Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?
Title: Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?
Author: musicbendr
Rating: PG-13
Length: ~2500
Spoilers: Up to Finale for Glee; up to season 3 for The L Word
Summary: Quinn's mom tries to show Quinn that she's totally hip with Quinn's new lesbian relationship. From this prompt at the newly formed/awesome rq_meme.
It's been months since Quinn moved back in with her mother, and there have certainly been some big changes around the new household. The alcohol has become Quinn's domain (the irony is not lost on her); in charge of making sure that everything goes back in the liquor cabinet after her mother has had her drink for the evening. Quinn had Rachel draw up a schedule phasing out Judy's alcohol based on her daddy Michael's best friend's plan when he quit drinking. Rachel makes sure that Quinn's mom is drinking exactly the prescribed amount by coming over the next morning before school with her Cathy Chemistry set and measures everything out in her little graduated cylinders. Judy admires Rachel's tenacity and profusely tells her how much she appreciates her efforts. Rachel thinks that this will help her standing with Judy when their “sexual relationship is inevitably brought to the forefront.” Quinn thinks Rachel's crazy and that her mother will never be OK with Rachel being her girlfriend. Even if her neurotic tendencies are helping Ms. Carter (Quinn's mom's maiden name) get over her issues.
“Please just come over,” Quinn pleads with Rachel for what must be the millionth time. She doesn't know how else to get Rachel to come for dinner: she's watched Funny Girl in twelve different languages so that Rachel could rip apart all of the singers in comparison to Barbra, she's eaten some nasty tumbleweed-tofu-bird-vomit vegan bacon substitute, and she's even listened to her girlfriend sing through a litany of Disney classics for 5.84 days in order to decide on which one she'd like to perform in Glee.
“Quinn, let me be excruciatingly honest with you,” Rachel implores.
“When have you ever not been?”
“Your mother terrifies me.” Quinn raises her eyebrows. “I have two recurring nightmares: one is that I end up dying in a shack with only twelve dozen cats and Patches the homeless man for company. It never works very well, because he always barks and scares my cats away. The second one is that I am a vampire and your mother is chasing after me with a giant crucifix. In the end she burns me and I tumble into a grave equipped with speakers that will only play Justin Bieber for all eternity.”
The blonde really, really, really tries not to laugh because these are obviously Rachel's deepest fears and apparently one of them involves her mother, but seriously? Quinn just can't hold it in. The giggles spill out her mouth slowly at first until she's gone red in the face and is receiving a very harsh look from Rachel. “Quinn! This is not a laughing matter! I have genuine fears!”
“I'm sorry, I'm sorry,” Quinn says once her fit has subsided. “Really, though, why is this so important to you?”
Rachel twiddles her thumbs nervously. Not wanting to hurt her girlfriend, she bites her lip and takes a deep breath. But Quinn gives her that death-glare-I-can-kill-you-with-my-pinkie look and Rachel has to exhale and start to whine like a little girl. “It's just that your mom and you seem to have such a close relationship now, and I really don't want you to sabotage this by keeping our relationship a secret much longer. You know how that goes,” Rachel finishes sternly. Sometimes Rachel gets these looks that are very reminiscent of a mother reprimanding a child, which really creeps Quinn out. She tries to ignore whenever that happens.
“Aw, Rachel,” Quinn says, pressing a kiss to her girlfriend's temple and the pause button on today's Swedish dub of Funny Girl. “That's sweet. As sweet as how you're helping my mom with her drinking.”
Rachel smiles and snuggles closer into Quinn on the couch. “I just want her to like me.”
This elicits a sigh from the blonde who feels guilty for keeping the secret from her mom and for hurting Rachel when the singer is just trying to help, even if it's kind of a messed up way. “Is it really that important to you?” The emphatic nod is the only evidence Quinn needs. “Fine,” she grumbles. “I'll talk to her about it.”
~
“Mom?” It's after dinner on a Tuesday, and Quinn's helping her mother wash dishes. In all the crazy post-divorce/adultery scandal, Judy and Quinn ended up with a small apartment because even though he was clearly at fault, Russell Fabray knows some pretty damned good lawyers.
“Yes, Quinnie?”
Quinn rolls her eyes, just a like a teenager. It comforts both of them when Quinn acts this way, like somehow their relationship has some sort of semblance of normalcy. “I told you not to call me that. But, um, I wanted to ask...”
“Yes?”
“If Rachel could come over for dinner on Friday,” Quinn spits out very quickly.
“Rachel's been over for dinner many times, Quinn.” Judy's confused expression resembles her daughter's, complete with the raised eyebrow.
Quinn takes a shaky breath, lowers her arms into the soapy water up to her elbows. “Mom...”
“Are you pregnant again?”
“Mom!”
Judy throws her hands up in the air in defense. “Just checking. But really, Quinn, what's wrong? I can tell, you know.”
“Yeah.” Quinn's voice warbles a little and she prays that she's not going to cry. “But Mom, Rachel's...not just my friend. She's - I - we're dating.”
A plate slips from Judy's hand, clattering onto the counter. Quinn jumps a little. “OK, Quinn. OK.” The blonde woman slowly walks away, a trail of water dripping from her hands onto the hardwood as she goes.
Quinn's not sure what to expect come Friday.
~
Rachel shows up in her best argyle and a slightly longer than usual tweed skirt with Mary Janes and white knee socks, which is better than the pant suit that Quinn had to vehemently dissuade her from wearing. When Judy opens the door, it feels to Rachel that she's being observed by this woman for the first time in a whole new light. This does not make the brunette fill with the warm fuzzies like she hoped it would. Smells of blanched vegetables waft through the apartment, which does put a smile on Rachel's face. Quinn seems to have made a vegan meal to be considerate towards Rachel, even though she usually makes Rachel cook her own or eat whatever Quinn's eating without meat. That small gesture causes Rachel to feel slightly more at home, comforted even though she can feel Judy's eyes against the back of her head.
Quinn wastes no time in putting the dinner on the table so they'd at least have some sort of conversation piece. Interestingly, it's Judy, not Rachel who breaks the initial awkward silence. “It was real chill of you to make this veg dinner for Rachel.”
“Well, she is my girlfriend,” Quinn says shyly, glancing to Rachel for support. “I like to stay on her good side.” Rachel slips her hand into Quinn's with a smile.
“You know, I tried veganism once in college,” Judy says, swirling the wine in her glass. Rachel pre-measured her dinner glass while spouting off random facts about the amount of reservatol in red wine and its ability to help lower the chances of heart disease. Judy could only smile and nod. “I couldn't get away from cheese.”
This topic makes Rachel excited, almost bouncing up and down in her seat that Judy hasn't bitten her head off as of yet. “I, too, found dairy products to be a struggle. It was very difficult for me to stop baked goods, though I have since found plenty of plant-based substitutes that I could point who to if you wanted to try again.”
“No, that's OK,” Judy replies. She looks a little put-off by Rachel's enthusiasm, but then again, that's pretty much normal. “I'm into the chicken now.
Rachel launches into some sort of tirade about chicken farms packed tighter than a Miley Cyrus concert, Judy smiles politely and nods at opportune moments, and Quinn just rubs her temples. This is so not happening. Then the topic turns to exercise because Rachel just can't resist the connection between her nutrition and her physique.
And then Quinn's mother utters one line that breaks the aura surrounding the evening.
“How do you keep such a rockin' bod? Sports? Maybe softball, perhaps?” Judy asks innocently over the top of her glass.
Rachel - poor naïve Rachel - just answers with, “No, actually. I never did well with team sports.”
While her mother and girlfriend converse, Quinn has no idea what is about to go down. Because she's pretty sure that her mom's pulling out all the stops for this dinner based on her Internet/Catholic Church knowledge of lesbianism. Since really? Softball? And a sudden interest in veganism? And then what's up with her “cool” lingo? Quinn can only guess where this is going to go next. None of the options are pretty.
“Well, I can get hip with that, too,” Judy says with one of those weird girly quirks of the head and even Rachel sends Quinn a shocked glance. “Speaking of hip things, have girls checked out the cast for The Real L Word yet? Those are some foxy ladies there.” Quinn can just feel her cheeks burning right now, bright red. Rachel looks over to her with a slight amount of concern before diving into Ms. Carter's comment. If there's one thing Rachel loves to rant about other than Barbra, it's The L Word.
“I haven't quite gotten into The Real L Word, but I believe that Jennifer Beals' portrayal of Bette Porter on the original series was quite inspired.” Rachel's eyes get all glazed over in fantasy, forcing Quinn to recall that one time Rachel made her make that weird pact that if they ever met Jennifer Beals, Rachel could cheat on Quinn with her without any repercussions. So then Judy and Rachel start off on this tangent about how they cried and threw objects at the TV when someone named Dana Fairbanks died of random heart failure and they're both tearing up now, and Quinn is so confused.
She decides to cut in before she has to watch her mom and Rachel have a cuddle fest while they talk about how much this Dana character meant to them. “Mom, when did you even watch that show?”
“Oh.” Judy bristles just the tiniest bit, only enough for Quinn's finely tuned eyes to notice. “At night, when your father was asleep. There was nothing else on.”
“I personally think that the sex scenes on that show were some of the most well rendered in all of television,” Rachel says, taking another bite.
Both Quinn and Judy have to stop themselves from choking on their food. Quinn never imagined that her girlfriend would be the one embarrassing her during this dinner. “I think we're done with this meal,” Quinn growls with an intensity that makes both Rachel and her mother begin to clear plates in submission.
“Oh, wait. Before you girls go and get hip with it,” Judy begins, reaching into her pocket, “I have something for you.” She throws two packets out into the center of the table and picks up the girls' plates as they examine the writing.
Quinn figures it out first, but she's not even surprised anymore. She just groans and starts to rub her temples - definitely a headache coming on. “Gee, thanks, Mom,” she mutters sarcastically.
“I find it refreshing that, as a parent, you are concerned with STD prevention as opposed to pretending that such things don't happen,” Rachel chirps merrily. She inspects her package - a white dental dam wrapper with the words “Hot Dam” on it - with happiness.
Quinn cannot fucking take it anymore. “What kind of drugs have you two been doing?” She receives two blank stares in return. “Seriously, Mom - you're not hip. I mean, The L Word? And these things!” Quinn waves her dental dam around in the air, and even for Rachel's big STD speech, she looks like she might start convulsing, too, now that she's had time to think about it. “What is going on here!”
“Oh, Quinnie.” There's that stupid nickname again. “I just...I already lost you once. I didn't want to lose you again. I wanted Rachel to feel welcome.”
Rachel blinks awkwardly and squeezes Quinn's hand. “I feel very welcome, Ms. Carter.”
Quinn's mom actually looks incredibly pleased by this statement. “I guess I might have gone a bit too far, huh?”
“Just stick to being a mom, Mom,” Quinn says with a laugh. Thank God her mom is trying even if it's creepy and potentially scarring and has ruined any chance for Quinn to have normal, healthy oral sex with Rachel. “I really do appreciate that you're trying.” Quinn stands up and gives her mom a big hug, startling both of them. Judy almost loses her grip on the plates in her hands, but eventually relaxes enough to warm into the hug. Rachel almost starts crying, it's so sweet.
Judy releases her daughter and looks over to Rachel perched tentatively in her chair. “You be good to her, Rachel. Please.”
“No worries here, Ms. Carter.”
~
Hours later, after Judy has gone to bed, Quinn and Rachel find themselves snuggled up together on the couch as the credits of Chicago roll. Rachel has herself positioned between Quinn's legs, her back up against the taller girl's chest and an extremely satisfied smirk across her face. “You know Quinn, I like your mother.”
“Yeah?” Quinn idly plays with Rachel's hair and the corners of the throw blanket around them. “She really surprised me tonight. In a good way. And a creepy way.”
Rachel snorts and cuddles closer to her girlfriend, turning sideways so that she can see Quinn's face. “Maybe a little bit, but I think that her good intentions outweigh the slightly disturbing method she used to achieve a bond with you.”
“Well, at least we have her blessing,” Quinn says happily.
“And then some,” Rachel replies. She nods to the dental dams still sitting on the table beside them, taunting the two girls.
Quinn keeps glancing between the dental dams and Rachel, clearly figuring out what the brunette was hinting at. And Quinn is totally game...but she looks at the dental dams one more time, and all she can see is her mother's face. With a shiver, Quinn whispers into her ear, “Maybe another time.”
Author: musicbendr
Rating: PG-13
Length: ~2500
Spoilers: Up to Finale for Glee; up to season 3 for The L Word
Summary: Quinn's mom tries to show Quinn that she's totally hip with Quinn's new lesbian relationship. From this prompt at the newly formed/awesome rq_meme.
It's been months since Quinn moved back in with her mother, and there have certainly been some big changes around the new household. The alcohol has become Quinn's domain (the irony is not lost on her); in charge of making sure that everything goes back in the liquor cabinet after her mother has had her drink for the evening. Quinn had Rachel draw up a schedule phasing out Judy's alcohol based on her daddy Michael's best friend's plan when he quit drinking. Rachel makes sure that Quinn's mom is drinking exactly the prescribed amount by coming over the next morning before school with her Cathy Chemistry set and measures everything out in her little graduated cylinders. Judy admires Rachel's tenacity and profusely tells her how much she appreciates her efforts. Rachel thinks that this will help her standing with Judy when their “sexual relationship is inevitably brought to the forefront.” Quinn thinks Rachel's crazy and that her mother will never be OK with Rachel being her girlfriend. Even if her neurotic tendencies are helping Ms. Carter (Quinn's mom's maiden name) get over her issues.
“Please just come over,” Quinn pleads with Rachel for what must be the millionth time. She doesn't know how else to get Rachel to come for dinner: she's watched Funny Girl in twelve different languages so that Rachel could rip apart all of the singers in comparison to Barbra, she's eaten some nasty tumbleweed-tofu-bird-vomit vegan bacon substitute, and she's even listened to her girlfriend sing through a litany of Disney classics for 5.84 days in order to decide on which one she'd like to perform in Glee.
“Quinn, let me be excruciatingly honest with you,” Rachel implores.
“When have you ever not been?”
“Your mother terrifies me.” Quinn raises her eyebrows. “I have two recurring nightmares: one is that I end up dying in a shack with only twelve dozen cats and Patches the homeless man for company. It never works very well, because he always barks and scares my cats away. The second one is that I am a vampire and your mother is chasing after me with a giant crucifix. In the end she burns me and I tumble into a grave equipped with speakers that will only play Justin Bieber for all eternity.”
The blonde really, really, really tries not to laugh because these are obviously Rachel's deepest fears and apparently one of them involves her mother, but seriously? Quinn just can't hold it in. The giggles spill out her mouth slowly at first until she's gone red in the face and is receiving a very harsh look from Rachel. “Quinn! This is not a laughing matter! I have genuine fears!”
“I'm sorry, I'm sorry,” Quinn says once her fit has subsided. “Really, though, why is this so important to you?”
Rachel twiddles her thumbs nervously. Not wanting to hurt her girlfriend, she bites her lip and takes a deep breath. But Quinn gives her that death-glare-I-can-kill-you-with-my-pinkie look and Rachel has to exhale and start to whine like a little girl. “It's just that your mom and you seem to have such a close relationship now, and I really don't want you to sabotage this by keeping our relationship a secret much longer. You know how that goes,” Rachel finishes sternly. Sometimes Rachel gets these looks that are very reminiscent of a mother reprimanding a child, which really creeps Quinn out. She tries to ignore whenever that happens.
“Aw, Rachel,” Quinn says, pressing a kiss to her girlfriend's temple and the pause button on today's Swedish dub of Funny Girl. “That's sweet. As sweet as how you're helping my mom with her drinking.”
Rachel smiles and snuggles closer into Quinn on the couch. “I just want her to like me.”
This elicits a sigh from the blonde who feels guilty for keeping the secret from her mom and for hurting Rachel when the singer is just trying to help, even if it's kind of a messed up way. “Is it really that important to you?” The emphatic nod is the only evidence Quinn needs. “Fine,” she grumbles. “I'll talk to her about it.”
~
“Mom?” It's after dinner on a Tuesday, and Quinn's helping her mother wash dishes. In all the crazy post-divorce/adultery scandal, Judy and Quinn ended up with a small apartment because even though he was clearly at fault, Russell Fabray knows some pretty damned good lawyers.
“Yes, Quinnie?”
Quinn rolls her eyes, just a like a teenager. It comforts both of them when Quinn acts this way, like somehow their relationship has some sort of semblance of normalcy. “I told you not to call me that. But, um, I wanted to ask...”
“Yes?”
“If Rachel could come over for dinner on Friday,” Quinn spits out very quickly.
“Rachel's been over for dinner many times, Quinn.” Judy's confused expression resembles her daughter's, complete with the raised eyebrow.
Quinn takes a shaky breath, lowers her arms into the soapy water up to her elbows. “Mom...”
“Are you pregnant again?”
“Mom!”
Judy throws her hands up in the air in defense. “Just checking. But really, Quinn, what's wrong? I can tell, you know.”
“Yeah.” Quinn's voice warbles a little and she prays that she's not going to cry. “But Mom, Rachel's...not just my friend. She's - I - we're dating.”
A plate slips from Judy's hand, clattering onto the counter. Quinn jumps a little. “OK, Quinn. OK.” The blonde woman slowly walks away, a trail of water dripping from her hands onto the hardwood as she goes.
Quinn's not sure what to expect come Friday.
~
Rachel shows up in her best argyle and a slightly longer than usual tweed skirt with Mary Janes and white knee socks, which is better than the pant suit that Quinn had to vehemently dissuade her from wearing. When Judy opens the door, it feels to Rachel that she's being observed by this woman for the first time in a whole new light. This does not make the brunette fill with the warm fuzzies like she hoped it would. Smells of blanched vegetables waft through the apartment, which does put a smile on Rachel's face. Quinn seems to have made a vegan meal to be considerate towards Rachel, even though she usually makes Rachel cook her own or eat whatever Quinn's eating without meat. That small gesture causes Rachel to feel slightly more at home, comforted even though she can feel Judy's eyes against the back of her head.
Quinn wastes no time in putting the dinner on the table so they'd at least have some sort of conversation piece. Interestingly, it's Judy, not Rachel who breaks the initial awkward silence. “It was real chill of you to make this veg dinner for Rachel.”
“Well, she is my girlfriend,” Quinn says shyly, glancing to Rachel for support. “I like to stay on her good side.” Rachel slips her hand into Quinn's with a smile.
“You know, I tried veganism once in college,” Judy says, swirling the wine in her glass. Rachel pre-measured her dinner glass while spouting off random facts about the amount of reservatol in red wine and its ability to help lower the chances of heart disease. Judy could only smile and nod. “I couldn't get away from cheese.”
This topic makes Rachel excited, almost bouncing up and down in her seat that Judy hasn't bitten her head off as of yet. “I, too, found dairy products to be a struggle. It was very difficult for me to stop baked goods, though I have since found plenty of plant-based substitutes that I could point who to if you wanted to try again.”
“No, that's OK,” Judy replies. She looks a little put-off by Rachel's enthusiasm, but then again, that's pretty much normal. “I'm into the chicken now.
Rachel launches into some sort of tirade about chicken farms packed tighter than a Miley Cyrus concert, Judy smiles politely and nods at opportune moments, and Quinn just rubs her temples. This is so not happening. Then the topic turns to exercise because Rachel just can't resist the connection between her nutrition and her physique.
And then Quinn's mother utters one line that breaks the aura surrounding the evening.
“How do you keep such a rockin' bod? Sports? Maybe softball, perhaps?” Judy asks innocently over the top of her glass.
Rachel - poor naïve Rachel - just answers with, “No, actually. I never did well with team sports.”
While her mother and girlfriend converse, Quinn has no idea what is about to go down. Because she's pretty sure that her mom's pulling out all the stops for this dinner based on her Internet/Catholic Church knowledge of lesbianism. Since really? Softball? And a sudden interest in veganism? And then what's up with her “cool” lingo? Quinn can only guess where this is going to go next. None of the options are pretty.
“Well, I can get hip with that, too,” Judy says with one of those weird girly quirks of the head and even Rachel sends Quinn a shocked glance. “Speaking of hip things, have girls checked out the cast for The Real L Word yet? Those are some foxy ladies there.” Quinn can just feel her cheeks burning right now, bright red. Rachel looks over to her with a slight amount of concern before diving into Ms. Carter's comment. If there's one thing Rachel loves to rant about other than Barbra, it's The L Word.
“I haven't quite gotten into The Real L Word, but I believe that Jennifer Beals' portrayal of Bette Porter on the original series was quite inspired.” Rachel's eyes get all glazed over in fantasy, forcing Quinn to recall that one time Rachel made her make that weird pact that if they ever met Jennifer Beals, Rachel could cheat on Quinn with her without any repercussions. So then Judy and Rachel start off on this tangent about how they cried and threw objects at the TV when someone named Dana Fairbanks died of random heart failure and they're both tearing up now, and Quinn is so confused.
She decides to cut in before she has to watch her mom and Rachel have a cuddle fest while they talk about how much this Dana character meant to them. “Mom, when did you even watch that show?”
“Oh.” Judy bristles just the tiniest bit, only enough for Quinn's finely tuned eyes to notice. “At night, when your father was asleep. There was nothing else on.”
“I personally think that the sex scenes on that show were some of the most well rendered in all of television,” Rachel says, taking another bite.
Both Quinn and Judy have to stop themselves from choking on their food. Quinn never imagined that her girlfriend would be the one embarrassing her during this dinner. “I think we're done with this meal,” Quinn growls with an intensity that makes both Rachel and her mother begin to clear plates in submission.
“Oh, wait. Before you girls go and get hip with it,” Judy begins, reaching into her pocket, “I have something for you.” She throws two packets out into the center of the table and picks up the girls' plates as they examine the writing.
Quinn figures it out first, but she's not even surprised anymore. She just groans and starts to rub her temples - definitely a headache coming on. “Gee, thanks, Mom,” she mutters sarcastically.
“I find it refreshing that, as a parent, you are concerned with STD prevention as opposed to pretending that such things don't happen,” Rachel chirps merrily. She inspects her package - a white dental dam wrapper with the words “Hot Dam” on it - with happiness.
Quinn cannot fucking take it anymore. “What kind of drugs have you two been doing?” She receives two blank stares in return. “Seriously, Mom - you're not hip. I mean, The L Word? And these things!” Quinn waves her dental dam around in the air, and even for Rachel's big STD speech, she looks like she might start convulsing, too, now that she's had time to think about it. “What is going on here!”
“Oh, Quinnie.” There's that stupid nickname again. “I just...I already lost you once. I didn't want to lose you again. I wanted Rachel to feel welcome.”
Rachel blinks awkwardly and squeezes Quinn's hand. “I feel very welcome, Ms. Carter.”
Quinn's mom actually looks incredibly pleased by this statement. “I guess I might have gone a bit too far, huh?”
“Just stick to being a mom, Mom,” Quinn says with a laugh. Thank God her mom is trying even if it's creepy and potentially scarring and has ruined any chance for Quinn to have normal, healthy oral sex with Rachel. “I really do appreciate that you're trying.” Quinn stands up and gives her mom a big hug, startling both of them. Judy almost loses her grip on the plates in her hands, but eventually relaxes enough to warm into the hug. Rachel almost starts crying, it's so sweet.
Judy releases her daughter and looks over to Rachel perched tentatively in her chair. “You be good to her, Rachel. Please.”
“No worries here, Ms. Carter.”
~
Hours later, after Judy has gone to bed, Quinn and Rachel find themselves snuggled up together on the couch as the credits of Chicago roll. Rachel has herself positioned between Quinn's legs, her back up against the taller girl's chest and an extremely satisfied smirk across her face. “You know Quinn, I like your mother.”
“Yeah?” Quinn idly plays with Rachel's hair and the corners of the throw blanket around them. “She really surprised me tonight. In a good way. And a creepy way.”
Rachel snorts and cuddles closer to her girlfriend, turning sideways so that she can see Quinn's face. “Maybe a little bit, but I think that her good intentions outweigh the slightly disturbing method she used to achieve a bond with you.”
“Well, at least we have her blessing,” Quinn says happily.
“And then some,” Rachel replies. She nods to the dental dams still sitting on the table beside them, taunting the two girls.
Quinn keeps glancing between the dental dams and Rachel, clearly figuring out what the brunette was hinting at. And Quinn is totally game...but she looks at the dental dams one more time, and all she can see is her mother's face. With a shiver, Quinn whispers into her ear, “Maybe another time.”