I Used to Think We Were Forever
Title: I used to think we were forever
Pairing: Harry Styles/Nick Grimshaw, past Harry/Louis
Word count: 1975
Disclaimer: Obviously this never happened. It would, though, be lovely if it had :) A girl can dream, right?
Huge thanks go out to badjujuboo and ladauphine for helping to make this so much more coherent. You guys rock my socks!
This is what happens when I listen to new Taylor Swift on a continuous loop while on a 3 hour solo road trip after looking at pics from Vfest. Forgive me....
Looking over the scene before him, Harry is very glad he didn’t party all weekend at Vfest. Niall looks like he’s half dead, and Louis is in a foul mood. Not surprisingly, Liam is his normal, chipper self, still not much of a drinker even though his second kidney has mysteriously healed itself.
When Louis asked him last week if he was still planning to go, he hadn’t exactly been honest. He’d said he might meet them there, even though he knew his decision not to go had already been made. It’s just, well, Harry told Louis he would respect his choices, but he still can’t bring himself to hang out when Eleanor is around. It hurts, to be honest, even all these months later, that Louis wants to pretend that he and Harry never happened. That he'd rather go on living a lie than admit he might be in love with a man, with Harry.
So Harry didn't go, choosing instead to hang out with some friends at a nearby park. He got a couple of texts, one each from Niall and Liam, asking where he was, and one from Zayn telling him he was proud of him. He'd been talking to Zayn a lot lately, needing someone to listen as he tried to sort himself out. One of the boys must have let him know that Harry had bailed on them.
He hadn't heard a word from Louis all weekend, but then again, he wasn't really expecting to, and he'd barely even glanced at Harry since the car picked them up this morning. This was setting up to be the longest day ever.
When they arrive at Radio 1, they are quickly ushered inside where Scott and Nick are waiting for them. Nick greets them with a smile and sweeps Harry into a big hug. "Hey babe," he says, waving to the other boys. "Lads! Everyone have a good time this weekend?" A chorus of brilliant and amazing fills the air as Nick pulls Harry aside.
"And where'd you get off to? Should have come with, everyone was asking for you."
Harry smiles and looks up at Nick, shrugging slightly. "Just didn't feel much like a party, I reckon."
"Yes, well," his friend replies, "you and I will be having a chat later then, yeah?" Harry nods in agreement as Nick gives him an affectionate squeeze.
The bit on Scott's show goes off without a hitch, and they even manage to smile for some promotional photos before it's a wrap. Everyone is just sort of hanging around chatting while they wait for the car and Harry is in the corner, sipping from his cup of tea when Louis approaches.
"So, you never showed this weekend," he says briskly, and it sounds like there’s a question there somewhere, but Harry’s not sure what it is.
"Yeah," he starts, cocking his head in interest as he watches Louis fumble with the VFest pass on his wrist. It stings Harry to watch Louis twiddle with the little paper bracelet. Just a year ago they’d shared Leeds - everything about Leeds - and Harry wore his bracelet until it broke off. Even then, he’d tape it back together, over and over again, not wanting to ever let that weekend go. "Guess I wasn't really feeling up to it." Louis still hasn't been able to look him in the eye, and this, this is exactly why Harry's been trying to put some distance between them. This is Louis at his finest, trying to make Harry feel guilty for something that's a product of his own doing. It’s subtle, something Louis usually is not.
And, it's like, he's tired, so fucking tired of trying to always do what Louis wants, be what Louis needs, that he's nearly forgotten what it's like to just be Harry. And Harry has had enough of never being Louis' first choice. He's worth more than that, and he’s sick and tired of pretending to be okay with any of it.
Louis scuffs his foot and glances quickly at Harry before looking away again. “You and Grimmy seem close these days,” Louis says, trying not to sound jealous. After all, does he have the right to be jealous? Even he’s not sure any more. Harry’s not quite his, but he’s not not his either.
"Lou." He stops, takes a deep breath, and tries really hard not to lose his temper. At the end of all this, he knows he still wants Louis as a friend, but the manipulation needs to stop. Right here, right now. He looks around to make sure that they have at least a small amount of privacy. The walls have ears, after all, and the last thing Harry needs right now is a crazed fan or a pap catching any of their conversation.
He takes one more breath and shakes off as much of his anger as he can. He has to get this out before he loses his nerve. Without realizing, the words start tumbling out in a fast, furious stream, his husky voice not hesitating for a second. "You made your choice, Louis,” he makes sure to catch Louis’s eye as he sharply says his name, purposely not calling him “Lou” or “Boo Bear” as he normally would even if they had a second alone, away from prying ears. “I've respected that as best I can. It's not likely that El and I will ever be friends, and it's not fair of you to try and force her on me. I have a right to my own life, and I deserve to be happy. You had your chance and you chose not to take it. I can't change that, and it's time for me to move on.“
Harry feels lighter, somehow, as soon as the words have left his mouth, like the weight of the world has been lifted from his shoulders and he knows he's done the right thing. Louis looks at him sadly and says, "You're right, I'm sorry. I just...I miss you, Haz. I, it's just...I'm so, so, sorry." There's really nothing left to say after that except I know you are, and then Louis turns away, taking a seat in the opposite corner and pulling his blackberry out of his pocket as Harry walks away.
An arm wraps around Harry's shoulder, and then Nick's breath warm in his ear, "You all right, love?"
He's getting there, he knows, and Nick is a big part of that. Nothing has happened between them, but Harry's pretty sure it has more to do with respecting his boundaries than Nick not being interested.
"He thinks we're fucking, or something," he tells his DJ friend bluntly.
Nick looks at him curiously and chuckles. "And you didn't correct him?" he asks.
"No."
"Okay, then." And Nick is smiling that ridiculous smile, the one that makes something unfamiliar flutter in Harry's gut. He pulls Harry in again and hugs him tightly, fingers scratching tenderly at his neck. "Text me when you're done today, yeah? We can grab a bite. Or a drink. Or, you know, you could come around to mine.”
Harry laughs, and Nick is grinning like mad, and, yeah. He really hasn’t felt this free in a very long time.
"Yeah, okay," he says, smiling. And it's not much, but it's a start.
Later that day...
Grimmy: ARE YOU FINISHED YET???
Harry: Just got home. You still up for something tonight?
Grimmy: I’m always up for it, love ;)
Harry: HA! Give me an hour...we can get some takeaway from that Indian place you’re so fond of
Grimmy: Can u bring some milk?
Harry: Why? Are you planning on making me tea and toast in the morning?
Grimmy: Only if you’re a VERY good boy :)
Harry arrives at Nick’s Primrose Hill flat almost exactly one hour later, carton of milk and a loaf of toasting bread in hand. Per usual, he knocks and lets himself in, heading for the kitchen where he can hear the older lad singing over the clatter of dishes being pulled from the shelf. Nick laughs heartily when he sees what Harry is carrying, then leans in, kisses him on the cheek and murmurs, “Harry. Man after my own heart.”
Harry just smiles and rests his forehead on Nick’s shoulder. Warm arms wrap around him, pulling him close and a kiss is placed on the top of his head. “C’mon, love,” Nick says softly. “Let’s get some food into you, yeah?”
A little while later, there are cardboard containers littering the coffee table and Harry and Nick are cuddled close on the couch, each nursing a glass of wine. Harry knows they need to talk about things, but he’s not sure exactly where to start. It’s strange, because he’s never had a problem opening up to the lad about anything before. Thankfully, his friend senses his hesitation.
"So, are you okay with Louis thinking that we're shagging like rabbits?" And Harry laughs, because Nick knows him so well. Knows just what it takes to lighten the mood and help Harry relax. It's been like this since their friendship began, and he's never been more thankful for it than he is right now.
"Yeah, I mean, doesn't really matter what he thinks, does it?" For the first time in this whole mess, he actually believes it. "I'm free to do whatever I like, whoever i like."
“Cheeky,” Nick says, grinning. “Does this mean you’ve finally got over him then?”
Harry just looks at him for a moment, wavering on how to answer the question. There’s so much he wants to say, knows that he should say, but he just can’t find the words right now. Instead, he leans forward and presses his lips against Nick's, his open eyes never straying from his friend's.
"I'll take that as a yes?" Nick asks, taking the wine glass from Harry's hand and placing it alongside his own on the table in front of them. When he turns back around, Harry reaches for him and pulls him in with a hand on the back of his neck and kisses him again, more surely this time.
They both slide down the couch so that they are laying side by side, legs tangled together as they kiss languidly. Harry let's his hand rest on Nick's waist, the older man actually giggling when Harry's thumb brushes over a ticklish patch of exposed skin.
Their hands find each other, fingers weaving together seamlessly as Nick stares down at the place they are joined.
"I'm shit at relationships," he says casually, shaking his head.
"You've never had one."
"True," Nick replies. "Still..."
Harry sighs, looks him in the eye, and asks, "Do you want me?"
"You know I do." And he didn't know, not really, but he's glad that he does now.
Harry smiles and kisses him again softly. "Then we'll figure it out together."
He won't promise that things will be perfect, or that it won't be hard. But he thinks they've got a pretty good foundation already, and the rest will all fall into place in it's own good time.
Pairing: Harry Styles/Nick Grimshaw, past Harry/Louis
Word count: 1975
Disclaimer: Obviously this never happened. It would, though, be lovely if it had :) A girl can dream, right?
Huge thanks go out to badjujuboo and ladauphine for helping to make this so much more coherent. You guys rock my socks!
This is what happens when I listen to new Taylor Swift on a continuous loop while on a 3 hour solo road trip after looking at pics from Vfest. Forgive me....
Looking over the scene before him, Harry is very glad he didn’t party all weekend at Vfest. Niall looks like he’s half dead, and Louis is in a foul mood. Not surprisingly, Liam is his normal, chipper self, still not much of a drinker even though his second kidney has mysteriously healed itself.
When Louis asked him last week if he was still planning to go, he hadn’t exactly been honest. He’d said he might meet them there, even though he knew his decision not to go had already been made. It’s just, well, Harry told Louis he would respect his choices, but he still can’t bring himself to hang out when Eleanor is around. It hurts, to be honest, even all these months later, that Louis wants to pretend that he and Harry never happened. That he'd rather go on living a lie than admit he might be in love with a man, with Harry.
So Harry didn't go, choosing instead to hang out with some friends at a nearby park. He got a couple of texts, one each from Niall and Liam, asking where he was, and one from Zayn telling him he was proud of him. He'd been talking to Zayn a lot lately, needing someone to listen as he tried to sort himself out. One of the boys must have let him know that Harry had bailed on them.
He hadn't heard a word from Louis all weekend, but then again, he wasn't really expecting to, and he'd barely even glanced at Harry since the car picked them up this morning. This was setting up to be the longest day ever.
When they arrive at Radio 1, they are quickly ushered inside where Scott and Nick are waiting for them. Nick greets them with a smile and sweeps Harry into a big hug. "Hey babe," he says, waving to the other boys. "Lads! Everyone have a good time this weekend?" A chorus of brilliant and amazing fills the air as Nick pulls Harry aside.
"And where'd you get off to? Should have come with, everyone was asking for you."
Harry smiles and looks up at Nick, shrugging slightly. "Just didn't feel much like a party, I reckon."
"Yes, well," his friend replies, "you and I will be having a chat later then, yeah?" Harry nods in agreement as Nick gives him an affectionate squeeze.
The bit on Scott's show goes off without a hitch, and they even manage to smile for some promotional photos before it's a wrap. Everyone is just sort of hanging around chatting while they wait for the car and Harry is in the corner, sipping from his cup of tea when Louis approaches.
"So, you never showed this weekend," he says briskly, and it sounds like there’s a question there somewhere, but Harry’s not sure what it is.
"Yeah," he starts, cocking his head in interest as he watches Louis fumble with the VFest pass on his wrist. It stings Harry to watch Louis twiddle with the little paper bracelet. Just a year ago they’d shared Leeds - everything about Leeds - and Harry wore his bracelet until it broke off. Even then, he’d tape it back together, over and over again, not wanting to ever let that weekend go. "Guess I wasn't really feeling up to it." Louis still hasn't been able to look him in the eye, and this, this is exactly why Harry's been trying to put some distance between them. This is Louis at his finest, trying to make Harry feel guilty for something that's a product of his own doing. It’s subtle, something Louis usually is not.
And, it's like, he's tired, so fucking tired of trying to always do what Louis wants, be what Louis needs, that he's nearly forgotten what it's like to just be Harry. And Harry has had enough of never being Louis' first choice. He's worth more than that, and he’s sick and tired of pretending to be okay with any of it.
Louis scuffs his foot and glances quickly at Harry before looking away again. “You and Grimmy seem close these days,” Louis says, trying not to sound jealous. After all, does he have the right to be jealous? Even he’s not sure any more. Harry’s not quite his, but he’s not not his either.
"Lou." He stops, takes a deep breath, and tries really hard not to lose his temper. At the end of all this, he knows he still wants Louis as a friend, but the manipulation needs to stop. Right here, right now. He looks around to make sure that they have at least a small amount of privacy. The walls have ears, after all, and the last thing Harry needs right now is a crazed fan or a pap catching any of their conversation.
He takes one more breath and shakes off as much of his anger as he can. He has to get this out before he loses his nerve. Without realizing, the words start tumbling out in a fast, furious stream, his husky voice not hesitating for a second. "You made your choice, Louis,” he makes sure to catch Louis’s eye as he sharply says his name, purposely not calling him “Lou” or “Boo Bear” as he normally would even if they had a second alone, away from prying ears. “I've respected that as best I can. It's not likely that El and I will ever be friends, and it's not fair of you to try and force her on me. I have a right to my own life, and I deserve to be happy. You had your chance and you chose not to take it. I can't change that, and it's time for me to move on.“
Harry feels lighter, somehow, as soon as the words have left his mouth, like the weight of the world has been lifted from his shoulders and he knows he's done the right thing. Louis looks at him sadly and says, "You're right, I'm sorry. I just...I miss you, Haz. I, it's just...I'm so, so, sorry." There's really nothing left to say after that except I know you are, and then Louis turns away, taking a seat in the opposite corner and pulling his blackberry out of his pocket as Harry walks away.
An arm wraps around Harry's shoulder, and then Nick's breath warm in his ear, "You all right, love?"
He's getting there, he knows, and Nick is a big part of that. Nothing has happened between them, but Harry's pretty sure it has more to do with respecting his boundaries than Nick not being interested.
"He thinks we're fucking, or something," he tells his DJ friend bluntly.
Nick looks at him curiously and chuckles. "And you didn't correct him?" he asks.
"No."
"Okay, then." And Nick is smiling that ridiculous smile, the one that makes something unfamiliar flutter in Harry's gut. He pulls Harry in again and hugs him tightly, fingers scratching tenderly at his neck. "Text me when you're done today, yeah? We can grab a bite. Or a drink. Or, you know, you could come around to mine.”
Harry laughs, and Nick is grinning like mad, and, yeah. He really hasn’t felt this free in a very long time.
"Yeah, okay," he says, smiling. And it's not much, but it's a start.
Later that day...
Grimmy: ARE YOU FINISHED YET???
Harry: Just got home. You still up for something tonight?
Grimmy: I’m always up for it, love ;)
Harry: HA! Give me an hour...we can get some takeaway from that Indian place you’re so fond of
Grimmy: Can u bring some milk?
Harry: Why? Are you planning on making me tea and toast in the morning?
Grimmy: Only if you’re a VERY good boy :)
Harry arrives at Nick’s Primrose Hill flat almost exactly one hour later, carton of milk and a loaf of toasting bread in hand. Per usual, he knocks and lets himself in, heading for the kitchen where he can hear the older lad singing over the clatter of dishes being pulled from the shelf. Nick laughs heartily when he sees what Harry is carrying, then leans in, kisses him on the cheek and murmurs, “Harry. Man after my own heart.”
Harry just smiles and rests his forehead on Nick’s shoulder. Warm arms wrap around him, pulling him close and a kiss is placed on the top of his head. “C’mon, love,” Nick says softly. “Let’s get some food into you, yeah?”
A little while later, there are cardboard containers littering the coffee table and Harry and Nick are cuddled close on the couch, each nursing a glass of wine. Harry knows they need to talk about things, but he’s not sure exactly where to start. It’s strange, because he’s never had a problem opening up to the lad about anything before. Thankfully, his friend senses his hesitation.
"So, are you okay with Louis thinking that we're shagging like rabbits?" And Harry laughs, because Nick knows him so well. Knows just what it takes to lighten the mood and help Harry relax. It's been like this since their friendship began, and he's never been more thankful for it than he is right now.
"Yeah, I mean, doesn't really matter what he thinks, does it?" For the first time in this whole mess, he actually believes it. "I'm free to do whatever I like, whoever i like."
“Cheeky,” Nick says, grinning. “Does this mean you’ve finally got over him then?”
Harry just looks at him for a moment, wavering on how to answer the question. There’s so much he wants to say, knows that he should say, but he just can’t find the words right now. Instead, he leans forward and presses his lips against Nick's, his open eyes never straying from his friend's.
"I'll take that as a yes?" Nick asks, taking the wine glass from Harry's hand and placing it alongside his own on the table in front of them. When he turns back around, Harry reaches for him and pulls him in with a hand on the back of his neck and kisses him again, more surely this time.
They both slide down the couch so that they are laying side by side, legs tangled together as they kiss languidly. Harry let's his hand rest on Nick's waist, the older man actually giggling when Harry's thumb brushes over a ticklish patch of exposed skin.
Their hands find each other, fingers weaving together seamlessly as Nick stares down at the place they are joined.
"I'm shit at relationships," he says casually, shaking his head.
"You've never had one."
"True," Nick replies. "Still..."
Harry sighs, looks him in the eye, and asks, "Do you want me?"
"You know I do." And he didn't know, not really, but he's glad that he does now.
Harry smiles and kisses him again softly. "Then we'll figure it out together."
He won't promise that things will be perfect, or that it won't be hard. But he thinks they've got a pretty good foundation already, and the rest will all fall into place in it's own good time.