Frisbee: Final Release
Finally releasing this with feelings hoho
Word count: 1,063 words
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I am actually idle in my bed.
I have done most of things that I should do today, and I am still on my laptop looking for things to clean up. Until I stumble upon a photo that I edited with a quote I thought up.
“Things happen and Memories happened.”
This is the saying that I kept reflecting over and over while reminiscing the past. Yes, it happened all in the past, with me walking into the door of attraction that turned out to be a fantasy. I was waking up from my delusion. I was so infatuated to Knox, let’s just say, one of those people who think superior of themselves. He is not actually one of those people; he is just someone who happens to be good friends with them. Also, he is quite average in looks but his good sides drew me in.
I am Gahlia. Knox’s exact opposite. Quiet and someone who is already fine dwelling within her comfort zone. It has been years since we parted ways with the school we have chosen, and I am still like this, only a little bit mature after I finally woke myself up with the reality. Now I could describe that I am quite successful with the field I chose right now and also finally moving on and found someone else special.
But then Knox was really damn special which reminds me of a video about my real feelings about everything about him that I burned in a CD-R which I hid in my special drawer. This was something I did a few months after we graduated from the same school. Before finally throwing away this burned CD-R, I guess I should play one more time. I really did not know why I actually did this. I could have done better things. Oh well, past is past. As I played the CD-R in my laptop CD player, a very youthful girl appeared.
'Uhm. Hi.' Yep. Very Gahlia in tone.
"I am actually doing this thing around 12:15-12:50 in the dead hours if you just wanted to know that. I also feel like a drunk person right now but I am not tipsy, so don't worry about me, If you are actually worried."
I questioned myself if I was really drunk that night but I know that I was just really tired from a trip I don't really remember. Then, the confessions of my younger self started rolling in.
"I am coward for not risking a chance to talk to you. I will go on to far place, but I did not settle my hard feelings with you. I didn't try anymore after the ball and the festival because of everybody becoming bitches and also my courage faded. I became somebody very soft-spoken and shy up to the point I would cover my face with a fan. I became who retreated to her shell."
Ah, that incident that I shrugged off when I was actually bullied by my batch mates (his ‘friends’ actually)and a certain teacher that I still curse up to this day not for his teaching style (s/he is quite good I admit) but for his/her inability to know his/her limits despite teaching about it. (Actually, this person is juggling with two sexualities from what I’ve heard) because they knew a part of my conflicting feelings and used it against me. What great timing that I was pissed off the whole because of a petty family argument did not help on how I dealt it? This was actually the thing that made me hate his friends more since they are mostly involved in this. Well, apparently, they are still shitheads as of this moment. Now back to the Knox drama.
"I really felt those hard feelings. I felt it in a crazy way. I liked you up to the point that I wanted to rekindle a relationship as special friends without the prying eyes of others if you ever treated me as a friend. Also, I regret not having a photo with you during our graduation, since you made my school life spicy despite the circumstances. I really do."
I feel very corny right now. Did those words just came out from my mouth? Young Gahlia, you disappoint me from too much loving Knox. Yes, he cares a little, but he doesn't like you back! And oh, I had reached the part where I had been killed by reality hard. (Actually I only watched it once if the video looks good but I still remember most of the contents haha)
"From the moment I had started to know you, I knew that you are quite gay, quite a bisexual,or i am just really hoping i had a chance since you are still biologically male.Then, if you happen to watch this, just go laugh at it. This is actually me being all cray-cray."
Young Gahlia, who turns out be me, did not have time to hide her tears away despite trying to smile.
"I really do not like this feeling. It makes me very desperate. I feel embarrassed like a loser who can't move on. Until then, Good luck with your life and sorry. Just keep this video a secret and then we're good. Bye then."
The video ended.
What a cute ending. I never thought I gave a smile as creepy as that. What a broken and deluded person I was. Actually, I never gave this CD-R to him. Well, I never had the chance to meet him or even communicate. Things won't happen between us since I continued my studies far away and now I am happy with my love life now. I guess it is time to throw it away since it has been years. The years of being a delusional and desperate individual are needed to be kept away into the depths of my dark past.
I went to an open space nearby with the CD-R in hand and made a stance.
And I threw it away like a Frisbee.
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Without minding where it would go while throwing, I never thought it would reach him.
But I heard from a friend that Knox got hit by a flying CD somewhere during his strolls.
Whether it is mine or someone else's, I am just fine with the fact that he got hit.
--++finally end++----