Fic: Love letters
These are a sequence of letters - some of which would come into the love category. Set in Regeneration Universe, where my LKU meets Torchwood. (I stole one line from atthe_algonquin - I hope she will forgive me.)
Mr I Jones
The George Inn
Portsmouth
13th February 1806
Ianto
Sure, I know what you’re saying - bloody Jack up to his old tricks again, done a moonlit flit and left me in the lurch. I promise I’ll be back in a couple of days; I know I can leave you to get this mission set up. Sorry that I can’t tell you all about what I’m up to but it’s really hush-hush. Just remember it’s a commission for the great great granddaughter of our founding mother no less and it means I have to get some samples to take back. Something to do with a certain someone having porphyria or not.
Sort out the boat, get the guys signed up; I know you’ll make a cracking job of it. Don’t go getting into monkey business with sailors - or at least not until I’m back.
Jack
Captain Hornblower
HMS Priam
14th February 1806
Dear Captain Hornblower
I hope that this letter finds you and Mr Kennedy well. It’s good to find myself in Portsmouth and be able to see some of the places you told us about.
As you will have guessed by now, Jack and I are here to ask for your help on an errand. If I say that it touches on the safety of the entire galaxy it will sound rather clichéd, but that’s how life is in Torchwood at present. I’m thinking of having my business cards re-printed as Ianto Jones; saves the human race on a daily basis. All joking aside, this is important stuff.
I know that your ship is in for a refit and that you and Archie will be able to spare us some time to take a cutter out and retrieve some stolen property from a brig off the Netherlands. If you were in our line of business permanently, you would appreciate how stupid some of the entities set on world domination really are. I have a nephew who always tucks himself away in the same place when playing hide and seek and then he’s amazed that we’ve found him. Short of leaving us a note saying ‘by the way, that canister full of biologically primed particles you wanted is safely hidden two hundred years away in a boat off the Texel’ this numpty couldn’t have left a clearer trail. And it isn’t a trap he’s set up for us - he really is that thick.
I’ve hired a cutter - what we need is an excellent commander to execute the job. I look forward to meeting you at your earliest convenience to discuss the details.
My regards to Mr Kennedy.
Ianto Jones.
Lieutenant Kennedy
Cadogan Square
London
14th February 1806
Dear Archie
I hope that your visit to your mother and father is proving amusing and that you have found all the family well. I am sorry to have to say that I have immediate need of you back in Portsmouth. I can see you smirking from here - that is not what I meant and you know it, you hound. ‘Captain’ Harkness and his assistant have turned up at The George with another commission for us; it looks fairly straightforward, just seizing a Dutch vessel and taking something dangerous from her, so you will not need to imitate Henry V or any such character. I suppose that will be a disappointment to you.
We will be taking a cutter, which means that we will probably have to share a cabin as will our friends from the future. Will it not be like being midshipmen again? I am meeting Mr Jones later today to ensure that all arrangements have been made to my satisfaction; he is very competent so I have high hopes that little will need to be altered. And I will begrudgingly admit that Harkness is a good fighter; I just wish that his morals were not as loose as his trouser buttons.
Please give my apologies to the Earl and Countess that I have had to ask for the return of his youngest and her favourite son.
My fondest regards
Horatio
Mr J Harkness
The George Inn
Portsmouth
15th February 1806
Dear Jack
I may well beat this letter to Portsmouth, depending on the relative speeds of the mail service and the Kennedy carriage. I look forward very much to seeing you and Ianto again - I hope his adductor muscles have recovered - and to working together. Horatio informs me that you have a little assignment for us to help with - splendid stuff!
He has dropped a few unsubtle hints about the enterprise, for example the sleeping arrangements, which he would ideally like as me and him in a cabin together and you slung from the yardarm. I wonder what else he’ll come up with, short of putting me in a chastity belt? I never succumbed to your advances, did I? Had plenty of fun not giving in, though.
There are times when I think what if? Mainly when we’re in a gale off Fastnet and looking at a lee shore, with three foot of water in the hold and rising. Then I wonder what it would have been like to stay in the twenty-first century and have your sort of adventures all the time. But I couldn’t have stayed if he didn’t and if he’s in a frigate that’s foundering then that’s where I should be, too.
Mine’s a pint when we do meet up; I’ll be at The Anson.
Archie
Mr I Jones
The George Inn
Portsmouth
14th February 1806
Dear Mr Jones
I have sent my midshipman, Mr Rogerson, with this reply so that he can escort you to a suitable place for us to discuss your plans. For all that you have told us many times that Cardiff can be a wild and dangerous place, you would not believe what Portsmouth can be like on a bad night.
A cutter may be a smaller vessel than Mr Kennedy and I are accustomed to but it sounds just the thing for the task in hand. I hope that we will be able to make sensible arrangements with regard to the billeting of the four of us. I also hope that the crew will be up to scratch; I will need to see their gunnery and handling of the sails before I agree to lead them. If not, we must invent some tale to tell a dozen of Priam’s best men so that we can make use of their skills in our venture. No doubt Mr Kennedy will produce just the sort of cock and bull story they’ll fall for.
I assume that you have sufficient funds to pay for the powder and shot; I will not judge these men on a dumb show of rolling out.
Captain Horatio Hornblower
Mr J Harkness
The George Inn
Portsmouth
15th February 1806
Dear Jack
The cutter is requisitioned and even old crabby pants couldn’t find fault with it. We’re taking her to sea for a day’s trials so I don’t suppose we’ll meet up until much later tonight. Assuming we get back; I’ve read some books about sailing and it doesn’t bear thinking about. If we hit a lee shore, remember - well, just remember.
I shouldn’t believe a word of what you say about what you’re up to but then it would be just bloody well like you to be gallivanting about on royal espionage while I do the donkey work. Ever tried getting finest grade powder at short notice? Harder than getting Owen to stump up for a pint at Jolyon’s.
I never chase sailors, unlike you; I prefer rugby players, if you’ve not noticed. And I’d rather be at the Arms Park than here any day - there’s no talent to speak of. Won’t be a decent looking bloke in the city until I get back. Or you.
Ianto
Lieutenant Kennedy
The Anson
Portsmouth
15th February 1806
Archie
Hi kid - did you miss me?
Looks like it’s just you and me in Portsmouth tonight, Blondie - I’ll follow this note in person once I’ve put some stuff I got in London into safe keeping. Get the beer in.
Horatio still being all feudal and ‘hands off my property’? Perhaps if he stopped being so protective I’d stop being so insistent. Nah, that’s not true. Always had a soft spot for you - must show it to you sometime. Oh I forgot - I did. Not that it got me very far. I’m glad you still think about joining us - the offer’s staying open as long as you still have teeth and hair.
Ianto’s fit as a flea now; he says he’s got no idea how he got injured but I say ‘bollards’ to that.
Jack
PS He’s a great idiot if he doesn’t trust you by now. Perhaps we should give him a bit of a shock when he gets in tonight. Up for a laugh?
Captain Hornblower
The pillow next to mine
The Anson
16th February (just) 1806
Horatio
I’ve left this note as I know you’ll get into a panic if you wake and I’m gone. Just getting in some last minute provisions - Ianto might have been good with the powder and shot but he forgot the ham and soft tack. Hope you’ve slept well - you look so young and innocent now, just like the middie I first knew who couldn’t keep his dinner down. Talking of sick at Spithead you looked nearly as green last night as you did when you decorated the middies’ mess on Justinian.
Ianto smoked it straight away of course; didn’t you think the doxy, as you referred to her - and to her face which was extremely rude, Horatio - was a bit on the tall side? And didn’t the rather prominent Adam’s apple just give the whole game away? I accept that things might have gone a bit far when she sat on my knee but you should have been a gentleman about it.
Your face though, it was an absolute picture. From the instant you walked into the inn and saw us talking to the moment she tried to kiss me - which you will note I did not let her do - I thought that you were going to succumb to apoplexy. And when you realised who my glamorous visitor was - well, I wish I could have painted the scene.
I do love you, Horatio. You’re an idiot - and I’m the only one who’ll tell you that to your face - but you’re an adorable idiot and your heart is well and truly in the right place. I will always be true to you, tetchy britches, whether the temptation come from man, woman or whatever Jack is when he’s at home.
Looking forward very much to that shared cabin.
Archie
Mr I Jones
The George Inn
Portsmouth
13th February 1806
Ianto
Sure, I know what you’re saying - bloody Jack up to his old tricks again, done a moonlit flit and left me in the lurch. I promise I’ll be back in a couple of days; I know I can leave you to get this mission set up. Sorry that I can’t tell you all about what I’m up to but it’s really hush-hush. Just remember it’s a commission for the great great granddaughter of our founding mother no less and it means I have to get some samples to take back. Something to do with a certain someone having porphyria or not.
Sort out the boat, get the guys signed up; I know you’ll make a cracking job of it. Don’t go getting into monkey business with sailors - or at least not until I’m back.
Jack
Captain Hornblower
HMS Priam
14th February 1806
Dear Captain Hornblower
I hope that this letter finds you and Mr Kennedy well. It’s good to find myself in Portsmouth and be able to see some of the places you told us about.
As you will have guessed by now, Jack and I are here to ask for your help on an errand. If I say that it touches on the safety of the entire galaxy it will sound rather clichéd, but that’s how life is in Torchwood at present. I’m thinking of having my business cards re-printed as Ianto Jones; saves the human race on a daily basis. All joking aside, this is important stuff.
I know that your ship is in for a refit and that you and Archie will be able to spare us some time to take a cutter out and retrieve some stolen property from a brig off the Netherlands. If you were in our line of business permanently, you would appreciate how stupid some of the entities set on world domination really are. I have a nephew who always tucks himself away in the same place when playing hide and seek and then he’s amazed that we’ve found him. Short of leaving us a note saying ‘by the way, that canister full of biologically primed particles you wanted is safely hidden two hundred years away in a boat off the Texel’ this numpty couldn’t have left a clearer trail. And it isn’t a trap he’s set up for us - he really is that thick.
I’ve hired a cutter - what we need is an excellent commander to execute the job. I look forward to meeting you at your earliest convenience to discuss the details.
My regards to Mr Kennedy.
Ianto Jones.
Lieutenant Kennedy
Cadogan Square
London
14th February 1806
Dear Archie
I hope that your visit to your mother and father is proving amusing and that you have found all the family well. I am sorry to have to say that I have immediate need of you back in Portsmouth. I can see you smirking from here - that is not what I meant and you know it, you hound. ‘Captain’ Harkness and his assistant have turned up at The George with another commission for us; it looks fairly straightforward, just seizing a Dutch vessel and taking something dangerous from her, so you will not need to imitate Henry V or any such character. I suppose that will be a disappointment to you.
We will be taking a cutter, which means that we will probably have to share a cabin as will our friends from the future. Will it not be like being midshipmen again? I am meeting Mr Jones later today to ensure that all arrangements have been made to my satisfaction; he is very competent so I have high hopes that little will need to be altered. And I will begrudgingly admit that Harkness is a good fighter; I just wish that his morals were not as loose as his trouser buttons.
Please give my apologies to the Earl and Countess that I have had to ask for the return of his youngest and her favourite son.
My fondest regards
Horatio
Mr J Harkness
The George Inn
Portsmouth
15th February 1806
Dear Jack
I may well beat this letter to Portsmouth, depending on the relative speeds of the mail service and the Kennedy carriage. I look forward very much to seeing you and Ianto again - I hope his adductor muscles have recovered - and to working together. Horatio informs me that you have a little assignment for us to help with - splendid stuff!
He has dropped a few unsubtle hints about the enterprise, for example the sleeping arrangements, which he would ideally like as me and him in a cabin together and you slung from the yardarm. I wonder what else he’ll come up with, short of putting me in a chastity belt? I never succumbed to your advances, did I? Had plenty of fun not giving in, though.
There are times when I think what if? Mainly when we’re in a gale off Fastnet and looking at a lee shore, with three foot of water in the hold and rising. Then I wonder what it would have been like to stay in the twenty-first century and have your sort of adventures all the time. But I couldn’t have stayed if he didn’t and if he’s in a frigate that’s foundering then that’s where I should be, too.
Mine’s a pint when we do meet up; I’ll be at The Anson.
Archie
Mr I Jones
The George Inn
Portsmouth
14th February 1806
Dear Mr Jones
I have sent my midshipman, Mr Rogerson, with this reply so that he can escort you to a suitable place for us to discuss your plans. For all that you have told us many times that Cardiff can be a wild and dangerous place, you would not believe what Portsmouth can be like on a bad night.
A cutter may be a smaller vessel than Mr Kennedy and I are accustomed to but it sounds just the thing for the task in hand. I hope that we will be able to make sensible arrangements with regard to the billeting of the four of us. I also hope that the crew will be up to scratch; I will need to see their gunnery and handling of the sails before I agree to lead them. If not, we must invent some tale to tell a dozen of Priam’s best men so that we can make use of their skills in our venture. No doubt Mr Kennedy will produce just the sort of cock and bull story they’ll fall for.
I assume that you have sufficient funds to pay for the powder and shot; I will not judge these men on a dumb show of rolling out.
Captain Horatio Hornblower
Mr J Harkness
The George Inn
Portsmouth
15th February 1806
Dear Jack
The cutter is requisitioned and even old crabby pants couldn’t find fault with it. We’re taking her to sea for a day’s trials so I don’t suppose we’ll meet up until much later tonight. Assuming we get back; I’ve read some books about sailing and it doesn’t bear thinking about. If we hit a lee shore, remember - well, just remember.
I shouldn’t believe a word of what you say about what you’re up to but then it would be just bloody well like you to be gallivanting about on royal espionage while I do the donkey work. Ever tried getting finest grade powder at short notice? Harder than getting Owen to stump up for a pint at Jolyon’s.
I never chase sailors, unlike you; I prefer rugby players, if you’ve not noticed. And I’d rather be at the Arms Park than here any day - there’s no talent to speak of. Won’t be a decent looking bloke in the city until I get back. Or you.
Ianto
Lieutenant Kennedy
The Anson
Portsmouth
15th February 1806
Archie
Hi kid - did you miss me?
Looks like it’s just you and me in Portsmouth tonight, Blondie - I’ll follow this note in person once I’ve put some stuff I got in London into safe keeping. Get the beer in.
Horatio still being all feudal and ‘hands off my property’? Perhaps if he stopped being so protective I’d stop being so insistent. Nah, that’s not true. Always had a soft spot for you - must show it to you sometime. Oh I forgot - I did. Not that it got me very far. I’m glad you still think about joining us - the offer’s staying open as long as you still have teeth and hair.
Ianto’s fit as a flea now; he says he’s got no idea how he got injured but I say ‘bollards’ to that.
Jack
PS He’s a great idiot if he doesn’t trust you by now. Perhaps we should give him a bit of a shock when he gets in tonight. Up for a laugh?
Captain Hornblower
The pillow next to mine
The Anson
16th February (just) 1806
Horatio
I’ve left this note as I know you’ll get into a panic if you wake and I’m gone. Just getting in some last minute provisions - Ianto might have been good with the powder and shot but he forgot the ham and soft tack. Hope you’ve slept well - you look so young and innocent now, just like the middie I first knew who couldn’t keep his dinner down. Talking of sick at Spithead you looked nearly as green last night as you did when you decorated the middies’ mess on Justinian.
Ianto smoked it straight away of course; didn’t you think the doxy, as you referred to her - and to her face which was extremely rude, Horatio - was a bit on the tall side? And didn’t the rather prominent Adam’s apple just give the whole game away? I accept that things might have gone a bit far when she sat on my knee but you should have been a gentleman about it.
Your face though, it was an absolute picture. From the instant you walked into the inn and saw us talking to the moment she tried to kiss me - which you will note I did not let her do - I thought that you were going to succumb to apoplexy. And when you realised who my glamorous visitor was - well, I wish I could have painted the scene.
I do love you, Horatio. You’re an idiot - and I’m the only one who’ll tell you that to your face - but you’re an adorable idiot and your heart is well and truly in the right place. I will always be true to you, tetchy britches, whether the temptation come from man, woman or whatever Jack is when he’s at home.
Looking forward very much to that shared cabin.
Archie