On The Outside
Co written by me and veritas_st
Six times people realised that Brian loved Justin. This story contains original characters.
1.
Being a violinist, Ethan had good hearing. It had come in handy at school when people had whispered behind his back, and at home, the muffled arguments of his parents through the floor, finally hearing what they genuinely thought about him.
And now, watching Brian and his friend, Mitchell...Mark...Michael, anyone could see the tension in their bodies, the way Brian stiffened and the almost antagonistic stance in Michael pose. But not many people could hear what they were talking about. Ethan had managed to overhear a few words and know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was about Justin. Even if he hadn’t heard, the way Michael kept throwing dirty looks their way would have been a clue.
He heard Brian telling Michael to shut up. He heard Michael say that Brian should have left Justin to die. Ethan’s blood boiled. Justin was his muse, his love, and nobody said things like that about him. Ethan’s hands curled into fists at the same time as Brian pulled his own fist back and punched Michael in the face.
Ethan had never seen people move so fast. Justin froze at his side, worry radiating off him and he made to move. He stopped when Ethan’s hand landed on his arm and squeezed slightly.
It was Brian that made Ethan stop Justin going over there. The look on his face, the anger which could only come from pure emotion. He didn’t want Justin seeing that. Because then Justin would know what Ethan now knew, Brian loved Justin.
Justin would realise that mistake he made and leave Ethan. And Ethan couldn’t have that. He needed Justin, needed him like air.
Brian spared them both a look, his face unreadable now, mask slipping back into place as he strode from the garden, shoulders tense. Ethan looked at Justin, his eyes following the path Brian had taken.
Ethan loved Justin, wanted what was best for him, but there was no way he was going to tell Justin that Brian punched Michael for him.
There were some secrets that couples had to have.
2.
Brian Kinney would never be one of Ben’s favourite people. He didn’t dislike the guy but he was big enough to admit there were times he resented his possessive attitude towards Michael, even the little nickname, Mikey, would set Ben’s teeth on edge. So yeah, it was safe to say Brian was never going to be one of his favourite people.
But it was hard not to smile at the couple on the dance floor of Babylon, their arms wrapped around each other, smiles on their faces, totally lost in each other, in the moment. For the first time in months Brian looked happy. Oh sure, he had put on his little act of indifference over the last few months, and it had been good enough to fool Michael, but then when it came to Brian, Michael believed what he wanted to believe, but Ben had known different. He had seen it begin the day Brian punched Michael, once he had moved past his anger and found out what Michael had said. After that he had watched closely as Brian’s world came apart at the seams. Watched him watching Justin, watched him drink, get high, pick up twinks with a remarkable resemblance to a blonde haired boy he would pretend he no longer cared about. Ben had seen what Brian Kinney looked like with a broken heart.
So although he might never like him, it made Ben happy to see Brian and Justin back together, even though he knew he would be listening to Michael moan about it for the foreseeable future, Ben had experienced his fair share of heartbreak, been given more than his fair share of second chances. He was glad Brian was getting a second chance with Justin.
Maybe this time they wouldn’t blow it.
3.
Brad had probably said the sum total of two words to Brian Kinney. The first on beginning with F and the second one being “me”. He’d known of him for years though. Everyone on Liberty Avenue knew of Brian Kinney.
And now everyone on Liberty Avenue knew about his little boyfriend too.
There were some choice words said about it. How he was just some twink, some cheap trick that wouldn’t go away. Nasty words said by nasty queens full of jealousy.
Brad didn’t think that though. Brad had seen them together, Justin’s hands clutching at Brian, Brian watching with worried eyes as Justin made his way through the crowd. Brad had read about the bashing in the paper, often wondered about the boy.
He watched as Brian opened his arms, muttering words of encouragement under his breath as Justin smiled and threw his arms around Brian’s neck.
The kiss they shared was something queers worldwide dream of, a fairy tale kiss full of love, Brad was surprised when Justin’s leg didn’t actually pop.
Brad laughed to himself, putting his sunglasses back on his face as Justin pulled away, his hand still lingering on Brian’s face.
Who would have thought it? Brian Kinney in love.
4.
Rachel can still remember that night, the night the blond boy got brought in after being bashed at his own prom. Can remember the way his boyfriend sat in the hallway, blank expression on his face, tear tracks on his cheeks and a bloody white scarf clutched in his hands. His fingernails had been caked with blood and he had watched dumbly as his friend made the necessary phone calls. Rachel remembers the way his hands shook and remembers thinking that there was no way he would have been able to lift a phone to his ear, let alone speak.
She remembers the mother, shouting at him for putting her beautiful son in danger, for “flaunting” his sexuality. And the way he had stared blankly at her whilst his friend clutched at his shoulder. She remembers watching as he just took it. Just stood there whilst she screamed, then pulled her tight against him when she started to cry.
Rachel remembers him every night after that, standing outside the door, his hand pressed against the glass, watching as the machines breathed for the boy. She remembers the way it took him a while to speak to anyone, just glared at the doctors and nurses that tried to make him leave, his hands still shaking slightly as he fiddled with a cigarette, touching the white scarf around his neck.
Rachel remembers praying for the boy, because the boyfriend loved him so much, and she didn’t want to live in a cruel world that took that kind of love away.
She remembers wishing she had that kind of love in her life.
5.
The first time it happened she barely noticed. The second and third time she noted it as peculiar, by the fourth, fifth and sixth time she tried to tell herself that people had a type, but as the pattern continued Lindsay found herself growing concerned. She held her tongue on it for a while because she hated seeing Brian look so sad, so lost. Oh she knew he was putting on the usual bravado, trying to pretend nothing ever bothered him, but sometimes every so often she would see the mask slip, like the time he talked about seeing Justin wearing a ring, or the time he told her about Justin going to bat for him with his family.
Anyone who knew Brian, really knew him, could see he was drowning, and this latest habit was the most worrying of all. She finally got her chance to bring it up on a visit with Gus, watching the latest in what was now becoming a very long line of small blonde bed partners leave the apartment, Lindsay decided it was time to confront the issue.
“So you think the best way to replace Justin is to fuck anyone that looks like him?"
Brian glared, the cigarette he was about to light dangling from his mouth. "What the fuck are you talking about Linds?"
"What you are going to tell me it is a coincidence that every guy you have slept with over the last few months is a Justin clone?"
"No they're not," Brian answered, his voice rising. "What I'm not allowed to fuck blonds anymore without it meaning I have issues and am sitting here hankering after the kid who fucked off and left me for Prince Charming?"
Lindsay winced as she heard the slight break in Brian's voice, she knew Justin leaving hadn't been good for Brian, he smiled less, laughed less, hell he was even partying less, but she never realised it had hit him this badly. In a flash of realisation Lindsay finally realised what everyone had ignored all along, even Brian himself.
Brian loved Justin, really loved him, Brian Kinney had gone and fallen like a ton of bricks for the blond bundle of sunshine and was now, for the first time probably ever, trying to deal with a broken heart.
Lindsay made her decision instinctively . "You know what sweetie, you’re right, just ignore me." Standing up, she passed Gus to Brian and removed the cigarette from his mouth. "Tell you what, why don't we go for coffee, Gus is getting restless." Heading over to pick up Gus's bag and fought back the tears, trying hard not to feel angry with Justin, with Ethan, with the world. She quickly wiped her eyes and turned around with a bright smile.
"Ok, let's go."
She couldn't fix his heart, she had learned a long time ago that she didn't fit into his heart that way but the least she could do was to be there, and to try and teach him to smile again.
6.
Richard had been a fireman for years, his father was one, his grandfather before that. He had seen all kinds of fires, seen devastation that you wouldn’t believe. But the night of the bombing at Babylon still haunts his dreams. It was the worst case of cruelty he had seen in a long time, and the hatred he saw in the world that night made him want to give up completely, even as he pulled another victim of hate from the rubble, alive and, thank God, conscious.
He didn’t know it was a hate crime then, no one had. And when the news reached his ears it made the love he saw that night between two people all the more meaningful.
The dust was settling, the last of the people had been pulled from the building, the last few ambulances were treating people who didn’t need to be admitted. The tall man had walked past Richard, and something about him, the look on his face that made him look lost perhaps, made Richard turn and watch him. Watch as his shoulder slumped with relief when a short blonde guy walked away from a police car. The boys face, streaked with dust and soot, mirrored the other’s relief, his looked like he was just about to cry when the taller man pulled him in, fingers gripping tightly at the back of his borrowed jacket, holding him firmly against him, like he was afraid to let go. They both seemed to slump towards each other and even over the noise Richard heard it.
“I was so...fucking scared. All I could think was please don’t let anything happen to him.”
The taller man was clutching at the shorter on again, pulling him close, holding him tight, almost as if he was afraid something, or someone was going to take him away.
Richard saw the determination in his face when he pulled away, saw the way the shorter one looked like he was going to cry.
“I love you.”
It almost restored Richard’s faith in humanity, that something so beautiful could come out of something so ugly.
Six times people realised that Brian loved Justin. This story contains original characters.
1.
Being a violinist, Ethan had good hearing. It had come in handy at school when people had whispered behind his back, and at home, the muffled arguments of his parents through the floor, finally hearing what they genuinely thought about him.
And now, watching Brian and his friend, Mitchell...Mark...Michael, anyone could see the tension in their bodies, the way Brian stiffened and the almost antagonistic stance in Michael pose. But not many people could hear what they were talking about. Ethan had managed to overhear a few words and know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was about Justin. Even if he hadn’t heard, the way Michael kept throwing dirty looks their way would have been a clue.
He heard Brian telling Michael to shut up. He heard Michael say that Brian should have left Justin to die. Ethan’s blood boiled. Justin was his muse, his love, and nobody said things like that about him. Ethan’s hands curled into fists at the same time as Brian pulled his own fist back and punched Michael in the face.
Ethan had never seen people move so fast. Justin froze at his side, worry radiating off him and he made to move. He stopped when Ethan’s hand landed on his arm and squeezed slightly.
It was Brian that made Ethan stop Justin going over there. The look on his face, the anger which could only come from pure emotion. He didn’t want Justin seeing that. Because then Justin would know what Ethan now knew, Brian loved Justin.
Justin would realise that mistake he made and leave Ethan. And Ethan couldn’t have that. He needed Justin, needed him like air.
Brian spared them both a look, his face unreadable now, mask slipping back into place as he strode from the garden, shoulders tense. Ethan looked at Justin, his eyes following the path Brian had taken.
Ethan loved Justin, wanted what was best for him, but there was no way he was going to tell Justin that Brian punched Michael for him.
There were some secrets that couples had to have.
2.
Brian Kinney would never be one of Ben’s favourite people. He didn’t dislike the guy but he was big enough to admit there were times he resented his possessive attitude towards Michael, even the little nickname, Mikey, would set Ben’s teeth on edge. So yeah, it was safe to say Brian was never going to be one of his favourite people.
But it was hard not to smile at the couple on the dance floor of Babylon, their arms wrapped around each other, smiles on their faces, totally lost in each other, in the moment. For the first time in months Brian looked happy. Oh sure, he had put on his little act of indifference over the last few months, and it had been good enough to fool Michael, but then when it came to Brian, Michael believed what he wanted to believe, but Ben had known different. He had seen it begin the day Brian punched Michael, once he had moved past his anger and found out what Michael had said. After that he had watched closely as Brian’s world came apart at the seams. Watched him watching Justin, watched him drink, get high, pick up twinks with a remarkable resemblance to a blonde haired boy he would pretend he no longer cared about. Ben had seen what Brian Kinney looked like with a broken heart.
So although he might never like him, it made Ben happy to see Brian and Justin back together, even though he knew he would be listening to Michael moan about it for the foreseeable future, Ben had experienced his fair share of heartbreak, been given more than his fair share of second chances. He was glad Brian was getting a second chance with Justin.
Maybe this time they wouldn’t blow it.
3.
Brad had probably said the sum total of two words to Brian Kinney. The first on beginning with F and the second one being “me”. He’d known of him for years though. Everyone on Liberty Avenue knew of Brian Kinney.
And now everyone on Liberty Avenue knew about his little boyfriend too.
There were some choice words said about it. How he was just some twink, some cheap trick that wouldn’t go away. Nasty words said by nasty queens full of jealousy.
Brad didn’t think that though. Brad had seen them together, Justin’s hands clutching at Brian, Brian watching with worried eyes as Justin made his way through the crowd. Brad had read about the bashing in the paper, often wondered about the boy.
He watched as Brian opened his arms, muttering words of encouragement under his breath as Justin smiled and threw his arms around Brian’s neck.
The kiss they shared was something queers worldwide dream of, a fairy tale kiss full of love, Brad was surprised when Justin’s leg didn’t actually pop.
Brad laughed to himself, putting his sunglasses back on his face as Justin pulled away, his hand still lingering on Brian’s face.
Who would have thought it? Brian Kinney in love.
4.
Rachel can still remember that night, the night the blond boy got brought in after being bashed at his own prom. Can remember the way his boyfriend sat in the hallway, blank expression on his face, tear tracks on his cheeks and a bloody white scarf clutched in his hands. His fingernails had been caked with blood and he had watched dumbly as his friend made the necessary phone calls. Rachel remembers the way his hands shook and remembers thinking that there was no way he would have been able to lift a phone to his ear, let alone speak.
She remembers the mother, shouting at him for putting her beautiful son in danger, for “flaunting” his sexuality. And the way he had stared blankly at her whilst his friend clutched at his shoulder. She remembers watching as he just took it. Just stood there whilst she screamed, then pulled her tight against him when she started to cry.
Rachel remembers him every night after that, standing outside the door, his hand pressed against the glass, watching as the machines breathed for the boy. She remembers the way it took him a while to speak to anyone, just glared at the doctors and nurses that tried to make him leave, his hands still shaking slightly as he fiddled with a cigarette, touching the white scarf around his neck.
Rachel remembers praying for the boy, because the boyfriend loved him so much, and she didn’t want to live in a cruel world that took that kind of love away.
She remembers wishing she had that kind of love in her life.
5.
The first time it happened she barely noticed. The second and third time she noted it as peculiar, by the fourth, fifth and sixth time she tried to tell herself that people had a type, but as the pattern continued Lindsay found herself growing concerned. She held her tongue on it for a while because she hated seeing Brian look so sad, so lost. Oh she knew he was putting on the usual bravado, trying to pretend nothing ever bothered him, but sometimes every so often she would see the mask slip, like the time he talked about seeing Justin wearing a ring, or the time he told her about Justin going to bat for him with his family.
Anyone who knew Brian, really knew him, could see he was drowning, and this latest habit was the most worrying of all. She finally got her chance to bring it up on a visit with Gus, watching the latest in what was now becoming a very long line of small blonde bed partners leave the apartment, Lindsay decided it was time to confront the issue.
“So you think the best way to replace Justin is to fuck anyone that looks like him?"
Brian glared, the cigarette he was about to light dangling from his mouth. "What the fuck are you talking about Linds?"
"What you are going to tell me it is a coincidence that every guy you have slept with over the last few months is a Justin clone?"
"No they're not," Brian answered, his voice rising. "What I'm not allowed to fuck blonds anymore without it meaning I have issues and am sitting here hankering after the kid who fucked off and left me for Prince Charming?"
Lindsay winced as she heard the slight break in Brian's voice, she knew Justin leaving hadn't been good for Brian, he smiled less, laughed less, hell he was even partying less, but she never realised it had hit him this badly. In a flash of realisation Lindsay finally realised what everyone had ignored all along, even Brian himself.
Brian loved Justin, really loved him, Brian Kinney had gone and fallen like a ton of bricks for the blond bundle of sunshine and was now, for the first time probably ever, trying to deal with a broken heart.
Lindsay made her decision instinctively . "You know what sweetie, you’re right, just ignore me." Standing up, she passed Gus to Brian and removed the cigarette from his mouth. "Tell you what, why don't we go for coffee, Gus is getting restless." Heading over to pick up Gus's bag and fought back the tears, trying hard not to feel angry with Justin, with Ethan, with the world. She quickly wiped her eyes and turned around with a bright smile.
"Ok, let's go."
She couldn't fix his heart, she had learned a long time ago that she didn't fit into his heart that way but the least she could do was to be there, and to try and teach him to smile again.
6.
Richard had been a fireman for years, his father was one, his grandfather before that. He had seen all kinds of fires, seen devastation that you wouldn’t believe. But the night of the bombing at Babylon still haunts his dreams. It was the worst case of cruelty he had seen in a long time, and the hatred he saw in the world that night made him want to give up completely, even as he pulled another victim of hate from the rubble, alive and, thank God, conscious.
He didn’t know it was a hate crime then, no one had. And when the news reached his ears it made the love he saw that night between two people all the more meaningful.
The dust was settling, the last of the people had been pulled from the building, the last few ambulances were treating people who didn’t need to be admitted. The tall man had walked past Richard, and something about him, the look on his face that made him look lost perhaps, made Richard turn and watch him. Watch as his shoulder slumped with relief when a short blonde guy walked away from a police car. The boys face, streaked with dust and soot, mirrored the other’s relief, his looked like he was just about to cry when the taller man pulled him in, fingers gripping tightly at the back of his borrowed jacket, holding him firmly against him, like he was afraid to let go. They both seemed to slump towards each other and even over the noise Richard heard it.
“I was so...fucking scared. All I could think was please don’t let anything happen to him.”
The taller man was clutching at the shorter on again, pulling him close, holding him tight, almost as if he was afraid something, or someone was going to take him away.
Richard saw the determination in his face when he pulled away, saw the way the shorter one looked like he was going to cry.
“I love you.”
It almost restored Richard’s faith in humanity, that something so beautiful could come out of something so ugly.