Breaking the Habit, part One
Title: Breaking the Habit (1/2)
Fandom: Whose Line UK
Pairing: Tony/Greg
Rating: PG to PG-13 for some strong language (not much)
Summary: Tony anticipates spending Christmas alone, but Greg has other plans
Disclaimer: This fic is in no way intended to portray a true representation of the people involved. As far as I know, this never happened.
Note: This is part of what will be a two-parter. I wanted to get this half done before Christmas, because it's seasonal, and the other half will likely come some time in the New Year.
Cross-posted to britline, whoselineslash and wl_fanfiction. Submitted to fanfic100 for prompt 092 - Christmas.
Breaking The Habit
Part One
It was the final filming before Christmas. All around him, moods were high as everyone discussed their plans for the holiday, but Tony was staying as far out of these conversations as he reasonably could. Hearing everyone talk about how they couldn't wait to spend quality time with their loved ones was a stark reminder of how he didn't have this to look forward to. No, Christmas would once again be a quiet affair. That was his standard answer to anyone who asked, in a tone designed to mask the fact that by 'a quiet affair' he meant 'by himself'. Alone. Just as he spent most of the rest of the year, when he wasn't working.
If he was honest, he was looking forward to the break. Having to face everyone at work, having to pretend that things in his life were as they should be, was exhausting. Even so, he couldn't help the twinge of jealousy he felt at having no-one to share the holiday with. It rarely bothered him that he was alone, but at times like this he wished he didn't isolate himself so much as to have no-one truly special in his life.
Filming wrapped early - concentration was low, excitement was high and the producers were anxious that everyone got off on time to catch flights or honour other travel arrangements to get home in time for the big day. Tony tried to hide his disappointment that everyone would be dispersing, leaving him to find ways to fill the vast, empty days ahead of him. He offered farewells as people passed, faking the smiles that assured them he would be alright. Before long, he was amongst the last remaining people in the studio, contemplating his journey home and what lay after it.
"Tony?"
Tony spun round at the familiar American voice. "Greg. I thought you'd gone."
"Not quite. Actually, I was waiting for you." Greg grinned. "Boy do you take your time."
Tony looked at him, confused. "Waiting for me? Why?"
"Because I have a lot of time to kill at the airport and want someone to keep me company." Greg gave Tony a pleading look. "Do you mind?"
Tony opened his mouth to demand just why Greg thought he had nothing better to do, but the words died in his throat. There was something about the look on Greg's face, something imploring in his tone that Tony found impossible to ignore. Instead, he found himself replying, "Sure, why not. Not as if I'm in any great rush."
"How come?" Greg regretted asking as soon as the words left his mouth. Tony had looked away, and Greg knew he'd hit a sore spot. "Sorry, none of my business. I just thought...well, it doesn't matter. Still willing to put up with me?"
"Of course. Let me just...I'll meet you outside." Tony walked away, knowing he needed time to get himself together. Greg's words had come dangerously close to hitting a nerve, and Tony just wasn't prepared to be that vulnerable in front of other people. Not even Greg. Especially not Greg, for reasons he couldn't comprehend. He headed for the toilets, grateful that there were so few people still around since he wasn't sure how he'd react to anyone who approached him.
~*~
Twenty minutes later, Greg and Tony were en route to the airport. Tony was glad to be driving, as it gave him a viable excuse for his silence. Greg looked as though he wanted to start up a conversation, but Tony forced his full attention on the road so that the conversation never came.
Greg watched Tony thoughtfully. He knew the Brit was an expert in being anti-social - or at least acting as though he was - but this was extreme even for him. It was as if spending so much of his time being isolated had rendered Tony socially awkward, unable to handle even casual conversation. He wasn't sure why, but Greg felt incredibly sad at that concept. When he had first met Tony, Greg had known a gregarious, loud man who would and could talk to anyone about anything, even if half of it didn't make any sense. Now, Tony would barely talk to the people he knew, and as for people he didn't know...
Greg couldn't help but think back to when Chip Esten had arrived on set for the first time. Everyone else had done their best to make the young improviser feel welcome, but Tony had hardly even acknowledged that Chip was there or was new. Greg had ended up covering for the Brit, almost coming to blows with Ryan in the process. Even now, Greg couldn't explain why he had been compelled to leap to Tony's defence, only that it seemed the right thing to do at the time.
Eventually, Greg had to break the silence. "So, how many crazies do you think I'll be sharing a plane with?"
Tony didn't so much as look up as he shrugged. "This time of year brings it out in everyone."
The slight note of emotion in Tony's voice was not lost on Greg. "You know, if I had longer before my flight, I'd suggest you come out with me."
Thrown by the sentiment, Tony cursed as his hand slipped from the gear stick. Recovering himself, he asked, "Why on earth would you do something as daft as that? I'd only ruin everything."
"I don't think so." Greg spoke carefully, trying to ensure he phrased things soas not to upset the other man. "I've never regretted any of the time I've spent with you so far."
Tony didn't speak, thankful that the concentration needed to pull into the airport car park allowed for his silence. He wouldn't let Greg see how much that one sentence had meant, no matter how hard he had to work to hide it. Just because Christmas was supposed to be a sentimental time didn't mean he was about to buy into it and turn all sappy.
Greg sighed, staying silent as Tony drove around trying to find a suitable parking space. He knew Tony was stubborn, but he hadn't thought he was this stubborn. And yet, he still had the desire to help, to somehow reach out to Tony and make him realise how much he meant.
Eventually, Tony managed to park somewhere that wasn't ridiculously far from where Greg needed to be. Still, he remained silent, not trusting what would come out of his mouth if he tried to speak. Much as he didn't want to let Greg in, he also didn't want to push him any further away. He had noticed Greg's tendency to cover for him, had noticed how he made an effort to talk to him where others had long since given up, and while he couldn't bring himself to say it, that meant a lot to him.
Greg lightly touched Tony's arm, instantly pulling back as Tony looked up, clearly shocked. "Sorry, Tony. I just..."
"It's okay. Just...I must have been miles away, you made me jump, that's all." Yes, that was all. Jump. It wasn't that the touch had sent shivers through him, in a way that he'd never noticed before. It wasn't that the touch had threatened total clarity of thought, so much so that it terrified him. No, that was all just his overactive imagination, he was sure of it.
Greg looked more closely at Tony. He'd never really noticed before, but watching him now he could see that the nervous habits Tony had picked up seemed to accompany some train of thought. It was as if there was so much going on in Tony's head, it was impossible for him to stay still as the anxious energy built up in him. Take now, for instance, when Tony was fidgeting with his hands, purposefully not looking at Greg and with a strange, almost caged look that Greg reasoned was down to the fact that it's impossible to pace when you're sat in a car.
Carefully, he commented, "Tony, if there's somewhere else you need to be, or would rather be, please just say. I'm very grateful for the ride, but I don't want to be an inconvenience for you."
"You've never been that."
Once again, silence fell as both men tried to process what Tony had said. Greg was first to recover, and couldn't help but ask, "How do you mean?"
Tony looked up, wide-eyed and reminding Greg of that whole "deer caught in headlights" thing. The American wasn't fond of cliche, certainly not that one, but it was the only way his mind seemed able to process what he was seeing.
Without waiting for Tony to reply, and with no real idea of what he was doing, Greg blurted out, "You know what, the hell with it. Tony, come with me. I'll transfer my flight so you can get your stuff, but I'm not leaving you here to spend Christmas by yourself like this."
Greg could see Tony was getting more and more anxious, as the Brit pressed his hands to his forehead in an attempt to stave off whatever was going through his mind. Gently, he said, "Tony, for god's sake get out and pace already. You're making me want to pace, and I don't even know what's going on."
Tony looked up, trembling slightly as he asked, "How are you so good to me, Greg? I don't deserve it, I've never even thought to stop and thank you for what you do for me."
Greg gently grabbed Tony's wrist. "I don't do it for your gratitude. I do it because something's going on, and I'm terrified of losing you."
Tony swallowed gently, the effort of doing so not lost on him as he felt a lump rising in his throat. "Not half as terrified as I am of losing you."
Greg immediately wrapped his arms around Tony, shifting as best he could in the restricted space the car allowed so that he could hug him. "Tony, that's never going to happen. I couldn't abandon you even if I wanted to, and I definitely know I don't want to. Whether you see it or not, even whether you want it or not, I'm here, Tony, and I'm not going away."
Tony pulled in a little closer, hoping that being so close to Greg would stop him thinking. He could still feel himself trembling, but being in Greg's arms seemed to soothe him somehow. He didn't dare speak, for fear that he would say something stupid and drive Greg away no matter how much the American protested that it was impossible.
Greg looked down, brushing the stray locks of hair from Tony's face. He'd always found that little bit of hair adorable, the bit that was free to do as it wished even when that meant Tony had to constantly sweep it away from his eyes. That was one habit Greg hoped Tony never lost.
Forcing his mind away from his hidden desires, Greg said, "My offer still stands, Tony. I'd like you to come out with me, if I'm not intruding on anything."
Tony looked up, looking subdued though his eyes betrayed his mind was still racing. "I think it's probably wise that I do. I'm not sure I trust myself to be alone for so long."
"I'll look after you," Greg promised. "Do you want to wait here while I go and get everything sorted out?"
"Nah, the walk will do me good." Despite his words, Tony couldn't bring himself to pull away. "Although I rather like it here."
Greg swallowed gently. "I like it here too, Tony, but I want to make sure there's a flight we can both get."
"I know, you're right." Tony reluctantly moved away as Greg loosened his hold on him, neither man quite meeting the other's gaze as they looked at each other. "Come on, let's go cause havoc for the airline."
Greg smiled at this rare glimpse of the old Tony. "I think this Christmas is going to be a special one."
TBC...
Fandom: Whose Line UK
Pairing: Tony/Greg
Rating: PG to PG-13 for some strong language (not much)
Summary: Tony anticipates spending Christmas alone, but Greg has other plans
Disclaimer: This fic is in no way intended to portray a true representation of the people involved. As far as I know, this never happened.
Note: This is part of what will be a two-parter. I wanted to get this half done before Christmas, because it's seasonal, and the other half will likely come some time in the New Year.
Cross-posted to britline, whoselineslash and wl_fanfiction. Submitted to fanfic100 for prompt 092 - Christmas.
Breaking The Habit
Part One
It was the final filming before Christmas. All around him, moods were high as everyone discussed their plans for the holiday, but Tony was staying as far out of these conversations as he reasonably could. Hearing everyone talk about how they couldn't wait to spend quality time with their loved ones was a stark reminder of how he didn't have this to look forward to. No, Christmas would once again be a quiet affair. That was his standard answer to anyone who asked, in a tone designed to mask the fact that by 'a quiet affair' he meant 'by himself'. Alone. Just as he spent most of the rest of the year, when he wasn't working.
If he was honest, he was looking forward to the break. Having to face everyone at work, having to pretend that things in his life were as they should be, was exhausting. Even so, he couldn't help the twinge of jealousy he felt at having no-one to share the holiday with. It rarely bothered him that he was alone, but at times like this he wished he didn't isolate himself so much as to have no-one truly special in his life.
Filming wrapped early - concentration was low, excitement was high and the producers were anxious that everyone got off on time to catch flights or honour other travel arrangements to get home in time for the big day. Tony tried to hide his disappointment that everyone would be dispersing, leaving him to find ways to fill the vast, empty days ahead of him. He offered farewells as people passed, faking the smiles that assured them he would be alright. Before long, he was amongst the last remaining people in the studio, contemplating his journey home and what lay after it.
"Tony?"
Tony spun round at the familiar American voice. "Greg. I thought you'd gone."
"Not quite. Actually, I was waiting for you." Greg grinned. "Boy do you take your time."
Tony looked at him, confused. "Waiting for me? Why?"
"Because I have a lot of time to kill at the airport and want someone to keep me company." Greg gave Tony a pleading look. "Do you mind?"
Tony opened his mouth to demand just why Greg thought he had nothing better to do, but the words died in his throat. There was something about the look on Greg's face, something imploring in his tone that Tony found impossible to ignore. Instead, he found himself replying, "Sure, why not. Not as if I'm in any great rush."
"How come?" Greg regretted asking as soon as the words left his mouth. Tony had looked away, and Greg knew he'd hit a sore spot. "Sorry, none of my business. I just thought...well, it doesn't matter. Still willing to put up with me?"
"Of course. Let me just...I'll meet you outside." Tony walked away, knowing he needed time to get himself together. Greg's words had come dangerously close to hitting a nerve, and Tony just wasn't prepared to be that vulnerable in front of other people. Not even Greg. Especially not Greg, for reasons he couldn't comprehend. He headed for the toilets, grateful that there were so few people still around since he wasn't sure how he'd react to anyone who approached him.
~*~
Twenty minutes later, Greg and Tony were en route to the airport. Tony was glad to be driving, as it gave him a viable excuse for his silence. Greg looked as though he wanted to start up a conversation, but Tony forced his full attention on the road so that the conversation never came.
Greg watched Tony thoughtfully. He knew the Brit was an expert in being anti-social - or at least acting as though he was - but this was extreme even for him. It was as if spending so much of his time being isolated had rendered Tony socially awkward, unable to handle even casual conversation. He wasn't sure why, but Greg felt incredibly sad at that concept. When he had first met Tony, Greg had known a gregarious, loud man who would and could talk to anyone about anything, even if half of it didn't make any sense. Now, Tony would barely talk to the people he knew, and as for people he didn't know...
Greg couldn't help but think back to when Chip Esten had arrived on set for the first time. Everyone else had done their best to make the young improviser feel welcome, but Tony had hardly even acknowledged that Chip was there or was new. Greg had ended up covering for the Brit, almost coming to blows with Ryan in the process. Even now, Greg couldn't explain why he had been compelled to leap to Tony's defence, only that it seemed the right thing to do at the time.
Eventually, Greg had to break the silence. "So, how many crazies do you think I'll be sharing a plane with?"
Tony didn't so much as look up as he shrugged. "This time of year brings it out in everyone."
The slight note of emotion in Tony's voice was not lost on Greg. "You know, if I had longer before my flight, I'd suggest you come out with me."
Thrown by the sentiment, Tony cursed as his hand slipped from the gear stick. Recovering himself, he asked, "Why on earth would you do something as daft as that? I'd only ruin everything."
"I don't think so." Greg spoke carefully, trying to ensure he phrased things soas not to upset the other man. "I've never regretted any of the time I've spent with you so far."
Tony didn't speak, thankful that the concentration needed to pull into the airport car park allowed for his silence. He wouldn't let Greg see how much that one sentence had meant, no matter how hard he had to work to hide it. Just because Christmas was supposed to be a sentimental time didn't mean he was about to buy into it and turn all sappy.
Greg sighed, staying silent as Tony drove around trying to find a suitable parking space. He knew Tony was stubborn, but he hadn't thought he was this stubborn. And yet, he still had the desire to help, to somehow reach out to Tony and make him realise how much he meant.
Eventually, Tony managed to park somewhere that wasn't ridiculously far from where Greg needed to be. Still, he remained silent, not trusting what would come out of his mouth if he tried to speak. Much as he didn't want to let Greg in, he also didn't want to push him any further away. He had noticed Greg's tendency to cover for him, had noticed how he made an effort to talk to him where others had long since given up, and while he couldn't bring himself to say it, that meant a lot to him.
Greg lightly touched Tony's arm, instantly pulling back as Tony looked up, clearly shocked. "Sorry, Tony. I just..."
"It's okay. Just...I must have been miles away, you made me jump, that's all." Yes, that was all. Jump. It wasn't that the touch had sent shivers through him, in a way that he'd never noticed before. It wasn't that the touch had threatened total clarity of thought, so much so that it terrified him. No, that was all just his overactive imagination, he was sure of it.
Greg looked more closely at Tony. He'd never really noticed before, but watching him now he could see that the nervous habits Tony had picked up seemed to accompany some train of thought. It was as if there was so much going on in Tony's head, it was impossible for him to stay still as the anxious energy built up in him. Take now, for instance, when Tony was fidgeting with his hands, purposefully not looking at Greg and with a strange, almost caged look that Greg reasoned was down to the fact that it's impossible to pace when you're sat in a car.
Carefully, he commented, "Tony, if there's somewhere else you need to be, or would rather be, please just say. I'm very grateful for the ride, but I don't want to be an inconvenience for you."
"You've never been that."
Once again, silence fell as both men tried to process what Tony had said. Greg was first to recover, and couldn't help but ask, "How do you mean?"
Tony looked up, wide-eyed and reminding Greg of that whole "deer caught in headlights" thing. The American wasn't fond of cliche, certainly not that one, but it was the only way his mind seemed able to process what he was seeing.
Without waiting for Tony to reply, and with no real idea of what he was doing, Greg blurted out, "You know what, the hell with it. Tony, come with me. I'll transfer my flight so you can get your stuff, but I'm not leaving you here to spend Christmas by yourself like this."
Greg could see Tony was getting more and more anxious, as the Brit pressed his hands to his forehead in an attempt to stave off whatever was going through his mind. Gently, he said, "Tony, for god's sake get out and pace already. You're making me want to pace, and I don't even know what's going on."
Tony looked up, trembling slightly as he asked, "How are you so good to me, Greg? I don't deserve it, I've never even thought to stop and thank you for what you do for me."
Greg gently grabbed Tony's wrist. "I don't do it for your gratitude. I do it because something's going on, and I'm terrified of losing you."
Tony swallowed gently, the effort of doing so not lost on him as he felt a lump rising in his throat. "Not half as terrified as I am of losing you."
Greg immediately wrapped his arms around Tony, shifting as best he could in the restricted space the car allowed so that he could hug him. "Tony, that's never going to happen. I couldn't abandon you even if I wanted to, and I definitely know I don't want to. Whether you see it or not, even whether you want it or not, I'm here, Tony, and I'm not going away."
Tony pulled in a little closer, hoping that being so close to Greg would stop him thinking. He could still feel himself trembling, but being in Greg's arms seemed to soothe him somehow. He didn't dare speak, for fear that he would say something stupid and drive Greg away no matter how much the American protested that it was impossible.
Greg looked down, brushing the stray locks of hair from Tony's face. He'd always found that little bit of hair adorable, the bit that was free to do as it wished even when that meant Tony had to constantly sweep it away from his eyes. That was one habit Greg hoped Tony never lost.
Forcing his mind away from his hidden desires, Greg said, "My offer still stands, Tony. I'd like you to come out with me, if I'm not intruding on anything."
Tony looked up, looking subdued though his eyes betrayed his mind was still racing. "I think it's probably wise that I do. I'm not sure I trust myself to be alone for so long."
"I'll look after you," Greg promised. "Do you want to wait here while I go and get everything sorted out?"
"Nah, the walk will do me good." Despite his words, Tony couldn't bring himself to pull away. "Although I rather like it here."
Greg swallowed gently. "I like it here too, Tony, but I want to make sure there's a flight we can both get."
"I know, you're right." Tony reluctantly moved away as Greg loosened his hold on him, neither man quite meeting the other's gaze as they looked at each other. "Come on, let's go cause havoc for the airline."
Greg smiled at this rare glimpse of the old Tony. "I think this Christmas is going to be a special one."
TBC...