654 Days.

[naamah_darling]

One year, nine months, eight days.

Yet I walk into my childhood home and still expect to see my mother in the hallway.

I'm not sad, it's just . . . does the empty space where you expect them to be ever fill up? Or do we carry around these emptinesses forever, like negative silhouettes inside of us?

Comments

[myskat]

it's been the same since september 2001 when I lost my mom.

[a1057soul]

I still feel that way too. Different ancestor (in this case my gramp), but I know the feeling.

*HUGS* ma'am...
:o.
Dan

[maegwynn]

The emptiness has changed, it has become less ragged after six years. Although I'll sometimes catch myself saying I need to tell Mom this or that, she'll get a kick out of it.

[naamah_darling]

I do the same, with my painting especially. I want to show it to her.

You know the hardest thing for me? I see things when I'm shopping that I know she'd have liked, and I inevitably get excited about it for a split second before I remember. That's the absolute worst. Anyplace with jewelry or neat garden knickknacks is bound to induce some brooding.

[ellyssian]

I think everyone interprets and deals with that loss differently

[kittyspike]

Having lost my father when I was 7 years old, looking back now, about to turn 30, I realize I don't have the old family home to walk into, so perhaps it's less tangible for me. There's nothing for me to bring back those rush of memories, nowhere where I expect him to be. But then it's been so long for me as well....I had to grow up without him, and as a child you adapt. It's a lot more difficult to make that sort of adaptation when you are an adult and used to things being a certain way.

Your heart will always remember them, and you will always be aware that there's a part of you that should be there that isn't, but in time it will change and the emptiness won't be quite so overwhelming. *hugs*

Re: I think everyone interprets and deals with that loss differently

[naamah_darling]

And, too, it's got to be equally terrible in a different way, losing a parent when you're very young.

I think it just sucks all around. I mean, hell, it's not like there's ever a good time for someone to up and die on you.

*hugs*

Re: I think everyone interprets and deals with that loss differently

[jazzerat]

Ahhh, a different perspective here. But then, I honestly think Dad chose his time in some subtle way. His life was going to become more and more limited due to ongoing heart damage and he'd lived out his life in full. His family had never been so stable. All his children were grown and safe, including his mentally ill son who had spent much of his life in the streets. I had just located my niece and nephew who had been given up for adoption many years before, bringing much joy and peace of mind to Dad. He finally knew the terrible choice they'd faced so many years before had been the right one. And most odd of all, the day he collapsed in his side yard, without as much as a whimper or a cry, was exactly 7 years to the day that his closest sibling had died. The same way, alongside his house while working in his yard

Re: I think everyone interprets and deals with that loss differently

[naamah_darling]

"Dad couldn't have possibly chose a better time to go. His whole world was at peace and everyone in it was safe and taken care of.
Do I miss him? Every time I even think about him. But I'd never wish him back or wish him to go a different time or way."

Wow. Yes. I can see how that would make things so much easier.

My mom's death was made easier by the long period of suffering beforehand; the actual event, when it came, was a relief. Because I'd been saying goodbye and preparing for so long, I think I was able to cope with it a little more effectively than I would've otherwise.

I do think that in some cases, people choose when to go. I know my grandfather died almost exactly a year from the day his wife of decades died. They were very close, and after she passed, he was never the same. I think it hastened hsi decline into sudden senility radically. He'd just lost the will to live.