[Torchwood] (PG-13)
Author's Note: Written for Any, any, "How did he manage to get pregnant again?" Implied Jack/Ianto. Related to "This Again??" and "New Life to Live". Also contains naughty plants. I don't even know...
Ianto was at work spritzing the leaves of the Rigellian Passionflowers (called so because they resembled earthly passionflowers, only bigger and friendlier), when he heard someone knock on the door to the greenhouse.
"It's open," he called; he couldn't turn to have a look, in case the tendrils on the Violets decided to tickle him. Or do more.
Owen entered, keeping an leery eye on the plants: he might be the one to formulate the plant food for them, but he wasn't about to get close to them. "Tending the poseys?"
"I know how to handle them: if you keep your distance, they keep theirs," Ianto said, not taking his eyes off the plants.
"Seems like you know how to handle other things around here, an' you been doin' that a little too well," Owen said, his lab coat rustling as if he'd folded his arms on his chest.
"What are you talking about?" Ianto asked, trying not to sound defensive or embarrassed.
"I'm talking about Jack's little condition: last I knew, you were his main squeeze. Never heard of using a thing called a rubber?" Owen asked.
"Jack didn't think it was necessary," Ianto replied. "He said he'd had surgery..."
"All right, I'll bite: so how did he manage to get pregnant again?"
"Again?" Ianto asked, looking at Owen, and forgetting to keep an eye on the plants. "What do you mean 'again'?"
"You've not read the files in the archives? Happened before, back in the 1880s: Alice Guppy and her lot found out how well-equipped our noble leader is, so they brought in the first bloke they could find who liked 'em handsome for an 'empirical test'."
"How do you know all this? Those documents were sealed with a biometric seal..."
"Tosh found a way to unseal 'em," Owen replied. "Jack never told you about this?"
"No, I don't ask him much about... things, unless he volunteers the information," Ianto replied, trying to keep his tone even.
He felt something tickle the cuff of his pant leg, and before he could pull away, something yanked him off his feet, as it sent another tendril under the waist of his trousers. Owen dodged another tendril that had started to reach for him and grabbed a pair of hedge clippers, snapping them at the foliage.
The door to the hallway banged open and Jack, wearing a dust mask, entered armed with a Flit-type plant sprayer. "Hold your breath, boys, I got you covered!" he yelled, somewhat muffled, and he aimed the sprayer at the tendrils, giving them a few sharp blasts. The tendrils jerked, then relaxed, releasing the two startled men.
"Oi! No usin' chemicals in your condition," Owen yelled.
"We had that under control," Ianto fumbled, brushing the now inert foliage away.
"Looked like those vines were about to get up close and personal," Jack said, removing the mask. "And what, if you don't mind my asking, was so important that you couldn't keep your eyes on the vines?"
"History," Ianto said, darting a "We need to talk. Later." look at Jack.
Ianto was at work spritzing the leaves of the Rigellian Passionflowers (called so because they resembled earthly passionflowers, only bigger and friendlier), when he heard someone knock on the door to the greenhouse.
"It's open," he called; he couldn't turn to have a look, in case the tendrils on the Violets decided to tickle him. Or do more.
Owen entered, keeping an leery eye on the plants: he might be the one to formulate the plant food for them, but he wasn't about to get close to them. "Tending the poseys?"
"I know how to handle them: if you keep your distance, they keep theirs," Ianto said, not taking his eyes off the plants.
"Seems like you know how to handle other things around here, an' you been doin' that a little too well," Owen said, his lab coat rustling as if he'd folded his arms on his chest.
"What are you talking about?" Ianto asked, trying not to sound defensive or embarrassed.
"I'm talking about Jack's little condition: last I knew, you were his main squeeze. Never heard of using a thing called a rubber?" Owen asked.
"Jack didn't think it was necessary," Ianto replied. "He said he'd had surgery..."
"All right, I'll bite: so how did he manage to get pregnant again?"
"Again?" Ianto asked, looking at Owen, and forgetting to keep an eye on the plants. "What do you mean 'again'?"
"You've not read the files in the archives? Happened before, back in the 1880s: Alice Guppy and her lot found out how well-equipped our noble leader is, so they brought in the first bloke they could find who liked 'em handsome for an 'empirical test'."
"How do you know all this? Those documents were sealed with a biometric seal..."
"Tosh found a way to unseal 'em," Owen replied. "Jack never told you about this?"
"No, I don't ask him much about... things, unless he volunteers the information," Ianto replied, trying to keep his tone even.
He felt something tickle the cuff of his pant leg, and before he could pull away, something yanked him off his feet, as it sent another tendril under the waist of his trousers. Owen dodged another tendril that had started to reach for him and grabbed a pair of hedge clippers, snapping them at the foliage.
The door to the hallway banged open and Jack, wearing a dust mask, entered armed with a Flit-type plant sprayer. "Hold your breath, boys, I got you covered!" he yelled, somewhat muffled, and he aimed the sprayer at the tendrils, giving them a few sharp blasts. The tendrils jerked, then relaxed, releasing the two startled men.
"Oi! No usin' chemicals in your condition," Owen yelled.
"We had that under control," Ianto fumbled, brushing the now inert foliage away.
"Looked like those vines were about to get up close and personal," Jack said, removing the mask. "And what, if you don't mind my asking, was so important that you couldn't keep your eyes on the vines?"
"History," Ianto said, darting a "We need to talk. Later." look at Jack.