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mr_pasquini
Running
Apr 24, 2006 20:29
Hey my peeps. It's been a while (
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poetry
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Comments 4
garuparu90
April 25 2006, 01:05:36 UTC
You are basically awesome.
Mhm.
Yup, I said it.
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godseth
April 25 2006, 02:03:44 UTC
Seth likes.
One suggestion I have is to change "in front" in the last verse paragraph to a single word like "ahead" to more fit with the pattern you have established in the first 3.
That was a bad explanation...:
Running ahead
ahead of the leaders
self loathing hordes of lifeless lords
but stuck where I am and soon to nest
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mr_pasquini
April 25 2006, 02:22:23 UTC
Good call seth! It shall be done!
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dreamof_requiem
April 25 2006, 11:04:37 UTC
can you say dissonance?
never stop writing, mon.
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Comments 4
Mhm.
Yup, I said it.
Reply
One suggestion I have is to change "in front" in the last verse paragraph to a single word like "ahead" to more fit with the pattern you have established in the first 3.
That was a bad explanation...:
Running ahead
ahead of the leaders
self loathing hordes of lifeless lords
but stuck where I am and soon to nest
Reply
Reply
never stop writing, mon.
Reply
Leave a comment