Bleach Pornapalooza!
So the other day, 
bloody_american and I started writing... crack. And it grew. And grew. What resulted was a series of 'pornlets' and over 2 dozen pairings. LOL If you dare, take a look. Hopefully it makes you laugh at least once. XD
*At Urahara Shouten*
Ishida: *browsing*
Urahara: *into the back of Ishida's neck* Hello there, Ishida...
Ishida: *startlement/blush/pant-tent*
Urahara: *blink* Oh, do you need help with that? *points*
Ishida: !!! *face flames*
Urahara: *grin*
Ishida: *darker blush/bigger pant-tent* Eto...
Urahara: *leer* I'll take it your silence means yes?
Ishida: *still blushing* ...
Urahara: I thought so. *tackles Ishida to the ground, offending garments are laid waste to*
*a little while later*
Urahara: Normally, I would charge for a service like that but I'll let you have it for free.
Ishida: Normally?!
Urahara: Silly boy, I'm only joking.
Ichigo: Oi, Urahara-san... *walks in* OMGMYEYESAHHHH!
*back at Ichigo's house*
Ichigo: *sitting on bed, palms rubbing his eyes*
Renji: *swooping through the window like a bat. or something...* Oi, Ichigo~! I'm hungry, gimme some foo-- Oi, what's wrong?!
Ichigo: *mumbles*
Renji: Huh? *pokes Ichigo*
Ichigo: *pulls hands away* I SAW URAHARA AND ISHIDA DOING IT!!
Renji: I see... Let me help you get your mind off of that. *tackles Ichigo*
Ichigo: What the HELL are you doing!?
Renji: *nips at Ichigo's neck*
Ichigo: *moan*
Renji: *smirk*
*after...*
Ichigo: Okay, that did help.
Renji: Well, good.
Isshin: *barges in* ICHIGOOOOO--wait, what... OHO! MY BOY IS A MAN! DADDY IS SO HAPPYYYYYY~
Ichigo: AAAAAGGGGGHHHH! GETOUTGETOUTGETOUT
Rukia: *pops in* What in the world is going on? Oh, hello Renji. I see you finally jumped Ichigo. ...I don't think Nii-san will be happy about that.
Renji: CRAP. BYAKUYA.
*back in Seireitei*
Renji: *eyes downcast* You called, sir?
Byakuya: Yes... *eyes Renji* I take it you had fun in the real world, Abarai?
Renji: Y- *stutters* N-no, Taichou. It was j-just work.
Byakuya: Just work, Abarai?
Renji: ...
Byakuya: I heard a little rumor about you and that Ichigo boy.
Renji: ...
Byakuya: *appears out of nowhere in front of Renji* I don't want you to see him anymore, Renji.
Renji: No, sir. I won't, sir.
Byakuya: Good. I don't want you to forget that you're mine, Renji. I'm going to have to punish you...
Renji: *gasps* Yes, s-sir.
Byakuya: *small smile on his face while they proceed to have hot monkey sex against Byakuya's desk*
*back at Ichigo's*
Ichigo: OUT! *slams door on Isshin*
Rukia: I didn't know you liked boys, Ichigo.
Ichigo: I DON'T!
Rukia: Then what was that with Renji?
Ichigo: ...
Rukia: If you're not going to answer, I suppose I'll have to punish you.
Ichigo: WHAT. NOT--
Rukia: *whips off clothes revealing a dominatrix suit* *pulls out a whip* Now...
Ichigo: *jaw drop/incoherent sound*
Rukia: Bohahaha! *does the bohaha hand thing*
Ichigo: ...
*back at Urahara Shouten*
// Poor little Ishida had to take refuge in Urahara's bed room to hide himself away from prying eyes after Urahara accidentally ripped his clothes to shreds... //
Ishida: *painstakingly sews the tiny pieces of what is left of his clothes together*
Urahara: *stares*
Ishida: *notices said staring* ... what?
Urahara: *familiar leer*
Ishida: Urahara-san... *wary*
Urahara: You look hot when you're sewing, Uryuu. *grin*
Ishida: What?
Urahara: *pounces, licking the Quincy’s neck*
Ishida: We just DID it!
Urahara: *confused* So?
Ishida: *deflates/sighs*
Urahara: *snickers before taking the Quincy once more*
*a little while later, take 2*
Ishida: Now my shredded clothes are even more shredded. They're going to be more thread than fabric! And I don't think I have enough. Thanks a lot, Urahara-san, now I have nothing to wear. *glares*
Urahara: ...
Ishida: ...
Urahara: *frowns a little*
Ishida: ... what?
Urahara: I'm trying to understand how that's a bad thing.
Ishida: I have no clothes!
Urahara: ... your point being?
Ishida: ... I suppose I should know better than to expect you to understand something like that, Mr. 'I'm-going-to-walk-around-naked-in-Ishida-san's-apartment-just-because', you ero-merchant.
Urahara: Ah ah! Correction. Handsome ero-merchant.
*back in Seireitei*
// Byakuya still has Renji bent over his desk as they catch their breath. //
Renji: Taichou! *whine* I know I deserved that and all but...
Byakuya: Yes, Renji?
Renji: ... *blush* My ass is going to hurt for days, did you really have to be that rough?
Byakuya: *kisses the back of Renji's neck* Oh yes.
*back at Ichigo's house*
Rukia: *happy post-coital sigh*
Ichigo: *harrumph*
Rukia: *raises eyebrow* What's wrong, Ichigo? Didn't you like it?
Ichigo: *harrumphs again* ...
Rukia: Because you were making an awful lot of noise for someone who supposedly didn't like it. *smirk*
Ichigo: Technically, Rukia... It's the man who's supposed to top. *folds arms and looks away*
Rukia: Oh, don't be such a baby.
Ichigo: *pouts*
Rukia: ... I'll let you top next time?
Ichigo: ... okay.
Isshin: *through the door* ICHIGOOO YOU MAKE DADDY PROUD!
Ichigo: SHUT UP OLD MAN.
*back at Urahara Shouten*
*enter Ryuuken*
Ryuuken: ... Uryuu.
Ishida: !! Ryuuken!
Ryuuken: So this is what you've been doing with yourself. How disappointing.
Urahara: Oh, not by himself, I assure you.
Ryuuken: ...
*at Ryuuken's office*
// Ryuuken is sitting at his desk, hand on the bridge of his nose, pondering the state of things in his life and how things could not possibly get worse... //
Isshin: *pops in* RYUUKEN I HAVE WONDERFUL NEWS!!
Ryuuken: *headdesks*
Isshin: RYUUKEN MY SON IS A MAN!!! THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY!!!
Ryuuken: *stands and walks to the window* Isshin, why you think I would care is simply beyond me...
Isshin: RYUUKEN~! *sidles up behind Ryuuken* I'M HAPPY!
Ryuuken: *feels Isshin's "happiness" against his back* ... *headwindows*
*back at the Urahara Shouten*
// Uryuu is in a catatonic state after just being found *naked* with another man by his father... //
Urahara: Uryuu~!
Ishida: ...
Urahara: Uryuu it's not so bad. Now we don't have to hide it from him anymore.
Ishida: ...
Urahara: Uryuu~ *mischievous*
Ishida: ... *twitches*
Urahara: Uryuu, now we can try out *whispers in Ishida's ear*
Ishida: *starts* WHAT!
Urahara: *leer to end all leers*
Ishida: No! No. Absolutely not! I refuse! Besides, we've already done it twice in one day!
Urahara: *mock hurt* Uryuu, you wound me. Surely you must think I have more stamina then that?
Ishida: *stares incredulously* Well, I don't!
Urahara: Now, now. You're a young teenage boy... you're supposed to be insatiable. *leers again*
Ishida: Well th-
Urahara: *pounces and silences him with a kiss*
Ishida: Aaaahh! Aah! Ohhh...
*back at Ryuuken's office*
Ryuuken: ...
Isshin: I must say, I don't think I've ever used a swivel chair like that.
Ryuuken: You will never speak of this to anyone.
Isshin: You said that last time too!
Ryuuken: I'm being serious.
Isshin: Yes, I know that~ Which is really quite odd as I'm sure I took my stick out of your ass.
Ryuuken: ...
Isshin: HOHOHO~
*all the way over in Hueco Mundo*
// Aizen's occupying himself by watching everyone screw everyone through Ulquiorra's eye. How weird. //
Gin: *saunters in* Oi, what's goin' on?
Aizen: It's the strangest thing. Everyone seems to be having sex.
Gin: Nothing wrong with that.
Aizen: ... good point. Go get the Allancar in here - time to have an orgy.
*still in Hueco Mundo*
// Having being ordered by Aizen, the Allancar are gathered together to have an... er, orgy. //
Grimmjaw: Oi. Pretty boy, c'mere.
Ulquiorra: *pointedly ignores*
Grimmjaw: Hey, I'm talking to you Ulquiorra. You heard what the man said, get your pretty ass over here. *leer*
Ulquiorra: *raises eyebrow*
Grimmjaw: *grabs* You wouldn't want to make Aizen-sama mad, would you? *smirk*
Ulquiorra: *resignated sigh*
Grimmjaw: That's what I thought. *grope*
Ulquiorra: If it is what Aizen-sama demands... *quickly bends Grimmjaw over a table*
Grimmjaw: What the- That's not what I meant! *struggles to no avail* (he has only one arm, after all XD)
Ulquiorra: *disposes of clothing* Then I shall do it what is required of me. *sinks in with an almost smile*
*at Karakura HS*
Ichigo: *limps into class*
Keigo: HEYYY! ICHIGOOO, I have this great idea for our next vaca-
Ichigo: *slams fist down on Keigo's head*
Mizuiro: Hey Ichigo.
Ichigo: Yo.
Keigo: *flails* Why is Ichigo so mean to me~!! I thought we were friends! *pout*
Mizuiro: *steps over Keigo to enter the classroom*
*later*
// A distraught Keigo corners Ichigo on the roof during lunch. After Ichigo's morning display, the rest of the gang decides to leave him and he is alone... //
Keigo: ICHIGOOOO
Ichigo: *kicks him in the face*
Keigo: Gaaaah~ What is up with you today?
Ichigo: Nothing.
Keigo: You're so mean!!
Ichigo: Yeah, so?
Keigo: I thought we had something!
Ichigo: ... what.
Keigo: KISS ME ICHIGOOOO *pounces*
*in another part of Seireitei*
// Hisagi is doing his rounds when he gets a visit from a certain feather-eyed shinigami. //
Hisagi: *is bored*
Yumichika: Shuuhei-chaaan~
Hisagi: What did I say about calling me that?
Yumichika: To not call you that. But it's a much more beautiful name than calling you 'Hisagi-san'.
Hisagi: You and your 'beautiful' everything...
Yumichika: You should feel honoured that I consider you one of the more beautiful people in Soul Society.
Hisagi: ...
*in the 9th division Vice-Captain's office*
Yumichika: Shuuhei-chaaan~
Hisagi: *ignores* I'm trying to do some work here, you know.
Yumichika: Let's go out on a date!
Hisagi: ... eh?
Yumichika: It'll be fun! We could go on a picnic or-
Hisagi: Are you forgetting that we are both men? Besides, I don't do dates. *light blush*
Yumichika: So what!? I am too beautiful to pass up, Shuu-chan and you know it. *bats eyes*
Hisagi: I thought I told you not to-
Yumichika: *straddles Shuu-chan*
Hisagi: Wha- what are you doing?
Yumichika: Ooh, Hisagi-samaaa~ Did you shrink your Zanpakuto or are you just happy to see me? *grin*
Hisagi: Shi- mmmphf!
*over at the 11th division*
Ikkaku: *storms around* Where the fuck is Ayasegawa...?
Nemu: *standing quietly by the front gate*
Ikkaku: *perk* Eh? Kurotsuchi-san? *walks over* What are you doing here?
Nemu: ...
Ikkaku: ... *glances around then pulls her into a corner* Oi, what's wrong, Nemu? Did that bastard Mayuri do anything to you again?
Nemu: No... I just wanted to see you.
Ikkaku: Oh.
Nemu: ...
Ikkaku: ... ah, fuck it. Since you're here... *kisses her*
*over at the 10th Division*
Hitsugaya: Matsumoto! Wake up! *prods*
Matsumoto: Aah? Taichouuu~!
Hitsugaya: What have I told you about getting drunk and falling asleep on the couch when you should be working!?
Matsumoto: *starts to get up but in her drunken stupor falls back down* *giggles*
Hitsugaya: *facepalms*
Matsumoto: Taichouuu~ why are you always so grumpy? I think my little Taichou needs a hug!
Hitsugaya: *fumes* Your little what!?
Matsumoto: My little Taichou! *giggles & sways drunkenly*
Hitsugaya: Matsumoto, I think you better go home before I- mmph!
Matsumoto: *holds Toushirou close to her giant breasts before passing out onto the couch, one Shinigami Captain trapped underneath said giant breasts*
Hitsugaya: Mmph! MMMPH!!
*back on the Karakura HS rooftop*
Ichigo: Dammit, Keigo! GET OFF OF ME! *shoves*
Keigo: I- Ichi- ICHIGO HATES ME! WAHH! *bawls*
Ichigo: Wha- Keigo! Keigo, stop! Keigo stop crying, dammit!
Keigo: *bawls even harder*
Ichigo: Shit. Keigo. Keigo, I'm sorry. Please, stop crying. *rubs Keigo's back with one hand*
Keigo: I'm sorry too, Ichigo. *sniffles*
Ichigo: What do you have to be sorry about? I'm the one who yelled at yo-
Keigo: *pounces*
*back at the Urahara Shouten XD*
Ishida: ...
Urahara: *whistles happily*
Ishida: You know...
Urahara: Hmm?
Ishida: Sure, I'll be ridiculously sore tomorrow but all of this actually isn't as bad as I thought.
Urahara: I knew you'd see it my way sooner or later! Want to go again?
Ishida: ... okay.
Urahara: *stares* That is the sexiest thing you've ever said to me. *kisses him hard*
*over at the 8th Division*
Shunsui: Nanaaaoooo-chaaaan <3
Nanao: *sigh* What is it, Kyouraku-taichou?
Shunsui: My Nanao-chan is so preeeetty~
Nanao: ... have you been drinking with Matsumoto-fukutaichou again?
Shunsui: Who me? Nooooo~ *snickers and whispers* Shhh, don't tell. I haaave!
Nanao: ...
Shunsui: My Nanao-chan is the best~! The preeettiest girl in all of Soul Society~
Nanao: *light blush*
*at Ryuuken's apartment*
Ryuuken: Why are you here?
Isshin: Didn't you miss me?
Ryuuken: No.
*pause while Isshin takes in Ryuuken's apartment*
Ryuuken: Kurosaki-san, why are you here?
Isshin: Because you're here, silly!
Ryuuken: *pinches the bridge of his nose* How did you even find this place?
Isshin: I followed you.
Ryuuken: Damn stalker! *punches Isshin in the face* Get out!
Isshin: RYUUKENNN!! I WANNA BE WITH YOUUUU!! *attaches himself like a leech*
Ryuuken: Dammit, Isshin- Kurosaki! Let go!
Isshin: *brightens* YOU SAID MY NAME!!! *humps leg*
Ryuuken: Oh my god.
Isshin: Nope. It's just Isshin, Ryuuken. *grin*
*over at the 6th Division*
// Byakuya and Renji have resorted to lying on the floor. More comfortable that way. //
Byakuya: Renji.
Renji: Mm?
Byakuya: I think it's time we got up and went back to work.
Renji: But I'm comfy... *snuggles*
Byakuya: *patient sigh*
Renji: Besides, you always think about work. Can't you think about something else for--
*in walks Ukitake*
Ukitake: Kuchiki-taichou, I was--...
Byakuya: ...
Renji: ...
Ukitake: I uh, can see that you're busy, I'll come back later. *leaves*
Byakuya: ...
Renji: *gulps* ... maybe you're right, let's get back to work.
*over at the 2nd Division*
Soi Fong: *busy doing paperwork*
Yoruichi: *flash steps in* Ne, Soi Fong. What are you doing? It's such a nice day out.
Soi Fong: *startles, blushes* Yo-Yoruichi-sama!
Yoruichi: *grins* Wanna go spar?
*Sado's apartment*
Nova: ...
Sado: ...
Nova: Hungry? *hopeful*
Sado: Not really.
Nova: ...
Sado: ...
Nova: *slyly checks out Chad*
Sado: *notices & grins*
Nova: *blushes & zips hood*
*Hueco Mundo*
Grimmjaw: Hey you!
Ulquiorra: ...
Grimmjaw: Oi, Look at me when I'm talking to you!
Ulquiorra: *rolls eyes but looks over*
Grimmjaw: I didn't appreciate that from before.
Ulquiorra: Appreciate what?
Grimmjaw: You know what I'm talking about! Don't worry, I won't let you get away with it this time. *smirk*
Ulquiorra: Oh, really? *is bored*
Grimmjaw: Yeah, that's right. This time I'm going to screw you into the floo-
Ulquiorra: *pins Grimmjaw to the wall twisting his (only!) arm to keep him there* You're going to screw me into the what?
Grimmjaw: *struggles*
Ulquiorra: *removes Grimmjaw's pants and unbuttons his own* I wonder who is going to be screwed today...
Grimmjaw: Shit.
*still in Hueco Mundo*
Aizen: *watches Grimmjaw and Ulquiorra for a bit, walks over* Grimmjaw.
Grimmjaw: Nngh.
Aizen: *points at his crotch* Service me. Now.
Grimmjaw: What?! I -- dammit, Ulquiorra, stop being so fucking rough!
Ulquiorra: I'm sorry, are you too weak to handle me?
Grimmjaw: Fuck no.
Aizen: Grimmjaw. *unbuttons pants* I'm waiting.
Grimmjaw: ... Dammit.
*Karakura HS rooftop*
Keigo: That was fuuuuuun. *grins*
Ichigo: My life sucks. Why the fuck am I always bottom?!
Keigo: *tears up* It wasn't that bad, was it?
Ichigo: ... No.
Keigo: Oh good! Wanna do it again?
Ichigo: NO!
Keigo: *wibbles*
*still in Hueco Mundo*
Gin: *notices the action he's missing on* Aizen-taichou~
Aizen: *grunt* Watch the teeth, Grimmjaw. Ichimaru?
Gin: What about meee~
Grimmjaw: *pants* unng..
Ulquiorra: I think he likes it Aizen-sama.
Aizen: *dark grin* Good job, Ulquiorra.
Ulquiorra: Thank you, Aizen-sama.
Gin: Taichouuu~! When do I get some? *smirk*
Aizen: You can have him when I'm done Gin. *pulls Gin in for a rough kiss*
Grimmjaw: Fuck!
Aizen: Ah, ah. No time for chatter Grimmjaw, back to work.
*2nd Division*
Soi Fong: Oof! *tackled to the ground*
Yoruichi: Guess I got a little over-anxious there, didn't I?
Soi Fong: I-It's okay, Yoruichi-sama.
Yoruichi: Really? Looks like I knocked you a little hard on the cheek.
Soi Fong: It's nothing Yoruichi-sama, please don't worry-
Yoruichi: *licks*
Soi Fong: *gasp*
Yoruichi: Mmm... sweet. *licks again*
*10th Division*
Matsumoto: *wakes up* Oww, my head. *looks around, looks down to see a squished Hitsugaya* Taichou!!
Hitsugaya *unconscious from lack of oxygen*
Matsumoto: Taichou, wake up! Oh dear. *picks him up and runs off to the 4th Division*
*Urahara Shouten*
Urahara: ... *shocked*
Ishida: You're right, I never expected this to be so much fun.
Urahara: ... *still shocked*
Ishida: What?
Urahara: I had no idea you knew how to top.
Ishida: Well, I've had you do it enough times.
Urahara: But so well...
Ishida: *smirks* I guess that's just my talent.
Urahara: *raises eyebrow and grins* Oh, I'll show you talent... *shifts onto him*
Ishida: Ohh...
*4th Division*
Hitsugaya: *rouses to the early morning birds chirping* nnn... whereami?
Hanatarou: *brightly but quietly* You're in the 4th Division Recovery Room Hitsugaya-taichou.
Hitsugaya: Wha happ'nd?
Hanatarou: Matsumoto-fukutaichou brought you in. You've been out for about a day, it seems you were almost smothered by her... by her... eto... *blush*
Hitsugaya: *remembers* Oh. Yeah. And where might my Vice-Captain be right now?
Hanatarou: Eh.. she had to leave. Something about not wanting to be here when you woke up in case you weren't feeling up to it.
Hitsugaya: Right.
Hanatarou: Is there anything I can do for you Taichou? *blushes*
Hitsugaya: Eh? Oh. No. No, I'm fine. Thank you, Hana.
Hanatarou: *brightens* Are you sure, Taichou? You look a little uncomfortable there. *puts hand on Hitsugaya's morning wood*
Hitsugaya: *looks at the hand on his crotch* OH. *turns pink* N-no, Hana. You don't have to.
Hanatarou: It's the least I can do, after all, you remembered my name. *squeezes*
*in another part of the 4th Division*
Kenpachi: *grumbles and stomps through the doorway*
Unohana: Oh, Zaraki-taichou. *smile* How can I help you?
Kenpachi: I'm trying to find my damn division members. Both my third and fourth seats are off doing god-knows-what and I haven't seem 'em all day. Are those pansies in here?
Unohana: I'm sorry, I haven't seen them.
Kenpachi: *frowns and grumbles*
Unohana: Zaraki-taichou, would you like some tea?
Kenpachi: Tea?
Unohana: Yes, if you're not busy.
Kenpachi: *scratches the back of his head* ... Yeah, sure. *follows Unohana*
// A little while later, a tiny, pink-haired girl bounces into the 4th Division. //
Yachiru: Ken-chaaaaan! KEN-CHAAAAAN! KEN-CHAAAAAAAN! ... Huh, I wonder where he is.
Hitsugaya: *behind a door* Nnggghh...
Yachiru: What was that? *throws open the door* Heeey, what are you two doing???
*somewhere inside the 13th Division*
Shunsui: Joushiro~ What are you doing cooped up in here on a day like this? Not feeling well?
Ukitake: *smile* No, no. I'm fine, I'm just reading.
Shunsui: Today is a day to be savored, Jou-chan. Today is a day to be outside in the sun! *grin*
*later, somewhere outside the 13th Division*
Shunsui: Isn't this more like it? *lays head in Ukitake's lap*
Ukitake: *laughs softly* Of course, Kyouraku but it isn't much different from what I was doing inside.
Shunsui: *looks up into Ukitake's smiling face* Ah, but there is, Jou-chan. You may still be reading your book but now you have the pleasure of my company and the warmth of the sun shining down on you. Now tell me that isn't better than to be stuck reading inside all alone?
Ukitake: You're right, Kyouraku. There isn't anywhere else I'd rather be.
*back in Hueco Mundo*
Grimmjaw: Gaaah...
Ulquiorra: *pulls out, closes pants*
Aizen: Ulquiorra, go find the others. Grimmjaw, now it's my turn.
Ulquiorra: Yes, Aizen-sama. *leaves*
Grimmjaw: But I just sucked you off!
Aizen: Your point being? *gets in place* Gin, your turn.
Gin: Oh, how fun. *grins and removes pants* Let's get goin' then~
Grimmjaw: Fuck you -- ungh!
Aizen: Now, now. You might get that chance later, but for now do as he says.
Gin: How nice of ya, Aizen-taichou! *kisses him*
*on the way home form Karakura HS*
Orihime: Kurosaki-kun...
Ichigo: Yeah?
Orihime: Are you okay? You've been kind of grumpy today. You would... tell me... if something was wrong, wouldn't you Kurosaki-kun?
Ichigo: Yeah. It's... nothing, Inoue. Don't worry about it.
Orihime: *drags Ichigo into nearby alley before dropping to her knees*
Ichigo: Huh, wha?! Inoue!
Orihime: *pulls him out & swallows him whole*
Ichigo: A-ah! Ohh... Inoue...
Orihime: *smiles around her mouth full of... Ichigo*
Ichigo: *starts to moan but then feels a finger prodding somewhere private* Ehh!?
*somewhere in Karakura*
Isshin: *cries*
Don Kanonji: OHO WHAT'S THIS.
Isshin: WHY DOES HE HATE ME?!
Don Kanonji: Someone doesn't appreciate you? THAT WILL NOT DO. SUPER HERO DON KANONJI WILL FIX THAT.
Isshin: YOU WILL?
Don Kanonji: YES. BOHAHAHA! LET ME SHOW YOU PLEASURES.
Isshin: LET'S MAKE LOVE.
*somewhere near Ichigo's house*
Ichigo: *stumbles out of the alleyway and runs*
Orihime: Kurosaki-kun~
Ichigo: *stops only when he's locked behind the door to his room*
Kenpachi: Oi! So we meet again, Ichigo.
Ichigo: *jumps out of his socks* What the HELL are you doing here!?
Kenpachi: Waiting for you. *smirk*
Ichigo: I told you a thousand times already Zaraki! I'm not going to fight you!
Kenpachi: I'm not here to fight you Ichigo... *leer*
Ichigo: *stares in horror*
Kenpachi: *stalks toward Ichigo*
Ichigo: *scrabbles at the locked door*
Kenpachi: *drags Ichigo to the bed*
Ichigo: No! Zaraki! You don't want to do this!!
Kenpachi: *flares spirit power to disintegrate their clothing* Nah, I think I do. *evil grin*
Ichigo: Nooooo- mmph! MMPH!!! MMPH- ohh...
*somewhere in Seireitei*
Ikkaku: *stomps aimlessly* Damn that Mayuri. Bastard showin' up so I couldn't do anythin' with Nemu... now I'm all horny.
Kira: Oh, hello, Ikkaku-san.
Ikkaku: ... *stares*
Kira: ... *confused*
Ikkaku: ... *slowly grins*
Kira: ... *eyes widen*
Ikkaku: Oi, Kira-kun.
Kira: Ah, y-yes?
Ikkaku: How 'bout you and I go over here.
Kira: A-ah, I-I really need to be somewhere...
Ikkaku: *grabs him and drags him off to an alley*
*somewhere else in Seireitei*
Ganjyu: Oi! Hana!
Hanatarou: G-ganjyu-san! It's so nice to see you, how have you been?
Ganjyu: I would be better if I hadn't been lost for an hour in this damn maze of buildings you damn Shinigami got here. *grumbles*
Hanatarou: O-oh. I'm sorry, Ganjyu-san. *stares at his shoes*
Ganjyu: What you got to be sorry about, Hana? You didn't design the place, did you? *grunts* Besides, I came here to ask if you had any plans for dinner other than the usual. Figured we could eat together for once.
Hanatarou: *brightens* R-really?
Ganjyu: Yeah, really and what are you stuttering for, those bastards at the 11th been giving you a hard time again? Damn punks...
Hanatarou: No, nothing like that. I'm just surprised Ganjyu-san came to visit. *beams*
Ganjyu: Yeah, well... *turns pink*
Hanatarou: *grin* I'll just go change, real quick. Wait here Ganjyu-san, I'll be right back. *turns*
Ganjyu: Yeah, yeah. Hurry up. *slaps Hana's ass*
Hanatarou: *jumps, then blushes a fierce shade of red* Y-yes Ganjyu-san. *rushes off*
*yet again, somewhere else in Seireitei*
// Hitsugaya has been released from recovery at the 4th Division. //
Hitsugaya: *sigh* Note to self: stay away from Matsumoto when she's drunk, unless you want to end up back in the 4th Division.
Ukitake: Hitsugaya-taichou~
Hitsugaya: Uh? Oh, Ukitake-taichou. How are you doing today?
Ukitake: I'm doing fine, thank you.
Hitsugaya: Hn.
Ukitake: I heard you were sent to the 4th, so I thought I might bring you a get-well gift. Though I see you're already out.
Hitsugaya: Aa... well, thank you anyway.
Ukitake: Oh, no no! I can still give it to you! *shoves a giant basket of candy at him*
Hitsugaya: Urk!
Ukitake: I put in plenty of your favourite watermelon candies~
Hitsugaya: Uh, thank you...
Ukitake: You're welcome! *pats him on the head*
*Urahara Shouten*
Ichigo: *runs in with hands over his eyes* Urahara-san! Ishida! Are you guys decent?
Ishida: Of course we are, what do you think we are?
Ichigo: *looks behind himself warily* Do you guys think it's okay if I hid out- er, stayed here for awhile?
Urahara: ...
Ishida: ...
Ichigo: WELL!
Urahara: I'm thinking...
Ichigo: And?
Urahara: *shares a knowing look with Ishida*
Ishida: *smiles*
Urahara: That settles it, then. You can stay, Ichigo. Please have a seat. *grin*
Ichigo: *takes a seat between the two* Thanks a lot, Urahara-san. You don't know how much I- Oi, what's wrong with your face?
Urahara: My face? *places hand on Ichigo's thigh*
Ichigo: ... uh... wha?
Urahara: *leers*
Ichigo: Uh, on second thought, Urahara-san, I actually have er, some place I need to be.
Urahara: And where's that? *hand slides further up*
Ichigo: Eh... anywhere that's not here. *stands*
Ishida: *pulls Ichigo back down to land in Urahara's lap* Why don't you stay for a little while, Ichigo? *scary grin*
Urahara: Yes, why don't you... *paws*
Ichigo: Fuck.
Urahara: Exactly.
Ichigo: *whine*
*later at the Urahara Shouten*
Ishida: Well, that was fun.
Urahara: Agreed. *smokes pipe*
Ichigo: ...
Ishida: Didn't you like it, Kurosaki?
Ichigo: ...
Urahara: I think he's just upset that he bottomed to both of us.
Ichigo: *strangled noise*
Urahara: See? I was right.
Ishida: Don't worry, Kurosaki. Someday you'll be all grown up and get to top. *smirk*
Ichigo: I hate you both. I AM NEVER COMING BACK HERE.
*later*
Jinta: Tenchou has been rather busy these past few days, hasn't he?
Tessai: *nods* He was testing one of his experiments. An airborne chemical.
Ururu: *blinks*
Jinta: Man, it made everyone act so weird.
Urahara: *waltzes in* Hoho, what are you all talking about?
Tessai: Your latest experiment.
Urahara: Oh~ I think I can say it was a perfect success. <3
We are on crack. LOL And let's hope this rich-text mode works. XD
bloody_american and I started writing... crack. And it grew. And grew. What resulted was a series of 'pornlets' and over 2 dozen pairings. LOL If you dare, take a look. Hopefully it makes you laugh at least once. XD
*At Urahara Shouten*
Ishida: *browsing*
Urahara: *into the back of Ishida's neck* Hello there, Ishida...
Ishida: *startlement/blush/pant-tent*
Urahara: *blink* Oh, do you need help with that? *points*
Ishida: !!! *face flames*
Urahara: *grin*
Ishida: *darker blush/bigger pant-tent* Eto...
Urahara: *leer* I'll take it your silence means yes?
Ishida: *still blushing* ...
Urahara: I thought so. *tackles Ishida to the ground, offending garments are laid waste to*
*a little while later*
Urahara: Normally, I would charge for a service like that but I'll let you have it for free.
Ishida: Normally?!
Urahara: Silly boy, I'm only joking.
Ichigo: Oi, Urahara-san... *walks in* OMGMYEYESAHHHH!
*back at Ichigo's house*
Ichigo: *sitting on bed, palms rubbing his eyes*
Renji: *swooping through the window like a bat. or something...* Oi, Ichigo~! I'm hungry, gimme some foo-- Oi, what's wrong?!
Ichigo: *mumbles*
Renji: Huh? *pokes Ichigo*
Ichigo: *pulls hands away* I SAW URAHARA AND ISHIDA DOING IT!!
Renji: I see... Let me help you get your mind off of that. *tackles Ichigo*
Ichigo: What the HELL are you doing!?
Renji: *nips at Ichigo's neck*
Ichigo: *moan*
Renji: *smirk*
*after...*
Ichigo: Okay, that did help.
Renji: Well, good.
Isshin: *barges in* ICHIGOOOOO--wait, what... OHO! MY BOY IS A MAN! DADDY IS SO HAPPYYYYYY~
Ichigo: AAAAAGGGGGHHHH! GETOUTGETOUTGETOUT
Rukia: *pops in* What in the world is going on? Oh, hello Renji. I see you finally jumped Ichigo. ...I don't think Nii-san will be happy about that.
Renji: CRAP. BYAKUYA.
*back in Seireitei*
Renji: *eyes downcast* You called, sir?
Byakuya: Yes... *eyes Renji* I take it you had fun in the real world, Abarai?
Renji: Y- *stutters* N-no, Taichou. It was j-just work.
Byakuya: Just work, Abarai?
Renji: ...
Byakuya: I heard a little rumor about you and that Ichigo boy.
Renji: ...
Byakuya: *appears out of nowhere in front of Renji* I don't want you to see him anymore, Renji.
Renji: No, sir. I won't, sir.
Byakuya: Good. I don't want you to forget that you're mine, Renji. I'm going to have to punish you...
Renji: *gasps* Yes, s-sir.
Byakuya: *small smile on his face while they proceed to have hot monkey sex against Byakuya's desk*
*back at Ichigo's*
Ichigo: OUT! *slams door on Isshin*
Rukia: I didn't know you liked boys, Ichigo.
Ichigo: I DON'T!
Rukia: Then what was that with Renji?
Ichigo: ...
Rukia: If you're not going to answer, I suppose I'll have to punish you.
Ichigo: WHAT. NOT--
Rukia: *whips off clothes revealing a dominatrix suit* *pulls out a whip* Now...
Ichigo: *jaw drop/incoherent sound*
Rukia: Bohahaha! *does the bohaha hand thing*
Ichigo: ...
*back at Urahara Shouten*
// Poor little Ishida had to take refuge in Urahara's bed room to hide himself away from prying eyes after Urahara accidentally ripped his clothes to shreds... //
Ishida: *painstakingly sews the tiny pieces of what is left of his clothes together*
Urahara: *stares*
Ishida: *notices said staring* ... what?
Urahara: *familiar leer*
Ishida: Urahara-san... *wary*
Urahara: You look hot when you're sewing, Uryuu. *grin*
Ishida: What?
Urahara: *pounces, licking the Quincy’s neck*
Ishida: We just DID it!
Urahara: *confused* So?
Ishida: *deflates/sighs*
Urahara: *snickers before taking the Quincy once more*
*a little while later, take 2*
Ishida: Now my shredded clothes are even more shredded. They're going to be more thread than fabric! And I don't think I have enough. Thanks a lot, Urahara-san, now I have nothing to wear. *glares*
Urahara: ...
Ishida: ...
Urahara: *frowns a little*
Ishida: ... what?
Urahara: I'm trying to understand how that's a bad thing.
Ishida: I have no clothes!
Urahara: ... your point being?
Ishida: ... I suppose I should know better than to expect you to understand something like that, Mr. 'I'm-going-to-walk-around-naked-in-Ishida-san's-apartment-just-because', you ero-merchant.
Urahara: Ah ah! Correction. Handsome ero-merchant.
*back in Seireitei*
// Byakuya still has Renji bent over his desk as they catch their breath. //
Renji: Taichou! *whine* I know I deserved that and all but...
Byakuya: Yes, Renji?
Renji: ... *blush* My ass is going to hurt for days, did you really have to be that rough?
Byakuya: *kisses the back of Renji's neck* Oh yes.
*back at Ichigo's house*
Rukia: *happy post-coital sigh*
Ichigo: *harrumph*
Rukia: *raises eyebrow* What's wrong, Ichigo? Didn't you like it?
Ichigo: *harrumphs again* ...
Rukia: Because you were making an awful lot of noise for someone who supposedly didn't like it. *smirk*
Ichigo: Technically, Rukia... It's the man who's supposed to top. *folds arms and looks away*
Rukia: Oh, don't be such a baby.
Ichigo: *pouts*
Rukia: ... I'll let you top next time?
Ichigo: ... okay.
Isshin: *through the door* ICHIGOOO YOU MAKE DADDY PROUD!
Ichigo: SHUT UP OLD MAN.
*back at Urahara Shouten*
*enter Ryuuken*
Ryuuken: ... Uryuu.
Ishida: !! Ryuuken!
Ryuuken: So this is what you've been doing with yourself. How disappointing.
Urahara: Oh, not by himself, I assure you.
Ryuuken: ...
*at Ryuuken's office*
// Ryuuken is sitting at his desk, hand on the bridge of his nose, pondering the state of things in his life and how things could not possibly get worse... //
Isshin: *pops in* RYUUKEN I HAVE WONDERFUL NEWS!!
Ryuuken: *headdesks*
Isshin: RYUUKEN MY SON IS A MAN!!! THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY!!!
Ryuuken: *stands and walks to the window* Isshin, why you think I would care is simply beyond me...
Isshin: RYUUKEN~! *sidles up behind Ryuuken* I'M HAPPY!
Ryuuken: *feels Isshin's "happiness" against his back* ... *headwindows*
*back at the Urahara Shouten*
// Uryuu is in a catatonic state after just being found *naked* with another man by his father... //
Urahara: Uryuu~!
Ishida: ...
Urahara: Uryuu it's not so bad. Now we don't have to hide it from him anymore.
Ishida: ...
Urahara: Uryuu~ *mischievous*
Ishida: ... *twitches*
Urahara: Uryuu, now we can try out *whispers in Ishida's ear*
Ishida: *starts* WHAT!
Urahara: *leer to end all leers*
Ishida: No! No. Absolutely not! I refuse! Besides, we've already done it twice in one day!
Urahara: *mock hurt* Uryuu, you wound me. Surely you must think I have more stamina then that?
Ishida: *stares incredulously* Well, I don't!
Urahara: Now, now. You're a young teenage boy... you're supposed to be insatiable. *leers again*
Ishida: Well th-
Urahara: *pounces and silences him with a kiss*
Ishida: Aaaahh! Aah! Ohhh...
*back at Ryuuken's office*
Ryuuken: ...
Isshin: I must say, I don't think I've ever used a swivel chair like that.
Ryuuken: You will never speak of this to anyone.
Isshin: You said that last time too!
Ryuuken: I'm being serious.
Isshin: Yes, I know that~ Which is really quite odd as I'm sure I took my stick out of your ass.
Ryuuken: ...
Isshin: HOHOHO~
*all the way over in Hueco Mundo*
// Aizen's occupying himself by watching everyone screw everyone through Ulquiorra's eye. How weird. //
Gin: *saunters in* Oi, what's goin' on?
Aizen: It's the strangest thing. Everyone seems to be having sex.
Gin: Nothing wrong with that.
Aizen: ... good point. Go get the Allancar in here - time to have an orgy.
*still in Hueco Mundo*
// Having being ordered by Aizen, the Allancar are gathered together to have an... er, orgy. //
Grimmjaw: Oi. Pretty boy, c'mere.
Ulquiorra: *pointedly ignores*
Grimmjaw: Hey, I'm talking to you Ulquiorra. You heard what the man said, get your pretty ass over here. *leer*
Ulquiorra: *raises eyebrow*
Grimmjaw: *grabs* You wouldn't want to make Aizen-sama mad, would you? *smirk*
Ulquiorra: *resignated sigh*
Grimmjaw: That's what I thought. *grope*
Ulquiorra: If it is what Aizen-sama demands... *quickly bends Grimmjaw over a table*
Grimmjaw: What the- That's not what I meant! *struggles to no avail* (he has only one arm, after all XD)
Ulquiorra: *disposes of clothing* Then I shall do it what is required of me. *sinks in with an almost smile*
*at Karakura HS*
Ichigo: *limps into class*
Keigo: HEYYY! ICHIGOOO, I have this great idea for our next vaca-
Ichigo: *slams fist down on Keigo's head*
Mizuiro: Hey Ichigo.
Ichigo: Yo.
Keigo: *flails* Why is Ichigo so mean to me~!! I thought we were friends! *pout*
Mizuiro: *steps over Keigo to enter the classroom*
*later*
// A distraught Keigo corners Ichigo on the roof during lunch. After Ichigo's morning display, the rest of the gang decides to leave him and he is alone... //
Keigo: ICHIGOOOO
Ichigo: *kicks him in the face*
Keigo: Gaaaah~ What is up with you today?
Ichigo: Nothing.
Keigo: You're so mean!!
Ichigo: Yeah, so?
Keigo: I thought we had something!
Ichigo: ... what.
Keigo: KISS ME ICHIGOOOO *pounces*
*in another part of Seireitei*
// Hisagi is doing his rounds when he gets a visit from a certain feather-eyed shinigami. //
Hisagi: *is bored*
Yumichika: Shuuhei-chaaan~
Hisagi: What did I say about calling me that?
Yumichika: To not call you that. But it's a much more beautiful name than calling you 'Hisagi-san'.
Hisagi: You and your 'beautiful' everything...
Yumichika: You should feel honoured that I consider you one of the more beautiful people in Soul Society.
Hisagi: ...
*in the 9th division Vice-Captain's office*
Yumichika: Shuuhei-chaaan~
Hisagi: *ignores* I'm trying to do some work here, you know.
Yumichika: Let's go out on a date!
Hisagi: ... eh?
Yumichika: It'll be fun! We could go on a picnic or-
Hisagi: Are you forgetting that we are both men? Besides, I don't do dates. *light blush*
Yumichika: So what!? I am too beautiful to pass up, Shuu-chan and you know it. *bats eyes*
Hisagi: I thought I told you not to-
Yumichika: *straddles Shuu-chan*
Hisagi: Wha- what are you doing?
Yumichika: Ooh, Hisagi-samaaa~ Did you shrink your Zanpakuto or are you just happy to see me? *grin*
Hisagi: Shi- mmmphf!
*over at the 11th division*
Ikkaku: *storms around* Where the fuck is Ayasegawa...?
Nemu: *standing quietly by the front gate*
Ikkaku: *perk* Eh? Kurotsuchi-san? *walks over* What are you doing here?
Nemu: ...
Ikkaku: ... *glances around then pulls her into a corner* Oi, what's wrong, Nemu? Did that bastard Mayuri do anything to you again?
Nemu: No... I just wanted to see you.
Ikkaku: Oh.
Nemu: ...
Ikkaku: ... ah, fuck it. Since you're here... *kisses her*
*over at the 10th Division*
Hitsugaya: Matsumoto! Wake up! *prods*
Matsumoto: Aah? Taichouuu~!
Hitsugaya: What have I told you about getting drunk and falling asleep on the couch when you should be working!?
Matsumoto: *starts to get up but in her drunken stupor falls back down* *giggles*
Hitsugaya: *facepalms*
Matsumoto: Taichouuu~ why are you always so grumpy? I think my little Taichou needs a hug!
Hitsugaya: *fumes* Your little what!?
Matsumoto: My little Taichou! *giggles & sways drunkenly*
Hitsugaya: Matsumoto, I think you better go home before I- mmph!
Matsumoto: *holds Toushirou close to her giant breasts before passing out onto the couch, one Shinigami Captain trapped underneath said giant breasts*
Hitsugaya: Mmph! MMMPH!!
*back on the Karakura HS rooftop*
Ichigo: Dammit, Keigo! GET OFF OF ME! *shoves*
Keigo: I- Ichi- ICHIGO HATES ME! WAHH! *bawls*
Ichigo: Wha- Keigo! Keigo, stop! Keigo stop crying, dammit!
Keigo: *bawls even harder*
Ichigo: Shit. Keigo. Keigo, I'm sorry. Please, stop crying. *rubs Keigo's back with one hand*
Keigo: I'm sorry too, Ichigo. *sniffles*
Ichigo: What do you have to be sorry about? I'm the one who yelled at yo-
Keigo: *pounces*
*back at the Urahara Shouten XD*
Ishida: ...
Urahara: *whistles happily*
Ishida: You know...
Urahara: Hmm?
Ishida: Sure, I'll be ridiculously sore tomorrow but all of this actually isn't as bad as I thought.
Urahara: I knew you'd see it my way sooner or later! Want to go again?
Ishida: ... okay.
Urahara: *stares* That is the sexiest thing you've ever said to me. *kisses him hard*
*over at the 8th Division*
Shunsui: Nanaaaoooo-chaaaan <3
Nanao: *sigh* What is it, Kyouraku-taichou?
Shunsui: My Nanao-chan is so preeeetty~
Nanao: ... have you been drinking with Matsumoto-fukutaichou again?
Shunsui: Who me? Nooooo~ *snickers and whispers* Shhh, don't tell. I haaave!
Nanao: ...
Shunsui: My Nanao-chan is the best~! The preeettiest girl in all of Soul Society~
Nanao: *light blush*
*at Ryuuken's apartment*
Ryuuken: Why are you here?
Isshin: Didn't you miss me?
Ryuuken: No.
*pause while Isshin takes in Ryuuken's apartment*
Ryuuken: Kurosaki-san, why are you here?
Isshin: Because you're here, silly!
Ryuuken: *pinches the bridge of his nose* How did you even find this place?
Isshin: I followed you.
Ryuuken: Damn stalker! *punches Isshin in the face* Get out!
Isshin: RYUUKENNN!! I WANNA BE WITH YOUUUU!! *attaches himself like a leech*
Ryuuken: Dammit, Isshin- Kurosaki! Let go!
Isshin: *brightens* YOU SAID MY NAME!!! *humps leg*
Ryuuken: Oh my god.
Isshin: Nope. It's just Isshin, Ryuuken. *grin*
*over at the 6th Division*
// Byakuya and Renji have resorted to lying on the floor. More comfortable that way. //
Byakuya: Renji.
Renji: Mm?
Byakuya: I think it's time we got up and went back to work.
Renji: But I'm comfy... *snuggles*
Byakuya: *patient sigh*
Renji: Besides, you always think about work. Can't you think about something else for--
*in walks Ukitake*
Ukitake: Kuchiki-taichou, I was--...
Byakuya: ...
Renji: ...
Ukitake: I uh, can see that you're busy, I'll come back later. *leaves*
Byakuya: ...
Renji: *gulps* ... maybe you're right, let's get back to work.
*over at the 2nd Division*
Soi Fong: *busy doing paperwork*
Yoruichi: *flash steps in* Ne, Soi Fong. What are you doing? It's such a nice day out.
Soi Fong: *startles, blushes* Yo-Yoruichi-sama!
Yoruichi: *grins* Wanna go spar?
*Sado's apartment*
Nova: ...
Sado: ...
Nova: Hungry? *hopeful*
Sado: Not really.
Nova: ...
Sado: ...
Nova: *slyly checks out Chad*
Sado: *notices & grins*
Nova: *blushes & zips hood*
*Hueco Mundo*
Grimmjaw: Hey you!
Ulquiorra: ...
Grimmjaw: Oi, Look at me when I'm talking to you!
Ulquiorra: *rolls eyes but looks over*
Grimmjaw: I didn't appreciate that from before.
Ulquiorra: Appreciate what?
Grimmjaw: You know what I'm talking about! Don't worry, I won't let you get away with it this time. *smirk*
Ulquiorra: Oh, really? *is bored*
Grimmjaw: Yeah, that's right. This time I'm going to screw you into the floo-
Ulquiorra: *pins Grimmjaw to the wall twisting his (only!) arm to keep him there* You're going to screw me into the what?
Grimmjaw: *struggles*
Ulquiorra: *removes Grimmjaw's pants and unbuttons his own* I wonder who is going to be screwed today...
Grimmjaw: Shit.
*still in Hueco Mundo*
Aizen: *watches Grimmjaw and Ulquiorra for a bit, walks over* Grimmjaw.
Grimmjaw: Nngh.
Aizen: *points at his crotch* Service me. Now.
Grimmjaw: What?! I -- dammit, Ulquiorra, stop being so fucking rough!
Ulquiorra: I'm sorry, are you too weak to handle me?
Grimmjaw: Fuck no.
Aizen: Grimmjaw. *unbuttons pants* I'm waiting.
Grimmjaw: ... Dammit.
*Karakura HS rooftop*
Keigo: That was fuuuuuun. *grins*
Ichigo: My life sucks. Why the fuck am I always bottom?!
Keigo: *tears up* It wasn't that bad, was it?
Ichigo: ... No.
Keigo: Oh good! Wanna do it again?
Ichigo: NO!
Keigo: *wibbles*
*still in Hueco Mundo*
Gin: *notices the action he's missing on* Aizen-taichou~
Aizen: *grunt* Watch the teeth, Grimmjaw. Ichimaru?
Gin: What about meee~
Grimmjaw: *pants* unng..
Ulquiorra: I think he likes it Aizen-sama.
Aizen: *dark grin* Good job, Ulquiorra.
Ulquiorra: Thank you, Aizen-sama.
Gin: Taichouuu~! When do I get some? *smirk*
Aizen: You can have him when I'm done Gin. *pulls Gin in for a rough kiss*
Grimmjaw: Fuck!
Aizen: Ah, ah. No time for chatter Grimmjaw, back to work.
*2nd Division*
Soi Fong: Oof! *tackled to the ground*
Yoruichi: Guess I got a little over-anxious there, didn't I?
Soi Fong: I-It's okay, Yoruichi-sama.
Yoruichi: Really? Looks like I knocked you a little hard on the cheek.
Soi Fong: It's nothing Yoruichi-sama, please don't worry-
Yoruichi: *licks*
Soi Fong: *gasp*
Yoruichi: Mmm... sweet. *licks again*
*10th Division*
Matsumoto: *wakes up* Oww, my head. *looks around, looks down to see a squished Hitsugaya* Taichou!!
Hitsugaya *unconscious from lack of oxygen*
Matsumoto: Taichou, wake up! Oh dear. *picks him up and runs off to the 4th Division*
*Urahara Shouten*
Urahara: ... *shocked*
Ishida: You're right, I never expected this to be so much fun.
Urahara: ... *still shocked*
Ishida: What?
Urahara: I had no idea you knew how to top.
Ishida: Well, I've had you do it enough times.
Urahara: But so well...
Ishida: *smirks* I guess that's just my talent.
Urahara: *raises eyebrow and grins* Oh, I'll show you talent... *shifts onto him*
Ishida: Ohh...
*4th Division*
Hitsugaya: *rouses to the early morning birds chirping* nnn... whereami?
Hanatarou: *brightly but quietly* You're in the 4th Division Recovery Room Hitsugaya-taichou.
Hitsugaya: Wha happ'nd?
Hanatarou: Matsumoto-fukutaichou brought you in. You've been out for about a day, it seems you were almost smothered by her... by her... eto... *blush*
Hitsugaya: *remembers* Oh. Yeah. And where might my Vice-Captain be right now?
Hanatarou: Eh.. she had to leave. Something about not wanting to be here when you woke up in case you weren't feeling up to it.
Hitsugaya: Right.
Hanatarou: Is there anything I can do for you Taichou? *blushes*
Hitsugaya: Eh? Oh. No. No, I'm fine. Thank you, Hana.
Hanatarou: *brightens* Are you sure, Taichou? You look a little uncomfortable there. *puts hand on Hitsugaya's morning wood*
Hitsugaya: *looks at the hand on his crotch* OH. *turns pink* N-no, Hana. You don't have to.
Hanatarou: It's the least I can do, after all, you remembered my name. *squeezes*
*in another part of the 4th Division*
Kenpachi: *grumbles and stomps through the doorway*
Unohana: Oh, Zaraki-taichou. *smile* How can I help you?
Kenpachi: I'm trying to find my damn division members. Both my third and fourth seats are off doing god-knows-what and I haven't seem 'em all day. Are those pansies in here?
Unohana: I'm sorry, I haven't seen them.
Kenpachi: *frowns and grumbles*
Unohana: Zaraki-taichou, would you like some tea?
Kenpachi: Tea?
Unohana: Yes, if you're not busy.
Kenpachi: *scratches the back of his head* ... Yeah, sure. *follows Unohana*
// A little while later, a tiny, pink-haired girl bounces into the 4th Division. //
Yachiru: Ken-chaaaaan! KEN-CHAAAAAN! KEN-CHAAAAAAAN! ... Huh, I wonder where he is.
Hitsugaya: *behind a door* Nnggghh...
Yachiru: What was that? *throws open the door* Heeey, what are you two doing???
*somewhere inside the 13th Division*
Shunsui: Joushiro~ What are you doing cooped up in here on a day like this? Not feeling well?
Ukitake: *smile* No, no. I'm fine, I'm just reading.
Shunsui: Today is a day to be savored, Jou-chan. Today is a day to be outside in the sun! *grin*
*later, somewhere outside the 13th Division*
Shunsui: Isn't this more like it? *lays head in Ukitake's lap*
Ukitake: *laughs softly* Of course, Kyouraku but it isn't much different from what I was doing inside.
Shunsui: *looks up into Ukitake's smiling face* Ah, but there is, Jou-chan. You may still be reading your book but now you have the pleasure of my company and the warmth of the sun shining down on you. Now tell me that isn't better than to be stuck reading inside all alone?
Ukitake: You're right, Kyouraku. There isn't anywhere else I'd rather be.
*back in Hueco Mundo*
Grimmjaw: Gaaah...
Ulquiorra: *pulls out, closes pants*
Aizen: Ulquiorra, go find the others. Grimmjaw, now it's my turn.
Ulquiorra: Yes, Aizen-sama. *leaves*
Grimmjaw: But I just sucked you off!
Aizen: Your point being? *gets in place* Gin, your turn.
Gin: Oh, how fun. *grins and removes pants* Let's get goin' then~
Grimmjaw: Fuck you -- ungh!
Aizen: Now, now. You might get that chance later, but for now do as he says.
Gin: How nice of ya, Aizen-taichou! *kisses him*
*on the way home form Karakura HS*
Orihime: Kurosaki-kun...
Ichigo: Yeah?
Orihime: Are you okay? You've been kind of grumpy today. You would... tell me... if something was wrong, wouldn't you Kurosaki-kun?
Ichigo: Yeah. It's... nothing, Inoue. Don't worry about it.
Orihime: *drags Ichigo into nearby alley before dropping to her knees*
Ichigo: Huh, wha?! Inoue!
Orihime: *pulls him out & swallows him whole*
Ichigo: A-ah! Ohh... Inoue...
Orihime: *smiles around her mouth full of... Ichigo*
Ichigo: *starts to moan but then feels a finger prodding somewhere private* Ehh!?
*somewhere in Karakura*
Isshin: *cries*
Don Kanonji: OHO WHAT'S THIS.
Isshin: WHY DOES HE HATE ME?!
Don Kanonji: Someone doesn't appreciate you? THAT WILL NOT DO. SUPER HERO DON KANONJI WILL FIX THAT.
Isshin: YOU WILL?
Don Kanonji: YES. BOHAHAHA! LET ME SHOW YOU PLEASURES.
Isshin: LET'S MAKE LOVE.
*somewhere near Ichigo's house*
Ichigo: *stumbles out of the alleyway and runs*
Orihime: Kurosaki-kun~
Ichigo: *stops only when he's locked behind the door to his room*
Kenpachi: Oi! So we meet again, Ichigo.
Ichigo: *jumps out of his socks* What the HELL are you doing here!?
Kenpachi: Waiting for you. *smirk*
Ichigo: I told you a thousand times already Zaraki! I'm not going to fight you!
Kenpachi: I'm not here to fight you Ichigo... *leer*
Ichigo: *stares in horror*
Kenpachi: *stalks toward Ichigo*
Ichigo: *scrabbles at the locked door*
Kenpachi: *drags Ichigo to the bed*
Ichigo: No! Zaraki! You don't want to do this!!
Kenpachi: *flares spirit power to disintegrate their clothing* Nah, I think I do. *evil grin*
Ichigo: Nooooo- mmph! MMPH!!! MMPH- ohh...
*somewhere in Seireitei*
Ikkaku: *stomps aimlessly* Damn that Mayuri. Bastard showin' up so I couldn't do anythin' with Nemu... now I'm all horny.
Kira: Oh, hello, Ikkaku-san.
Ikkaku: ... *stares*
Kira: ... *confused*
Ikkaku: ... *slowly grins*
Kira: ... *eyes widen*
Ikkaku: Oi, Kira-kun.
Kira: Ah, y-yes?
Ikkaku: How 'bout you and I go over here.
Kira: A-ah, I-I really need to be somewhere...
Ikkaku: *grabs him and drags him off to an alley*
*somewhere else in Seireitei*
Ganjyu: Oi! Hana!
Hanatarou: G-ganjyu-san! It's so nice to see you, how have you been?
Ganjyu: I would be better if I hadn't been lost for an hour in this damn maze of buildings you damn Shinigami got here. *grumbles*
Hanatarou: O-oh. I'm sorry, Ganjyu-san. *stares at his shoes*
Ganjyu: What you got to be sorry about, Hana? You didn't design the place, did you? *grunts* Besides, I came here to ask if you had any plans for dinner other than the usual. Figured we could eat together for once.
Hanatarou: *brightens* R-really?
Ganjyu: Yeah, really and what are you stuttering for, those bastards at the 11th been giving you a hard time again? Damn punks...
Hanatarou: No, nothing like that. I'm just surprised Ganjyu-san came to visit. *beams*
Ganjyu: Yeah, well... *turns pink*
Hanatarou: *grin* I'll just go change, real quick. Wait here Ganjyu-san, I'll be right back. *turns*
Ganjyu: Yeah, yeah. Hurry up. *slaps Hana's ass*
Hanatarou: *jumps, then blushes a fierce shade of red* Y-yes Ganjyu-san. *rushes off*
*yet again, somewhere else in Seireitei*
// Hitsugaya has been released from recovery at the 4th Division. //
Hitsugaya: *sigh* Note to self: stay away from Matsumoto when she's drunk, unless you want to end up back in the 4th Division.
Ukitake: Hitsugaya-taichou~
Hitsugaya: Uh? Oh, Ukitake-taichou. How are you doing today?
Ukitake: I'm doing fine, thank you.
Hitsugaya: Hn.
Ukitake: I heard you were sent to the 4th, so I thought I might bring you a get-well gift. Though I see you're already out.
Hitsugaya: Aa... well, thank you anyway.
Ukitake: Oh, no no! I can still give it to you! *shoves a giant basket of candy at him*
Hitsugaya: Urk!
Ukitake: I put in plenty of your favourite watermelon candies~
Hitsugaya: Uh, thank you...
Ukitake: You're welcome! *pats him on the head*
*Urahara Shouten*
Ichigo: *runs in with hands over his eyes* Urahara-san! Ishida! Are you guys decent?
Ishida: Of course we are, what do you think we are?
Ichigo: *looks behind himself warily* Do you guys think it's okay if I hid out- er, stayed here for awhile?
Urahara: ...
Ishida: ...
Ichigo: WELL!
Urahara: I'm thinking...
Ichigo: And?
Urahara: *shares a knowing look with Ishida*
Ishida: *smiles*
Urahara: That settles it, then. You can stay, Ichigo. Please have a seat. *grin*
Ichigo: *takes a seat between the two* Thanks a lot, Urahara-san. You don't know how much I- Oi, what's wrong with your face?
Urahara: My face? *places hand on Ichigo's thigh*
Ichigo: ... uh... wha?
Urahara: *leers*
Ichigo: Uh, on second thought, Urahara-san, I actually have er, some place I need to be.
Urahara: And where's that? *hand slides further up*
Ichigo: Eh... anywhere that's not here. *stands*
Ishida: *pulls Ichigo back down to land in Urahara's lap* Why don't you stay for a little while, Ichigo? *scary grin*
Urahara: Yes, why don't you... *paws*
Ichigo: Fuck.
Urahara: Exactly.
Ichigo: *whine*
*later at the Urahara Shouten*
Ishida: Well, that was fun.
Urahara: Agreed. *smokes pipe*
Ichigo: ...
Ishida: Didn't you like it, Kurosaki?
Ichigo: ...
Urahara: I think he's just upset that he bottomed to both of us.
Ichigo: *strangled noise*
Urahara: See? I was right.
Ishida: Don't worry, Kurosaki. Someday you'll be all grown up and get to top. *smirk*
Ichigo: I hate you both. I AM NEVER COMING BACK HERE.
*later*
Jinta: Tenchou has been rather busy these past few days, hasn't he?
Tessai: *nods* He was testing one of his experiments. An airborne chemical.
Ururu: *blinks*
Jinta: Man, it made everyone act so weird.
Urahara: *waltzes in* Hoho, what are you all talking about?
Tessai: Your latest experiment.
Urahara: Oh~ I think I can say it was a perfect success. <3
We are on crack. LOL And let's hope this rich-text mode works. XD