45.10. Envious

[paramedically]

[Locked from Ali]

I know it has to be some sort of test when I see couples kissing in Central Park and I'm jealous... nine weeks after my own wedding.

Comments

[doesntwaltz]

Andy?

[doesntwaltz]

Shit, I don't know what to say... I wish I had some advice. Maybe you should just come hang out with me and Rob for a little while?

[paramedically]

It's okay. It is. See? This is why I was being evasive. I didn't want you to feel you had to fix anything. I think she's scared I'm going to get her pregnant again, even if we've stopped trying. I just really don't know how to talk to her about it. This is... it's like nothing I've ever dealt with before.

[doesntwaltz]

You're my Andy, I can't help it! I'll always want to fix things. Or at least help you out, but I guess this isn't something I can help with. I haven't dealt with it, either. I think you just need to start talking. Start with anything you're feeling. It doesn't have to make sense immediately. Or even just write it down.

[paramedically]

I know you do, and I love you for it. This time, I just... I just want to have sex with my wife. We've only been married a couple of months, I want her so badly. I'll wear ten condoms if she wants me to! I feel like I'm going to explode, then I feel guilty for feeling like that because I know it's hard. Of course it's hard. We've lost two babies in six months. It's really fucking hard. I can't even go into a bar because I want a drink so badly, that's why we missed New Year. I just feel like I want to kick a pigeon bang my head against a wall.

[doesntwaltz]

It's okay to want your wife. You're not doing anything criminal. Have you spoken to Rachel about wanting a drink? Well, hey... New York has enough pigeons and I won't report you for animal cruelty. Just not sure you should be hurting your head.

[paramedically]

No, I haven't really... talked to anyone. Well, Ali. I tell her, so knows and gets it. I just... I don't know why I haven't called Rachel. I will, you're right. Not kick a pigeon, I'll contact Rachel.

[doesntwaltz]

Well, you don't have to. You've still got your family. I just assumed it's what sponsors are for.

[paramedically]

I know. I seem to have forgotten how to talk much. Just switch that side off and get on with things. I still have to work, still have to be a Dad, still have to do all those life things.

[doesntwaltz]

It's fine, we all have that phase. How is the Dad thing going? You would just like to be close to your wife while doing them.

[paramedically]

It's great, I love it. She's walking and talking more now. She's just in that fun phase, when you can really enjoy them because they're aware of you and what they're doing. I really, really would.

[doesntwaltz]

Oh wow, she's growing up so fast and I haven't even known her long. Talk to her, Andy. I think it's the only way things will change.

[paramedically]

She really is. This time last year.... well, this time last year, she was six weeks old and Ali and I slept together for the first time. See? I have sex on the brain. I'm a lost cause. I know, I just don't want to hurt her when she's already aching. She said she was okay after this time, but I think she's grieving, just in a different way. She's juggling work and Jamie just fine, but no energy there left for couple things much.

[doesntwaltz]

Hey, Andy, it's okay to have memories tied in like that. You're only human. It's also another good reason to talk to Ali. You're probably not going to be getting it off your brain any time soon, and I know you, you'll stop talking completely in case you say something about sex in front of her and worry how she'll react.

[paramedically]

I just worry I'll upset her. Not even make her angry or piss her off. I've seen her angry and pissed off, it's never a bother for me. She's fiery, it goes with the territory. It's seeing her hurting, I just want to take it all away, not cause more. And I know you get it, I do. You've been dealing with similar things with Rob. It's why I feel so stupid bitching about any of this. You husband got blown up, my wife has lost two babies, and I'm whining about not getting laid?

[doesntwaltz]

You don't have to feel stupid. You want to touch your wife, and you've been through just as tough times, if not more so. You lost babies, and I'm forever sorry about that. It doesn't mean you shouldn't fancy your wife though, or want to shag her. Or just be able to talk to her about it. People are always going to have needs, and they're not always going to be "good" needs.