Villains, Part 4
Description: Rodney finally tells Seth the truth
Word Count: 1,487
Warnings: Swearing, nightmares, depression, self-hatred
Other: Canon.
Rodney opened his eyes, and recognised the ceiling, recognised the room. He was in jail again, alone in the dark. Was it all a dream? But he'd hanged himself, saw Madison murdered, did none of that happen? If Madison was okay... But he'd be stuck with Hideki again, everyone would still be in danger if he hadn't negotiated their release...
The wall turned to glass, making Rodney jump - but it wasn't Hideki. It was a whole crowd of people, staring at him. Liv, Madison, Trick, Dwayne, Abigail, Miguel, Eddie, their spouses, Jesspret, Harris...
"What... What's happened to Tang?" They were in danger if he was still around.
"Dead. We killed him."
"Oh. Good," but that wasn't the way the mood felt. "Simons? Rossi?"
"Dead too."
"Oh. Are you going to let me out?"
"We don't think so."
Rodney couldn't even tell who was speaking, only that every single pair of eyes was filled with intense hatred.
"It was all your fault."
"I-" They weren't wrong. "I didn't- I never meant... I've suffered for it."
"Not enough." Rodney could feel their disgust. "Never enough."
Rodney jolted awake, finding himself in Seth's room, daylight streaming through the blinds and curtains. Seth wasn't there, but he'd left a note on the pillow next to him: Gone to make breakfast :)
Rodney wasn't as panicked as he could be, like he was after the Hideki dreams. He didn't want to move. What was the point? He didn't want to see anyone and no-one wanted to see him. He shouldn't be allowed an afterlife. He didn't want one, never asked for one. He wondered what would happen if he hanged himself again. Probably wouldn't work, but maybe it'd make enough of a point that he'd be put out of his misery.
But even while he brooded, the fear began to build. Death and non-existence was one thing, but being back in Hideki's clutches was quite another. And if anyone deserved to suffer Rodney's continued existence, it was Seth Jayapalan.
Rodney could hear Seth moving about and humming loudly before he'd even reached the kitchen. It was entirely unnatural for anyone to be so upbeat, as he danced about the room as he cooked like it was the easiest thing in the world.
Seth only noticed he was there when Rodney went to pull a chair out. "Morning sunshine," he greeted, face lighting up even more at the sight of him. "Pancakes okay?"
Rodney half-shrugged to the question - who cared what he ate? - but stared at Seth. Seth is crazy, he reminded himself, it's pretty much an established fact. But even still, Rodney didn't know how Seth put up with him.
"Did you sleep well?" Seth asked, turning back to the mixing bowl.
"Fine," he ended quickly, for more important matters. "Do you like me?"
Seth stopped and turned slowly, "How do you mean?" he asked uncertainly.
"Do you hate me? Secretly, at least?" he added, considering the apparent evidence to the contrary.
"No. Not at all. Why would I?"
"Everyone else does."
Seth snorted derisively. "Everyone else are idiots."
"Shouldn't bet against the majority opinion; more likely you're the one who's wrong."
"Or they don't know what they're talking about."
"You don't know everything about me either." Maybe that was why; Seth would hate him too if he did...
"I know way more about you than they do."
"But not everything," he said quietly.
Seth looked at him. "Maybe not. Why?"
"Maybe you would hate me if you did."
"Well... I don't want to question your judgement, but I doubt it."
But Rodney would never know, never be secure or certain until he found out. If he became too dependent on Seth, and then Seth turned on him... "You... you know Hideki Tang didn't kill me."
"Yeah, you mentioned that."
"I did it."
"You... killed yourself?" he sounded surprised, taking a seat next to Rodney. "That's awful. For you, I mean. But... I mean, I wish you would tell me more about what happened to you, but I don't think I can blame you and I wouldn't judge you regardless." Seth's wide brown eyes were studying him sympathetically. "Do you really think I'd hate you for that?"
"Some people would."
"Some people are fucking idiots, Rodney. You were still in jail, weren't you?"
"Yeah."
"There's nothing to hate you for. Really."
"But that's not the only thing." That had been the easier one. "There's something else."
"Okay. Do you want a drink, by the way?" Seth asked, getting up again.
"Um, water. Thanks." He shouldn't ask for too much anyway.
Seth got them both one while Rodney started, hoping Seth wouldn't throw one or both glasses at him.
"I got Madison killed."
Seth turned around again in surprise. "She's dead? And what do you mean 'got' her killed?"
Rodney didn't want to think, didn't want to remember, but he needed to alienate Seth now rather than later, so he forced himself. And tried to suppress the increasing trembling. "I- I tried to trick him."
"Him? Hideki Tang?" Seth gently passed him his drink and sat down. "How?"
"It was Dwayne - he and his friends were trying to break everyone out of jail, but they got caught."
Seth had a small, proud smile at that for a moment. "So there were a lot of people in there?"
"I don't know, I guess so. Anyway, Dwayne said something about Tang feeding one of his friends to a cowplant, so I figured he was after elixir."
"Lum?"
Rodney nodded. "I said I'd give Tang our source of elixir if he let all the grand- and great-grandkids go."
"And did he? Just like that?"
"He- he said something about Trick already being gone, the only one he had in jail was Dwayne at that point, so yeah, I think so. Or I thought so."
"Not Madison?"
"I told Dwayne to gather up and force everyone to leave, I think or assume everyone else did, but..."
"She wouldn't listen, I guess."
"She was married to him."
"To who? Hideki?" Rodney nodded regretfully and Seth kneaded his forehead in pain. "Oh Madison..."
"But I didn't know that. So when he came to demand the elixir... I told him where he could go."
Seth gazed at him, his face lighting up with a big, incredulous smile. "You told the guy who'd been torturing you to go fuck himself?"
"Well, basically, yeah."
Seth laughed and shook his head, eyes not leaving him. "How do people not love you? That is brave, and insane, and amazing. I think you might be my hero."
Rodney blushed; he was no kind of hero. "But it got Madison killed!"
"He killed her for that? But how did that help him - you'd have even less incentive to give him Lum then."
"Well no, I- He revealed her to me first and... well, the threat was obvious, so I told him everything. But..." Rodney swallowed, his throat getting tight again. "But he still... because I lied..."
Seth frowned. "You did what he asked. And he killed her, despite her being his wife. Rodney, I don't know the guy, but don't you think he was probably going to kill her anyway? Maybe not right then, but..."
"Probably." It was a depressing thought, poor Madison.
"So you didn't really get anyone killed, but you did save the remainder of our family and tell the evil bastard to go fuck himself. Got to be honest: major hero."
"No, but I- I-" Rodney wasn't a hero, not by anyone's standards. "I killed myself." That wasn't heroic.
"Why? Were you upset about Madison?"
"Well yes, partly... Once he'd killed her... He said they had children, daughters..."
Seth looked pained. "Poor kids."
"He threatened to hurt them too."
"If you didn't do what he wanted?"
Rodney nodded glumly.
"So rather than that, you ended your life. I dunno, sounds kind of... like a heroic sacrifice, to me."
Rodney stared at him. "I- Seth, I'm not a hero. It was awful, I was terrified, I am traumatised-"
"Which is all perfectly understandable, and all the more incredible that you achieved what you did. You saved the kids. I owe you so much for that."
Rodney just gaped at him in confusion.
"And I am starting," he said brightly, "by throwing you a party. Hero parties should be a thing."
"Seth... who would even come to a party for me?"
"Me, you; who else matters?"
"Most people have more than one other person in the world who can stand them."
Seth shrugged. "I make do with what I can get. Now, go forth and prepare yourself for the best cake you ever tasted in your life, I swear."
Rodney stared at him while Seth proceeded to cook both cake and pancakes simultaneously, like it wasn't even hard.
His best friend was insane.
But at least he was his friend.
Word Count: 1,487
Warnings: Swearing, nightmares, depression, self-hatred
Other: Canon.
Rodney opened his eyes, and recognised the ceiling, recognised the room. He was in jail again, alone in the dark. Was it all a dream? But he'd hanged himself, saw Madison murdered, did none of that happen? If Madison was okay... But he'd be stuck with Hideki again, everyone would still be in danger if he hadn't negotiated their release...
The wall turned to glass, making Rodney jump - but it wasn't Hideki. It was a whole crowd of people, staring at him. Liv, Madison, Trick, Dwayne, Abigail, Miguel, Eddie, their spouses, Jesspret, Harris...
"What... What's happened to Tang?" They were in danger if he was still around.
"Dead. We killed him."
"Oh. Good," but that wasn't the way the mood felt. "Simons? Rossi?"
"Dead too."
"Oh. Are you going to let me out?"
"We don't think so."
Rodney couldn't even tell who was speaking, only that every single pair of eyes was filled with intense hatred.
"It was all your fault."
"I-" They weren't wrong. "I didn't- I never meant... I've suffered for it."
"Not enough." Rodney could feel their disgust. "Never enough."
Rodney jolted awake, finding himself in Seth's room, daylight streaming through the blinds and curtains. Seth wasn't there, but he'd left a note on the pillow next to him: Gone to make breakfast :)
Rodney wasn't as panicked as he could be, like he was after the Hideki dreams. He didn't want to move. What was the point? He didn't want to see anyone and no-one wanted to see him. He shouldn't be allowed an afterlife. He didn't want one, never asked for one. He wondered what would happen if he hanged himself again. Probably wouldn't work, but maybe it'd make enough of a point that he'd be put out of his misery.
But even while he brooded, the fear began to build. Death and non-existence was one thing, but being back in Hideki's clutches was quite another. And if anyone deserved to suffer Rodney's continued existence, it was Seth Jayapalan.
Rodney could hear Seth moving about and humming loudly before he'd even reached the kitchen. It was entirely unnatural for anyone to be so upbeat, as he danced about the room as he cooked like it was the easiest thing in the world.
Seth only noticed he was there when Rodney went to pull a chair out. "Morning sunshine," he greeted, face lighting up even more at the sight of him. "Pancakes okay?"
Rodney half-shrugged to the question - who cared what he ate? - but stared at Seth. Seth is crazy, he reminded himself, it's pretty much an established fact. But even still, Rodney didn't know how Seth put up with him.
"Did you sleep well?" Seth asked, turning back to the mixing bowl.
"Fine," he ended quickly, for more important matters. "Do you like me?"
Seth stopped and turned slowly, "How do you mean?" he asked uncertainly.
"Do you hate me? Secretly, at least?" he added, considering the apparent evidence to the contrary.
"No. Not at all. Why would I?"
"Everyone else does."
Seth snorted derisively. "Everyone else are idiots."
"Shouldn't bet against the majority opinion; more likely you're the one who's wrong."
"Or they don't know what they're talking about."
"You don't know everything about me either." Maybe that was why; Seth would hate him too if he did...
"I know way more about you than they do."
"But not everything," he said quietly.
Seth looked at him. "Maybe not. Why?"
"Maybe you would hate me if you did."
"Well... I don't want to question your judgement, but I doubt it."
But Rodney would never know, never be secure or certain until he found out. If he became too dependent on Seth, and then Seth turned on him... "You... you know Hideki Tang didn't kill me."
"Yeah, you mentioned that."
"I did it."
"You... killed yourself?" he sounded surprised, taking a seat next to Rodney. "That's awful. For you, I mean. But... I mean, I wish you would tell me more about what happened to you, but I don't think I can blame you and I wouldn't judge you regardless." Seth's wide brown eyes were studying him sympathetically. "Do you really think I'd hate you for that?"
"Some people would."
"Some people are fucking idiots, Rodney. You were still in jail, weren't you?"
"Yeah."
"There's nothing to hate you for. Really."
"But that's not the only thing." That had been the easier one. "There's something else."
"Okay. Do you want a drink, by the way?" Seth asked, getting up again.
"Um, water. Thanks." He shouldn't ask for too much anyway.
Seth got them both one while Rodney started, hoping Seth wouldn't throw one or both glasses at him.
"I got Madison killed."
Seth turned around again in surprise. "She's dead? And what do you mean 'got' her killed?"
Rodney didn't want to think, didn't want to remember, but he needed to alienate Seth now rather than later, so he forced himself. And tried to suppress the increasing trembling. "I- I tried to trick him."
"Him? Hideki Tang?" Seth gently passed him his drink and sat down. "How?"
"It was Dwayne - he and his friends were trying to break everyone out of jail, but they got caught."
Seth had a small, proud smile at that for a moment. "So there were a lot of people in there?"
"I don't know, I guess so. Anyway, Dwayne said something about Tang feeding one of his friends to a cowplant, so I figured he was after elixir."
"Lum?"
Rodney nodded. "I said I'd give Tang our source of elixir if he let all the grand- and great-grandkids go."
"And did he? Just like that?"
"He- he said something about Trick already being gone, the only one he had in jail was Dwayne at that point, so yeah, I think so. Or I thought so."
"Not Madison?"
"I told Dwayne to gather up and force everyone to leave, I think or assume everyone else did, but..."
"She wouldn't listen, I guess."
"She was married to him."
"To who? Hideki?" Rodney nodded regretfully and Seth kneaded his forehead in pain. "Oh Madison..."
"But I didn't know that. So when he came to demand the elixir... I told him where he could go."
Seth gazed at him, his face lighting up with a big, incredulous smile. "You told the guy who'd been torturing you to go fuck himself?"
"Well, basically, yeah."
Seth laughed and shook his head, eyes not leaving him. "How do people not love you? That is brave, and insane, and amazing. I think you might be my hero."
Rodney blushed; he was no kind of hero. "But it got Madison killed!"
"He killed her for that? But how did that help him - you'd have even less incentive to give him Lum then."
"Well no, I- He revealed her to me first and... well, the threat was obvious, so I told him everything. But..." Rodney swallowed, his throat getting tight again. "But he still... because I lied..."
Seth frowned. "You did what he asked. And he killed her, despite her being his wife. Rodney, I don't know the guy, but don't you think he was probably going to kill her anyway? Maybe not right then, but..."
"Probably." It was a depressing thought, poor Madison.
"So you didn't really get anyone killed, but you did save the remainder of our family and tell the evil bastard to go fuck himself. Got to be honest: major hero."
"No, but I- I-" Rodney wasn't a hero, not by anyone's standards. "I killed myself." That wasn't heroic.
"Why? Were you upset about Madison?"
"Well yes, partly... Once he'd killed her... He said they had children, daughters..."
Seth looked pained. "Poor kids."
"He threatened to hurt them too."
"If you didn't do what he wanted?"
Rodney nodded glumly.
"So rather than that, you ended your life. I dunno, sounds kind of... like a heroic sacrifice, to me."
Rodney stared at him. "I- Seth, I'm not a hero. It was awful, I was terrified, I am traumatised-"
"Which is all perfectly understandable, and all the more incredible that you achieved what you did. You saved the kids. I owe you so much for that."
Rodney just gaped at him in confusion.
"And I am starting," he said brightly, "by throwing you a party. Hero parties should be a thing."
"Seth... who would even come to a party for me?"
"Me, you; who else matters?"
"Most people have more than one other person in the world who can stand them."
Seth shrugged. "I make do with what I can get. Now, go forth and prepare yourself for the best cake you ever tasted in your life, I swear."
Rodney stared at him while Seth proceeded to cook both cake and pancakes simultaneously, like it wasn't even hard.
His best friend was insane.
But at least he was his friend.