Comments | muses_stewpot: Challenge 10 Response

kailita in muses_stewpot

Challenge 10 Response - ON TIME! ^.^

Feb 10, 2006 22:26

Can it be? Kaia actually has a challenge finished on time?? And it's under five pages??? Yes, it's true! I'm so proud of myself, guys...I really wanted to meet the deadline for this one, and I did it! ^.^

Title: The Dorm Hermit
Genre: Modern
Length: 2,143 words
Challenge #: 10 - Dorm setting
Rating: Eh...maybe PG?

( The Dorm Hermit )

challenge 10, kailita

Comments 9

(The comment has been removed)

kailita February 11 2006, 16:54:58 UTC

It is rather horrible, isn't it? The worst thing is that I stole most of the exchange between Bridget and Joey from various couples that go to my high school. Yeah. Very sad.

(The comment has been removed)

kailita February 12 2006, 05:16:02 UTC

It's horrific, I know, but the "That's my name" line (referring to God) and "I love you more than infinity" and (*cringe*) even "I love you more than infinity plus infinity" was all from my school. Blugh. *Takes a shower* Maybe this is my method of therapy. Thank goodness "Booblebaby" and "Kissiewooglebunch" were both products of my own deranged mind.

smeddley February 11 2006, 19:03:39 UTC

Oh, that was funny. I'm rather glad that in the end, they were acting that obnoxious on purpose - it put a very unexpected twist to the story.

But... but... but... do Danielle and Julius end up together? Do Bridget and Joey find out that they really are a good couple? Or does Bridget fall for Joey, who doesn't return her affections?

Too many unanswered questions... Kissiewooglebunch!

gelsey February 12 2006, 17:48:13 UTC

Okay, somehow I missed you posting this.

I really don't know how. Because it is hilarious. And I can totally sympathize with Danielle, because my good friend had something similar to her last year ... something about over 60 'I love yous' in a 45 minute phone conversation. *winces*

At first, that's how I thought it was going to go ... but the sneaky-underhandedness of it all was great. I loved it.

And I agree with smeddley. How does the soap opera end?! Oh, the unanswered questions will plague me forever *drama*

gelsey February 12 2006, 17:50:02 UTC

Oh, and I'm so thrilled you made a deadline! That is great :D

kailita February 12 2006, 18:02:03 UTC

I know, isn't it astounding? :D Maybe this will start a new trend for me.

But then again, I seriously doubt it. ;)

triskellion February 13 2006, 18:22:20 UTC

I like this. I was a little worried when she stormed out because it seemed a little lost, plus those two were bad enough to set off a saint. But the twist worked really well and brought everything together nicely. Good work.

A moment of actual crit: "(thought of stabbing them both to death with it, thought better of it)"

I think you need a period or a semicolen between these, not a comma. Just a thought.

Congrats on making the deadline. Sorry it took me so long to comment.

kailita February 13 2006, 23:07:34 UTC

Yay! No problem, I'm glad that you took the time to read it. :) I was kind of wondering what to do with that parenthesized (?) part. I thought about using a semicolon, but I left it the way it is because I wanted it to seem like it was part of the rest of the list (slammed her book closed, stuffed her notes between the cover and the title page, seized her pencil, etc) but more inside of her head, if that makes any sense. Glad to see you back!

triskellion February 14 2006, 04:51:24 UTC

Hmm, as you put it that way, I see what you are getting at. I suppose it could work both ways. The way I saw it, was that she thought about stabbing them. Full stop. She changed her mind. Full stop.

Either way, good job.