Fic: You Make Me Lose My Buttons (J2, NC-17, 2/2)
PART ONE
“Hey, Jensen,” Katie called from across the aisle where she was stacking CDs. “Do you know who that guy is talking to Jared? The skinny one with blond hair.”
Jensen sized him up. “No one who is good enough for you.”
“Not like that.” Katie reached out and shoved at his arm. “No, I mean is he a friend or something, because Brian is giving some serious looks their way.”
Jensen looked up and saw their boss looking towards Jared who was carefully re-alphabetizing the comedy DVDs while Chad talked at him. Jensen could see by Jared’s body language that he was subtly trying to get Chad to leave him be, but it didn’t appear to be working. The last thing he wanted was for Jared to get in trouble and he was searching for a way to get Jared away from Chad when Rick from electronics gave him one. He walked over in their direction.
“Hey, Jared -“
“Oh, fuck off, geek squad,” Chad said before Jensen had even the chance to say anything further. “If we want your opinion on the best season of Star Trek, we’ll see you about it, okay?”
“Don’t be such an asshole, Chad,” Jared said, then turned to Jensen. “You need me?”
“Yeah, Rick needs us to load a new entertainment system into a customer’s car out back.”
“Speaking of loads out back -“
“Chad, I swear to God,” Jared trailed off.
“What the fuck, man? You’ve been a prissy bitch for weeks. You used to lap that shit up.”
“Jensen doesn’t deserve this at work. And I want to keep my job, so I’m just gonna go help him out, okay?”
“I don’t get why the fuck you want to keep this job. You paid your Dad back ages ago.”
“I like working here,” said Jared and then at the shake of Chad’s head he added, “You wouldn’t understand.”
Not needing to hear anymore, Jensen walked to the back storeroom and located the stock while he waited for Jared. He didn’t have to wait for long.
“You okay?” he asked.
Jared’s eyes were hard and his jaw was clenched. “Just, fucking Chad.”
“Hey, that’s my line,” Jensen said as they pulled a large speaker out of the shelving.
“Sorry he said that stuff to you. It’s bad enough he does it at school, you shouldn’t have to deal with that shit in here.”
“It’s not your fault. I’m a big boy, really. It’s just words.”
“He’s just so infuriating,” Jared said, pulling the end of the television out so that they could both grab an end of the wide screen plasma. “He doesn’t get it. Doesn’t get why you should be nice to people, why I want to keep working here when I don’t need to, why I don’t want to go to a party and get wasted every Saturday night. It’s like -“
“Like what?” Jensen pressed as they stood and checked off that they had all of the correct stock. Jared looked at Jensen for the first time of the entire conversation.
“I don’t know. I like working here because I like the people and not having to ask my parents for money all the time. It makes me feel good, you know? I feel like I’ve actually done some growing up this year, and he’s still stuck being 16 when it was novel to do all that shit.”
“And?” Jensen knew he wasn’t finished.
“And, ever since that night on that field trip, I just. God, I don’t know. I feel so much different. Like this is right. That what we have is right and important, and he’s just not going to get it at all.”
Jensen leaned across and tucked his hair behind his ears. “So you’re pushing him away?”
“No. What?”
“Are you pushing him away? So that if he doesn’t approve of us you’ve already let him go already?” Jensen could see Jared consider this. “Dude, I hate the guy, but you don’t have to do that.”
“We’re growing apart.”
“He’s your best friend. And yeah, maybe once you’re at college and he’s working in his uncle’s garage your lives will go different places, but I don’t like that you’re throwing him away because of me.”
“I’m not!” Jared was defensive. “It’s totally different and separate to you and-I’m being an asshole, aren’t I?”
“When have you known me to stand up for Chad?”
Jared leaned over and kissed Jensen on the cheek just as the buzzer sounded that the customer was at the back door with their car. “Okay, I’ll stop assuming the worst. But I’m not letting him treat you like shit anymore either.”
They both bent down to pick up an end each of one of the larger speakers. “If it’s too much, I’m not going to mind if you tell him about us.”
Jared shook his head. “I don’t think I’m ready for that yet. But I might stop treating you like you don’t exist at school.”
Jensen thought about what that would mean to his own friends. They wouldn’t be happy if Jensen suddenly became friends with the guy who had been mocking them since eighth grade. But on the other hand, it was Jared, and it would be so nice to not have to pretend anymore.
“I think we can do that.”
***
“Are you ready for this?” Jared asked. They were seated across from each other at Jensen’s kitchen table, a mess of envelopes in front of them, some thick and some thin.
Jensen took a deep breath. “Yes. Wait! No.”
Jared rolled his eyes. “What are you angsting over now?”
“You still want to go to California more than anywhere else?”
“I really do. But it’s okay if we don’t end up there.”
“What if I don’t get a scholarship and I end up at the local community college?”
“We’ll work it out. Dude, we’ve discussed this. I love you. You’re smart as hell, someone will have granted you a scholarship.”
Jensen took another deep breath, letting Jared’s words sink in. Once he and Jared had decided that their relationship wasn’t a temporary thing, they discussed the colleges they had applied to. Jared professed a desire to move to California ‘I’ve wanted to get back there ever since I saw Disneyland, man’, with Jensen being less picky, wanting to get out of Texas but needing a scholarship to get anywhere.
“Okay, I’m ready.”
“So, California colleges. Where did you want to start?”
“Stanford,” Jensen said.
Jared filed through his envelopes, making an exaggerated sad face as he pulled out a thin one. Jensen’s was considerably thicker. “I got in.”
“Of course you did,” Jared told him.
“But no scholarship,” Jensen frowned, skimming the letter.
“There’s a shit ton more envelopes, Jensen. Don’t get disheartened yet. What’s next on your list?”
“Berkeley.”
This time Jared’s envelope was around the same thickness as Jensen’s.
“I’m definitely in,” Jared smiled, and Jensen couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride for him. They had both also applied to UCLA and UC Santa Barbara, but he knew that Jared had loved visiting Berkeley most of all.
Jensen scanned his acceptance letter and his stomach rose to his throat.
“Fuck me.”
Jared’s face fell. “It’s okay, there’s other colleges-“
Jensen shook his head and waved the letter at him. “Full ride.”
“What?” Jared cocked an eyebrow.
“Full fucking ride,” Jensen looked up, a sense of disbelief coloring his words. “Jared, you know what this means? All those essays, maintaining my 4.0, debate team, year book committee, as well as working. It was all worth it.”
Jared’s expression was a mix of hopeful, cautious and disbelief. “We’re going to Berkeley? You don’t want to check your other letters?”
Jensen shook his head. “After Stanford, Berkeley was where I was wanting to go anyway.”
“You promise? I can’t be the reason you fuck up your future.”
“Cross my heart. Besides, I want to go to college with my boyfriend. It’s not a bad thing.”
Jared beamed at that and lifted himself up and over the gap between them so he could kiss Jensen. It was that moment his Mom walked in.
“Oh, boys, save it for the bedroom,” she said, walking past them and into the kitchen.
“Mom!” Jensen said.
“Oh, please, you’re nineteen years old, Jensen. You think I don’t remember being that age?” she asked, looking in the fridge for something to make for dinner.
“I so don’t need to know what you got up to at nineteen.”
“We were kind of celebrating, Mrs Ackles,” Jared said, diffusing the conversation. “We just opened our college acceptance letters.”
Her head popped up from the fridge door. “And?”
Jensen felt a proud smile cross his face. “I got a full ride to Berkeley.”
“Oh, my God, Jensen!” she screeched and enveloped him in a hug. “I’m so thrilled! Thrilled and proud! All that work you’ve put in, especially after your father-“
“I know,” Jensen said with a hint of sadness. “I’m going to college, Mom.”
“And you, Jared?”
“I got in, too.”
Her smile got even wider at that, and she slammed the fridge door closed. “Then screw cooking, we’re getting Indian.”
“Seriously?” They never got take out anymore, not after they had to file for bankruptcy five years earlier.
“Call your father, tell him the good news, and get him to pick it up on the way home. I hope you’re planning on staying for dinner, Jared.”
Jensen knew that Jared was still unsure about being around his family, but they liked him fine and after the initial weirdness and novelty of Jensen bringing home a boyfriend, it was working out. “Um, sure, thanks.”
Jensen’s Mom looked at him and beamed again. “I’m just so proud of you.”
Seeing the matching grins on the face of his mother and his boyfriend, Jensen couldn’t help feeling proud of himself too.
***
Later that week, Jensen was walking down the hall at school with Justin and Mike. Mike was talking animatedly about a girl he had met when he visited Northwestern, how she’d also gotten in and couldn’t wait to meet up with him again. Mike always told a story well, so Jensen wasn’t paying attention to where he was walking until he’d crashed into none other than Jared.
“Shit!” Jensen exclaimed, hurrying to pick up the notes scattered across the floor from where his folder exploded.
“Nice one, Ackles,” Chad said, stepping over the scattered paper littering the hall.
“Stop being such a dick, Chad,” Jared chastised, then turned to Jensen, bending down to help pick up his notes. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. Sorry about that. Wasn’t watching where I was going.”
“Neither was I,” Jared said, handing Jensen a stack of paper before following Chad.
“Well, that was weird,” Justin said.
“What was?”
“That little exchange between you and Jared. A few months ago he would have shoved you and told you off for being such a fucking klutz.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“Just telling it like it is. Seriously, what’s with the nice act he’s pulling?” Justin asked.
“Maybe he’s not as bad as you think.” Jensen suggested.
“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Mike said.
Jensen sighed. He always thought that once his friends knew that he and Jared were dating that they’d be okay with it. Now he wasn’t so sure.
***
The day of graduation finally loomed, and Jensen was excited as to what it all meant. He and Jared were going to work through the summer at the Hi-Fi Mart, then take a two-week trek up to Berkeley in Jared’s car. Jensen knew that he would have to tell his friends about Jared soon, with all of the plans they were making it was hard not to, but he was going to put it off a little longer, at least until they were all caught up in their own college preparation. Justin had gotten into Stanford, and Jensen was happy that he wasn’t going to be far away. Jake had also gotten into Berkeley, and he knew Jared was relieved to have a good friend there with him.
Jensen was the third person in their year to get up and receive his diploma. It felt strange knowing that high school was over for good, but he felt a certain kind of freedom in it, too. He knew that he’d be relegated the geek no matter where he went, but for some reason it didn’t seem as daunting as being a geek in a class full of teenagers he’d grown up with.
As he moved the tassel from one side of his mortarboard to the other, he could hear Jared’s whoop through the rest of the crowd. It filled him with such a sense of security, knowing that he had Jared’s support and acceptance no matter what he decided to do with his life. He felt the same about Jared, after all, and planning their life away from the comforts of home was both daunting and thrilling, knowing that he would be sharing it with Jared.
The obligatory post-graduation party was held at Sophia’s place, a large house set on a few acres just outside of town. She’d made Jensen promise that he’d go in their last biology lab together. ”You’ve been my lab partner for a year, I need you to be there. Besides, even Jared’s being nice to you now so you won’t have to worry about anyone bullying you there.” Luckily for Jensen, Justin, Tom and Mike were all keen to make an appearance and have a drink with their other friends before summer and college took them all in different directions.
Mike had brought a bottle of whisky along from his father’s collection, and the four of them spent the first hour doing shots until they were pleasantly buzzed. Jensen had spotted Jared hanging out with Jake, Sophia and Sandy earlier in the evening, and other than a shared look of want they hung out in their separate crowds.
Jensen couldn’t remember having so much fun at a party before. As the evening wore on and lines were blurred by alcohol, schoolyard cliques became a thing of the past. Jensen found himself talking to people he hadn’t shared a class with in years and playing drinking games with Matt, his best friend in elementary school until they went their separate ways in Junior High.
He glanced at his watch and noted that it was nearly midnight. He was only just past drunk and knew he had to stop if he wanted to actually function at work the next day. The party had been going for hours and he was getting tired. It felt like days had passed since graduation rather than merely hours, and he sunk a little further into the couch where he was sitting with Justin, Tom and a few people from debate club.
He looked around the room while Tom was regaling a story he’d heard before and caught eyes with Jared. Jensen could tell that he was wasted from the way he was leaning against the wall and his drooping eyelids. When Jared drank hard liquor he became hyperactive, but when he was drinking beer it slowed him down.
He watched as Jared pushed himself from the wall and started walking towards him. His gait was steady, and maybe he wasn’t as drunk as Jensen thought. Either way, he’d had enough to make him amorous. Jensen could see the look in his eye, and Jensen was just that side of drunk that he wanted nothing more than to push Jared up against the nearest wall and kiss him stupid.
He could feel Justin bristle next to him, but he ignored any mumblings going on about Jared’s approach as his gaze never left his boyfriend’s. Jared waited until he was directly in front of him before climbing onto his lap, a knee on either side of Jensen’s thighs.
“There are people around,” Jensen whispered as Jared’s lips attached themselves to his ear, Jensen’s hands gripping Jared’s hips.
“I don’t care,” Jared replied. “School’s finished. Want you.”
Jared trailed his lips down Jensen’s jaw until they reached his mouth, and God, Jensen was ready for it. He opened his mouth to let Jared’s tongue play with his, vaguely aware of the “what the fuck?” going on around him, but too consumed by Jared to care.
They made out for what felt like hours but was probably minutes until Jared was rudely pulled off of him. “Hey!” Jensen protested, reaching out for his boyfriend.
He looked up to see Chad staring at Jared, expression of confusion and fury on his face.
“What the fuck, man?” Jared asked, shoving a hand at Chad’s shoulder.
“Don’t give me that. I’m saving you from making a mistake you’re going to regret in the morning!”
“I’m not making a mistake.”
“You don’t think you’re making a mistake? That’s Jensen Ackles you were making out with right now.”
“I know. He’s my boyfriend.”
“You must be drunker than I thought. Did you take something?” Chad asked, turning Jared’s head so he could look at his eyes.
Jared batted his hands away. “Leave me alone, Chad. I haven’t taken anything.”
“I know you like dick and all, but seriously, Jared, think about what you’re doing here.”
“You’re so infuriating. Listen to me, Chad. Jensen and I are together, okay?”
Chad looked from Jared over to Jensen and back again, like looking at Jensen confirmed it for him. “And you never told me?”
“Would you have understood? Because from how you’re acting right now, I think the answer’s no.”
“I don’t know. Shit, Jared. Why spring all this on me now?”
“I want to kiss my boyfriend,” Jared told him, and Jensen felt a pang of pride settle in his chest.
Chad shook his head as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Seriously? Ackles? You could have anyone you want.”
“I want Jensen.”
“Whatever, man, this is too much for me for one night.” Chad said, walking off.
Jensen saw Jared’s face drop.
“Chad?” Chad turned around. “We okay, man?”
Chad sighed, looking defeated. “We’ll talk about it when I’m less drunk.”
Jared seemed down but satisfied with that and climbed back on Jensen so he was sitting across his lap, head tucked into his neck.
“You okay?” he asked quietly, dropping a kiss at Jared’s hairline and winding a hand through his.
“That was a good reaction, believe me. I expected a full on shouting match and possible punches.” Jared said and then looked up to see they had an audience of Jensen’s friends. Shit.
“Um-“ Jensen started.
“Hi,” Jared said, smile wide, like he was greeting them for the first time. “I’m Jared, Jensen’s boyfriend.”
“Yeah, we got that part,” Justin said warily.
“Sorry I hadn’t told you yet,” Jensen apologized. “You guys aren’t exactly Jared’s biggest fan.”
“Neither were you.” Tom reminded him.
“I know, but he’s really not the asshole you think he is.”
“I’m really not,” Jared reiterated.
Jensen’s friends all looked at each other, none of them seemingly willing to speak first. It was a few nervous moments before any of them said anything.
“Okay,” Tom said.
“Okay? That’s it?” Jensen asked, confused by his response. “Okay?”
“Dude, you told us you were gay a few years ago. I figure Jared’s going to stop being an ass to us now?” Tom said, looking at Jared, and when Jared nodded his head he continued. “So we’ll get to know him over the summer, right?”
“It’s weird,” Justin added. “And I don’t know that I like it. But I think you’ve been happier lately, and now maybe I know why. At the risk of sounding too much like Chad, can we talk about it when I’m sober?”
Jensen felt a pang of uncertainty at that. Justin had been his best friend since Junior High, and the thought that he might lose him over this upset him.
“Are we going to be okay?”
“I think so. It’s just weird. Let’s talk tomorrow.”
“Okay,” Jensen said and felt Jared grip his hand a little tighter.
“You’re still my best friend,” Justin added, as if he was surprised Jensen would think otherwise.
Jensen felt a smile tug at his lips and he held Jared a little bit closer. “Always.”
***
College was even better than Jensen ever hoped for. It didn’t matter that he was smart and enjoyed learning. No one cared that he’d rather watch a sci-fi movie or series than the latest Hollywood blockbuster. He loved the Berkeley campus; it felt like home from the minute that he and Jared pulled up after an awesome two-week road trip. Just thinking about that trip had Jensen feeling a state of security and calm. It was his first vacation in years, and spending all of that time with Jared and Jared alone was amazing. They got to sleep in the same bed every night, learn more about each other’s moods (Jensen will never tease Jared when he’s in a shitty mood ever again) and realize how much time they actually do like spending in each other’s company. By the time they got to college, Jensen felt more secure than ever about their relationship, so he found it funny that it was Jared- confident and slightly obnoxious Jared-who was insecure when he met Jensen’s roommate.
Dave was conventionally good looking, with short dark hair and vivid blue eyes. He ran every morning, had a good sense of humor, loved comic books and Battlestar Galactica, and he and Jensen got along like a house on fire. Jensen could see that Dave was attractive but didn’t think of him as anything other than his very cool, very nice roommate. Jared, however, didn’t appreciate these qualities as much as Jensen and thought he would instead make a good boyfriend stealer. His jealousy was the cause of their first real fight, and though it only lasted a day, Jensen had never felt worse in his life, even though he was in the right and Jared totally in the wrong. Jared caved by dinner, arriving at his door with a single rose and an apologetic look on his face. Jensen put a sock on the door and made sure he showed Jared just how much he never wanted to let him go.
His thoughts were interrupted by a presence dropping into the library chair next to him.
“I fucking hate accounting,” Jared said, slamming his head onto the table.
“I tried to warn you,” Jensen smirked. “Business blows.”
“Well now that the group assignment has finally been handed in, I don’t have to worry about it again until finals.”
“Want to go out and celebrate?” Jensen asked. They hadn’t managed to find much time together over the previous few weeks, both being slammed with school work. “I think Jason’s playing at the coffee shop tonight?”
“Sounds like a plan. Want to see if Justin wants to come over? I can text Jake.”
“You think you and Justin can be in the same room as each other without getting into a fist fight?”
“Hey! I’ve been nice to him ever since graduation. He’s the one with the grudge.”
It was true. Jared was trying with Justin more than Justin was trying with Jared. Jensen figured that Justin was owed a few months of animosity after the years of torment by Jared’s group. Jensen could sense he was thawing, only flinging half-hearted veiled insults his way and even engaging in conversation with him when he wasn’t aware he was doing it. Jensen was going to give Justin another month before calling him out on his assholish behavior, especially when he and Jake seemed to get along really well, and Jake was way more of a bully during high school than Jared was.
“He’s getting over it.”
“I know he is.” Jared smirked. “Last time we were drunk together he told me that I was good for you and maybe not a total douche.”
“No fucking way!” Jensen was shocked.
Jared shrugged. “Enough about them. Are you finished up here?”
Jensen looked at his books and half-finished paper on his laptop. “Not really, but I could be persuaded.”
“Good, because John’s got class until six tonight and I’ve been severely lacking boyfriend time.” The look Jared gave Jensen lit a fire down his spine.
“Please tell me that ‘boyfriend time’ is code for having sex.”
Jared reached across Jensen’s thigh and brushed his palm over his clothed dick under the table, and Jensen immediately closed his computer and started gathering his books.
“I’ll even let you top,” Jared told him.
“You nearly always let me top.”
“So come on then.” Jared said, getting up and walking out.
Jensen hurriedly threw his books and laptop into his messenger bag before chasing after him, cursing his boyfriend’s long legs and wondering if he’d even catch up to him before he got to Jared’s dorm room. As much as he enjoyed Jared’s physicality, it could be a pain in the ass at times.
He made it just past the swinging doors of the library before he was caught by the arm and dragged around the corner of the building, slammed against the wall with Jared looming over him.
“Hey-“ he started to protest before Jared’s lips were over his, leg shoved between Jensen’s thighs and tongue making filthy promises of what was to come.
“Sorry,” Jared apologized. “Any longer in that library and I would have had us kicked out. It’s been way too fucking long.”
Jensen kissed him one last time before pushing him off.
“So come on then.” Jensen echoed Jared’s words from before and walked off toward the dorms. He heard Jared groan before following him, throwing an arm around Jensen and tugging him close.
“Sarcastic asshole,” he said with a smile in his voice.
“Obnoxious brat,” Jensen replied.
A half hour later, when Jensen was buried deep inside Jared, reconnecting and rediscovering each other’s bodies, Jensen couldn’t help but think that life sometimes worked out just the way it was supposed to.
***END***