About mother love & the desire for it

[msagara]

No child sees their mother as a person. They see their mother as a role. We’re not women, not people with significant (or insignificant) aspirations to our children: we’re their mothers.

Comments

[browngirl]

When you're right, you're right.

[msagara]

The thing is, I have some sympathy for the pain - but it‘s mitigated because people who are in that kind of pain lash out like toddlers can. When toddlers explode, they really don’t have a sense of consequence or a sense of proportion. They are hurt. They frequently feel that the world has ended. They blame their parents because clearly their parents are at the heart of that world. But - we’re parents. We’re used to being the death of fun when its necessary, and we know it will pass

[browngirl]

*nod* I'm sorry my comments are such brief uncritical agreement, but well, I agree with your thoughts and emotions, your confusions and conclusions, and the whole situation has me so heartsick I can barely string words together anyway.

[thebluerose]

There was an article featuring some of his misogynsitic self involved rantings in our local paper today, and the first thing I thought was "women avoid you because you are an unpleasant person to be around"

Clearly he had issues but they should have been recognised and dealt with, rather than ignored or even (god forbid) encouraged.

Nice unrant - very perceptive and as ever, well written!

[tiamat1972]

Thank you for this! This so very clearly describes a male ex-friend of mine. He destroyed our friendship with that self-entitled desperation and ended up so creepy I had to end our 20+ year friendship. It was too uncomfortable to be around him.

It would be real interesting to find out why some people end up like this and others grow up.

[msagara]

I always find this heartbreaking and difficult, because I do understand that if this is what you’ve always known, if this is what you’ve always accepted as love, seeing past it doesn’t easily (or sometimes ever) occur.

But for the people on the other end of this - the emotional, maternal stand-in - it’s hugely uncomfortable.

[tiamat1972]

It is heartbreaking. I regret having to end our friendship but it wasn't really friendship anymore by that point. Just my discomfort and his increasing desperation.

[msagara]

I’ve been there as well. And it was so difficult - but, I was honestly tired of the passive aggressive guilt trip that the friendship had become; it was suffocating. So you have my absolute sympathy & understanding here.

[mizkit]

That's pretty insightful, Michelle.

[msagara]

One of my novels is trying to kill me. I may be more willing to focus on things that are not quite that book...

[catsittingstill]

Well put and thank you.

Though I do think society is full of hidden (and not so hidden) attitudes that encourage these toddler-adults to believe that they're entitled to be loved as a child is loved. This is not a purely internal thing, in my opinion; I think it is also being encouraged from outside. Then we're surprised when its logical conclusion flowers in violence and blood.