That First Small Step
Title: That First Small Step
Fandom: Whose Line UK
Pairing: Tony/Greg
Rating: PG to PG-13. One swearword, but it's one of the stronger ones.
Summary: Tony can't sleep, and Greg wants to help.
Disclaimer: This fic is in no way intended to portray a true representation of the people involved. As far as I know, this never happened.
Cross-posted to britline, whoselineslash and wl_fanfiction. Submitted to fanfic100 for prompt 021 - Friends.
That First Small Step
Greg woke with a start as a sudden blast of sound tore into his dream. As he sat up and tried to reconcile himself with where he was, the sound began to diminish - it was not gone completely, but was by no means as loud as it had been when it started.
The clock on the bedside table read 3am. Greg had to wonder who was still awake at this time, considering they'd been filming all day. He knew the hotel stays drew the worst out of everyone, reducing their behaviour to that of kids on a school trip, but even kids slept eventually.
Straining his ears, Greg could pick up faint voices coming from the neighbouring room. The television, he decided, since the only performers sharing a room were nowhere near his. He knew that some people couldn't sleep in total silence, but then he hadn't heard the TV before. He couldn't help but worry about the man in the room next to his, certainly not when he had been sitting on concern for as long as he had.
Before he was fully aware of what he was doing, Greg was out of bed and fumbling for his dressing gown. He didn't know quite what he was doing or why, but he somehow couldn't settle down again knowing that the other man was awake.
He slipped the room key into one of the pockets of the dressing gown and then slipped out of his room towards the one next door, half a mind alerted to the fact that he may not have been the only person to have been woken up. He thought back to a similar instance last week, which had resulted in Colin having to hold Ryan back from doing anything stupid and Chip standing utterly dumbfounded and probably wondering what the hell he had let himself in for.
Greg gently tapped on the door and waited for an answer, even as he half expected not to get one. Heaven knew Tony was great at being anti-social when he wanted to be and, after the previous incident, Greg wouldn't have blamed him if he'd stayed silent and pretended to have gone back to sleep.
"It's open."
Greg was a little surprised that he had got a response; what surprised him more was how quiet and subdued it was. Tony only ever seemed to have two modes these days, silent or loud almost to the point of aggressive. Determined not to betray the depth of his concern, Greg tested the door and fought not to vocalise his surprise that it actually was open.
As he walked into the room, Greg knew he had been right to worry. Tony was sat on his bed, dressed in a t-shirt and boxers, and was staring at the TV screen as if he wasn't even taking in what he saw. The presence of another person in the room barely seemed to register with him, save for the barely audible "I'm sorry" he offered without even looking up.
Greg frowned a little as he walked further into the room and sat on the edge of Tony's bed. "I'm not here to yell at you. Just surprised you're still awake, is all."
Tony finally looked up, studying the other man as though waiting for the sting. "I didn't realise I'd left it on so loud," he offered, still not willing to believe that he didn't have to justify himself.
"It happens to the best of us," Greg reassured him. "And if it helps, I think I'm the only one you woke up."
Tony frowned a little, but seemed to accept this. Turning back to the TV screen, he offered, "Thank you for the concern. I won't keep you any longer."
"Tony." Greg reached for the remote and turned the TV off before Tony had time to react. "How long are you going to keep doing this?"
"Doing what?" Tony didn't turn to face the other man, though Greg didn't know if this was to avoid the confrontation or the simple fact that he'd barely registered that the TV was now off.
Greg gently touched Tony's shoulder, knowing his touch would be shrugged away but determined to get the other man to at least look at him. "Ignoring the fact that something's not right. Pretending to us all, even to yourself, that things are fine when I can see how exhausted you are."
Tony shrank back a little at Greg's words, almost as though he were afraid of them. "I have no idea what you're talking about," he countered, but the words carried no weight.
"That's a lie and we both know it, Tony." Greg shifted so he could more comfortably sit closer to the other man. "Now, I don't claim to be an expert, but if you need someone to talk to..."
"You wouldn't understand." Tony stood and paced a little. "You'd think I was just being silly and attention-seeking just for the fun of it."
"I know you're not." Greg didn't even attempt to move closer. Tony seemed not to want him too close, and he wasn't there to make his friend more uncomfortable. "For a start, when you are out for attention the whole world knows what the matter is. You wouldn't be bottling it up like this if that's all it was."
Tony let out a short laugh. "I think you credit me with more depth than I deserve."
"Or you're so used to everyone thinking you're shallow that you're starting to believe them," Greg countered. "Look, I'm not expecting you to turn around and suddenly confide all to me, but I sure as hell am not about to ignore it when my friend is sitting awake at 3am thinking no-one cares. When you're ready to accept that, let me know."
He stood up and moved towards the door, but a small voice stopped him.
"Please don't leave."
He froze, afraid to turn round in case he betrayed how much those three words had affected him. Tony had sounded so lost, so scared, and it wasn't something Greg was used to.
He sensed more than heard Tony walking towards him, and finally forced himself to turn and face him. "I was beginning to think that's what you wanted."
He expected Tony to have a witty retort, even as the previous tone still troubled him. Instead, the Brit looked down and muttered, "I'm an idiot."
"No, you're not," Greg returned, gently touching the side of Tony's face. "You're many things, but that isn't one of them."
Tony looked up, clearly fighting the urge to cry. "I don't deserve a friend like you, Greg. After all the trouble I've caused, for all I've pulled away from all of you...I don't deserve any of this."
Greg raised an eyebrow. "Tony, this is meant in the best possible way, but shut up. You can try and push me away all you want, but I'm not going anywhere."
Tony opened his mouth, fumbling for a response, but words had failed him. He turned and went to sit on the bed again, his final choice of words coming out in a whisper. "It's all my own fault."
"I'm sure that's not true." Greg moved to sit beside the other man, and was almost glad to note that Tony didn't try to back away this time, if it hadn't been so uncharacteristic. "And honestly? I think I already know what the problem is, or part of it at least."
Tony looked up at the American, as though convinced none of this was actually happening. "Did I finally fall asleep? Because I tell you, staring at a clock for four hours straight will..."
"Four hours?" The words were out before Greg could stop them. "No wonder you're exhausted."
Tony shrugged. "Does it matter? As long as I act the part..."
"Of course it matters. You keep going like this, you're going to make yourself ill." Greg placed a hand on Tony's leg. "And don't you dare say that no-one would care. They would, Tony, I would. I don't want to see you destroy yourself."
Tony was too shocked to even try to deny the truth of Greg's words. "How did you...?"
"Like I said, I've figured out part of the problem. You're lonely, and you've somehow convinced yourself that none of us like you or want to be with you when we're not performing." Greg risked a small smile. "And your pride refuses to let you come and find out otherwise."
Tony swallowed, gaze still fixed on Greg though he studiously avoided making eye contact. "How? I thought...how can you know?"
"Because I've watched you, Tony. I've seen how you isolate yourself, how you never let your guard down when you're with us, as if we're suddenly going to turn around and confirm what you fear." Greg finally managed to get eye contact. "Not going to happen."
Any composure Tony thought he had vanished as he registered the honest concern in Greg's eyes. He looked away, still not wanting Greg to see the tears that started to fall.
Greg sighed as he moved to hug Tony to him. "You're a stubborn man, Mr Slattery, but don't think that's going to make me give up. I can be just as stubborn as you, and I will repeat myself as many times as I have to if it means you'll eventually accept what I'm saying."
Tony instinctively pulled closer to Greg, surprising both of them in doing so. As he clung to the American, Tony quietly stated, "I accept it...just could take a while before I believe it."
"Well, whatever you need me to do, just say the word." Greg held Tony as closely as he was able to. "You need me, come find me, whatever time in the morning it may be."
Tony buried his face in the other man's chest. "Just don't let go."
~*~
"GREG! Get the hell up! We're running late already."
As the yelling pierced his conscience, Greg sleepily wondered why Ryan was calling for him while banging on his neighbour's door. Everyone knew what everyone else's room number was, so why..?
It was only as he tried to sit up, then realised that he already was sitting, that he started to piece together what was going on. He looked down and smiled as he noticed that Tony was curled up to him, still fast asleep. Greg was loathe to wake the other man, but with Ryan looking for him...
He didn't have to worry for long. Ryan had apparently given up on him and was now banging on Tony's door. The noise seemed to jolt Tony into full consciousness; as he pulled back from Greg he asked, "What the hell?"
"Ryan. He's just being over-anxious as usual." Greg spoke loudly, knowing it would carry to the man waiting outside. "If you're so concerned, Ry, you go on ahead and we'll meet you there."
The door opened and Greg knew Ryan's curiosity had been piqued. "There you are! How come you're in here?"
Greg shot a meaningful glance at Tony as he replied, "My friend couldn't sleep, and I was helping."
"Fair enough." Ryan couldn't hide the grin on his face. "Looks like you were successful."
Tony shook his head. "Fuck off, Stiles. It's too early."
"We'll meet you at the set," Greg reiterated. "You and Colin go ahead and make the most of the empty car."
Ryan had the grace to blush at this, though he tried to brush it aside. "Touche, Mr Proops. See you later."
As Ryan left, Greg turned to get a proper look at Tony. "Well, someone looks awake this morning."
Tony smiled a little as he admitted, "I feel more awake than I have in a long time. Thank you, Greg."
"Don't mention it. It's worth it to see you looking better." Greg playfully ruffled Tony's hair. "We'd best get a move on and get ready."
He stood up, stretching to try to relieve the ache borne from sleeping while sitting. "I'll come get you when I'm ready."
Tony nodded as he also stood. "Sure. Hey, Greg?"
"Yeah?"
Tony looked down, clearly nervous. "I just...I wanted to ask...can we do this again?"
Greg smiled widely. "Of course. Like I said last night, whenever you need me."
Tony nodded, unable to hide the relieved smile on his face. "Of course. Now go on, get out. I'm not letting you stick around while I shower."
Greg pouted playfully. "Aw, why not?"
Tony gave him a faux-stern look as he stood with hands on his hips. "Out now, Mr Proops, before I have to force you out."
"Alright, alright, I'm going already!" Greg grinned as he walked out of Tony's room and back to his own.
As Tony prepared for his shower, the smile returned to his face. For once, he wasn't living a lie; he actually felt a hell of a lot better than he had done in a long time. And for that, there was one person to thank. Damn, but he was lucky.
In his own bathroom, Greg was thinking a similar thing. For he had been granted something incredibly rare - an insight into Tony's mind, and a feeling that Tony trusted him. It was but a small first step towards a deeper bond between the friends - but sometimes, that small first step was all it took.
Fandom: Whose Line UK
Pairing: Tony/Greg
Rating: PG to PG-13. One swearword, but it's one of the stronger ones.
Summary: Tony can't sleep, and Greg wants to help.
Disclaimer: This fic is in no way intended to portray a true representation of the people involved. As far as I know, this never happened.
Cross-posted to britline, whoselineslash and wl_fanfiction. Submitted to fanfic100 for prompt 021 - Friends.
That First Small Step
Greg woke with a start as a sudden blast of sound tore into his dream. As he sat up and tried to reconcile himself with where he was, the sound began to diminish - it was not gone completely, but was by no means as loud as it had been when it started.
The clock on the bedside table read 3am. Greg had to wonder who was still awake at this time, considering they'd been filming all day. He knew the hotel stays drew the worst out of everyone, reducing their behaviour to that of kids on a school trip, but even kids slept eventually.
Straining his ears, Greg could pick up faint voices coming from the neighbouring room. The television, he decided, since the only performers sharing a room were nowhere near his. He knew that some people couldn't sleep in total silence, but then he hadn't heard the TV before. He couldn't help but worry about the man in the room next to his, certainly not when he had been sitting on concern for as long as he had.
Before he was fully aware of what he was doing, Greg was out of bed and fumbling for his dressing gown. He didn't know quite what he was doing or why, but he somehow couldn't settle down again knowing that the other man was awake.
He slipped the room key into one of the pockets of the dressing gown and then slipped out of his room towards the one next door, half a mind alerted to the fact that he may not have been the only person to have been woken up. He thought back to a similar instance last week, which had resulted in Colin having to hold Ryan back from doing anything stupid and Chip standing utterly dumbfounded and probably wondering what the hell he had let himself in for.
Greg gently tapped on the door and waited for an answer, even as he half expected not to get one. Heaven knew Tony was great at being anti-social when he wanted to be and, after the previous incident, Greg wouldn't have blamed him if he'd stayed silent and pretended to have gone back to sleep.
"It's open."
Greg was a little surprised that he had got a response; what surprised him more was how quiet and subdued it was. Tony only ever seemed to have two modes these days, silent or loud almost to the point of aggressive. Determined not to betray the depth of his concern, Greg tested the door and fought not to vocalise his surprise that it actually was open.
As he walked into the room, Greg knew he had been right to worry. Tony was sat on his bed, dressed in a t-shirt and boxers, and was staring at the TV screen as if he wasn't even taking in what he saw. The presence of another person in the room barely seemed to register with him, save for the barely audible "I'm sorry" he offered without even looking up.
Greg frowned a little as he walked further into the room and sat on the edge of Tony's bed. "I'm not here to yell at you. Just surprised you're still awake, is all."
Tony finally looked up, studying the other man as though waiting for the sting. "I didn't realise I'd left it on so loud," he offered, still not willing to believe that he didn't have to justify himself.
"It happens to the best of us," Greg reassured him. "And if it helps, I think I'm the only one you woke up."
Tony frowned a little, but seemed to accept this. Turning back to the TV screen, he offered, "Thank you for the concern. I won't keep you any longer."
"Tony." Greg reached for the remote and turned the TV off before Tony had time to react. "How long are you going to keep doing this?"
"Doing what?" Tony didn't turn to face the other man, though Greg didn't know if this was to avoid the confrontation or the simple fact that he'd barely registered that the TV was now off.
Greg gently touched Tony's shoulder, knowing his touch would be shrugged away but determined to get the other man to at least look at him. "Ignoring the fact that something's not right. Pretending to us all, even to yourself, that things are fine when I can see how exhausted you are."
Tony shrank back a little at Greg's words, almost as though he were afraid of them. "I have no idea what you're talking about," he countered, but the words carried no weight.
"That's a lie and we both know it, Tony." Greg shifted so he could more comfortably sit closer to the other man. "Now, I don't claim to be an expert, but if you need someone to talk to..."
"You wouldn't understand." Tony stood and paced a little. "You'd think I was just being silly and attention-seeking just for the fun of it."
"I know you're not." Greg didn't even attempt to move closer. Tony seemed not to want him too close, and he wasn't there to make his friend more uncomfortable. "For a start, when you are out for attention the whole world knows what the matter is. You wouldn't be bottling it up like this if that's all it was."
Tony let out a short laugh. "I think you credit me with more depth than I deserve."
"Or you're so used to everyone thinking you're shallow that you're starting to believe them," Greg countered. "Look, I'm not expecting you to turn around and suddenly confide all to me, but I sure as hell am not about to ignore it when my friend is sitting awake at 3am thinking no-one cares. When you're ready to accept that, let me know."
He stood up and moved towards the door, but a small voice stopped him.
"Please don't leave."
He froze, afraid to turn round in case he betrayed how much those three words had affected him. Tony had sounded so lost, so scared, and it wasn't something Greg was used to.
He sensed more than heard Tony walking towards him, and finally forced himself to turn and face him. "I was beginning to think that's what you wanted."
He expected Tony to have a witty retort, even as the previous tone still troubled him. Instead, the Brit looked down and muttered, "I'm an idiot."
"No, you're not," Greg returned, gently touching the side of Tony's face. "You're many things, but that isn't one of them."
Tony looked up, clearly fighting the urge to cry. "I don't deserve a friend like you, Greg. After all the trouble I've caused, for all I've pulled away from all of you...I don't deserve any of this."
Greg raised an eyebrow. "Tony, this is meant in the best possible way, but shut up. You can try and push me away all you want, but I'm not going anywhere."
Tony opened his mouth, fumbling for a response, but words had failed him. He turned and went to sit on the bed again, his final choice of words coming out in a whisper. "It's all my own fault."
"I'm sure that's not true." Greg moved to sit beside the other man, and was almost glad to note that Tony didn't try to back away this time, if it hadn't been so uncharacteristic. "And honestly? I think I already know what the problem is, or part of it at least."
Tony looked up at the American, as though convinced none of this was actually happening. "Did I finally fall asleep? Because I tell you, staring at a clock for four hours straight will..."
"Four hours?" The words were out before Greg could stop them. "No wonder you're exhausted."
Tony shrugged. "Does it matter? As long as I act the part..."
"Of course it matters. You keep going like this, you're going to make yourself ill." Greg placed a hand on Tony's leg. "And don't you dare say that no-one would care. They would, Tony, I would. I don't want to see you destroy yourself."
Tony was too shocked to even try to deny the truth of Greg's words. "How did you...?"
"Like I said, I've figured out part of the problem. You're lonely, and you've somehow convinced yourself that none of us like you or want to be with you when we're not performing." Greg risked a small smile. "And your pride refuses to let you come and find out otherwise."
Tony swallowed, gaze still fixed on Greg though he studiously avoided making eye contact. "How? I thought...how can you know?"
"Because I've watched you, Tony. I've seen how you isolate yourself, how you never let your guard down when you're with us, as if we're suddenly going to turn around and confirm what you fear." Greg finally managed to get eye contact. "Not going to happen."
Any composure Tony thought he had vanished as he registered the honest concern in Greg's eyes. He looked away, still not wanting Greg to see the tears that started to fall.
Greg sighed as he moved to hug Tony to him. "You're a stubborn man, Mr Slattery, but don't think that's going to make me give up. I can be just as stubborn as you, and I will repeat myself as many times as I have to if it means you'll eventually accept what I'm saying."
Tony instinctively pulled closer to Greg, surprising both of them in doing so. As he clung to the American, Tony quietly stated, "I accept it...just could take a while before I believe it."
"Well, whatever you need me to do, just say the word." Greg held Tony as closely as he was able to. "You need me, come find me, whatever time in the morning it may be."
Tony buried his face in the other man's chest. "Just don't let go."
~*~
"GREG! Get the hell up! We're running late already."
As the yelling pierced his conscience, Greg sleepily wondered why Ryan was calling for him while banging on his neighbour's door. Everyone knew what everyone else's room number was, so why..?
It was only as he tried to sit up, then realised that he already was sitting, that he started to piece together what was going on. He looked down and smiled as he noticed that Tony was curled up to him, still fast asleep. Greg was loathe to wake the other man, but with Ryan looking for him...
He didn't have to worry for long. Ryan had apparently given up on him and was now banging on Tony's door. The noise seemed to jolt Tony into full consciousness; as he pulled back from Greg he asked, "What the hell?"
"Ryan. He's just being over-anxious as usual." Greg spoke loudly, knowing it would carry to the man waiting outside. "If you're so concerned, Ry, you go on ahead and we'll meet you there."
The door opened and Greg knew Ryan's curiosity had been piqued. "There you are! How come you're in here?"
Greg shot a meaningful glance at Tony as he replied, "My friend couldn't sleep, and I was helping."
"Fair enough." Ryan couldn't hide the grin on his face. "Looks like you were successful."
Tony shook his head. "Fuck off, Stiles. It's too early."
"We'll meet you at the set," Greg reiterated. "You and Colin go ahead and make the most of the empty car."
Ryan had the grace to blush at this, though he tried to brush it aside. "Touche, Mr Proops. See you later."
As Ryan left, Greg turned to get a proper look at Tony. "Well, someone looks awake this morning."
Tony smiled a little as he admitted, "I feel more awake than I have in a long time. Thank you, Greg."
"Don't mention it. It's worth it to see you looking better." Greg playfully ruffled Tony's hair. "We'd best get a move on and get ready."
He stood up, stretching to try to relieve the ache borne from sleeping while sitting. "I'll come get you when I'm ready."
Tony nodded as he also stood. "Sure. Hey, Greg?"
"Yeah?"
Tony looked down, clearly nervous. "I just...I wanted to ask...can we do this again?"
Greg smiled widely. "Of course. Like I said last night, whenever you need me."
Tony nodded, unable to hide the relieved smile on his face. "Of course. Now go on, get out. I'm not letting you stick around while I shower."
Greg pouted playfully. "Aw, why not?"
Tony gave him a faux-stern look as he stood with hands on his hips. "Out now, Mr Proops, before I have to force you out."
"Alright, alright, I'm going already!" Greg grinned as he walked out of Tony's room and back to his own.
As Tony prepared for his shower, the smile returned to his face. For once, he wasn't living a lie; he actually felt a hell of a lot better than he had done in a long time. And for that, there was one person to thank. Damn, but he was lucky.
In his own bathroom, Greg was thinking a similar thing. For he had been granted something incredibly rare - an insight into Tony's mind, and a feeling that Tony trusted him. It was but a small first step towards a deeper bond between the friends - but sometimes, that small first step was all it took.