Happy Date-day to me
It's AG's birthday today. How things have changed in a year. It's as if he doesn't even exist anymore. No contact whatsoever for months now. Weird how you go from wanting to spend the rest of your life with someone to not even wanting to see their photo on Facebook. I saw his name and profile photo pop up the other day when I looked up a mutual friend on Facebook, and it made my heart stop for a second. It's been so long, it was an unpleasant jolt to see his face. And even though it would be easy to click on his name and see all the birthday wishes that are undoubtedly being posted to his Facebook wall today, I refuse. It's not that I wish him ill -- I really hope he is alive and healthy, because a part of me still loves him irrationally and passionately, and misses him terribly. But I'm kind of hoping he has a miserable birthday, to be honest. Who knows, maybe he's ringing in 44 with a new girlfriend and is deliriously happy. But whatever. I don't want to know. I'll just imagine that he's looking at his life today and thinking that it sucks. And that he remembers what he did for his birthday last year (spent it with me) and kicks himself a million times over for fucking things up. So there. Un-Happy Birthday to him.
Meanwhile, I've got a date tonight. I'm very glad that I do, because it gives me something to look forward to and also forced me to dress up and take pains to look presentable (I'm wearing a skirt and heels, a top that makes me look skinny and busty at the same time, and painted my nails). Better than moping around in sweatpants tonight. I'm also more excited about this date than any of the others I've gone on. Sure, it's probably not going to go beyond one drink and I'll probably never see the guy after tonight, but I'm really looking forward to finally trying a bar that I've been wanting to check out for years. And now that the bar's just been awarded the title of Best American Cocktail Bar at Tales of the Cocktail 2012, I'm even more excited about having drinks there. They're sure to be delicious. Mmm, craft cocktails with giant hand-carved blocks of ice. Can't wait!
As for the guy himself, I get the feeling we could be at least be good friends, based on his profile and the messages we exchanged. We have at least a few superficial things in common (tattoos, pet cats, a lack of religious faith, the desire to complete a triathalon, love of food/whiskey/music/the written word). Given that I've had a great time on my other dates, even with guys I wasn't attracted to or with whom I had less in common, I'm not too worried. The good thing about going on all these dates is that it keeps me in a groove, keeps the energy flowing, prevents me from looking at this date as a big frakking deal and getting too nervous. The more I do this, the easier it will get. And if the right guy ever comes along, I'll be relaxed and chill about it instead of all freaked. Hopefully tonight's date is the kind of guy who gets cuter over time and also hasn't lied too much, if at all, on his profile. I made sure to wear heels that aren't too high, though, just in case he has.
After this, I wonder if I'll be able to find other promising guys to go on dates with. The friend with whom I went to see a modern dance show on Sunday offered to introduce me to an artistic single friend of hers, but I looked him up and he reminded me very much of R. He's in the entertainment business, is a musician and composer, and has a pretty impressive resume and has worked with some big names, according to his professional website. It reminded me so much of R.'s website, I couldn't help but think that if I did ever go out with this music guy, he would dump me before we hit 10 months. I just can't see holding on to a guy like that, being as conventional as I am. Plus I haven't had the best track record with artist boyfriends these last couple years. But maybe I'll ask her to introduce us anyway, just so I have another date to look forward to.
One date at a time! I'll worry about future dates later. Gotta say, this is kinda fun.
Meanwhile, I've got a date tonight. I'm very glad that I do, because it gives me something to look forward to and also forced me to dress up and take pains to look presentable (I'm wearing a skirt and heels, a top that makes me look skinny and busty at the same time, and painted my nails). Better than moping around in sweatpants tonight. I'm also more excited about this date than any of the others I've gone on. Sure, it's probably not going to go beyond one drink and I'll probably never see the guy after tonight, but I'm really looking forward to finally trying a bar that I've been wanting to check out for years. And now that the bar's just been awarded the title of Best American Cocktail Bar at Tales of the Cocktail 2012, I'm even more excited about having drinks there. They're sure to be delicious. Mmm, craft cocktails with giant hand-carved blocks of ice. Can't wait!
As for the guy himself, I get the feeling we could be at least be good friends, based on his profile and the messages we exchanged. We have at least a few superficial things in common (tattoos, pet cats, a lack of religious faith, the desire to complete a triathalon, love of food/whiskey/music/the written word). Given that I've had a great time on my other dates, even with guys I wasn't attracted to or with whom I had less in common, I'm not too worried. The good thing about going on all these dates is that it keeps me in a groove, keeps the energy flowing, prevents me from looking at this date as a big frakking deal and getting too nervous. The more I do this, the easier it will get. And if the right guy ever comes along, I'll be relaxed and chill about it instead of all freaked. Hopefully tonight's date is the kind of guy who gets cuter over time and also hasn't lied too much, if at all, on his profile. I made sure to wear heels that aren't too high, though, just in case he has.
After this, I wonder if I'll be able to find other promising guys to go on dates with. The friend with whom I went to see a modern dance show on Sunday offered to introduce me to an artistic single friend of hers, but I looked him up and he reminded me very much of R. He's in the entertainment business, is a musician and composer, and has a pretty impressive resume and has worked with some big names, according to his professional website. It reminded me so much of R.'s website, I couldn't help but think that if I did ever go out with this music guy, he would dump me before we hit 10 months. I just can't see holding on to a guy like that, being as conventional as I am. Plus I haven't had the best track record with artist boyfriends these last couple years. But maybe I'll ask her to introduce us anyway, just so I have another date to look forward to.
One date at a time! I'll worry about future dates later. Gotta say, this is kinda fun.