds kinda weird when people use my preferred pronouns, though, and it's been 4 years. The only way you can really tell is to stick it out; if it's really not right for you, you'll get that sense.
Edit to add: I should also mention it's really expensive to change names here (like, the last time I looked it was $130 + an ad in the paper) and so I just... haven't. But I really, really need to.
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