RP LOG with timemaychange | Testing times
[Follows THIS and THIS]
Mel had been standing on Nathan's doorstep with the brown paper bag from the chemist for nearly ten minutes. She was definitely nervous about talking to him, and considering how much her nerves were already capable of ruling her, it was any wonder she had become immobile now. She couldn't even manage to get the key to the door without dropping it a few times. She felt like her heart was lodged up in her throat, and she wasn't sure if she wanted to cry, or scream, or run.
She'd promised Randy that she wouldn't run though, and Nathan didn't deserve it. He really was amazing. She adored him with every fibre of her being, and just knowing they were about to have this conversation was killing her. Because of one very beautiful night, and one moment of stupidity, Mel was probably about to change Nathan's opinion of her forever. She'd talked herself out of the conversation a bunch of times after she'd left Randy. Maybe he just wouldn't notice? She could just say she was getting fat, and then when the baby was due she could just go on an extended vacation. Or say she got a job out of town.
But she wasn't that good of a liar, and again, Nathan didn't deserve it. She finally got into his place, and hung her coat up by the door, and slipped out of her shoes. Mel padded quietly up the stairs to his bedroom, and was surprised to find him sitting up and awake. His laptop was next to him, and she bit her lip when she realised maybe he wasn't as dying from the flu as she thought. She also tried to work out just how long she'd been gone. "Hey," she finally said quietly, even if she nearly choked on the word.
In the period between ending the conversation with Peter online and now, when Mel had come home, Nathan had managed to think himself in circles and the end result was him deciding that the only reason Mel could be acting weird was because she was having second thoughts about the relationship and wanted to split. All his talks about future hypotheticals had scared her off and she thought he was clingy and weird for talking about it all. He had given himself an even bigger headache than the flu already had and he was sitting in bed wrapped up in his bathrobe when he couldn't stop the chilled feeling again. Something was wrong. He didn't need to be a psychologist to figure that out, and he couldn't help the small frown already on his face when he looked over at her. "Hey," he said back flatly.
Mel noticed the bathrobe, and as she climbed onto the bed, her nerves were forgotten as soon as her instinct to take care of Nathan kicked in. She huddled up close to him, the brown paper bag set down next to his laptop as she wrapped her arms around him and rubbed her hands against him. "I'm sorry for disappearing. I know it was... weird. I didn't mean to worry you. If I did. I just... I had to... I couldn't sleep. Not when I realised... I needed to go talk to Randy. I should have talked to you, but I just didn't know how. I still don't know how I'm supposed to have this conversation without you wanting to break up with me. I didn't do it on purpose! I'm not trapping you!" Mel bit her lip when she realised she was working herself up again to the worse case scenario, and looked at Nathan. "Are you okay?"
"Can't you just get it over with?!" Nathan found himself snapping, the crankiness from being ill fighting through a little. But he stopped short, faltering when he actually realised what she had just said and looked at her in confusion. Why would she be breaking up with him if she thought he was going to break up with her? He hunched his shoulders up a little, feeling awkward as he tried to process her words. "Why would I break up with you? I thought you were going to break up with me."
Mel blinked before she frowned in confusion. "What? Why would I break up with you? I'm not going to break up with you. I just... I need to talk to you about something, and it's why you might want to break up with me, even though Randy doesn't think you will. It's just... it's a bit, um, big." Mel looked up at him. "You really thought I was going to break up with you?"
Nathan was still frowning, his eyes searching over her face in an attempt to seek some answers... any answers. "Yeah, I did," he murmured. He swallowed and then took a small sip of water from the glass beside him to wet his sore throat. "I didn't know why you were acting weird. I still don't, and I'm not sure what to think."
"Well, I'm going to tell you..." Mel sucked in a breath. "I wasn't going to break up with you. I'm sorry you ever thought that. I never meant for you to think that. We were in bed last night, and I just couldn't get to sleep because I was thinking about the sleepy sex, and us, and how long we'd been together, and then, um, I realised I was late. I haven't had my... I'm late."
Nathan felt much akin to someone kicking him in the gut and his breath actually left him in a gasp of shock as he just stared at her. It really hadn't been something that had crossed his mind that might be wrong. He needed a few moments to even try and get his head around it, and for an uncertain moment, he seriously wondered if he was going to be sick. He certainly felt like he wanted to be. "Oh-" was all he managed to get out at first. "That was- you said- it's Cameron's." The words fell out of his mouth and his brain caught up a moment later. How could this be happening?
Mel's eyes went wide. "What? No! It's not. Me and him, we were never not safe. Lots of condoms. Nothing but condoms, and no rubbing. Randy asked me all this. No dangerous pre-come. It's only been with you. We didn't use a condom, and there was rubbing, and pre-come, and hotness and not thinking, and I always take my pill, but I can't remember taking it then." She bit her lip, and took his face in her hands. "It's yours. If I'm even... I mean, I don't know. I got a test. But I'm scared about taking it, and I'm scared about this whole thing, and I was so petrified to tell you."
Nathan knew they had talked about this. Well, not this, but having a family... wanting a family. It had just been one of those hypotheticals that were nice to talk about, but in reality, right now, it couldn't possibly be plausible! They still hardly knew each other. They'd had one date. Just one! The tension built up inside him as he sat with his hand over his mouth, desperately wishing he could be one of those cool guys who just took stuff like this in his stride. He had specifically asked her if she was on the pill, and she said yes, so how could she forget to take it? It wasn't like you needed a road map to follow the directions on taking it. It was more of a shock than he figured he could handle immediately, and he was forced to pull away from her and bolt to the bathroom up the hall to throw up. Luckily it was all over quickly and he stood there, hands braced on the side of the bowl as he worked to catch his breath. "Pregnant," he got out hoarsely, mostly talking to himself. He nodded. "Okay... okay..." He let out another heavy breath to brace himself and then stood up. He just needed to give himself a bit of a pep talk, and it would be fine. He could deal with this. He really could. Hopefully.
Mel was already kicking herself. She wasn't sure if she should follow Nathan like she wanted. He might have bolted because he couldn't look at her, not just because he wanted to throw up like she could hear. She sat on the bed hugging herself for a moment before she finally moved. If nothing else she still wanted to make sure he was okay. She wouldn't be able to live with herself if his flu took a turn and she wasn't there to look after him. She hovered in the doorway as she just watched him. He was standing, so that was a start. "Nate?" she asked quietly. She wasn't far off from wanting to throw up herself, but the nerves were mostly just making her brain feel like a pretzel. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be," Nathan told her hoarsely and leaned over the sink to rinse his mouth out and have a drink of water. He splashed some of it onto his face and then shut the taps off. "You can't get pregnant on your own, can you?" He exhaled heavily again and then went over to her, wrapping his arms around her. "I'm sorry. I just... it freaked me out a little. I don't feel very good, it wasn't a good mix. You said you had a test? That might be a good start before we go any further with this. We can figure out what's going on when we know either way." He was surprised he was managing to be somewhat rational. He was trained to keep his cool as a doctor and he was probably tackling this like he was dealing with a difficult patient, but it was better than not dealing at all.
Mel hugged him tightly, and buried her face against his chest briefly. "It's okay, it's not like I'm any calmer about this. You're allowed to freak out. We both are. I just know the timing sucks, but I couldn't not tell you even if I might have wanted to. I was just hoping I'd start bleeding and it would be okay." She gave a small nod. "Yeah, I do. It's back on your bed. I can go get it if you want to stay here. Guess now is a good a time as any to also pee in front of each other. Another first."
Nathan puffed his cheeks out, hoping that his stomach would settle to get through this. "Well... um... if you want, I can pee in front of you first if it helps?" he offered. At least it was something he could do, even if it sounded completely dorky when it came out of his mouth. He scratched the back of his head. "You go get the test and I'll make sure the toilet isn't completely horrible for you to use." He gave her another hug, realising he was actually really, really scared about this whole thing. It wasn't going to do to let his mind jump too far ahead to the logistics or he would freak out even more.
Mel nodded, smiling with relief. "Yeah, okay. You can pee first. That would really help. Randy made me drink all this water, but I'm still too scared. I didn't want to get pee fright in case you thought it meant I didn't want to ever pee in front of you, or that I didn't trust you after what we talked about. I don't want to be one of those girls..." Mel stretched up to kiss his cheek before she pulled away to go and get the test. Her stomach was still tying itself into knots, and she rubbed it the whole time she was walking back to Nathan's bedroom. She still had no idea how any of this had happened. They'd been so happy, and now this. She just hoped that they really did have what it took to work it out. To still stay together. She collected the brown paper bag, and turned back around, opening it up to pull out something that she'd got for Nathan as well. She held out the lollipop to him when she was back in the bathroom. "I know it's not much, but I figured having something to suck on while you felt crook might help. I know it's been hard for you to eat."
Nathan managed to give the toilet a quick clean and he was washing his hands when she got back. Habit to wash his hands after everything, being a doctor. He had peeled the bathrobe off and laid it over the tub, leaving him in just his t-shirt and pyjama pants. He wiped his hands on the towel and then took the lollipop with a small smile. "You're too good to me," he teased and held it up a little. "But thank you. You astound me that you even thought about it with what you were dealing with, and I'm sorry I jumped to the wrong conclusions. I was just worried I was about to lose you. My washing machine kicked into gear, even if Peter tried to convince me otherwise."
He placed the lollipop onto the vanity and then pointed at the toilet, lifting the seat up. "If I get pee fright, it's just because I haven't done this in front of a chick before," he admitted to her, throwing a faint smirk at her over his shoulder. Pee fright shouldn't exist for guys who take a slash in front of other guys on a daily basis, but this was different. Still, he was only trying to help, even if the help was oddly unique. It wasn't like he could take the test for her, was it? He looked up at the ceiling wryly, trying to concentrate but kind of aware he had an audience. It took a good few moments for him to actually successfully complete the task, which took awhile in itself because he had been drinking loads of juice and water to try and counteract the flu. "Okay," he said nervously, putting the toilet seat back down and flushing. He turned around to look at her, realising he was actually blushing, even though she had seen him naked and they'd had sex together.
"You're welcome," Mel replied softly as she smiled, starting to find her feet the more they talked. They'd deal with the elephant in the room mostly, and Nathan really was easy for her to talk to. It didn't seem to matter what they talked about, just that they kept talking. "I couldn't help it. It was hard not to be thinking about you even with getting the test. It's okay, I mean, I can't really blame you. I just couldn't exactly leave you and tell you that I was getting a pregnancy test. Not without freaking you out earlier. Your washing machine is as bad as mine," she teased gently. "I would never leave you. Not without being dragged kicking and screaming."
Mel tried not to watch too intently, taking a couple of moments to set the bag down, and pull out the test. She could hear Nathan, and did watch him briefly. It was hard not to smile at the fact that this was his idea of helping. If she were honest, not much of what they'd done had ever been conventional, but she liked it that way. She liked that they had their own way of helping each other, and just being with each other. "If I get pee fright it's because I've never peed in front of a guy, or taken a pregnancy test." She squeezed his arm when it was her turn, her hands shaking a little as she tried to get the test out of the box. She glanced up, her eyes on his face as she took in the blush. It was nice to have someone that got as nervous as she did. That understood it. "Okay."
Nathan hovered for a few moments and then sat down on the edge of the bath. He crossed his arms in front of him, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. "Interesting second date..." he joked quietly. "It's going to be even more interesting if we both start throwing up from shock. You won't hate me if there is a small part of me that hopes it's negative, will you? It's only because I'm just... nervous how it would all play out, and it's really just... you know... not part of the plan..." He was rambling a little, but he wasn't sure what else to do. Sitting in silence would be too awkward and uncomfortable. It always was trying to figure out what someone was thinking when things weren't completely perfect. Better to just let the thoughts fall out of his mouth, even if they weren't really complete.
Mel managed a laugh as she sat there with the stick between her legs and hoped she actually managed to pee on it instead of just her hand. "Well, hey, we wouldn't things to get boring early on. No, I'm not going to hate you. So long as you won't hate me for thinking the same thing. I know we talked about it, but how are we supposed to be ready?" Mel looked away briefly before she started to finally pee, and then glanced back at Nathan. "I never meant to ruin the plan."
"Not our plan, my plan," Nathan elaborated and noticed goosebumps breaking out on his skin. He didn't know if it was the fever or anxiety. Even so, he pulled his bathrobe back on to get some warmth. Whatever the result was, he figured he was going to pass out cold after this and sleep for a week. "Just, my jobs and things. The routine. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, just my brain trying to work it out. It's not doing the best job because I'm still feeling sick. I know this is way harder for you. I really don't mean to be a bastard by accident. I know I've talked about kids a lot and knowing I want some of my own, but..." He trailed off, knowing she would get what he was meaning.
"I know, me too." Mel pressed her lips together and gave a small nod. She then placed the stick on top of some folded up toilet paper and set it down on the edge of the vanity before using some toilet paper herself and flushing. Mel washed her hands and when she was done she came to sit next to Nathan, and took his hand in both of hers. "I was thinking our biggest thing would be moving in together. Not this. I'd been having all these daydreams about what it would be like living with you, I never thought... I can't believe I was so stupid."
Nathan rubbed his eyes a little with a sigh and nodded. "Well, if the test is positive, it would make sense for you to come and live here anyway. If you wanted to move away from Randy, that is. You don't have to feel pressured to do that. If you would rather be around her for this, I would completely understand. I really wish I could have more widsom with this right now. Lachlan should rent himself out on consult to come and coach people through things like this. I don't... think it would be the end of the world if it's positive, it'll just be scary. I mean, Lachlan said it was awesome. People do it every day. I just thought I would be more career-oriented for awhile before I did the whole family thing. It feels like my heart keeps jumping up into my throat and I feel nauseous, but I'm going to blame that on the flu. I'll try not to freak out too much."
Mel brushed her fingers against the back of his hand before she dipped her head and kissed it. "It's okay if you do. I mean, I think I'm going to. I can't be calm about this, not when I've spent hours convincing myself I've ruined everything. That you would probably leave me because I have messed up your plans. I don't want to take anything away from your career. I don't want to get in the way. I don't mean to be getting in the way." She shrugged her shoulder briefly and shook her head. "I want to live with you because I want to be here when you get home. I want to be here for the moments we have time together... I like waking up with you. I like being cuddled up with you. I'd like if we did the quiet stuff on the nights you're too shattered. Randy said she'd be there for me if I needed her to, and I'll need her anyway, but if you still want me than... I want to be with you."
Nathan looked at her closely. "I'm not going to leave you high and dry. I just hope our relationship can stick it all out. I've seen things like this destroy the relationship, even if the father steps up to the plate. I'm just a bit scared about having the time to fit everything in and not kill myself," he told her, pressing his lips together. "I just... I can't... I've worked so hard to get here in my career. I don't want to just pack that in. I'll do everything I can to help you, but I still... I need to keep going with my residency. If I fail at that, I'll feel like I'm failing Caleb," he admitted in a small voice.
Mel moved to get up from her spot so she could stand between his legs, and pull him against her in a hug. She bent to kiss the top of his head before she just stroked her fingers through his hair. "I'm not asking you to change any of that. I don't want you to ever feel like you're failing your brother. I can do the baby part. You just worry about your job. I have Randy, and I'll have Matt when he's done freak out. If we do have to tell him I'm pregnant. It's okay, baby. I would never, ever try and take your residency away from you."
"But it's still my kid. I'd still want to do my bit!" Nathan's stomach gave another uncomfortable churn and he grabbed at it. "And this is where my brain explodes and makes it hard for me to figure out how I'm going to pull it off, and that sick feeling comes back. I feel like I'm about to have an all-out panic attack. It's not your fault, and it's just one of those things, but I thought I was just finding my feet after college and now I'm not even convinced my feet are still connected to me."
Mel rest her hands on his shoulders as she watched him. "I don't even know how to help. How can I help?" Mel bit her lip, and tried not to blame herself even when he said it wasn't her fault. "We don't have to know right now. Even if... even if it's positive, we still have time. Nine months. You might be able to find your feet."
Nathan knew there was no way to shake the panic and shock just yet. He probably had to have some time to work it out in his head. It had to be easier when he was feeling better, too. He had always wanted kids, just hadn't planned it like this. He was starting to doubt his own ability as a potential father before it was even a possibility. It was times like this that he really wished his twin wasn't dead, when he knew deep down he really needed someone to lean on and that someone was gone. He gave a small nod. "Once we know, I need to take a drive to Connecticut," he told her. He had to tell his Mom and then he could go and pour his heart out to Caleb at his grave. He tried to go whenever he was visiting his family, but since he had been working towards graduation and living in Princeton, he hadn't been able to just take quick trips home whenever he wanted.
"Okay," Mel agreed quietly. "Do you want me to come with you? Or not. If you need to do it alone, that's okay. I get it." Mel glanced at her watch, and realised enough time had passed. She pulled away from Nathan to go and pick up the stick, trying not to sneak a peek, but it was impossible. Her eyes landed on the results as she hissed out a breath. She slumped heavily against the sink, and could feel her body start to tremble as she fought back tears. It wasn't time! It wasn't supposed to be now! "I'm... I'm... pregnant," she choked out.
Word Count | 4,210
Mel had been standing on Nathan's doorstep with the brown paper bag from the chemist for nearly ten minutes. She was definitely nervous about talking to him, and considering how much her nerves were already capable of ruling her, it was any wonder she had become immobile now. She couldn't even manage to get the key to the door without dropping it a few times. She felt like her heart was lodged up in her throat, and she wasn't sure if she wanted to cry, or scream, or run.
She'd promised Randy that she wouldn't run though, and Nathan didn't deserve it. He really was amazing. She adored him with every fibre of her being, and just knowing they were about to have this conversation was killing her. Because of one very beautiful night, and one moment of stupidity, Mel was probably about to change Nathan's opinion of her forever. She'd talked herself out of the conversation a bunch of times after she'd left Randy. Maybe he just wouldn't notice? She could just say she was getting fat, and then when the baby was due she could just go on an extended vacation. Or say she got a job out of town.
But she wasn't that good of a liar, and again, Nathan didn't deserve it. She finally got into his place, and hung her coat up by the door, and slipped out of her shoes. Mel padded quietly up the stairs to his bedroom, and was surprised to find him sitting up and awake. His laptop was next to him, and she bit her lip when she realised maybe he wasn't as dying from the flu as she thought. She also tried to work out just how long she'd been gone. "Hey," she finally said quietly, even if she nearly choked on the word.
In the period between ending the conversation with Peter online and now, when Mel had come home, Nathan had managed to think himself in circles and the end result was him deciding that the only reason Mel could be acting weird was because she was having second thoughts about the relationship and wanted to split. All his talks about future hypotheticals had scared her off and she thought he was clingy and weird for talking about it all. He had given himself an even bigger headache than the flu already had and he was sitting in bed wrapped up in his bathrobe when he couldn't stop the chilled feeling again. Something was wrong. He didn't need to be a psychologist to figure that out, and he couldn't help the small frown already on his face when he looked over at her. "Hey," he said back flatly.
Mel noticed the bathrobe, and as she climbed onto the bed, her nerves were forgotten as soon as her instinct to take care of Nathan kicked in. She huddled up close to him, the brown paper bag set down next to his laptop as she wrapped her arms around him and rubbed her hands against him. "I'm sorry for disappearing. I know it was... weird. I didn't mean to worry you. If I did. I just... I had to... I couldn't sleep. Not when I realised... I needed to go talk to Randy. I should have talked to you, but I just didn't know how. I still don't know how I'm supposed to have this conversation without you wanting to break up with me. I didn't do it on purpose! I'm not trapping you!" Mel bit her lip when she realised she was working herself up again to the worse case scenario, and looked at Nathan. "Are you okay?"
"Can't you just get it over with?!" Nathan found himself snapping, the crankiness from being ill fighting through a little. But he stopped short, faltering when he actually realised what she had just said and looked at her in confusion. Why would she be breaking up with him if she thought he was going to break up with her? He hunched his shoulders up a little, feeling awkward as he tried to process her words. "Why would I break up with you? I thought you were going to break up with me."
Mel blinked before she frowned in confusion. "What? Why would I break up with you? I'm not going to break up with you. I just... I need to talk to you about something, and it's why you might want to break up with me, even though Randy doesn't think you will. It's just... it's a bit, um, big." Mel looked up at him. "You really thought I was going to break up with you?"
Nathan was still frowning, his eyes searching over her face in an attempt to seek some answers... any answers. "Yeah, I did," he murmured. He swallowed and then took a small sip of water from the glass beside him to wet his sore throat. "I didn't know why you were acting weird. I still don't, and I'm not sure what to think."
"Well, I'm going to tell you..." Mel sucked in a breath. "I wasn't going to break up with you. I'm sorry you ever thought that. I never meant for you to think that. We were in bed last night, and I just couldn't get to sleep because I was thinking about the sleepy sex, and us, and how long we'd been together, and then, um, I realised I was late. I haven't had my... I'm late."
Nathan felt much akin to someone kicking him in the gut and his breath actually left him in a gasp of shock as he just stared at her. It really hadn't been something that had crossed his mind that might be wrong. He needed a few moments to even try and get his head around it, and for an uncertain moment, he seriously wondered if he was going to be sick. He certainly felt like he wanted to be. "Oh-" was all he managed to get out at first. "That was- you said- it's Cameron's." The words fell out of his mouth and his brain caught up a moment later. How could this be happening?
Mel's eyes went wide. "What? No! It's not. Me and him, we were never not safe. Lots of condoms. Nothing but condoms, and no rubbing. Randy asked me all this. No dangerous pre-come. It's only been with you. We didn't use a condom, and there was rubbing, and pre-come, and hotness and not thinking, and I always take my pill, but I can't remember taking it then." She bit her lip, and took his face in her hands. "It's yours. If I'm even... I mean, I don't know. I got a test. But I'm scared about taking it, and I'm scared about this whole thing, and I was so petrified to tell you."
Nathan knew they had talked about this. Well, not this, but having a family... wanting a family. It had just been one of those hypotheticals that were nice to talk about, but in reality, right now, it couldn't possibly be plausible! They still hardly knew each other. They'd had one date. Just one! The tension built up inside him as he sat with his hand over his mouth, desperately wishing he could be one of those cool guys who just took stuff like this in his stride. He had specifically asked her if she was on the pill, and she said yes, so how could she forget to take it? It wasn't like you needed a road map to follow the directions on taking it. It was more of a shock than he figured he could handle immediately, and he was forced to pull away from her and bolt to the bathroom up the hall to throw up. Luckily it was all over quickly and he stood there, hands braced on the side of the bowl as he worked to catch his breath. "Pregnant," he got out hoarsely, mostly talking to himself. He nodded. "Okay... okay..." He let out another heavy breath to brace himself and then stood up. He just needed to give himself a bit of a pep talk, and it would be fine. He could deal with this. He really could. Hopefully.
Mel was already kicking herself. She wasn't sure if she should follow Nathan like she wanted. He might have bolted because he couldn't look at her, not just because he wanted to throw up like she could hear. She sat on the bed hugging herself for a moment before she finally moved. If nothing else she still wanted to make sure he was okay. She wouldn't be able to live with herself if his flu took a turn and she wasn't there to look after him. She hovered in the doorway as she just watched him. He was standing, so that was a start. "Nate?" she asked quietly. She wasn't far off from wanting to throw up herself, but the nerves were mostly just making her brain feel like a pretzel. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be," Nathan told her hoarsely and leaned over the sink to rinse his mouth out and have a drink of water. He splashed some of it onto his face and then shut the taps off. "You can't get pregnant on your own, can you?" He exhaled heavily again and then went over to her, wrapping his arms around her. "I'm sorry. I just... it freaked me out a little. I don't feel very good, it wasn't a good mix. You said you had a test? That might be a good start before we go any further with this. We can figure out what's going on when we know either way." He was surprised he was managing to be somewhat rational. He was trained to keep his cool as a doctor and he was probably tackling this like he was dealing with a difficult patient, but it was better than not dealing at all.
Mel hugged him tightly, and buried her face against his chest briefly. "It's okay, it's not like I'm any calmer about this. You're allowed to freak out. We both are. I just know the timing sucks, but I couldn't not tell you even if I might have wanted to. I was just hoping I'd start bleeding and it would be okay." She gave a small nod. "Yeah, I do. It's back on your bed. I can go get it if you want to stay here. Guess now is a good a time as any to also pee in front of each other. Another first."
Nathan puffed his cheeks out, hoping that his stomach would settle to get through this. "Well... um... if you want, I can pee in front of you first if it helps?" he offered. At least it was something he could do, even if it sounded completely dorky when it came out of his mouth. He scratched the back of his head. "You go get the test and I'll make sure the toilet isn't completely horrible for you to use." He gave her another hug, realising he was actually really, really scared about this whole thing. It wasn't going to do to let his mind jump too far ahead to the logistics or he would freak out even more.
Mel nodded, smiling with relief. "Yeah, okay. You can pee first. That would really help. Randy made me drink all this water, but I'm still too scared. I didn't want to get pee fright in case you thought it meant I didn't want to ever pee in front of you, or that I didn't trust you after what we talked about. I don't want to be one of those girls..." Mel stretched up to kiss his cheek before she pulled away to go and get the test. Her stomach was still tying itself into knots, and she rubbed it the whole time she was walking back to Nathan's bedroom. She still had no idea how any of this had happened. They'd been so happy, and now this. She just hoped that they really did have what it took to work it out. To still stay together. She collected the brown paper bag, and turned back around, opening it up to pull out something that she'd got for Nathan as well. She held out the lollipop to him when she was back in the bathroom. "I know it's not much, but I figured having something to suck on while you felt crook might help. I know it's been hard for you to eat."
Nathan managed to give the toilet a quick clean and he was washing his hands when she got back. Habit to wash his hands after everything, being a doctor. He had peeled the bathrobe off and laid it over the tub, leaving him in just his t-shirt and pyjama pants. He wiped his hands on the towel and then took the lollipop with a small smile. "You're too good to me," he teased and held it up a little. "But thank you. You astound me that you even thought about it with what you were dealing with, and I'm sorry I jumped to the wrong conclusions. I was just worried I was about to lose you. My washing machine kicked into gear, even if Peter tried to convince me otherwise."
He placed the lollipop onto the vanity and then pointed at the toilet, lifting the seat up. "If I get pee fright, it's just because I haven't done this in front of a chick before," he admitted to her, throwing a faint smirk at her over his shoulder. Pee fright shouldn't exist for guys who take a slash in front of other guys on a daily basis, but this was different. Still, he was only trying to help, even if the help was oddly unique. It wasn't like he could take the test for her, was it? He looked up at the ceiling wryly, trying to concentrate but kind of aware he had an audience. It took a good few moments for him to actually successfully complete the task, which took awhile in itself because he had been drinking loads of juice and water to try and counteract the flu. "Okay," he said nervously, putting the toilet seat back down and flushing. He turned around to look at her, realising he was actually blushing, even though she had seen him naked and they'd had sex together.
"You're welcome," Mel replied softly as she smiled, starting to find her feet the more they talked. They'd deal with the elephant in the room mostly, and Nathan really was easy for her to talk to. It didn't seem to matter what they talked about, just that they kept talking. "I couldn't help it. It was hard not to be thinking about you even with getting the test. It's okay, I mean, I can't really blame you. I just couldn't exactly leave you and tell you that I was getting a pregnancy test. Not without freaking you out earlier. Your washing machine is as bad as mine," she teased gently. "I would never leave you. Not without being dragged kicking and screaming."
Mel tried not to watch too intently, taking a couple of moments to set the bag down, and pull out the test. She could hear Nathan, and did watch him briefly. It was hard not to smile at the fact that this was his idea of helping. If she were honest, not much of what they'd done had ever been conventional, but she liked it that way. She liked that they had their own way of helping each other, and just being with each other. "If I get pee fright it's because I've never peed in front of a guy, or taken a pregnancy test." She squeezed his arm when it was her turn, her hands shaking a little as she tried to get the test out of the box. She glanced up, her eyes on his face as she took in the blush. It was nice to have someone that got as nervous as she did. That understood it. "Okay."
Nathan hovered for a few moments and then sat down on the edge of the bath. He crossed his arms in front of him, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. "Interesting second date..." he joked quietly. "It's going to be even more interesting if we both start throwing up from shock. You won't hate me if there is a small part of me that hopes it's negative, will you? It's only because I'm just... nervous how it would all play out, and it's really just... you know... not part of the plan..." He was rambling a little, but he wasn't sure what else to do. Sitting in silence would be too awkward and uncomfortable. It always was trying to figure out what someone was thinking when things weren't completely perfect. Better to just let the thoughts fall out of his mouth, even if they weren't really complete.
Mel managed a laugh as she sat there with the stick between her legs and hoped she actually managed to pee on it instead of just her hand. "Well, hey, we wouldn't things to get boring early on. No, I'm not going to hate you. So long as you won't hate me for thinking the same thing. I know we talked about it, but how are we supposed to be ready?" Mel looked away briefly before she started to finally pee, and then glanced back at Nathan. "I never meant to ruin the plan."
"Not our plan, my plan," Nathan elaborated and noticed goosebumps breaking out on his skin. He didn't know if it was the fever or anxiety. Even so, he pulled his bathrobe back on to get some warmth. Whatever the result was, he figured he was going to pass out cold after this and sleep for a week. "Just, my jobs and things. The routine. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, just my brain trying to work it out. It's not doing the best job because I'm still feeling sick. I know this is way harder for you. I really don't mean to be a bastard by accident. I know I've talked about kids a lot and knowing I want some of my own, but..." He trailed off, knowing she would get what he was meaning.
"I know, me too." Mel pressed her lips together and gave a small nod. She then placed the stick on top of some folded up toilet paper and set it down on the edge of the vanity before using some toilet paper herself and flushing. Mel washed her hands and when she was done she came to sit next to Nathan, and took his hand in both of hers. "I was thinking our biggest thing would be moving in together. Not this. I'd been having all these daydreams about what it would be like living with you, I never thought... I can't believe I was so stupid."
Nathan rubbed his eyes a little with a sigh and nodded. "Well, if the test is positive, it would make sense for you to come and live here anyway. If you wanted to move away from Randy, that is. You don't have to feel pressured to do that. If you would rather be around her for this, I would completely understand. I really wish I could have more widsom with this right now. Lachlan should rent himself out on consult to come and coach people through things like this. I don't... think it would be the end of the world if it's positive, it'll just be scary. I mean, Lachlan said it was awesome. People do it every day. I just thought I would be more career-oriented for awhile before I did the whole family thing. It feels like my heart keeps jumping up into my throat and I feel nauseous, but I'm going to blame that on the flu. I'll try not to freak out too much."
Mel brushed her fingers against the back of his hand before she dipped her head and kissed it. "It's okay if you do. I mean, I think I'm going to. I can't be calm about this, not when I've spent hours convincing myself I've ruined everything. That you would probably leave me because I have messed up your plans. I don't want to take anything away from your career. I don't want to get in the way. I don't mean to be getting in the way." She shrugged her shoulder briefly and shook her head. "I want to live with you because I want to be here when you get home. I want to be here for the moments we have time together... I like waking up with you. I like being cuddled up with you. I'd like if we did the quiet stuff on the nights you're too shattered. Randy said she'd be there for me if I needed her to, and I'll need her anyway, but if you still want me than... I want to be with you."
Nathan looked at her closely. "I'm not going to leave you high and dry. I just hope our relationship can stick it all out. I've seen things like this destroy the relationship, even if the father steps up to the plate. I'm just a bit scared about having the time to fit everything in and not kill myself," he told her, pressing his lips together. "I just... I can't... I've worked so hard to get here in my career. I don't want to just pack that in. I'll do everything I can to help you, but I still... I need to keep going with my residency. If I fail at that, I'll feel like I'm failing Caleb," he admitted in a small voice.
Mel moved to get up from her spot so she could stand between his legs, and pull him against her in a hug. She bent to kiss the top of his head before she just stroked her fingers through his hair. "I'm not asking you to change any of that. I don't want you to ever feel like you're failing your brother. I can do the baby part. You just worry about your job. I have Randy, and I'll have Matt when he's done freak out. If we do have to tell him I'm pregnant. It's okay, baby. I would never, ever try and take your residency away from you."
"But it's still my kid. I'd still want to do my bit!" Nathan's stomach gave another uncomfortable churn and he grabbed at it. "And this is where my brain explodes and makes it hard for me to figure out how I'm going to pull it off, and that sick feeling comes back. I feel like I'm about to have an all-out panic attack. It's not your fault, and it's just one of those things, but I thought I was just finding my feet after college and now I'm not even convinced my feet are still connected to me."
Mel rest her hands on his shoulders as she watched him. "I don't even know how to help. How can I help?" Mel bit her lip, and tried not to blame herself even when he said it wasn't her fault. "We don't have to know right now. Even if... even if it's positive, we still have time. Nine months. You might be able to find your feet."
Nathan knew there was no way to shake the panic and shock just yet. He probably had to have some time to work it out in his head. It had to be easier when he was feeling better, too. He had always wanted kids, just hadn't planned it like this. He was starting to doubt his own ability as a potential father before it was even a possibility. It was times like this that he really wished his twin wasn't dead, when he knew deep down he really needed someone to lean on and that someone was gone. He gave a small nod. "Once we know, I need to take a drive to Connecticut," he told her. He had to tell his Mom and then he could go and pour his heart out to Caleb at his grave. He tried to go whenever he was visiting his family, but since he had been working towards graduation and living in Princeton, he hadn't been able to just take quick trips home whenever he wanted.
"Okay," Mel agreed quietly. "Do you want me to come with you? Or not. If you need to do it alone, that's okay. I get it." Mel glanced at her watch, and realised enough time had passed. She pulled away from Nathan to go and pick up the stick, trying not to sneak a peek, but it was impossible. Her eyes landed on the results as she hissed out a breath. She slumped heavily against the sink, and could feel her body start to tremble as she fought back tears. It wasn't time! It wasn't supposed to be now! "I'm... I'm... pregnant," she choked out.
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