Ryden War!Fic
Title: War. (for now)
Rating: PG
Word Count:
Pairing: RYDEN!
Warning character death, implied mpreg
Disclaimer: I don’t own the boys. except Jade
Author Notes: NOT BETA’D! okay so I was really bored and yeah this is what happened. Im not really sure I like it all that well… especially last few lines but I tried Oo its depressing though, but the end is at least happy! So yeah! haha comments are love and concrit is definatly welcome!
“Hundreds killed.”
The headlines were all big letters and bold, dark and caught his eye. He picked up the paper from the newstand and he felt the tears welling up in his eyes. In the middle of all these people and he was about to break down.
He drops the paper and runs out to his car, the sinking feeling in his chest making it hard to focus. Its so hard concentrating, when he knows. When he can feel it.
~
Brendon smiles at Ryan sad but genuine. “I love you.” The tears streak Ryan’s cheeks, “I love you, too.”
He would never understand war, he knew this, but Brendon, he knew Brendon Urie and because of this he knew that Brendon was not going to back down. He had a war to win and soldier’s to lead. War had left him always thinking, never really in tune with reality. He had to go back and fight this war. He had to finish what he started.
Ryan chokes on a small sob tucking himself into Brendon’s warm embrace. Somehow he knows that this is it. This will be the last time he sees his husband alive. He can’t explain the feeling but he knows, so he holds on just a bit tighter, just a bit longer.
Brendon smiles into his hair, “I love you, Ryan Urrossie. I love you and don’t ever forget that.” The tears slide down his face that he angles down so his soldiers won’t see. He clears his throat and makes to put his arms around Ryan’s shoulders to tighten in a hug once more, so that he can wipe his face.
He steps back, still sporting a smile.
Ryan thinks this is it. He surges forward presses his lips to Brendon’s, and Brendon kisses back with an urgency, “I love you. “ He manages as they break for a breath. And then again “I love you. I love you, Ryan. I fucking love you.” As he peels himself away.
The man driving the vehicle that will take Brendon away urges the boys, “Alright, time to go.”
Brendon steps back further. “I..”
“Time to go.” He cuts Brendon off.
“Come on,” he directs at Ryan and the boys mouth love you to one another.
“Goodbye,” Brendon says and it sounds to final. Too much like a real goodbye and he can’t form words, just lets his hand slide from Brendon’s, droping lifeless by his side, as Brendon backs up to turn and get into the jeep.
“Bye, Ryry.” And Ryan sees the innocence in Brendon’s face. He is so young. So young.
“Bye, Brenny.” It’s a whisper but Brendon smiles.
“We’re due back in a month, son,” the driver says.
A month, Ryan nods, throat tight as the sinking feeling settles firm in his belly. And the jeep is already driving off, inching away every second.
Due back in a month, he said, so sure. He had seemed so sure.
Ryan whispers to the wind I love you, Brendon. Goodbye, before turning and walking away, tears still rolling down his cheeks.
He doesn’t look back.
~
He gets home and cries, broken and so alone.
After dozing off for a few hours, he awakens to the sound of a knock on his door. He jumps up and heads for the door. He should have expected this. He should have known, but like anyone else he had hoped with all of his heart that he had been wrong.
When he opens the door to see the cop standing, hat off and head bowed he can’t breathe.
“No,” he whimpers and collapses in the doorway.
“No,” and he is chooking on his own spit, the officer bent down and patting his back. Ryan would normally feel embarrassed, but the officer looks sympathetic and Ryan just closes his eyes trying to heave in breaths one at a time, trying to remember how to breath.
He knew but it doesn’t lessen the blow. He insides feel raw and his head aches. His eyes are blurry and his body shakes. He can’t feel the beat of his own heart.
He licks his lips and tastes the salt. “How? How’d he…” Ryan isn’t sure he wants to know, but he needs to know. Needs to know how the war has taken away his husband, his lover, his life.
“A mine field, they drove through…” and the cop doesn’t finish he doesn’t need to. “He died quick. Painless.” And Ryan knows this is supposed to be comfort, but he can only hear small pieces after that. “Dead. He’s dead.” Ryan whimpers. And he hears the words, “hero, honor and victory,” and wants to puke.
Spencer is over there in under 7 seconds, when the police calls him for Ryan. He picks Ryan up, nods to the cop and walks back into Brendon’s house. Ryan can’t hold it together, and Spencer only tries to because he has to be there for Ryan.
~
Ryan is dresses in the suit that Brendon bought for him. The suit he wore to their wedding, to their honeymoon, to important events and then after Brendo was drafted, every chance he had after that to see Brendon. He wears his ring, sometimes slipping it off and rolling it around in his fingers, because Brendon always laughed at the habit. He holds onto the paper that has words he’s jotted down for Brendon.
He carries a piece of his favorite scarf, a guitar pick and a letter, the last letter that Brendon had written him before…
But all objects aside, he carries these memories that flash by and Ryan tries to catch them for fear that they will fade into nothing. He carries the feeling of loss, of alone, of heartbreak, this weight in his chest that makes him feel suppressed and explosive all at the same time.
He sits in the pew of the church, lets the others speak first. They sound too muchlike the cop and Ryan wants to curl in on himself, but the hands that seem to tighten around his body seems to ground him just enough. For now.
He cringes at the looks that people give him.
Look at that poor boy, he must be heartbroken.
“I’m sorry for your loss.” Their words scream sympathy and pity, but they are just words. Words that will never mean a thing.
And he’s looking at the men that had spoken before him.
Honorable they said.
Good soldier they said.
Hero they said.
Ryan stands in front of them and stares. Stares at the unfamiliar faces and at the coffin to his left.
“He was only 20 years old.” Ryan starts, “20 years old.” And he stares. Spencer is about to come get him but Ryan speaks again.
“The news says we will see victory soon. He told me one month. He would be back in my arms in one month.” He sideglances, and the tears are resurfacing.
His hands are shaking and he folds the piece of paper in his hands, “I had a speech prepared to tell you about him, but I can’t… I won’t say that he was a hero, or a good soldier or a hero. That is not Brendon.”
He looks at his hands, trying to focus on saying the words clearly, “Brendon was a strong, caring, loving young man with a husband, goals, a life ahead of him. He had a life with a big loving family, a career that he knew he would love, a house that was warm and comfortabe no matter who you were, and a small puppy that he treated like a son. He had a husband that loved him with all of his heart and friends that he would, not doubt, keep forever. He was ging to be…” And Ryan pauses, eyes shifting around, taking a deep breath before continuing.
“He was the sweetest, most beautiful man I’ve ever met and he saved me when I couldn’t find myself. He picked me up and showed me love and life for what it was.” Ryan chocked slightly and steadied himself against the podium.
“When he asked me to marry him, I thought I had been dreaming. Brendon asked me. I had never felt so happy, so loved, and complete.”
“And then the war happened. When he told me, I thought I had been dreaming. I thought marrige would mean forever. Brendon, my Brendon. And now he is never coming back.” Ryan slid to his knees and put his head in his hand. Pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes, colors and patterns floating throughout his vision, in the dark. He slinks his arms around his stomach and everything blanks.
~
Years later and Ryan is sitting in front of the gravestone that simply reads:
Brendon Urrossie
Beloved Son, Husband, and Father
“Jade, come here. I want to tell you something.”
“Wha’ wike a stowy?”
“Something like that.” Ryan smiles and looks to the sky hoping that Brendon is looking down on them.
The child pumps his little fist. “Yeah, I luf stowys!”
“Your daddy would be so proud, you know? He always said that he wanted a kid who loved Aladdin and candy and hiding out in tents, just as much as he did.”
Jade giggled and tumbled to the ground, “Nuh uh, weally dad?”
“Yeah really.” He poked at his son’s nose and the boy backed off giggling some more.
When he finally calmed down enough to sit up he got this look on his face and Ryan was worried but only for a moment because when Jade looked up he knew the boy was trying to find the right words. He looked just like Brendon.
Ryan felt a tear roll down his cheek and he wiped it away so he wouldn’t upset Jade. “Well, I’z knows dat I’d be pwoud of daddy too, cause anybodys who wikes all dat, espesilly awaddin, has to be de bestes ever, ever!” A bright grin spreads over Jade’s face and Ryan feels his a warmth in his heart.
After a few moment of starring into the distance, Jade tugs on Ryan’s shirt. “Did you wuv, daddy?” Jade questionsand Ryan smiles down at him.
“Yeah, he was the love of my life. My Brenny Bear.”
Jade gasps and puts his hands over his mouth, eyes wide. “He was a beaarrrrr?”
Ryan laughs, “No, silly. He looked a lot like you.”
“No dad, I’m not a bear.” He puts his hands on his hips and gives him a look that Ryan feels like he know to well.
Ryan picks up his son and swings him around, “No you arent, but you remind me of him so much. I love you.”
“I love you, too, dad.”
And as they are leaving, hand in hand Jade pauses, “wait, wait!” He pulls loose and runs back over to the gravestone as fast as his little legs will take him. He kneels down and whispers, “I love you, too, daddy! May ve… one day you can come bat an we watch awadin togefer, and don’t tewl dad but we make a tent too and …” He looks around and leans down, trying to whisper the best a kid knows how, “and we can get de candy out ov de cabnit when dad is on de phone.”
Ryan cries softly as he watches his son. “I miss you Bren, so much.” The wind whips around him and the breeze chills his skin. He sucks in a breath and wipes away the tears. He knows that Brendon hears him. He can feel it. He can feel him all around.
I’ll see you again, someday.
A/N 2: i hope that if you took the time to read this, that you like it caus i think it might be a little bit faily... but haha maybe its just me. xD
Rating: PG
Word Count:
Pairing: RYDEN!
Warning character death, implied mpreg
Disclaimer: I don’t own the boys. except Jade
Author Notes: NOT BETA’D! okay so I was really bored and yeah this is what happened. Im not really sure I like it all that well… especially last few lines but I tried Oo its depressing though, but the end is at least happy! So yeah! haha comments are love and concrit is definatly welcome!
“Hundreds killed.”
The headlines were all big letters and bold, dark and caught his eye. He picked up the paper from the newstand and he felt the tears welling up in his eyes. In the middle of all these people and he was about to break down.
He drops the paper and runs out to his car, the sinking feeling in his chest making it hard to focus. Its so hard concentrating, when he knows. When he can feel it.
~
Brendon smiles at Ryan sad but genuine. “I love you.” The tears streak Ryan’s cheeks, “I love you, too.”
He would never understand war, he knew this, but Brendon, he knew Brendon Urie and because of this he knew that Brendon was not going to back down. He had a war to win and soldier’s to lead. War had left him always thinking, never really in tune with reality. He had to go back and fight this war. He had to finish what he started.
Ryan chokes on a small sob tucking himself into Brendon’s warm embrace. Somehow he knows that this is it. This will be the last time he sees his husband alive. He can’t explain the feeling but he knows, so he holds on just a bit tighter, just a bit longer.
Brendon smiles into his hair, “I love you, Ryan Urrossie. I love you and don’t ever forget that.” The tears slide down his face that he angles down so his soldiers won’t see. He clears his throat and makes to put his arms around Ryan’s shoulders to tighten in a hug once more, so that he can wipe his face.
He steps back, still sporting a smile.
Ryan thinks this is it. He surges forward presses his lips to Brendon’s, and Brendon kisses back with an urgency, “I love you. “ He manages as they break for a breath. And then again “I love you. I love you, Ryan. I fucking love you.” As he peels himself away.
The man driving the vehicle that will take Brendon away urges the boys, “Alright, time to go.”
Brendon steps back further. “I..”
“Time to go.” He cuts Brendon off.
“Come on,” he directs at Ryan and the boys mouth love you to one another.
“Goodbye,” Brendon says and it sounds to final. Too much like a real goodbye and he can’t form words, just lets his hand slide from Brendon’s, droping lifeless by his side, as Brendon backs up to turn and get into the jeep.
“Bye, Ryry.” And Ryan sees the innocence in Brendon’s face. He is so young. So young.
“Bye, Brenny.” It’s a whisper but Brendon smiles.
“We’re due back in a month, son,” the driver says.
A month, Ryan nods, throat tight as the sinking feeling settles firm in his belly. And the jeep is already driving off, inching away every second.
Due back in a month, he said, so sure. He had seemed so sure.
Ryan whispers to the wind I love you, Brendon. Goodbye, before turning and walking away, tears still rolling down his cheeks.
He doesn’t look back.
~
He gets home and cries, broken and so alone.
After dozing off for a few hours, he awakens to the sound of a knock on his door. He jumps up and heads for the door. He should have expected this. He should have known, but like anyone else he had hoped with all of his heart that he had been wrong.
When he opens the door to see the cop standing, hat off and head bowed he can’t breathe.
“No,” he whimpers and collapses in the doorway.
“No,” and he is chooking on his own spit, the officer bent down and patting his back. Ryan would normally feel embarrassed, but the officer looks sympathetic and Ryan just closes his eyes trying to heave in breaths one at a time, trying to remember how to breath.
He knew but it doesn’t lessen the blow. He insides feel raw and his head aches. His eyes are blurry and his body shakes. He can’t feel the beat of his own heart.
He licks his lips and tastes the salt. “How? How’d he…” Ryan isn’t sure he wants to know, but he needs to know. Needs to know how the war has taken away his husband, his lover, his life.
“A mine field, they drove through…” and the cop doesn’t finish he doesn’t need to. “He died quick. Painless.” And Ryan knows this is supposed to be comfort, but he can only hear small pieces after that. “Dead. He’s dead.” Ryan whimpers. And he hears the words, “hero, honor and victory,” and wants to puke.
Spencer is over there in under 7 seconds, when the police calls him for Ryan. He picks Ryan up, nods to the cop and walks back into Brendon’s house. Ryan can’t hold it together, and Spencer only tries to because he has to be there for Ryan.
~
Ryan is dresses in the suit that Brendon bought for him. The suit he wore to their wedding, to their honeymoon, to important events and then after Brendo was drafted, every chance he had after that to see Brendon. He wears his ring, sometimes slipping it off and rolling it around in his fingers, because Brendon always laughed at the habit. He holds onto the paper that has words he’s jotted down for Brendon.
He carries a piece of his favorite scarf, a guitar pick and a letter, the last letter that Brendon had written him before…
But all objects aside, he carries these memories that flash by and Ryan tries to catch them for fear that they will fade into nothing. He carries the feeling of loss, of alone, of heartbreak, this weight in his chest that makes him feel suppressed and explosive all at the same time.
He sits in the pew of the church, lets the others speak first. They sound too muchlike the cop and Ryan wants to curl in on himself, but the hands that seem to tighten around his body seems to ground him just enough. For now.
He cringes at the looks that people give him.
Look at that poor boy, he must be heartbroken.
“I’m sorry for your loss.” Their words scream sympathy and pity, but they are just words. Words that will never mean a thing.
And he’s looking at the men that had spoken before him.
Honorable they said.
Good soldier they said.
Hero they said.
Ryan stands in front of them and stares. Stares at the unfamiliar faces and at the coffin to his left.
“He was only 20 years old.” Ryan starts, “20 years old.” And he stares. Spencer is about to come get him but Ryan speaks again.
“The news says we will see victory soon. He told me one month. He would be back in my arms in one month.” He sideglances, and the tears are resurfacing.
His hands are shaking and he folds the piece of paper in his hands, “I had a speech prepared to tell you about him, but I can’t… I won’t say that he was a hero, or a good soldier or a hero. That is not Brendon.”
He looks at his hands, trying to focus on saying the words clearly, “Brendon was a strong, caring, loving young man with a husband, goals, a life ahead of him. He had a life with a big loving family, a career that he knew he would love, a house that was warm and comfortabe no matter who you were, and a small puppy that he treated like a son. He had a husband that loved him with all of his heart and friends that he would, not doubt, keep forever. He was ging to be…” And Ryan pauses, eyes shifting around, taking a deep breath before continuing.
“He was the sweetest, most beautiful man I’ve ever met and he saved me when I couldn’t find myself. He picked me up and showed me love and life for what it was.” Ryan chocked slightly and steadied himself against the podium.
“When he asked me to marry him, I thought I had been dreaming. Brendon asked me. I had never felt so happy, so loved, and complete.”
“And then the war happened. When he told me, I thought I had been dreaming. I thought marrige would mean forever. Brendon, my Brendon. And now he is never coming back.” Ryan slid to his knees and put his head in his hand. Pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes, colors and patterns floating throughout his vision, in the dark. He slinks his arms around his stomach and everything blanks.
~
Years later and Ryan is sitting in front of the gravestone that simply reads:
Brendon Urrossie
Beloved Son, Husband, and Father
“Jade, come here. I want to tell you something.”
“Wha’ wike a stowy?”
“Something like that.” Ryan smiles and looks to the sky hoping that Brendon is looking down on them.
The child pumps his little fist. “Yeah, I luf stowys!”
“Your daddy would be so proud, you know? He always said that he wanted a kid who loved Aladdin and candy and hiding out in tents, just as much as he did.”
Jade giggled and tumbled to the ground, “Nuh uh, weally dad?”
“Yeah really.” He poked at his son’s nose and the boy backed off giggling some more.
When he finally calmed down enough to sit up he got this look on his face and Ryan was worried but only for a moment because when Jade looked up he knew the boy was trying to find the right words. He looked just like Brendon.
Ryan felt a tear roll down his cheek and he wiped it away so he wouldn’t upset Jade. “Well, I’z knows dat I’d be pwoud of daddy too, cause anybodys who wikes all dat, espesilly awaddin, has to be de bestes ever, ever!” A bright grin spreads over Jade’s face and Ryan feels his a warmth in his heart.
After a few moment of starring into the distance, Jade tugs on Ryan’s shirt. “Did you wuv, daddy?” Jade questionsand Ryan smiles down at him.
“Yeah, he was the love of my life. My Brenny Bear.”
Jade gasps and puts his hands over his mouth, eyes wide. “He was a beaarrrrr?”
Ryan laughs, “No, silly. He looked a lot like you.”
“No dad, I’m not a bear.” He puts his hands on his hips and gives him a look that Ryan feels like he know to well.
Ryan picks up his son and swings him around, “No you arent, but you remind me of him so much. I love you.”
“I love you, too, dad.”
And as they are leaving, hand in hand Jade pauses, “wait, wait!” He pulls loose and runs back over to the gravestone as fast as his little legs will take him. He kneels down and whispers, “I love you, too, daddy! May ve… one day you can come bat an we watch awadin togefer, and don’t tewl dad but we make a tent too and …” He looks around and leans down, trying to whisper the best a kid knows how, “and we can get de candy out ov de cabnit when dad is on de phone.”
Ryan cries softly as he watches his son. “I miss you Bren, so much.” The wind whips around him and the breeze chills his skin. He sucks in a breath and wipes away the tears. He knows that Brendon hears him. He can feel it. He can feel him all around.
I’ll see you again, someday.
A/N 2: i hope that if you took the time to read this, that you like it caus i think it might be a little bit faily... but haha maybe its just me. xD