Ill-conceived Plans
worldofscribble Writing Challenge, Comedy of Errors.
Glumly, I stared at the two remaining boxes in the car's trunk. I was cold, my back hurt, and I remembered all too clearly how heavy these last two containers of my dorm room detritus had been when I'd loaded them a few hours before. There was a powdering of snow along the cardboard's outer edges--probably shouldn't have left the trunk open while making all those trips back and forth to the house--and I suspected it wouldn't be long before they'd start to collapse under all the internal weight pushing outward.
My cell phone rang. From the ringtone, a screeching guitar solo by Zakk Wylde, I knew it was my brother, Hayden. Fumbling with gloved fingers, I pawed the phone out of my left-hand coat pocket, and managed to accept the call before it went to voice mail.
"What's up?" his voice chirped from the handset.
"What's up," I growled, bending over the trunk, and hefting one box atop its neighbor while trapping the phone in-between my head and shoulder, "is that I don't like lying for you."
"hey, who asked you to?" was his surly reply.
"yeah," I snorted, while eyeing the slightly lopsided tower of cardboard I'd just created, "so when Mom and Dad called from the airport to check if I had made it home yet, and happened to ask if you were also here, I should've said no?"
A pause, and then, "Shit, no, I'm sorry."
"Where the Hell are you anyway?" I asked, bracing myself, and preparing to lift both boxes. "All the weather reports say we're going to get buried. Mom and Dad weren't even sure they were going to make it out of here tonight."
"Was their flight delayed?" he asked, sounding a bit apprehensive.
"No," I scoffed, wedging the fingers of my gloved hands underneath the bottom box, "you're safe. They were calling their flight to board when Mom hung up with me."
I lunged upward, just barely managing to duck my head passed the open trunk lid, and gasping in triumph, began staggering towards the house.
"You were supposed to be here," I wheezed resentfully. "Swore you'd help me unload this crap in exchange for me letting you use my car this Saturday. Remember that?"
"I'm sorry," Hayden said, "I just bought some flowers, and …"
The rest of his sentence was cut off as my feet lost traction, and I started an uncontrolled slide towards the shrubs at the sidewalk's edge. Floundering, desperately digging in my toes to try and avoid the inevitable, I thought for one split second that I might be able to stay upright. Then, it all fell apart.
The top box slid free, hit the pavement like a slightly soggy ton of bricks, and remained where it fell. The cell phone squirted out from in-between my head and shoulder, and went flying off into the snowy darkness. Blocked by the box at my feet, I twisted sideways, flung the remaining box over my head in a last ditch effort to remain standing, and landed on my back, half on and half off of the sidewalk.
"Jeff! Jeff!" It was Hayden's voice. "Are you all right?"
How could I still hear him?
"Jeff!"
It had to be the speaker on the cell; it must've been switched on during its escape from my shoulder.
"Jeff!"
Feeling battered and beaten, I slowly crawled towards the sound of Hayden's repeated inquiries, and eventually spied the phone, lying forlornly on the edge of a cascade of papers, CD's, and other randomized elements from my college life. Scrabbling forward a few final inches, I eventually reached it, and after brushing off a couple damp leaves, raised it to my face.
"Did you say you were buying flowers?"
"I… Um, yeah, for Melissa."
I flopped over on my back, the ground beneath me unbelievably cold, and gazed up at the nighttime sky. The snow was falling in earnest now, flakes splattering on my upturned face, slowly trickling their way downwards towards my neck. As uncomfortable as I was, I didn't feel like trying to stand up quite yet.
"Didn't she like break up with you a month ago or something?"
"Closer to two," he said, sounding bummed. "I thought maybe, if I got her some flowers, and we met in the gazebo in her back yard where we always sat and read and stuff… I dunno, maybe she'd take me back."
"uh," I temporized, mentally sifting through fragments of past conversations with him that I had barely paid attention to, "wait a minute."
"What?"
"Dude, you cheated on her!" I exclaimed, finally remembering. "And, with her best friend!"
"I didn't mean to," he whined, "it just sorrta happened."
The snow around me was beginning to pile up, and my exposed skin was starting to feel numb. If I didn't move soon, they wouldn't find me until next year, always assuming, of course, that we had thawed out by then.
"Just sorta happened," I repeated, levering myself into a sitting position. "Your clothes and hers magically vanished, and then you tripped and fell on top of her?"
"Shut up!" Then, almost whispering, "Look, I'm almost there, okay?"
"Almost where?" I asked, trying to decide if I was ready to attempt the monumental task of standing up.
"I told you," he hissed, "her back yard. I'm going to text her once I'm in the gazebo."
"Uh, Hayden," I objected, "I don't think that's such a …"
There was an explosion of noise from the cell phone, and then Hayden's voice, "Oh shit-oh shit-oh shit!"
"Hayden?" Without knowing how it had happened, I found that I was standing, the ruins of my first semester in college scattered around my feet. The cell phone clutched in my hand was emitting strange guttural noises, along with what I assumed were Hayden's gasping attempts at speech.
There was a crash, and then Hayden's despairing wail, oddly dopplered, as though he too was watching his phone fly free.
"They got a doooooooooog!"
Glumly, I stared at the two remaining boxes in the car's trunk. I was cold, my back hurt, and I remembered all too clearly how heavy these last two containers of my dorm room detritus had been when I'd loaded them a few hours before. There was a powdering of snow along the cardboard's outer edges--probably shouldn't have left the trunk open while making all those trips back and forth to the house--and I suspected it wouldn't be long before they'd start to collapse under all the internal weight pushing outward.
My cell phone rang. From the ringtone, a screeching guitar solo by Zakk Wylde, I knew it was my brother, Hayden. Fumbling with gloved fingers, I pawed the phone out of my left-hand coat pocket, and managed to accept the call before it went to voice mail.
"What's up?" his voice chirped from the handset.
"What's up," I growled, bending over the trunk, and hefting one box atop its neighbor while trapping the phone in-between my head and shoulder, "is that I don't like lying for you."
"hey, who asked you to?" was his surly reply.
"yeah," I snorted, while eyeing the slightly lopsided tower of cardboard I'd just created, "so when Mom and Dad called from the airport to check if I had made it home yet, and happened to ask if you were also here, I should've said no?"
A pause, and then, "Shit, no, I'm sorry."
"Where the Hell are you anyway?" I asked, bracing myself, and preparing to lift both boxes. "All the weather reports say we're going to get buried. Mom and Dad weren't even sure they were going to make it out of here tonight."
"Was their flight delayed?" he asked, sounding a bit apprehensive.
"No," I scoffed, wedging the fingers of my gloved hands underneath the bottom box, "you're safe. They were calling their flight to board when Mom hung up with me."
I lunged upward, just barely managing to duck my head passed the open trunk lid, and gasping in triumph, began staggering towards the house.
"You were supposed to be here," I wheezed resentfully. "Swore you'd help me unload this crap in exchange for me letting you use my car this Saturday. Remember that?"
"I'm sorry," Hayden said, "I just bought some flowers, and …"
The rest of his sentence was cut off as my feet lost traction, and I started an uncontrolled slide towards the shrubs at the sidewalk's edge. Floundering, desperately digging in my toes to try and avoid the inevitable, I thought for one split second that I might be able to stay upright. Then, it all fell apart.
The top box slid free, hit the pavement like a slightly soggy ton of bricks, and remained where it fell. The cell phone squirted out from in-between my head and shoulder, and went flying off into the snowy darkness. Blocked by the box at my feet, I twisted sideways, flung the remaining box over my head in a last ditch effort to remain standing, and landed on my back, half on and half off of the sidewalk.
"Jeff! Jeff!" It was Hayden's voice. "Are you all right?"
How could I still hear him?
"Jeff!"
It had to be the speaker on the cell; it must've been switched on during its escape from my shoulder.
"Jeff!"
Feeling battered and beaten, I slowly crawled towards the sound of Hayden's repeated inquiries, and eventually spied the phone, lying forlornly on the edge of a cascade of papers, CD's, and other randomized elements from my college life. Scrabbling forward a few final inches, I eventually reached it, and after brushing off a couple damp leaves, raised it to my face.
"Did you say you were buying flowers?"
"I… Um, yeah, for Melissa."
I flopped over on my back, the ground beneath me unbelievably cold, and gazed up at the nighttime sky. The snow was falling in earnest now, flakes splattering on my upturned face, slowly trickling their way downwards towards my neck. As uncomfortable as I was, I didn't feel like trying to stand up quite yet.
"Didn't she like break up with you a month ago or something?"
"Closer to two," he said, sounding bummed. "I thought maybe, if I got her some flowers, and we met in the gazebo in her back yard where we always sat and read and stuff… I dunno, maybe she'd take me back."
"uh," I temporized, mentally sifting through fragments of past conversations with him that I had barely paid attention to, "wait a minute."
"What?"
"Dude, you cheated on her!" I exclaimed, finally remembering. "And, with her best friend!"
"I didn't mean to," he whined, "it just sorrta happened."
The snow around me was beginning to pile up, and my exposed skin was starting to feel numb. If I didn't move soon, they wouldn't find me until next year, always assuming, of course, that we had thawed out by then.
"Just sorta happened," I repeated, levering myself into a sitting position. "Your clothes and hers magically vanished, and then you tripped and fell on top of her?"
"Shut up!" Then, almost whispering, "Look, I'm almost there, okay?"
"Almost where?" I asked, trying to decide if I was ready to attempt the monumental task of standing up.
"I told you," he hissed, "her back yard. I'm going to text her once I'm in the gazebo."
"Uh, Hayden," I objected, "I don't think that's such a …"
There was an explosion of noise from the cell phone, and then Hayden's voice, "Oh shit-oh shit-oh shit!"
"Hayden?" Without knowing how it had happened, I found that I was standing, the ruins of my first semester in college scattered around my feet. The cell phone clutched in my hand was emitting strange guttural noises, along with what I assumed were Hayden's gasping attempts at speech.
There was a crash, and then Hayden's despairing wail, oddly dopplered, as though he too was watching his phone fly free.
"They got a doooooooooog!"