I'm pretty sure I just don't really give a fuck anymore. I'm here mostly due to selfish reasons, and when I'm done, I'm done. Shitty, yes. I'm well aware, but you can only be lied to so many times before you get to a point where everything that comes out of your mouth i doubt. So instead of conflict, I just do what I do to get the end to my means ( Read more... )

Its kinda sad. I feel more at home at the mall than I do in my own home.

So I woke up this morning with a different perspective. Im going to try to give this one more final push, be a little more closer to who I am as opposed to the person I think he wants.

Maybe that was the root of our problem all along.

Either way,

Just one more try. If that fails. well. Im saving money for Texas during the process.

my heart hurts today. As positive as I want to be, I have a feeling that its going to be pretty much over here soon unless something drastic changes.

hes so checked out. its like hes there in person, but hes totally gone.

I hate this part.

geez. the past two months have een nothing but drunken fighting. and the same fight. over. and over. and over. I feel like im compromising myself on a daily basis and for the first time in two years im not sure of what i want or if the benefits of this life right now are worth staying ( Read more... )

damn it ive got that little ball of anxiety in my stomach again, like your going to lie about what I already know and you have no reason to lie about it but your going to anyway and im trying. im trying to not act of it because it will probably be acting on nothing then I look like the asshole in the end.

damn it.

Its as if Im constantly trying but never doing. I get the ball rolling then just drop it out of frustration ( Read more... )

So we're going to this VIP thing tomorrow night, and I bought a HUGE nineties style ghetto gold watch to wear, and Im trying to find an outfit to revolve around it. I walked into probably twenty stores, and they all made me want to vomit with the genericism of it all ( Read more... )

*vomit

I shouldn't have gone out last night. I didn't want to, but it turned out to be a blast anyhow.

tootoo much of one. I just cant handle a hangover like I used to I guess.

You come home on Friday. Friday can't come quickly enough.

I woke up this morning feeling somewhat positive and energetic. Lets see how far in the day this will last ( Read more... )