Fic - Almost - (3/4) - Ten/Rose - T
Date Published: 10th July 2006
Title: Almost
Rating: T
Characters: Rose, Ten, Mickey, Jackie, alt!Pete
Genre(s): Angst, with a dash of Romance
Word Count: Total: 17,970; This part: 6,126
Summary: Impossible? Nah, that’s nothing. The Doctor can do impossible in his sleep. Frequently has, too. Some angsty but eventual feel-good stuff with Rose and Ten set after “Doomsday”. I can, you see, promise a happy ending. Because I’m like that.
Disclaimer: The names, images and logos identifying the BBC and their products and services are subject to copyright, design rights and trade marks of the BBC. Used without permission for non-profit, non-commercial personal use.
Fic Type: Multi-Chaptered. Complete.
Archived: Fanfiction.net, Teaspoon, here
Author's Note: This story wrote itself. Honestly, it did. I stayed up ‘til gone two in the morning, having frantically scribbled in my notebook for two hours flat. Hope you like.
Excerpt: Rose steps away and blinks back raw tears, her face contorting as they start to spill over her cheeks. It shouldn’t be this hard, she tries to tell herself. But then again, this is goodbye. Really and truly.
Almost, Part Three
“How long have you got?”
It is one of her first questions to him, both this visit and last. The answer this time around is delivered with a cheery grin and it makes her want to cry again, but for different reasons.
“As long as I want. As long as you want.”
“So you have...”
“...Forever, yes. Really and truly. Would I lie to you?”
He then goes on to explain that he doesn’t particularly want to spend forever here, and that once he goes back, whatever remaining strength in the Time Lords will be used to seal this world off from the universes because it has been dabbled in too many times. The universe will shut itself off from creating more parallels itself, and though it will not die, it will be unreachable through any laws they have. The Time Lords have enough power for two journeys. Once here. Once back. After that, there is nothing.
His joy spills out over him as he explains in hurried bouts, something about rewards, something about soldier’s duty, something about wiping the slate clean. There is so, so much to tell her and he doesn’t want to spoil it all in a few hurried minutes. So he slows down, telling her what she needs to know, what she wants to know, letting her ask the questions.
He tells her he found his own kind in amidst a wormhole, black holes collected all around, the Time Lords drawing power and steadily growing stronger. Eventually, strong enough for the TARDIS to pick up a signal. They are living on a chunk of rock large enough to have a gravitational force. Large enough for a planet. They’ve called it Gallifrey II, because they never did like change. Yes, the original planet was still destroyed in the Time War. No, he barely recognises any of them. No... His family are not there. Yes, he is all right. Yes, he is sure. Yes, the other Time Lords certainly recognised him. Yes, they knew what he had done for them in the War. Yes, they had offered him a reward. Yes - he had chosen her.
He has told her that with his own people, flitting between universes is easy. It only became a challenge when they died, when the links severed. They do not have enough collective strength, yet, to form the bonds they once had. But between them, they have enough for this favour to him and enough still to protect the worlds involved. Enough to save her life. And maybe his as well. In a manner of speaking.
The Doctor takes her hand again as the impact of the answer to her last question hangs in the air. The horizon lies forgotten as he stands over her, his back to the sea, his long shadow stretching over her. He is almost silhouetted against the beautiful backdrop, but she can still make out the soft features of his face. Perhaps part of it is her imagination. She smiles - almost laughs - at the thought. And then she bites down on her lip, forcing her childish manner away, because there is something very sinister hanging above her head.
“Did you... Come back... To say...?”
She can’t finish her sentence. It hurts too much.
He wonders at what her last words may be. Perhaps it is better she never finishes; yet it is still difficult, and somewhat awkward, and he drops her hand and scratches nervously behind his ear, before sliding his hand to the nape of his neck and rubbing thoughtfully. He doesn’t quite meet her eye as he speaks, concentrating very hard on a particularly interesting stack of rocks over in the distance.
“I thought - seeing as I may never see you again - It’ll be the last chance...” His eyes meet hers and there is fire in them, both pairs, excited and passionate and daring. “...To say...” He is urged on by the little voice in his head, the little voice that was once his conscience but is now the sound of Rose. “...Come with me.”
He had meant it to sound like a question, like an easy sort of thing her best mate might say on a whim. Maybe even a plea. He didn’t mean it to sound heavy, like an order, especially if she has already started a new life in this world. She’s going to be a big sister. She’s going to get a job at Torchwood. She’s going to do so many things, help so many people, that to order her away from that is just as selfish as it was to come to here. He can see, in the back of his mind, a warning sign that he has made a mistake.
She almost breaks his neck as she leaps at him with a hug.
He laughs as she clings to him, enjoying the fact that she needs to be so close to him and that he was not wrong. He wraps his arms around her and grins.
“Can I take that as a ‘yes’?” It is light-hearted and warm, but there is a sense of pleading in there too. He needs to hear an answer - for his own peace of mind.
“Yes,” she breathes into his ear and, perhaps it is the closeness, perhaps it is the atmosphere, perhaps it is the time he has spent away from her, but he suddenly feels quite breathless himself. “Yes. Oh God, yes. Thought you’d never ask.”
“Well, that would be a little out of order,” he replies, pulling back so he can look at her, so that one of his hands can tuck away the hair behind her ear. “Come all the way out here just to pop by and say, ‘Whoops, sorry, look at what you’re missing, ooh, look at the time, must dash, BYE!’.”
“‘S what you did last time,” Rose points out reasonably, though there is no accusation in her voice. He loves her a little bit more for that, he thinks.
He considers with a ponderous frown before it dissolves away, leaving just the smile on his lips.
“I suppose so. But that was goodbye.”
“Oh? And what’s this, then?”
His eyes are full of wonder and they sparkle as he watches her: his lips close into an amused smirk. His hands, which are on her shoulders, slide slowly, slowly down her arms to her hands, which - clasped in his - nestle between their lower torsos. Their gaze that has locked never falters.
“A promise,” the Doctor replies, and it is the one time in his entire life where, not only does he mean it with every ounce of his hearts and soul, he knows that it is in his power to keep it.
Rose doesn’t think there are any other words that could possibly exceed the passion in his voice. Not even the three little ones she can see blazing in his luscious eyes as he looks at her, three words she has already told him but has yet to hear herself.
A whisper on the wind around them reaches her ears and she smiles, because no sounder advice has ever been given.
Wait.
They walk, hand in hand, back to the hotel. It is not somehow as simple as merely hand in hand - it is shoulder to shoulder, steps slow and longing, conversation quiet. She cannot count the number of times she knocks against his shoulder or his clasped hand grazes her thigh. He can, well up into the hundreds, but he doesn’t voice the number because it is something only for him.
He pretends that he does not want to whisk her way on the instant, and he will wait and walk with her so she can say a final goodbye to her family. He tries to make excuses, to find reasons for wanting her to leave them behind so much. She has left them before... You’ve had years without her... You both deserve this... She loves you... It doesn’t stop his guilt, so he will do whatever she asks of him because he no longer as the power to deny her. Not that he had much power in the first place.
She asked, on the beach, if he could take them all with him, back to the real world. But he had smiled, telling her that this world is just as real as any other, and by the looks of things, they were happy. And together. Besides, there isn’t enough power to move them all across the rift. The universe could collapse if too much moves. She trusted him and believed him, then she had asked to see them so they wouldn’t worry and understand.
He complied, willingly, so now they walk the distance back to the hotel.
He finds it strange that they don’t need words. He has missed the sound of her voice so much, yet being here with her like this is enough, and he’s happy just to gaze at her as they walk. Her own eyes are on the floor by her feet as they tread, or in the distance, or on the horizon. Once or twice, they fall on him too, and they smile at each other because there are no words that can possibly portray how they feel.
And then the Doctor stumbles over a kink in the road and Rose laughs as he collects himself, then shrieks as his eyes gleam and he dashes after her. Like a pair of children, they play a game of kiss-chase, Rose running ahead and laughing as she looks back, seeing the Doctor hot on her tail. There is something almost predatory in his dark eyes and he soon catches her, curling his arm protectively around her waist as he pulls her hip to his, laughing and grinning and nuzzling his nose into her hair.
He catches her off guard when he spins her into him in a smooth movement. Her hands rest in loose fists on his chest and she giggles, meeting his eye while his hand tightens on her waist, his pressure light but enough to keep their bodies together. He is still grinning like an idiot as his other hand dances across her cheek. He cups it finally, the heat radiating off him enough to warm her in the cold morning air.
Then it happens. He dips his head, angling her neck with his hand, before brushing her lips softly with his own. The touch is gentle and intimate, and Rose feels her entire body clench beneath him. It may be chaste as he holds his passion back, but she closes her eyes as their connection lingers. He moves his head rather than his actual mouth, pushing against her ever so slightly as he tightens around her upper lip. Just for moment, he pulls back to move to her bottom lip, yet magically he retains his contact in the process. The hand on her back begins to trace circles lightly at the soft skin at her waistband, his fingers just brushing where her jacket ends.
His touch is so perfect that Rose feels dizziness engulf her. She means to kiss back, is sure she does, but there is something very different about this, like he is taking away her control and deliberation, leaving just emotion for him to feed off. Something tickles at the skin at her base of her spine, so soft she barely feels it, and she gasps, finally gaining enough self-control to tilt her head.
It is then that he pulls his head back completely, pulls his lips away from hers and instead stands there and blinks at her. He runs the tip of his tongue between his lips, feeling a moisture there that he knows isn’t his own. His hand is still on her jawline and he brushes his thumb tenderly across the smooth skin of her cheek, his smile so small that it is barely noticeable.
She opens her eyes slowly and the happiness that explodes through her at the sight of him still standing there is enough to make her heart race and her hands sweat. Rose can feel the thump of his own hearts at her hands and sighs contentedly, feeling very much like she is floating away on a cloud. It is strange, she thinks, that she has been feeling so heart brokenly miserable these past few months and now suddenly she is feeling happier than she can ever remember feeling in her entire life. Perhaps fate is being cruel to be kind.
The Doctor almost laughs and he doesn’t quite know why. There is nothing particularly amusing about this situation, unless he looks at it objectively. He tilts his head, looking at her in a new angle and a new light. His Rose, so beautiful. His smile begins to widen.
“Caught you,” he murmurs, blinking so slowly that he can almost feel his lids drag over his eyes.
Rose closes her eyes with a snort of laughter, shaking her head at his ridiculous humour. It is nice to think that he hasn’t changed.
“I s’pose that means I’m ‘it’, then?”
His eyes dance with glee as his smile transforms into his ecstatic grin, before breaking into wild laughter. “Haha! Yup!”
In an instant he has dropped all contact, because he is dashing backwards away from her, before turning around and jogging. It becomes a full sprint as he hears her trainers crunch on the ground behind him and his coat flies out as he runs. It only takes a few seconds for him to slow again and he turns his head and outstretches his hand, palm up, and grins as she rushes to meet him.
Their hands meet in a fusion of warm emotion, and it is one of the few times in this incarnation where he pushes his fingers through hers, palms together, fingers resting in the shape of the knuckles. Neither stops running. They end up laughing and jogging all the way back to the hotel, hands clasped, their joy rising up into the air and surrounding them like their breath on the cold morning, intertwining, and circling and turning. And always, always dancing.
By the time they reach the desolate, rather run-down, building, it has been agreed that Rose goes in to see them first. There is someone at the desk when they walk in, still hand in hand, but Rose is lucky enough that he recognises her and as she disappears up the stairs, the Doctor has to spend the next few minutes chatting idly about the ‘strange family’ upstairs. When the receptionist makes the mistake of calling them the Doctor’s ‘in-laws’, he just gazes thoughtfully up the stairs and does not correct him.
It is Jackie and Pete’s room she knocks at first, because Mickey always was a late sleeper and she doesn’t want to disturb him. However, when she opens the door and steps inside, she spots him in there, along with her Mum and Dad. It takes only a few seconds for her family to realise she is here, and it is her mother in front of, pulling her into a death-grip hug. Then she pulls back and there are tears in her eyes; she has been angry and, worse, worried.
“There you are!” she cries, as if she has just found the second in a pair of shoes. “Thought you’d gone and run off somewhere. Where on Earth have you been?”
Rose smiles at the expression, not quite sure if it really is Earth that she’s been on. But her mother continues, relentless, not even pausing for answers.
“Mickey went to get you up and you weren’t there. We were all comin’ out to find you, though you might have - ”
“Jacks,” Pete cuts across sternly, and Rose notices - with some happiness - how naturally a couple they are with each other. “Give her a chance to breathe, yeah?”
Mickey is still standing by the window, his face sombre. He knows the look on Rose’s face, has seen it many times before. He isn’t quite sure if he wants to accept what it means, but he knows that it is for the best.
“I wanna know where the bloody hell she ran off to!” Jackie shoots back to Pete. Then she turns back to her daughter and she softens her look. “What happened, sweetheart? Where did you go?”
She can feel the new strain of tears rise up in her even before the words form in her mind. Up until now, she has been subconsciously living with the notion that it has been a dream. But admitting it to her family brings reality crashing down on her like an avalanche in a blizzard, and she is joking as she tells them, having to double over and up again before she can quite get the words out.
“He came back for me.”
“What?” The chorus is unanimous between her parents - Mickey stays quiet, lost in his own thoughts, but there is a wry smile on his young face. He is happy for her, and for the Doctor too, when all is said and done. Cocky bastard, if ever there was one.
“Yeah,” Rose tries to explain, her thoughts muddling inside her mind, making it almost impossible to get the words out. “He’s back. He’s here.”
Jackie looks worried, possibly quite rightly. “Are you sure?” she whispers, her face contorted into a disbelieving frown. She takes her daughter’s hand. “Cos you kept thinkin’ he was back before, always rushin’ out at the first sound o’ that damn ship’f his. It never was, though, an’ there’s never been any proof of ‘im. Well, until last night, but Mickey says that was a one-off. How do you know he’s real?”
Rose is beside herself as too many emotions fight for rights in her body. There is frustration and happiness and somewhere, lodged in amongst it all, the tiniest bit of grief, because she knows and remembers how she used to feel about the Doctor returning, always expecting him to turn up on the corner of some street. She needs help to explain to her Mum, to the rest of her family, because she herself doesn’t believe it quite enough to tell them it’s real.
Up until the next few moments, after which, she is definitely sure.
“Oh, I’m quite real, Jackie. I can promise you that.”
He is standing in the doorway just behind Rose and she jumps and turns, not expecting him to be there. Perhaps under usual circumstances he might have stayed downstairs - but he knows she might have needed his help with this and, besides, he has been so long without her by his side that to be in the same building - in the same universe - and not being next to her is enough to rip him apart from the inside out. He decides it is best to avoid that sort of thing as much as possible, so he grins and puts a hand comfortingly on Rose’s shoulder as she turns back to her family.
Pete gapes.
Mickey stares.
Jackie rushes forward.
He thinks, for one terrifying moment, that she means to slap him; but then she hurls one arm around Rose and the other around him, pulling them both to her in a crushing hug.
He has to bend to meet it, because he always was rather tall in this incarnation. He cannot help the grin that spreads over his face as he feels Rose’s hand find his, giving them their own secret hold on each other that no one can see.
Jackie steps back and the look on her face would, under other circumstances, be enough to make the Doctor laugh. She looks livid but grateful, confused though understanding, heart-broken yet delighted. He always did think that humans used emotions far too often.
“Where the bloody hell have you been?” she demands, standing back now with her hands on her hips. Her gaze then dips to their clasped hands, their fingers linked - again. Even Jackie notices the contact is closer than it usually is and her head turns from one to the other a slight frown setting into her face. “You’re not...?”
“I’ve been busy,” the Doctor offers, choosing to ignore her second question. It seems rude to answer Rose’s mother before he has answered her.
“Busy?” Jackie is, unsurprisingly, mortified. “You left us all stranded out here, an’ you’ve been busy? I’ve got a good idea to give you a piece of my mind - ”
“Mum!” Rose cuts in finally, and the Doctor is glad of it. He does not really want to deal with an irate mother right at the minute. He is still fighting overwhelming feelings for the daughter in question. “He’s had to... to find his own kind jus’ so he could get back here. He can only come once, an’ leave once, an’ then he’s gone.”
Jackie’s eyes narrowed. “‘S what ‘e said last time!”
“Last time, I didn’t have my own - ”
Rose’s hand tightens on his and she steps up on tiptoe, leaning into his ear. He stops talking as she whispers, “You don’t have to explain a thing, ‘kay? Not to mum. You’ve done enough for us.”
Obediently, he shuts is mouth, and a wave of appreciation washes over him. He is so glad he’s found her.
Boldly, Rose slips her hand out of his and meets her Mum’s eye. Then she looks to Mickey and Pete, not sure what to make of the feeling she sees there. Pete seems almost angry: but she doesn’t know him that well yet, he could just be thinking about something else. Mickey, on the other hand, has a look that is of pure acceptance and she almost wants to rush over to him and tell him she loves him for it. She doesn’t, not in that way, but there will always be a special place in her heart that will care for him. He has changed so much since her adventures with the Doctor. She is sure she has, too.
Her Mum isn’t smiling when Rose looks back, and she has to take a breath, brace herself, and step forward. This is harder than she thought it would be.
“We can’t come back.”
The implied ‘we’ is obvious. She doesn’t mean “You, me, Mickey, Pete, the baby an’ the Doctor”. She means “Me an’ the Doctor”. And everybody knows it.
Jackie’s eyes instantly look over her shoulder and into his face. “You’re takin’ her away from me again, aren’tchya?”
Pete can recognise the hurt in his wife’s voice. He calls her his wife in his head, and to this world she is - the papers say she is a Mrs. Jackie Tyler. They haven’t had a ceremony this time around. Neither needs one.
He steps forward, in more ways than one, and puts a comforting hand on her arm. He, too, meets eyes with the Doctor, though his apparent anger has faded and he looks on with accepting pride. He knows Rose can make a good decision. Jackie jumps and turns. “Tell him, Pete,” she instructs. But he can’t, and they both know it. “Tell him he can’t do that...” There are tears in her voice now, but Pete doesn’t falter. He just stares.
“It’s Rose’s decision, Jacks,” he answers sombrely, and he is almost proud that the Doctor’s face is equally grave.
Jackie turns back to her daughter and Rose steps forward, curling her into a hug.
“I thought this was gonna be it,” she whispers to her daughter. “That it was all over. That we could be a family again.”
Rose steps away and blinks back raw tears, her face contorting as they start to spill over her cheeks. It shouldn’t be this hard, she tries to tell herself. But then again, this is goodbye. Really and truly. She’ll never see them again, and although she would choose the Doctor any and every day, it still hurts.
She slips a hand to her mother’s stomach. “You can still have a family,” she chokes breathlessly, closing her eyes before her vision blurs with a new film of tears. Jackie reaches to stroke her daughter’s hair and she opens her eyes again, taking another deep breath. “You can have the family you deserve, yeah? Start again - new life, new love. An’ I can too. With the Doctor.”
Jackie gives him another fearful glance before turning back. There are the beginnings of an understanding smile on her face, despite the tears that are creeping down her own face. “Well then, I s’pose I can’t really hate the man who gives you all that, can I sweetheart?”
The Doctor looks on and holds in a breath, wishing very hard that the circumstances did not mean more painful goodbyes to his Rose. It was easy, he remembers, for her to up and leave them at Torchwood, because there was no thought involved. There was just action and reaction, and instinct and feelings. Now there is time to think, and it hurts so much more. Perhaps that is why he never says goodbye. Or why he never used to. Since he met Rose... Well, things have changed. He knows it is probably for the better.
Mother and daughter hug for a final time, before Rose pulls back and moves on to Pete. She whispers something to him and for a moment, the Doctor is sure he sees the cool, confident man break. He wraps his arms around the young woman, but lets her go quickly. She brushes an affectionate kiss to his cheek before moving on to Mickey.
Pete stands for a moment, raising fingers to the spot where Rose kissed him. Dad. She called me ‘Dad’. For the first time, though perhaps not the last, he feels what it’s like to be a father.
There is silence in the room as all eyes fall on the two by the window. Rose approaches Mickey slowly, uncertainly, not quite sure what to say. She stops inches away from him, her face pleading.
They meet eyes. He nods mutely. And then they hug.
It isn’t like the last goodbye. There are no tears, no curses, no pleadings. There is just acceptance and happiness for one another - Mickey’s life here is far more fulfilling than it ever was back home. He knows that he said goodbye to her a long time ago, that he lost her even before that. Now, he is just happy to see her smile again, to see a part of the old Rose return to her.
Rose is back to the Doctor’s side not long after and she turns her head to look at him. There is a question in his eyes and she smiles, nods. Then he looks away, steps forwards, stoops a little, and swoops her mother into a hug.
Jackie is shocked and squawks a little; the Doctor lets go soon enough. She meets his eye and frowns, then pulls im down again, her embrace nothing like that of his Rose. But he laughs anyway, because this is the last chance he will ever have to feel like a part of a family.
“You take good care of her - you hear me?” she tells him with a waving finger. Then, turning to her daughter, she adds, “And don’t you be takin’ any stick from ‘im. I know how rude he can be - the things that come out of his mouth!”
“You wanna hear him when he isn’t being polite!” Rose teases before she can stop herself. The Doctor looks back to her with a smirk on his face, before turning back and holding out a hand to her father. It is the decent thing to do, he thinks, given the circumstances.
Pete takes is, nodding his head as their hands shake. He then brings up his other hand, encasing the Doctor’s in both of his own. “It’s just as well you came back,” he informs him. “Our Rose has never been the same since you left.”
The Doctor tries not to smile at the term ‘our’, but makes sure that the compliment is heard. Then he looks to meet eyes with Mickey, the final goodbye he thinks he can handle.
The young man still stands, quietly, observing everything that’s going on around him without adding to the conversation. Their eyes lock, and a silent discussion is going on between them. And then, through a strange sort of courage that he has only learned recently, Mickey clears his throat.
“Looks like the better man won, then.” His voice is kind, where once it might have been cynical or snide.
A small, affectionate smile tips the corners of the Doctor’s mouth. “Oh, I dunno,” he replies, putting on a thoughtful sigh. “I’d say you give me a fair run for my money.”
He has become, if he is honest with himself, rather fond of the young chap. But goodbyes are only for once, really, and he feels his feet begin to twitch as he yearns to be in amongst the stars again. When he turns only his head back to Rose, she is looking at him softly. There is pride in her glittering brown eyes, and he knows that part of it is because of him and part of it is because of Mickey. He is pleased - Mickey deserves pride.
“Right,” the Doctor continues after a thoughtful sigh, stretching his arm out and angling it to Rose. He wiggles the fingers of his hands almost seductively, willing her in his mind to step forward and take it. He catches her eye and adds, very softly, “Time to go?”
He doesn’t want to hurt her, doesn’t want her to think she doesn’t care. He knows this is the last time she will see any of them again. So does she.
There is a sorrow in both his face and his voice that surprises him a little. Part of him even wishes he could stay, could live here, could start his own life and family - but it is only the very smallest of parts, perhaps the part that keeps him human.
“What, already?”
The voice is Jackie’s, hurt and cold. The Doctor looks up, his face apologetic.
“Can’t you stay?” her mother persists. Pete’s hand tightens on her shoulder. “Just a bit?”
“I’m sorry,” the Doctor sighs, and it is an apology that he means. “Every second that I’m here, this world is falling apart. Both of them are. It’ll heal when I go back, but until then, everything is just going to get worse.”
He feels a hand in his. Rose.
“Sounds like we’d best be off then,” she offers, looking between the Doctor and the rest of her family. He smiles subtly at her bravery, despite the fact he knows it is put on. “I... I love you. All of you.”
Jackie hugs her husband mutely as the couple head towards the door. Mickey watches, his hands curled into fists, but says nothing. The tension in the room is thicker than mud, and just as difficult to breathe through.
The Doctor’s hand is in the small of her back as she walks in front of him and she is at the door before he has a thought, stops and turns. All eyes are on him and he is not surprised. He meets eyes with Jackie and tries to ignore the guilt he feels creeping through him like an army of ants.
“Oh, I almost forgot. Jackie, give me your phone.”
She frowns and would argue, but there is something in his look that she can’t help but trust. Obediently, she digs in her pocket and produces the thin affair. The Doctor takes it and frowns thoughtfully, before digging into the pocket of his suit and producing something that looks like the smallest of microchips. He slips the cover from the SIM card and slots the device into the mechanism, where it fits perfectly. With a smile that would melt the heart of any broken mother, he grins and hands the phone back.
“There!” he offers with a grin, and looks as though he expects applause. “Good as new. Better, in fact, come to think of it.”
Jackie looks bemused, blinking at the contraption in her hand. She looks back to the Doctor, her mouth open slightly, a frown creasing her forehead.
“Super-duper phone,” the Doctor suggests, by way of explanation. “It’s psychically connected to Rose’s phone, now. You’ll be able to ring each other, parallel universe or no, and catch up with a good bit of gossip whenever you feel like it!”
Jackie opens and closes her mouth, looking much like a fish, gaping down at the phone. Then she looks up again. “Thank you, Doctor.” And she means it.
He smiles.
Rose’s hand tightens on his, and he knows he has done the right thing; he knows he has made her happy.
Words seem worthless now. All that is left are shared looks as Rose tries to tell each of them just how much she’ll miss them, through only a look.
Then they are leaving the room, walking down the stairs and out of the front door of the hotel. It seems so simple and easy just to walk away like that, to leave them all behind and know she will never see them again. Perhaps she begins why the Doctor does it so easily.
They are not far down the road, hand in hand, when he feels her shake beneath his touch.
For the moment, he has been watching the road ahead of them, content with the wild, grassy banks and the cold wind, and the crisp smell in the fresh, morning air. Part of him is more alive than it has ever been before. But then there’s the touch, the smallest of clues that perhaps everything is not all right. He turns his head, catching her out of the corner of his eye. He wonders if he should be surprised that she’s crying.
“Hey,” he murmurs softly, pulling her to a stop. She obeys, but can’t quite bring herself to look at him. Instead, she wraps and arm around herself and looks momentarily to the heavens, trying to force the tears down by the flow of gravity.
The Doctor just gazes at her, unable to look anywhere else. She is glowing to him, radiant, and there is such warmth coming off her that he wonders how he ever managed to live without it. Her face is pale, no make-up staining its beauty. Her hair is battered and bruised, her lips small and delicate; the clothes she is wearing do not fit her well, do not compliment the beautiful figure he knows she has. But she is beautiful. In that moment, right there, when she is so raw to him he imagines he can see part of her very soul, she is more beautiful than any person, place, animal or thing he has ever seen before in his existence. One of his hearts, the left one to be precise, flutters like it has just sprouted wings and is trying to fight free of its restraints.
When she looks at him, the very same heart suddenly stops moving altogether, he is sure of it. He tries not to show in his face that he recognises her look. It is a look he has seen many times before, hiding in her grievous eyes as she tries to maintain eye contact. It is sapping her strength even to look at him, to hold back the wave of grief he knows is consuming her from the inside out. He can’t even bring himself to tighten his hand, to pull her into a hug, to grace her lips with a comforting kiss.
He has seen that look before.
It means she wants to go home.
It means she wants to leave.
And, this time around, he’s not quite sure he can let her go.
End this Part
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