Accepting the dead ones

[mydeath1]

I feel so lost. I feel so confused. I don't know why I'm feeling so tragic. I feel that I'm repeating the past, and I told myself I wouldn't do it again. It almost killed me with guilt, and I feel I have abandoned another person in my life. Maybe it's better that I stay alone in life

Comments

[gira_bryant]

I really could say all the trite BS about how the first step to changing any pattern is recognizing it. Which is semi-true, as far as truisms go.

But what I really want to say is that I spent a lot of time in my early twenties feeling like I only hurt and destroyed those I loved most. It took me a lot of time and perspective to really see how much I was hurt myself and to look at the fact that I was choosing people who were already broken to engage with. I could've been the best lover/friend in the world, and they still would've been fucked up.

It is true that we do influence other people's lives, but I think, in general, much less than we tend to think on our worst days.

Don't cut yourself off from love. Learn how to build and nurture mutually supportive relationships with people who want to be healthy with you, who aren't self-destructive.

No matter how much we want to help, we can never stop the time bomb of someone else exploding if that's the track they're on. We're just collateral damage.