Hawaii 5-0 fic if anyone is still reading these
Title: Grief
Paring: Steve/Danny
Genre: ANGST!
Chapter Rating: R to NC-17 for language, violence, and descriptions of the main characters committing crimes.
Spoilers: Danny's leaving Hawaii...again
When Steve's hand hits the sand he finally stands and walks his way up through the surf, only to find his partner sitting in one of the chairs on his part of the beach.
“Danny,” he jogs over and stops in front of him, “Do we have a case?”
“No,” Danny shakes his head, “I need to talk to you about something though.”
Steve slides his hand back off his hair to clear the water and sits down in the chair next to him, “What's up?”
Danny leans forward resting his elbows on his knees, “I've been talking to Rachel today. Apparently the divorce is getting ugly. Their pre-nup is pretty air tight...since she had an affair Stan keeps all of their assets, and it included a clause waiving her right to alimony.”
Steve sits back to listen. Danny had spoken about how things were going with Rachel since she got back to Hawaii. Apparently she and Stan tried briefly to reconcile for the sake of the baby, but it didn't work out so they initiated divorce proceedings.
“The kid still gets child support, but apparently Stan is contesting paternity. Go figure,” he says bitterly, “They can't force her to get a test before the birth because of the risks involved, so this'll be up in the air for another 4 months or so.”
“Do you think it might turn out to be yours after all?” Steve asks curiously.
“No,” Danny shakes his head resolutely, “The timeline's too off. That's not what I was going to tell you. Rachel's having trouble finding a job. The economy's tanked, and no one's too keen to hire someone who's going to go on maternity leave right away. Apparently back east isn't much better.”
He stops for a moment and Steve waits for him to continue.
“So she's decided the best thing to do is move back to Manchester so that she can live with her mother.”
“What?” Steve asks, “That's insane!”
Danny rubs the back of his neck, “I thought so too, but...it does actually make sense in a way.”
“How does it make sense?” Steve demands, “The economy in Europe isn't any better if that's what she's expecting.”
“No, but her mom's there so she has help with the baby. They don't need to rely on Stan or an employer for healthcare. Their education system is better than ours. Their welfare system is more generous especially to women with kids. Rachel's already a citizen, and so are Grace and the baby since she's their mother,” as he explains Steve guesses that he's repeating the reasons Rachel used to talk him down. He has to give her she made good case.
Danny has been staring out at the water the entire time. Steve looks out his jaw clenched.
“She's taking Grace as well?”
“Of course he's taking Grace! She isn't going to just leave her child!” Danny exclaims though there's none of his usual passion behind it. It's as if it's just a given fact.
But she expects you to. Steve thinks to himself, although he knows that isn't what she expects. What she expects is...
“So you're moving to England,” the words feel bitter in his mouth. This can't be happening again. Not even three months ago they went through this and Danny has just barely recovered from it. Steve has just barely recovered from it.
Danny sighs, “I don't know what I'm going to do.”
There's so much Steve wants to do. He wants to yell about the unfairness of it all. He wants to tell Danny to fuck off, he's sick of this back and forth....he's leaving, no he's staying, no he's leaving again. He pushes it down though.
“I do.” Steve states unequivocally.
And he does. Grace is his daughter. There's no way Danny could ever settle for being a brief fixture in her life at Christmas and summer vacations. The very idea is wrong. Danny is a father who picks up chicken soup and a rental from Redbox on his way home from work when his daughter is sick. The one who will cheer her up when she's feeling self-conscious about getting braces. The one who orders her back up to her room to change when she attempts to go out dressed too revealingly. He'll threaten her prom date. Take pictures of her in her graduation gown. Move her into her college dorm himself, and drive her crazy insisting she call him at a pre-set time every week.
Steve's throat is so tight it's painful. He forces himself to relax before his eyes start watering.
Danny breaks briefly at that moment. He cups his face with one palm, and sniffs once before pushing himself up and putting as much beach in between him and Steve as he possibly can.
Steve grips the edge of the chair and stares out at the breaking waves.
*****************
When Danny tells the others they don't take it well. They're shocked, and then angry. They blame Danny for the hurt they're feeling, and resent him for putting them through this again.
As head of the team, Steve has to bring them into line. Keep them working together, and remind them that Danny is doing what's best for his family. They can't fault him for that, and, even if they can, it isn't relevant because they still have a job to do.
He does so with the military leadership he's been trained in his whole career.
His patience breaks, however, when he gets a call at midnight from The Hideaway. A tourist trap bar in Waikiki. Steve and Danny talked to the manager a few times during cases, so he knows both of them.
He tells Steve that Danny is here and needs a ride home. Steve's reaction is instant, and, frankly, over-reactive rage that under normal circumstances he'd be more mindful of, but he's already into a few Longboards himself and he's fucking pissed off.
Specifically not thinking about the fact that what he's doing is horribly dangerous, irresponsible, and the governor would love the excuse to dismantle 5-0 if he got arrested for DUI, he gets into his truck and drives across town. The way there he just focuses on getting to Waikiki so he can kick Danny's ass all the way to the north shore.
He strides through the writhing mass of drunk tourists with a murderous look on his face until he finds his partner at the bar accepting another shot from the bartender.
Steve makes it over just as the glass reaches his lips. He grabs the tumbler out of Danny's hand mid-sip causing the liquid to splash down his front.
Danny rears around ready to yell at whoever is responsible, but he stops when he notices who it is.
“Steve,” he smiles lazily, “Hey, man, sit down, have a drink. Another round!”
“He's cut off!” Steve growls at the bartender
“Come on, we're going,” He grabs Danny's arm and pulls him off the barstool.
Danny pulls out of his grip and sits back down, “No. I am not going.”
“You're drunk,” Steve says.
“Yes I am, Steven!” he bellows, “Yes I am. I have to move! Again! So am going sit here in this tacky tourist hellhole and drink until I blackout!”
The bartender raises a disapproving eyebrow at them, but thinks better of it when she sees the look on Steve's face.
Steve pinches the bridge of his nose and says viciously, “Okay why don't you cut the crap, Danno. We both the truth.”
Danny blinks at him in confused, “What would that be?”
“You bitch and moan and act like you're such a martyr. Rachel forced you leave New Jersey. Rachel forced you to move back to New Jersey. Rachel's forcing you to move to England...it's all bullshit!”
“Wanting be a good father is bullshit?” he demands angrily.
“No, but the fact that you let her control you with the fact that you want to be a good father is. I may have never been divorced, but I'm not stupid. It isn't so easy to just pack up and move with a kid when there's a custody agreement in place, and it's certainly not easy to take one out of the county. There have been goddamn international incidents over that before! Yeah, yeah she's Rachel's daughter so she has rights to British citizenship, but she's also an American citizen and your daughter! You could have at least tried to keep her here if you wanted to, but you don't,” Steve has already said too much but his blood is boiling and it just keeps coming out, “Deep down you don't because then you'd have nothing to complain about. You have to have something to complain about because you're too pathetic to admit the truth. You like being the victim! That's why you let her do it! That's why you let her drag you around the world by your dick-”
He's cut off by Danny's fist cracking against his jaw. The blow snaps his head around rattling his brain like a bell.
Part of him is glad not to be talking anymore as he pounces, tackling Danny off the barstool and onto the floor.
He pounds his fist into Danny's fucking face, not holding back...well, not holding back as much as he normally would, since he could actually kill Danny if he wanted.
With his fist he tells Danny what he can't with words.
PUNCH
I hate you. I hate you for giving back I everything I ever wanted and then taking it away again.
PUNCH
Despise me so that I know you'll never fucking come back again!
PUNCH
Please don't go.
The anger and alcohol has clouded Steve's concentration. He's acting emotionally. Not paying attention. That's how, on the fourth punch, Danny manages to whip his head away causing Steve to send the blow right into the concrete floor
His knuckles crack alarmingly and pain shoots up his entire arm. During the half-second he's stunned by the pain Danny slams the heel of his hand into Steve's nose.
He can hear people screaming around them as Danny scrambles out from under him, booting Steve in the kidney in the process.
He starts to stumble up, but Steve is having none of it. He whips himself around sending a well placed kick into Danny's bad knee.
His scream echoes across the walls as he crumples to the ground. Steve pulls himself up, using the bar as support and stumbles out through the door.
Blood pours out of his nose as he climbs back in his truck and tears away. He goes a few blocks along the beach road before his senses start to clear, and he realizes how impaired he really is.
He's shaking as the adrenaline wears off, and his head feels fuzzy. Whether it's from the Longboards he had at home, or the beating at the club he isn't sure, but he slows his truck down to well below the speed limit. Waits very patiently at every intersection, watches the road vigilantly, and cautiously makes his way home.
At home he washes the blood off his face and pulls a bag of frozen peas out of the freezer to put over the hand he hit the floor with.
He's still sitting at the kitchen table with it when Danny stumbles, very unsteadily into the house.
“Forget I was saying here, genius?!” he demands.
“Thought you might end up in the drunk tank.”
“Well I didn't! And while we're on the subject, just who the fuck do you think you are, McGarrett?!”
Steve snaps his head up, “I'm the person who owns this house which I want you out of! Right now!”
“You think that's gonna work on me? That you're gonna scare me with your big bad SEAL act?” he rants, “Fuck you! You wanna hit me again? You wanna break my leg off? Go ahead! I'll take anything you dish out before I'll give you the satisfaction of-”
“Danny! Just get the fuck out!” Steve yells with more desperation now than anger.
“Are you deaf?! I said I'm not leaving. I am not leaving!”
But you are Steve thinks as he whips the peas across the kitchen, grabbing Danny by the tie that he's still wearing from work that day and does what he's wanted to for he can't even remember how long.
It's painful. They both knocked the hell out of each other, and desperation is basically the only thing fueling them as they rut against each other's bruised bodies.
Afterward they collapse in a boneless heap onto the livingroom floor. Neither speaks a word as their breathing slows to normal.
Each has their own thoughts. About what the consequences of the night will be, but they keep them silent, making no effort to move away from each other until they eventually pass out.
END
Will be continued if there's interest.
Paring: Steve/Danny
Genre: ANGST!
Chapter Rating: R to NC-17 for language, violence, and descriptions of the main characters committing crimes.
Spoilers: Danny's leaving Hawaii...again
When Steve's hand hits the sand he finally stands and walks his way up through the surf, only to find his partner sitting in one of the chairs on his part of the beach.
“Danny,” he jogs over and stops in front of him, “Do we have a case?”
“No,” Danny shakes his head, “I need to talk to you about something though.”
Steve slides his hand back off his hair to clear the water and sits down in the chair next to him, “What's up?”
Danny leans forward resting his elbows on his knees, “I've been talking to Rachel today. Apparently the divorce is getting ugly. Their pre-nup is pretty air tight...since she had an affair Stan keeps all of their assets, and it included a clause waiving her right to alimony.”
Steve sits back to listen. Danny had spoken about how things were going with Rachel since she got back to Hawaii. Apparently she and Stan tried briefly to reconcile for the sake of the baby, but it didn't work out so they initiated divorce proceedings.
“The kid still gets child support, but apparently Stan is contesting paternity. Go figure,” he says bitterly, “They can't force her to get a test before the birth because of the risks involved, so this'll be up in the air for another 4 months or so.”
“Do you think it might turn out to be yours after all?” Steve asks curiously.
“No,” Danny shakes his head resolutely, “The timeline's too off. That's not what I was going to tell you. Rachel's having trouble finding a job. The economy's tanked, and no one's too keen to hire someone who's going to go on maternity leave right away. Apparently back east isn't much better.”
He stops for a moment and Steve waits for him to continue.
“So she's decided the best thing to do is move back to Manchester so that she can live with her mother.”
“What?” Steve asks, “That's insane!”
Danny rubs the back of his neck, “I thought so too, but...it does actually make sense in a way.”
“How does it make sense?” Steve demands, “The economy in Europe isn't any better if that's what she's expecting.”
“No, but her mom's there so she has help with the baby. They don't need to rely on Stan or an employer for healthcare. Their education system is better than ours. Their welfare system is more generous especially to women with kids. Rachel's already a citizen, and so are Grace and the baby since she's their mother,” as he explains Steve guesses that he's repeating the reasons Rachel used to talk him down. He has to give her she made good case.
Danny has been staring out at the water the entire time. Steve looks out his jaw clenched.
“She's taking Grace as well?”
“Of course he's taking Grace! She isn't going to just leave her child!” Danny exclaims though there's none of his usual passion behind it. It's as if it's just a given fact.
But she expects you to. Steve thinks to himself, although he knows that isn't what she expects. What she expects is...
“So you're moving to England,” the words feel bitter in his mouth. This can't be happening again. Not even three months ago they went through this and Danny has just barely recovered from it. Steve has just barely recovered from it.
Danny sighs, “I don't know what I'm going to do.”
There's so much Steve wants to do. He wants to yell about the unfairness of it all. He wants to tell Danny to fuck off, he's sick of this back and forth....he's leaving, no he's staying, no he's leaving again. He pushes it down though.
“I do.” Steve states unequivocally.
And he does. Grace is his daughter. There's no way Danny could ever settle for being a brief fixture in her life at Christmas and summer vacations. The very idea is wrong. Danny is a father who picks up chicken soup and a rental from Redbox on his way home from work when his daughter is sick. The one who will cheer her up when she's feeling self-conscious about getting braces. The one who orders her back up to her room to change when she attempts to go out dressed too revealingly. He'll threaten her prom date. Take pictures of her in her graduation gown. Move her into her college dorm himself, and drive her crazy insisting she call him at a pre-set time every week.
Steve's throat is so tight it's painful. He forces himself to relax before his eyes start watering.
Danny breaks briefly at that moment. He cups his face with one palm, and sniffs once before pushing himself up and putting as much beach in between him and Steve as he possibly can.
Steve grips the edge of the chair and stares out at the breaking waves.
*****************
When Danny tells the others they don't take it well. They're shocked, and then angry. They blame Danny for the hurt they're feeling, and resent him for putting them through this again.
As head of the team, Steve has to bring them into line. Keep them working together, and remind them that Danny is doing what's best for his family. They can't fault him for that, and, even if they can, it isn't relevant because they still have a job to do.
He does so with the military leadership he's been trained in his whole career.
His patience breaks, however, when he gets a call at midnight from The Hideaway. A tourist trap bar in Waikiki. Steve and Danny talked to the manager a few times during cases, so he knows both of them.
He tells Steve that Danny is here and needs a ride home. Steve's reaction is instant, and, frankly, over-reactive rage that under normal circumstances he'd be more mindful of, but he's already into a few Longboards himself and he's fucking pissed off.
Specifically not thinking about the fact that what he's doing is horribly dangerous, irresponsible, and the governor would love the excuse to dismantle 5-0 if he got arrested for DUI, he gets into his truck and drives across town. The way there he just focuses on getting to Waikiki so he can kick Danny's ass all the way to the north shore.
He strides through the writhing mass of drunk tourists with a murderous look on his face until he finds his partner at the bar accepting another shot from the bartender.
Steve makes it over just as the glass reaches his lips. He grabs the tumbler out of Danny's hand mid-sip causing the liquid to splash down his front.
Danny rears around ready to yell at whoever is responsible, but he stops when he notices who it is.
“Steve,” he smiles lazily, “Hey, man, sit down, have a drink. Another round!”
“He's cut off!” Steve growls at the bartender
“Come on, we're going,” He grabs Danny's arm and pulls him off the barstool.
Danny pulls out of his grip and sits back down, “No. I am not going.”
“You're drunk,” Steve says.
“Yes I am, Steven!” he bellows, “Yes I am. I have to move! Again! So am going sit here in this tacky tourist hellhole and drink until I blackout!”
The bartender raises a disapproving eyebrow at them, but thinks better of it when she sees the look on Steve's face.
Steve pinches the bridge of his nose and says viciously, “Okay why don't you cut the crap, Danno. We both the truth.”
Danny blinks at him in confused, “What would that be?”
“You bitch and moan and act like you're such a martyr. Rachel forced you leave New Jersey. Rachel forced you to move back to New Jersey. Rachel's forcing you to move to England...it's all bullshit!”
“Wanting be a good father is bullshit?” he demands angrily.
“No, but the fact that you let her control you with the fact that you want to be a good father is. I may have never been divorced, but I'm not stupid. It isn't so easy to just pack up and move with a kid when there's a custody agreement in place, and it's certainly not easy to take one out of the county. There have been goddamn international incidents over that before! Yeah, yeah she's Rachel's daughter so she has rights to British citizenship, but she's also an American citizen and your daughter! You could have at least tried to keep her here if you wanted to, but you don't,” Steve has already said too much but his blood is boiling and it just keeps coming out, “Deep down you don't because then you'd have nothing to complain about. You have to have something to complain about because you're too pathetic to admit the truth. You like being the victim! That's why you let her do it! That's why you let her drag you around the world by your dick-”
He's cut off by Danny's fist cracking against his jaw. The blow snaps his head around rattling his brain like a bell.
Part of him is glad not to be talking anymore as he pounces, tackling Danny off the barstool and onto the floor.
He pounds his fist into Danny's fucking face, not holding back...well, not holding back as much as he normally would, since he could actually kill Danny if he wanted.
With his fist he tells Danny what he can't with words.
PUNCH
I hate you. I hate you for giving back I everything I ever wanted and then taking it away again.
PUNCH
Despise me so that I know you'll never fucking come back again!
PUNCH
Please don't go.
The anger and alcohol has clouded Steve's concentration. He's acting emotionally. Not paying attention. That's how, on the fourth punch, Danny manages to whip his head away causing Steve to send the blow right into the concrete floor
His knuckles crack alarmingly and pain shoots up his entire arm. During the half-second he's stunned by the pain Danny slams the heel of his hand into Steve's nose.
He can hear people screaming around them as Danny scrambles out from under him, booting Steve in the kidney in the process.
He starts to stumble up, but Steve is having none of it. He whips himself around sending a well placed kick into Danny's bad knee.
His scream echoes across the walls as he crumples to the ground. Steve pulls himself up, using the bar as support and stumbles out through the door.
Blood pours out of his nose as he climbs back in his truck and tears away. He goes a few blocks along the beach road before his senses start to clear, and he realizes how impaired he really is.
He's shaking as the adrenaline wears off, and his head feels fuzzy. Whether it's from the Longboards he had at home, or the beating at the club he isn't sure, but he slows his truck down to well below the speed limit. Waits very patiently at every intersection, watches the road vigilantly, and cautiously makes his way home.
At home he washes the blood off his face and pulls a bag of frozen peas out of the freezer to put over the hand he hit the floor with.
He's still sitting at the kitchen table with it when Danny stumbles, very unsteadily into the house.
“Forget I was saying here, genius?!” he demands.
“Thought you might end up in the drunk tank.”
“Well I didn't! And while we're on the subject, just who the fuck do you think you are, McGarrett?!”
Steve snaps his head up, “I'm the person who owns this house which I want you out of! Right now!”
“You think that's gonna work on me? That you're gonna scare me with your big bad SEAL act?” he rants, “Fuck you! You wanna hit me again? You wanna break my leg off? Go ahead! I'll take anything you dish out before I'll give you the satisfaction of-”
“Danny! Just get the fuck out!” Steve yells with more desperation now than anger.
“Are you deaf?! I said I'm not leaving. I am not leaving!”
But you are Steve thinks as he whips the peas across the kitchen, grabbing Danny by the tie that he's still wearing from work that day and does what he's wanted to for he can't even remember how long.
It's painful. They both knocked the hell out of each other, and desperation is basically the only thing fueling them as they rut against each other's bruised bodies.
Afterward they collapse in a boneless heap onto the livingroom floor. Neither speaks a word as their breathing slows to normal.
Each has their own thoughts. About what the consequences of the night will be, but they keep them silent, making no effort to move away from each other until they eventually pass out.
END
Will be continued if there's interest.