Comments | ms_meretricious: It's becoming more and more difficult to be me.

ms_meretricious

It's becoming more and more difficult to be me.

Nov 05, 2011 01:34

There are several things in my life that really suck, no matter how much I try to plaster on a smile and convince myself that I'm happy, regardless of the fact that I'm not dirt poor, I have a roof over my head and my family is pretty darn loving. I can't seem to get rid of these things despite trying really hard to. They keep haunting me wherever ( Read more... )

Comments 12

sunhawk November 5 2011, 00:23:03 UTC

*cuddles* I'm sorry you are having such a hard time, I wish I could be of any help to what's getting you down ( ... )

ms_meretricious November 5 2011, 09:09:29 UTC

It's the same thing when I tell people I don't drink. "Are you pregnant?" "Are you religious?" "Come on, you just haven't tasted the right stuff!" etc. etc. No one seems to just accept the fact that I don't. like. alcohol. It's weird how my dislike of both coffee and tea doesn't bring out nearly as powerful of a reaction. Hmmph.

He honestly shouldn't have any objections to Criss. Criss is charming and caring, he practically has no vices whatsoever and he takes care of me and our family. What more could a father ask for? But no, he just couldn't give me away to any man, he was so unbelievably jealous, which I didn't understand back then but it's crystal clear now. He's never been able to say he's proud of me. He just can't deal with people in general, which is why I'm super scared that one day I'll be exactly like him, totally alone and thoroughly miserable. I try my best to socialize, do things outside and see my friends regularly (hey, my dad never had ANY friends, at least there's that!), but sometimes it's SO hard.

seaofheather November 5 2011, 08:04:06 UTC

Words are so not enough sometimes. *hug*

ms_meretricious November 5 2011, 09:10:48 UTC

I know. I wish they were, that way I could just pour my heart out on paper and be done with it.

seaofheather November 5 2011, 11:38:52 UTC

And people could say exactly the right things to make you feel a bit better. Even if only briefly.

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ms_meretricious November 5 2011, 15:24:28 UTC

*hugs back*

tamed_fox November 6 2011, 20:02:23 UTC

I hope you're able to find what it is you need, whatever that may be. ♥

ms_meretricious November 6 2011, 21:19:12 UTC

Me too, me too. I have so much but it just doesn't feel like it :(

tamed_fox November 6 2011, 21:44:05 UTC

That doesn't mean the problems you have aren't still big ones. Or that they're insurmountable. Have you considered talking to a therapist?

ms_meretricious November 15 2011, 15:53:09 UTC

I'm so sorry I never replied to this! I don't know why I forgot.

Yes, I have considered it often, but then again, therapy is expensive and I don't have such money. Also, I'm not entirely sure I would benefit from it, which I guess isn't a proper reason at all, but there you go. Meh.

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