How do I make you walk in my world?

[museclio]

I've been thinking a lot. I've been thinking since I read the not-rape article I linked a while back, and since reading Yes means Yes. And I've been thinking more since reading cereta's entry I'm an anthropologist by training and by nature. What I do professionally is go and take a walk in someone else's world as best I can, and then come back and

Comments

[bittibuddha]

I think for every woman who feels like you do, I could point to another who uses their body and their appearance and their attractiveness as a source of validation from outside sources.

For this, among many other reasons, I pity men (in general): for somehow having to walk the line and know what each woman (person) finds acceptable within the confines of their own ears, and never be wrong, lest they offend or hurt with a thoughtless or thoughtful remark.

How much easier would it be to develop our own sense of equanimity to the foibles of the billions of people around us and learn to not attach to either the criticisms or the compliments, however ham-handed they may be.

[museclio]

I'm taking a good long breath before I touch this one. I'm going to suggest that you take a quick gander at the post I linked, as it's talked about this a few times.

Question though - what in society has taught women that their body is the only source of validation.

Also - I don't think it's unreasonable of me to not want to walk into faire and be greeted with "I do believe that woman is smuggling melons!"

Actually - I don't think I'm in a great position to engage on this without it coming out wrong. In person maybe.

[bittibuddha]

Rivka: I am sincerely sorry - my response was not meant to bait this issue. You have absolutely valid reasons to feel the way you do and it was not my intent to diminish those feelings in any way. I think I got lost in my own mental machinations that only very tangentially had anything to do what you were talking about. Your journal, and your very thoughtful and personal post was not the appropriate place for this. Again: my sincerest apologies.

[museclio]

Mostly it's that I'm on page 20 (about 3k) comments in that original post which has a lot of derailing on "but what about the men" and I'm just not in a place where I can discuss it without banging my head.

I wouldn't have enabled comments if I weren't up for talking.

[tchwrtr]

You are a beautiful person. One day we will have the time again to talk, pretty lady to pretty lady. I miss those moments.

*hugs and love*

On topic...working from home for the most part is great, but there's been a handful of times where one random workcrew or another parks in such a way outside that makes me nervous...and I lock the doors and make sure that someone knows what's going on, even though nothing has ever happened, and I honestly doubt ever will. The world is a good place. I believe that. Even when I'm scared.

[alricthemad]

Ditto on the above comments where I may have something to which you took offense, tho I can not recall any.

And do please call me on any off handed remark which you take other than as a compliment.

[becalyn]

Very well said. Thank you for putting the words out there. I can't even count how many times I heard those types of comments. Though I've never dealt with it as much with adult men since my reduction was done so young. Ironically enough, it was years after my reduction before I was able to talk openly about it. It seemed to be a dirty little secret I wasn't supposed to mention, something I should be embarrassed by. And to this day I still find myself automatically apologizing for the scars on occasion.

[cellymcfae]

Thank you for writing this so well. Just a thought, it often seems that men can be taken seriously and be seen as sexual beings at the same time. Women, from my experience, seldom get both at the same time. I hate that I have to chose, but I usually will chose being taken seriously. Unwelcome comments that identify me as a sexual being automatically negates me being taken seriously.

As unfair as it is, I am usually more offended by such comments from men than from women. *shrug*