bombs away - jate fic
Title: Resolution, Kinda
Summary: Jack and Kate resolve their issues while on a hike together.
Notes: Takes place sometime in the near future. Thanks to eponine119 for giving it a once over, and managing making me calmer about it all.
Lost and its characters belong to JJ Abrams, Bad Robot, and all else involved. I’m just being weird with it all. Post ‘Maternity Leave’. Jack and Kate resolve their issues while on a hike together.
**********
Lost - Resolution, Kinda
By Mystic
March 14th 2005
**********
They were playing at civility, or at least that's how it felt to Jack. They were walking side by side, arms almost brushing, without speaking. Jack was just waiting for her to pick up a track that was too old to find in the hopes it would lead him to the guns. Kate didn't ask him any questions when he approached her, but he knew she knew he'd chosen her over Locke. He'd watched the way she considered for just a second, the way she shrugged her shoulders, lost in thought as she packed her water and retied her shoe laces.
Was he just choosing the lesser of two evils?
He wondered what she was thinking, but he'd chosen to remain silent. Somehow that made it easier and harder. It was easier because they had so much to talk about, the fact that they didn’t somehow put him at ease. He watched her walk ahead of him, the tension in her steps, and he knew she felt as awkward about the situation as he did.
Jack was used to chatting, used to knowing if he told her a joke she'd laugh, or give him that look - one eyebrow high, the other bent awkwardly as though he'd just told her to sit on an egg - and they could start a conversation to pass the time. He was used to hearing her voice. It hadn't struck him until the night Aaron got sick. He'd been talking to Claire and she interrupted.
His immediate reaction was to wonder why she was even there. But he didn't mind it, feeling her so close, knowing she was around to protect the baby. He watched her sigh in frustration and climb over a log. “We're pretty far in,” he informed her, watching the way she turned and frowned at him.
“I'm doing the best I can,” she muttered, her foot kicking a rock out of the way before she crouched and pressed a hand into an indentation. She shook her head and stood, turning quickly. “This is crazy, Jack, I can't find a track that's almost a week old. Especially not with the rains and everyone else tromping in and out of the jungle, and boars,” she pointed down at the spot she'd just inspected.
He nodded, understandingly, and waved a hand at nothing in particular. “I just know Sawyer. He probably comes out to check on his stash every day. To gloat over it.”
Kate managed a smile before sighing. ”Sawyer's pretty confident about where he hid the guns.”
“Didn't he give one to you just the other day?” Jack asked curiously.
Nodding, she looked sideways as she told him, “Yes, but it's not like he ran into the jungle, he took one from his tent.”
Jack let his head fall back. “So there might not even be a hiding place.”
“There's a hiding place, Jack, but I don't think we're gonna find it unless we actively stake him out.” Kate snorted. “But Sawyer might actually be smarter than that.”
“You've done it before, haven't you?” Jack asked quickly.
Nodding, Kate frowned. “And it didn't really get us anywhere.”
“So you can't find the tracks.”
Kate shook her head. Jack pinched his nose closed and then released it, inhaling quickly before glancing around. “Why do you want the guns back so badly, Jack?”
He turned his head swiftly, watching the curious look on her face only grow more determined the longer he didn't answer. He lowered his chin. “I don't trust Sawyer with the guns. If someone comes along with something good enough to trade, he'll just hand them all over without a second thought.”
“I don't think Locke has anything that good to trade.” The corner of her mouth came up and Jack watched her cheeks flush pink a moment with some thought he wasn't about to consider.
“No, he doesn't.” He paused to consider, “Yet.”
Kate laughed, so sharply it scared him. “What do you think Locke would have that Sawyer would want?”
He shook his head, then shrugged. “I don't know, but someone else could come up with something worth trading for him.” He eyed her suspiciously. “He'd give them to you…” Jack turned away.
“What he'd want from me, I wouldn't be willing to give,” she grunted, turning and taking a few steps back where they'd come from.
“Maybe not now,” Jack muttered.
She jerked to a stop and her eyebrows fell as her hands ground into her waist. “What's that supposed to mean?”
Jack shook his head, “Nothing.”
“I don't want the guns.”
“Wanted one pretty badly the other day,” he responded, watching her give him a look of disgust.
“Aaron was sick. We were going into the jungle. I wasn't about to go after Danielle, who has a pretty big rifle hanging off her shoulder, without something to at least try to protect us.”
He nodded, then his eyes rolled to the side as he asked calmly, “So what did you give him?”
“What?” She asked quickly.
Jack waited just a moment, watched the confusion clarify before repeating, “What did you give him, Kate?”
She jerked back as though shoved and Jack watched her inhale deeply, her head swinging to the side. She stared at the trees a moment, listening to the wind blowing through them. “Is that what this is all about?”
“What?” He shrugged, clueless.
“Dominance over me,” she told him harshly, her eyes finding his.
“What!” Jack shouted, his body straightening.
Kate threw up her arms and they slapped back against her body painfully. “I'm sick of this. Find the guns on your own, Jack.”
He watched her start to stomp off, her arms taught at her sides. Jack felt something in his chest pull tightly and he shouted out her name. She stopped and half-turned as he said, “I just want to make sure the guns are safe.”
“And what makes them any safer in your hands than in his?” She replied, her head giving a small shake, her eyes avoiding him now.
Jack lowered his own eyes to the ground and he kicked at a rock in front of him, watching it travel across the ground and come to a stop at the root of a nearby tree. “You can't just bargain me for guns.”
“No, there has to be a reason. A good reason.” She pressed her lips together tightly. “I told Sawyer why I needed a gun and he gave me a gun. For a good reason.”
He huffed a laugh. “So you can go traipsing into the jungle looking for some imaginary cure to an imaginary infection.”
Kate's nose flared and her head gave a bob as she repeated the word, “Traipsing.”
“You could have been hurt, or worse…” he trailed as she came back towards him, her strides longer than usual.
“So suddenly you're the jungle expert?” She asked bluntly.
“What?” Jack wrinkled his brow and shook his head.
“You go on a hike to find Michael and it's some manly justified expedition, but I'm just traipsing, I'm gonna get hurt.” Kate inhaled. “You're still upset about the hike.”
“I'm not upset about the hike,” Jack lied. “But obviously you are.”
She gave a nod, staring at him now, fumbling through her words. Angry. “I don't see why Sawyer, who you don't really like, who was injured, can go on the hike and I can't. I'm far more capable. I can track and use guns and I just don't see why…”
“Because!” He shouted, hearing birds nearby leave their trees in fear.
Kate's breath was coming out in shallow puffs and Jack watched her stare into his chest a moment before looking up at him with bright eyes and asking, “Because what?”
“Because it scares me,” he whispered honestly, lowering his head and looking at her out of the corner of his eye. He felt his heart pounding in his chest and remembered the last time they stood this close. “It scares me,” he repeated.
“Why?” Kate asked, her question barely audible.
Jack felt pained as he let his head roll up straight and then over and he opened his mouth slightly, the hint of a moan escaping at her insistence that he answer. She waited, eyes narrowing at him curiously. “Kate, they pulled you out of the jungle with a bag over your head. Do you know…” he sucked his teeth and turned away, but clenched his jaw and continued, “Do you know how that made me feel?” He looked away from her. “They held a gun to your head.” Jack bit his lip, feeling his eyes start to burn. “And you were terrified and there was nothing I could do.”
She touched his chest gently and it tickled him. “I'm sorry.”
“I can't lose you.” Jack felt the air leave his lungs as he watched her eyes tear over and her legs take a step back. “Kate.”
“I can't do this.” She let her eyes drop down, and he watched her tremble slightly.
“Why not?” He pleaded. “How can you fight so passionately and love so little?”
Her head snapped up. “That's exactly it Jack, I love too much.” She swallowed hard and looked out around them. “You think I like going into the jungle on these hikes? I go to protect you.” Kate shook her head. “But everyone I've ever loved is dead. I can't do this like this.”
“Is that why you ran?” Jack asked quietly. “After we kissed.”
“I can't do this,” Kate shook her head again and started to turn away, but Jack lunged at her, grabbing her right arm and pulling her back towards him. “Jack, let me go.”
He shook his head. “I keep letting you go and you keep running away and I'm sick of it.” He shook his head, feeling sweat starting to roll down the sides of his face. “Stop running!” He shouted at her. “Stand still for me. Please.”
“Jack,” she said softly, but it only made him stand closer.
“Please,” he told her, his breath shifting the stray strands of hair that were always in her face. “For once. Just. Talk to me.”
Kate kept her eyes low, didn’t look up at him and it hurt him somehow. “I don’t know how to talk about this,” she motioned at herself, “this feeling.”
“It’s not like we have to exchange rings right this instant,” he laughed, watching her mouth drift into a smile as her eyes half closed.
“It’s just been a long time since I’ve felt this way, and that didn’t work out so well.”
Jack nodded. “This the man you loved, killed, the toy plane guy?”
She bowed her head lower and he frowned knowing she was hurting. He watched her bite down hard on her top lip and release it with a sigh. “His name was Tom. We grew up together.” Her eyes came up. “I went to see my mom at the hospital, but since I was on the run, I needed his help to sneak me in. Cops were called, I took his car and he jumped in.” Kate took in a sharp breath. “I told him to get out, but he wouldn’t.”
Rubbing his hands into her shoulders, Jack shook his head. “I wouldn’t either.”
“That’s why I can’t do this,” she told him, her eyebrows pressing together painfully. “You’re too much, just like him - you feel too much and I don’t know how to deal with that.”
Jack watched her bottom lip tremble, watched her fist tighten as he held onto her arm. He let her go, exhaling as her hand came down slowly to rest at her side. “To tell you the truth, I’m not too good at this feeling either.”
Her eyes came up to meet him, a question unasked written on them.
“There was a car crash. I saved the patient, fixed her when everyone told me I couldn’t.” He shook his head. “We were married. Didn’t last too long.” Jack watched Kate’s eye soften. “She had an affair, left me. Told me all I wanted was something to fix.”
“You can’t fix me,” Kate told him gently.
He shook his head. “Figured that out a long time ago,” he huffed a laugh, watching her do the same. Jack approached her slowly. “Can we try this again?” He asked, his hands coming up to give her shoulders a squeeze.
She nodded, barely visible, and her eyes half closed as he moved to kiss her. It wasn’t rushed, or needy like the last had been. It was calmer, deeper, passionate in a way Jack forgot a kiss could be. He moved closer to her, felt her hands at his sides and he brought his fingers up into her hair, hearing her moan into his mouth before separating.
Kate’s breath was rough against his chest and she let her forehead drop down against him. Jack dropped his head back, closed his eyes, and tried to keep his heart under control. He felt her pull away and her hand slid off his body. He looked down, saw her give him the slightest hint of a smile before she nodded.
“Let’s find the guns, ok?” She told him, her eyebrows coming up slightly.
Jack rubbed his head and laughed, nodding back. “Sure, let’s find the guns.”
**********
Finis
Summary: Jack and Kate resolve their issues while on a hike together.
Notes: Takes place sometime in the near future. Thanks to eponine119 for giving it a once over, and managing making me calmer about it all.
Lost and its characters belong to JJ Abrams, Bad Robot, and all else involved. I’m just being weird with it all. Post ‘Maternity Leave’. Jack and Kate resolve their issues while on a hike together.
**********
Lost - Resolution, Kinda
By Mystic
March 14th 2005
**********
They were playing at civility, or at least that's how it felt to Jack. They were walking side by side, arms almost brushing, without speaking. Jack was just waiting for her to pick up a track that was too old to find in the hopes it would lead him to the guns. Kate didn't ask him any questions when he approached her, but he knew she knew he'd chosen her over Locke. He'd watched the way she considered for just a second, the way she shrugged her shoulders, lost in thought as she packed her water and retied her shoe laces.
Was he just choosing the lesser of two evils?
He wondered what she was thinking, but he'd chosen to remain silent. Somehow that made it easier and harder. It was easier because they had so much to talk about, the fact that they didn’t somehow put him at ease. He watched her walk ahead of him, the tension in her steps, and he knew she felt as awkward about the situation as he did.
Jack was used to chatting, used to knowing if he told her a joke she'd laugh, or give him that look - one eyebrow high, the other bent awkwardly as though he'd just told her to sit on an egg - and they could start a conversation to pass the time. He was used to hearing her voice. It hadn't struck him until the night Aaron got sick. He'd been talking to Claire and she interrupted.
His immediate reaction was to wonder why she was even there. But he didn't mind it, feeling her so close, knowing she was around to protect the baby. He watched her sigh in frustration and climb over a log. “We're pretty far in,” he informed her, watching the way she turned and frowned at him.
“I'm doing the best I can,” she muttered, her foot kicking a rock out of the way before she crouched and pressed a hand into an indentation. She shook her head and stood, turning quickly. “This is crazy, Jack, I can't find a track that's almost a week old. Especially not with the rains and everyone else tromping in and out of the jungle, and boars,” she pointed down at the spot she'd just inspected.
He nodded, understandingly, and waved a hand at nothing in particular. “I just know Sawyer. He probably comes out to check on his stash every day. To gloat over it.”
Kate managed a smile before sighing. ”Sawyer's pretty confident about where he hid the guns.”
“Didn't he give one to you just the other day?” Jack asked curiously.
Nodding, she looked sideways as she told him, “Yes, but it's not like he ran into the jungle, he took one from his tent.”
Jack let his head fall back. “So there might not even be a hiding place.”
“There's a hiding place, Jack, but I don't think we're gonna find it unless we actively stake him out.” Kate snorted. “But Sawyer might actually be smarter than that.”
“You've done it before, haven't you?” Jack asked quickly.
Nodding, Kate frowned. “And it didn't really get us anywhere.”
“So you can't find the tracks.”
Kate shook her head. Jack pinched his nose closed and then released it, inhaling quickly before glancing around. “Why do you want the guns back so badly, Jack?”
He turned his head swiftly, watching the curious look on her face only grow more determined the longer he didn't answer. He lowered his chin. “I don't trust Sawyer with the guns. If someone comes along with something good enough to trade, he'll just hand them all over without a second thought.”
“I don't think Locke has anything that good to trade.” The corner of her mouth came up and Jack watched her cheeks flush pink a moment with some thought he wasn't about to consider.
“No, he doesn't.” He paused to consider, “Yet.”
Kate laughed, so sharply it scared him. “What do you think Locke would have that Sawyer would want?”
He shook his head, then shrugged. “I don't know, but someone else could come up with something worth trading for him.” He eyed her suspiciously. “He'd give them to you…” Jack turned away.
“What he'd want from me, I wouldn't be willing to give,” she grunted, turning and taking a few steps back where they'd come from.
“Maybe not now,” Jack muttered.
She jerked to a stop and her eyebrows fell as her hands ground into her waist. “What's that supposed to mean?”
Jack shook his head, “Nothing.”
“I don't want the guns.”
“Wanted one pretty badly the other day,” he responded, watching her give him a look of disgust.
“Aaron was sick. We were going into the jungle. I wasn't about to go after Danielle, who has a pretty big rifle hanging off her shoulder, without something to at least try to protect us.”
He nodded, then his eyes rolled to the side as he asked calmly, “So what did you give him?”
“What?” She asked quickly.
Jack waited just a moment, watched the confusion clarify before repeating, “What did you give him, Kate?”
She jerked back as though shoved and Jack watched her inhale deeply, her head swinging to the side. She stared at the trees a moment, listening to the wind blowing through them. “Is that what this is all about?”
“What?” He shrugged, clueless.
“Dominance over me,” she told him harshly, her eyes finding his.
“What!” Jack shouted, his body straightening.
Kate threw up her arms and they slapped back against her body painfully. “I'm sick of this. Find the guns on your own, Jack.”
He watched her start to stomp off, her arms taught at her sides. Jack felt something in his chest pull tightly and he shouted out her name. She stopped and half-turned as he said, “I just want to make sure the guns are safe.”
“And what makes them any safer in your hands than in his?” She replied, her head giving a small shake, her eyes avoiding him now.
Jack lowered his own eyes to the ground and he kicked at a rock in front of him, watching it travel across the ground and come to a stop at the root of a nearby tree. “You can't just bargain me for guns.”
“No, there has to be a reason. A good reason.” She pressed her lips together tightly. “I told Sawyer why I needed a gun and he gave me a gun. For a good reason.”
He huffed a laugh. “So you can go traipsing into the jungle looking for some imaginary cure to an imaginary infection.”
Kate's nose flared and her head gave a bob as she repeated the word, “Traipsing.”
“You could have been hurt, or worse…” he trailed as she came back towards him, her strides longer than usual.
“So suddenly you're the jungle expert?” She asked bluntly.
“What?” Jack wrinkled his brow and shook his head.
“You go on a hike to find Michael and it's some manly justified expedition, but I'm just traipsing, I'm gonna get hurt.” Kate inhaled. “You're still upset about the hike.”
“I'm not upset about the hike,” Jack lied. “But obviously you are.”
She gave a nod, staring at him now, fumbling through her words. Angry. “I don't see why Sawyer, who you don't really like, who was injured, can go on the hike and I can't. I'm far more capable. I can track and use guns and I just don't see why…”
“Because!” He shouted, hearing birds nearby leave their trees in fear.
Kate's breath was coming out in shallow puffs and Jack watched her stare into his chest a moment before looking up at him with bright eyes and asking, “Because what?”
“Because it scares me,” he whispered honestly, lowering his head and looking at her out of the corner of his eye. He felt his heart pounding in his chest and remembered the last time they stood this close. “It scares me,” he repeated.
“Why?” Kate asked, her question barely audible.
Jack felt pained as he let his head roll up straight and then over and he opened his mouth slightly, the hint of a moan escaping at her insistence that he answer. She waited, eyes narrowing at him curiously. “Kate, they pulled you out of the jungle with a bag over your head. Do you know…” he sucked his teeth and turned away, but clenched his jaw and continued, “Do you know how that made me feel?” He looked away from her. “They held a gun to your head.” Jack bit his lip, feeling his eyes start to burn. “And you were terrified and there was nothing I could do.”
She touched his chest gently and it tickled him. “I'm sorry.”
“I can't lose you.” Jack felt the air leave his lungs as he watched her eyes tear over and her legs take a step back. “Kate.”
“I can't do this.” She let her eyes drop down, and he watched her tremble slightly.
“Why not?” He pleaded. “How can you fight so passionately and love so little?”
Her head snapped up. “That's exactly it Jack, I love too much.” She swallowed hard and looked out around them. “You think I like going into the jungle on these hikes? I go to protect you.” Kate shook her head. “But everyone I've ever loved is dead. I can't do this like this.”
“Is that why you ran?” Jack asked quietly. “After we kissed.”
“I can't do this,” Kate shook her head again and started to turn away, but Jack lunged at her, grabbing her right arm and pulling her back towards him. “Jack, let me go.”
He shook his head. “I keep letting you go and you keep running away and I'm sick of it.” He shook his head, feeling sweat starting to roll down the sides of his face. “Stop running!” He shouted at her. “Stand still for me. Please.”
“Jack,” she said softly, but it only made him stand closer.
“Please,” he told her, his breath shifting the stray strands of hair that were always in her face. “For once. Just. Talk to me.”
Kate kept her eyes low, didn’t look up at him and it hurt him somehow. “I don’t know how to talk about this,” she motioned at herself, “this feeling.”
“It’s not like we have to exchange rings right this instant,” he laughed, watching her mouth drift into a smile as her eyes half closed.
“It’s just been a long time since I’ve felt this way, and that didn’t work out so well.”
Jack nodded. “This the man you loved, killed, the toy plane guy?”
She bowed her head lower and he frowned knowing she was hurting. He watched her bite down hard on her top lip and release it with a sigh. “His name was Tom. We grew up together.” Her eyes came up. “I went to see my mom at the hospital, but since I was on the run, I needed his help to sneak me in. Cops were called, I took his car and he jumped in.” Kate took in a sharp breath. “I told him to get out, but he wouldn’t.”
Rubbing his hands into her shoulders, Jack shook his head. “I wouldn’t either.”
“That’s why I can’t do this,” she told him, her eyebrows pressing together painfully. “You’re too much, just like him - you feel too much and I don’t know how to deal with that.”
Jack watched her bottom lip tremble, watched her fist tighten as he held onto her arm. He let her go, exhaling as her hand came down slowly to rest at her side. “To tell you the truth, I’m not too good at this feeling either.”
Her eyes came up to meet him, a question unasked written on them.
“There was a car crash. I saved the patient, fixed her when everyone told me I couldn’t.” He shook his head. “We were married. Didn’t last too long.” Jack watched Kate’s eye soften. “She had an affair, left me. Told me all I wanted was something to fix.”
“You can’t fix me,” Kate told him gently.
He shook his head. “Figured that out a long time ago,” he huffed a laugh, watching her do the same. Jack approached her slowly. “Can we try this again?” He asked, his hands coming up to give her shoulders a squeeze.
She nodded, barely visible, and her eyes half closed as he moved to kiss her. It wasn’t rushed, or needy like the last had been. It was calmer, deeper, passionate in a way Jack forgot a kiss could be. He moved closer to her, felt her hands at his sides and he brought his fingers up into her hair, hearing her moan into his mouth before separating.
Kate’s breath was rough against his chest and she let her forehead drop down against him. Jack dropped his head back, closed his eyes, and tried to keep his heart under control. He felt her pull away and her hand slid off his body. He looked down, saw her give him the slightest hint of a smile before she nodded.
“Let’s find the guns, ok?” She told him, her eyebrows coming up slightly.
Jack rubbed his head and laughed, nodding back. “Sure, let’s find the guns.”
**********
Finis