And I Wondered Why It Burned ♣Part 6 'It' ♣
When the group had arrived at the beach it was nearing nightfall, the sky was divided into three shades of colors all with mixed opacity. There wasn't any wind but it was cool and for the most part quiet. Many of the visitors had started to pack up allowing the nocturnal crowd to start setting up their own atmosphere. Masaomi parked near Kasuka, even though he had insisted to park near the front ((It's closer to the beach! I don't wanna walk all of that Kasuka!))((Stop being lazy.)) Kasuka prevailed in parking underneath a palm tree. Why did he park under that certain tree? He had liked the color.
Soon the two cars were being unloaded, and out of Kasuka's car emerged a women with short black hair. Izaya looked at her for a while, and thought she might be the elder Heiwajima's lover of some sort. The mischievous boy ignored his stomach ache and grabbed the remaining coolers out of the trunk whilst his sisters carried the much lighter things, like clothes and blankets.
"Yo, Mikado! Grab the other side of the grill!" Masaomi had one side of the machine in a tight grip, and as soon as Mikado ran to grab the other side he panicked. " Mikado! Watch it! It's gonna fall!"
It would have fallen too if Shizuo hadn't been there to catch it. He carelessly had it in his hands, as if he were carrying a handful of groceries instead of a two ton grill.
" Thank you Shizuo-kun!" Mikado smiled brightly at the younger boy, and it earned him a flushed face.
" N-no problem."
" Hey, kid. Are you getting a sun burn or something? Your really red.." Masaomi seemed concerned , but instead huffed at the younger boy's reaction( he glared and turned away).
" Mikado, you always attract the strange ones."
Mikado laughed.
" Masaomi, you're the last person who should even say that. You're far from normal!"
Behind Mikado's shoulder Aoba appeared, he rested on the elder man's back and smirked.
" He's not even in the same chart as 'normal' he's a space alien or something."
" I know you aren't talking with your retarded looking eyebrows. It looks like your always mad or something."
Aoba placed his hands on his hips. He snarled as he eyed Masaomi's white hoodie.
" Haven't I always told you that white is definitely not your color?" And with that, he placed an arm over Mikado's shoulder. "Sempai, let's go. Let's set up the food. We have so much catching up to do! I have to tell you about my job!"
The two set up the table, adjusting the handles on both sides. When finished everyone helped unpack the food and setting it on the table. Shizuo and Masaomi both carried the more heavier things such as the poles, the wood, and the grill. It's no surprise when neither Izaya, Kuriri, or Mairu showed up to help. Aoba rolled his eyes in exasperation, you could tell the three were related. He remembered the twins always mysteriously disappearing when class duties had to be done. The only ones in the room cleaning would be him and his Sempai ( who insisted on helping him even though they were in separate classroom and grades.)
" Ah, you guys are done? Aww, I wish I could have helped." The two Orihara sisters emerged from the public changing rooms to reveal their swimsuits, it silhouetted their bodies well and earned them some stares from passerby.
Masaomi cat called.
" You girls can sit riiiiighhhhtt next to me." The blond pushed Mikado off the seat he was in to prove his point. Mikado glared, alongside an ecstatic Aoba proclaiming vengeance on his sempai's dishonor.
Anri laughed and began to fiddle through her bag looking for her own bathing suit when a shadow appeared. She looked upwards to find that dark haired boy, Izaya was it?
" Hello, may I help you?"
Izaya grinned.
" Hello, I am Izaya Orihara. It's a pleasure to meet you. I thought it was a little rude of me to not greet my elders, so I'm doing it before it's even later."
" There is no problem Orihara-san, I hope you enjoy the night ." She returned back to straighten out her bag, but the boy stood his ground.
"I heard Mikado-kun called you Anri-chan, so Anri-chan. How do you know my teachers? "
" We were friends since childhood." She responded curtly and to the point, Izaya didn't know why she was so irritated when he was around her. He thought on whether they met somewhere before, a thousand thoughts ran through his head in a millisecond. Then he froze, his face was expressionless, then he smirked.
" What's your profession?"
" I'm a doctor."
The tip of his blade was daring to come out of his opened hoodie, it exposed his chest and gave a good view of his swimsuit. He thought it over but decided it was a coincidence, this women wouldn't be connected to Shiki could she? He decided to lay low for a while, he looked at Mikado, then at the sky. Just being around the other made his life so interesting.
" Oi, what the fuck!" A post sign was thrown in his direction, missing by a couple of inches. " What in the world are you wearing you stupid flea?"
Shizuo was in some swimming trunks looking quit indignant, crossed arms and all.
" I'm wearing a swimsuit." Izaya cooed.
" That shit is indecent! Who the hell wears a speedo!"
" Only the beautiful and the young Shizuo, which you on the other hand are not."
" You wanna say that again dickless!"
Before the fight could get anymore heated Kasuka stood in between them with a camera, an emotionless expression on his face.
" Be quiet ," he said. "Something great will happen, and I want to take pictures without interruption."
Shizuo remained still for his brother, and Izaya listened to his request out of interest. What was so important? The camera looked to be quite pricey .
Out of the public changing rooms arrived Anri, her Bikini was quite revealing, and she did have a huge rack Izaya mused, he turned away when he got bored after sometime but decided to turn back when he saw Shizuo collapsing on the floor and an Aoba dying from blood loss.
Mikado walked behind Anri wearing a white collared shirt. Only two buttons were in use, covering his midsection. The elder wore a modest swimsuit, the kind athletes wore on their swims ( it looked like those tight spandex boxers) . Izaya stared for a while before slowly , and carefully placing a hand on his cellphone inside his jacket.
" Mikado-kun! look over there! What's that behind you?"
" Eh?"
Snap.
He now had a new wallpaper.
"Mikado-chan," Kasuka droned. " Look over here. I want to take you and Anri a picture. Now you can have something new to put in those tacky frames you like so much."
Mikado pouted. " They aren't tacky!"
" Keep telling yourself that!" Masaomi yelled across from the grill.
Everyone laughed.
Shizuo was nervous.
He kept looking at the people around him, they were laughing, eating and joking with one another. At one point he tried to imitate them but he decided not to . He was lost in this whole friendship thing. He had no idea what he should do in this situation. His elder brother sat next to him, adding batteries to his camera.
" Shizuo, it's alright." Kasuka adjusted the lens of his camera. " You're doing just fine."
" Am I? " He looked toward the flea and noticed him having deep conversations with people around the beach. Particularly to a small group of girls who giggled at whatever smart remark came off his lips.
Why was it so easy to him? It pissed Shizuo off, a part of himself wanted to be like him in some sort of strange way. But when he thought about it he realized he didn't want to be anything like him. None at all! Because he had realized the difference between how Mikado talked to others, and the way Izaya talked to others. One was genuine and one was fabricated.
Sometimes those can interlope ,right?
" Shizuo Kun," before him stood the man that had tore him out his shell, offering him a plate of meat with a couple of vegetables. " I made you a plate. Eat up!"
When Mikado handed one to Izaya he politely declined. Shizuo thought for a while that he had never seen the flea eat, not that he cared. It was just a bit unsettling.
An exasperated groan filled the air.
Masaomi had his hands clenched to his hair, like he was trying to solve a math problem that had left eraser marks on his paper. He kicked some sand.
"How can we be at a bonfire without no fire? "
Aoba sighed and placed a finger to his head.
" Masaomi, you cave man. You should try to take some responsibility, you lost the matches anyway."
" Someone give me a stick and a rock, I can finish this in no time at all!"
Everyone looked at Masaomi for a short while before Kasuka broke the silence. What a surprise.
" Are you stupid?"
Izaya began to laugh loudly and threw a lighter to Masaomi's face. " I brought one just in case anyone forgot."
Anri started to cut her meat delicately with her fork, as if the animal that it came from was still alive. " Let's hope that was the only reason."
Izaya slowly draws his gaze away from the burning fire, walking toward the edge of the beach where the rocks and the starfish meet. He crouched down and began pocking at the seaweed, picking it up and dropping it, picking it up and dropping it. The sea ,it's home, will forever be out of it's reach. He chuckled and threw it carelessly aside, the same way he threw his mother's favorite tea set on the floor or the way he sat on his father's favorite pair of slippers.
He didn't care.
"You haven't eaten anything Orihara."
Aoba's hair looked darker when the sun was setting, it was some sort of dark blue. Even thought the statement was directed at him , the other mans eyes weren't looking at him, they were looking at Mikado. Always.
"I didn't know you were so worried about me Aoba-kun."
Not even a quick glance.
"I'm not, but Sempai is."
Malice.
"You like him don't you? Pretty funny, since he doesn't even notice your pathetic intentions."
"That's not any of your business."
Ah! A reaction. Attention!
"-and you didn't deny it. Afraid of rejection? Afraid that he doesn't swing that way?"
"I'm not denying anything, unlike you.."
Step back.
"By which you mean.."
"You have an eating disorder. I can tell."
Silence.
For once, Izaya didn't speak. He just stood there smirking, except it really wasn't that. It had lacked sarcasm and it lacked soul. Aoba stood there, a remnant of the blue squares, the leader peeking through.
" Once in middle school, I used to starve myself , and sometimes I ate a lot so I could purge afterwords. I was going through some problems with my brother, and the only way I felt happy was if I was throwing up. I wouldn't think about anything when I was hunched over the toilet...after a while I stopped. That was when I met Sempai. I was in a classroom, crying over something when he tried to console me, understand me. I didn't know why I stopped, I guess, that was the first time anyone bothered to listen to me. Unlike my parents who never even tried to understand the situation I was in..."
Izaya continued to stare at him, except he was frowning.
" After that I started to behave like a normal kid my age having fun with friends..until one day...I became careless. Things happened and I killed someone. That sparked my disorder again, but I overcame it. Look," Aoba let out a heavy breath through his nose. " I really don't care about you or your stupid problems, what I do care about is what you put my sempai through. He's worried about you."
True to his word, they saw Mikado glancing back at them quickly as not to cause suspicion by the others.
"Stop giving him problems."
The boy doesn't move, he doesn't even acknowledge that Aoba spoke. Then he turns, a fierce defiant look.
" What if I don't want to?"
"Is..something bothering you, Shizuo-kun?"
"No, " Shizuo had his hands in his pockets and kicked the seashells around. He was getting a bit irritated at Masaomi's stupid singing, so he decided to walk around the beach. He wouldn't want to ruin everyone's fun. Besides, he liked doing his own thing much better. Alone.
He turned to the shorter man, who had decided to sit on the soft sand.
Mikado stared at him for a moment , carrying a small cup in his hands.
"Would you care to join me?"
An invitation. He sat.
" I..this is... the first time I was ever invited to a night out..with others. In fact, this is my first at everything. I never went out to a bonfire."
"I take it you are not the type of person to like going out,is that it?"
The blond began to let the sand slip through his fingers. Why was talking to others so hard?
"I..wouldn't know. I don't have any friends. So I wouldn't know if I did like it."
"Eh?" A tilt of a head. " But I'm your friend..."
"Mikado, am I..doing anything wrong?" The boy turned around to face the other man. "Is this how I 'm supposed to act like with friends? Is this how I am supposed to act like around others?"
"I can't answer you Shizuo-kun because I don't think anyone has the answer for that...but.." The waves began to recede back and forth bringing up the seaweed a little bit closer to shore.
"I like you just the way you are Shizuo-kun. Just be yourself, that's enough isn't it? You don't have to please everyone... that won't get you no where."
Shizuo noticed the atmosphere was a but tense, and he wondered how did he know that? He remembered a time when he knew that his mother would break her leg in the garden. He always had some sort of 'intuition' as his mother called it for danger. The warnings were going off at this very moment.
Mikado began to stir the sweet ice inside his plastic cup.
"Whenever I talk to people my heart trembles with fear and wonder, I'm scared of others because I don't want to hurt them, and I don't want them to hurt me. And the wonder feeling is for the most part because, somewhere, inside me, I really do want to talk to them. That there is hope in me, that they can be a person I can laugh with, someone I can stay with for most of my life..." The stirring stopped and he began to fidget nervously.
" Eh, what I mean is -uh, I'm very sorry for making you hear these sorts of things! A-and.. that maybe. Is that how you feel too? "
Shizuo smiled, a small smile. He pointed toward his chin.
" You have something here."
Both of them began to laugh , their troubles soon forgotten as they looked at the ocean. The moon was so beautiful, the only light that doesn't burn.
"I know!" Mikado began. "Let's play a game of some sort. You can ask me any question and we take turns. Sort of like truth or dare...except without no danger..." He added this to reassure himself.
Shizuo nodded and thought,' I've never played that game before , I'll guess I'll just wing it...'
" What sort of questions?"
"Any question you can think of, it can be something really personal to what I had for dinner yesterday! But the catch is ,that you have to be truthful and like I will be answering your questions, you can't back away from mine. "
Mikado knew that if you bottle in things for so long it leaves you exhausted. Perhaps after this Shizuo can learn how to communicate with others properly not being weighed down by is own troubles.
"What will happen if I don't answer you question?"
"Ahhh, " Mikado twisted his face and placed a finger to his forehead. "I guess there will be a punishment."
Shizuo smiled shyly and grunted as a sign of approval to start the game.
Mikado grabbed a rock and handed one to the younger.
"I guess w-we'll choose by how far we throw the rock, sound good?"
Both of them stood, raised their arms and hurled the rock to the ocean. Shizuo's went far and wide while Mikado's sunk like the titanic. He sighed in defeat.
"Ah, Shizuo-kun you go first! Ask me any question!"
Shizuo seemed to be in deep thought, after all since he never had any friends he didn't know what should he ask. He was serious because to him, he always read that friendship was serious, in those grim tales that he collected and reread so much. After some time, he looked pained, but just for a moment and looked up at the dark haired man again.
" What is the one thing you regret in your life?"
The question was bold, the question was painful, and the question cut like a knife.
Mikado stared at the ocean, how the waves were receding back and forth, the shells looking like little petals, but when Shizuo kept staring at him, he realized he wasn't looking at the ocean, he was staring at something beyond that.
He thought that, even with Mikado standing right next to him, he felt like they were millions of miles away.
" The day I stepped foot in this one house," Mikado's voice was flat, and cold. " was what I regret ...the most."
The young boy knew that what ever he had just said pained him, a part of him scolded himself, who was he to pry in the life of others? A part of him was glad, someone besides his family was opening up to him. And maybe, he can open up too?
Mikado seemed to recover quickly , back to that weary, but calm face he always had.
" My turn! I'll ask you the same. What do you regret the most?"
Shizuo tensed.
This could heal you, you fucking 'dumbass. Don't fuck this up! Why are you hesitating?
What are you afraid to lose?
Are you happy being alive?
" I regret the day I killed someone."
Normally, after the question was answered one asked another , but instead Shizuo started to talk. Mikado just looked at Shizuo, neither analyzing nor judging, just there.
" Since I was a kid, I was always alone. I think, I'm sorta glad my old man's dead. Cause he didn't live to be ashamed of me."
How can someone so kind, thought Mikado, think like this about themselves? Mikado didn't answer his question because he already knew the answer.
" I'm a monster. " Shizuo took his hands out of his pockets, and Mikado could see, could feel the pain as the young boy's hands shook mercilessly. He knew that this boy was going to have a mental breakdown. It was going to happen now, but after this, hopefully, so could his recovery.
For a rebuild to take place there needs to be deconstruction.
"I mean, all I can do is hurt others. It's all cause of my anger , my anger controls me. I think my mother and my brother Kasuka are the only ones that actually give a damn about me...and I can't even make them happy at all. I can only break things..."
" My mother decided to put me on meds for my anger since I was seven and not only didn't they work, it only made me more pissed off. There was no way in hell I would let those fucking pills calm me down, if I want anything to calm me down it should be me I thought! Kasuka, he..I know he gave up a lot because of me. The only thing I remember when I was a kindergarten was that he was always playing with me, he didn't even complain about it once. I think that I always end up hurting the ones I love, the ones I care about, like, like, her."
He paused.
"She was just a sweet lady, she just barely opened up a shop with her sister near the house where I used to live. It was a small bakery that sold lots of sweet bread and cakes... I can still remember their taste. Whenever I was pissed off I would always go and try her pastries. After a while I told myself they made me calm because of how good they tasted. But that wasn't it. When she gave them to me I can sense her kindness. What made her food taste so good wasn't the ingredients, it was her love ."
" She was just like you Ryuugamine-sensei."
He was talking to his instructor now.
" She was just like you Mikado-san."
Shizuo corrected himself, but as he did s,o he began to sniffle and his heart broke. A couple of minutes passed and the boy decided to speak up again.
" One day I was going there when I saw some guys roughing up her shop. When I saw them slap her, I lost it. I just couldn't take it, I didn't want to see that. So I beat the shit out of them. I don't remember anything else, but, when I am angry I can't think of anything else around me. It's like I'm on fire and I'm doing anything to be put out. And when you put the water on me I gasp and then I look around at what the hell I've done, and there's blood. There's blood in my hands and that's when I realized I accidentally killed the lady I was supposed to protect. When I was going berserk a shelf fell on her, it hit her head cracking her skull in the process... I think that I.." A pause. "No I don't think it..I know it. I know I will never forget how her insides looked like for as long as I live. "
It was quite for a while, the only thing you could hear was soft sobbing. Shizuo felt something soft on his face, it was a handkerchief.
Mikado began to wipe the boy's face gently.
" You and me are a lot alike." he says at last, and Shizuo looks at him. " I think your really brave Shizuo-kun , it's really brave to talk about this to someone, and I'm also glad you trust me enough."
Shizuo wiped his eyes .
"We're friends aren't we?"
Both of them smile at each other, because they think that for some reason their trials deserve to be laughed at. At that moment nothing hurt them.
Shizuo began to think out loud. " Why is it that people hold on to things that hurt them? If it hurts why not let go?"
Mikado's smile turns a little sad, or maybe more. Depending on how well you know the 'real' him it could be both. He pictured his mother, the semen on his face on that rainy night with Masaomi, and that house. That house as he clenched to that box of bread.
"I think that the only reason people hold onto memories so tight is because memories are the only things that don't change; when everybody else does."
The moon was shining in all it's splendor, the bonfire at it's peak. As everyone started to relax near the fire, Aoba threw a seashell in Masaomi's direction. He tried to dodge it, but it landed on his chest with a heavy 'thump'.
" Dammit, you little bitch!"
Aoba snickered as he laid his head on Mikado's lap.
" That's not fair Aoba, using Mikado as a shield."
Aoba yawned.
" All is fair in love and war. What happened to 'SpiderMasaomi?'"
Izaya laughed, giving the elders questioning looks. Kasuka began to speak before the question was even asked.
" When we were kids Masaomi would never use the front door, he would always arrive through the window sill. Hence his nick name ' SpiderMasaomi'. Once, when we visited Mikado-kun's house Masaomi was walking to open the window. When he opened the latch Mikado-kun's grandmother socked him in the face thinking it was a thief. She sent him flying."
Anri began to giggle along with the Orihara twins. Izaya grinned.
" Wow, why didn't you try being a P.E teacher?"
The hours passed by quickly , it was time to leave. Shizuo was buckling up his seat beat feeling tired yet satisfied, the day had been wonderful minus that little nuisance. He was about to drift off to sleep when suddenly a light knock came to his window.
It was Mikado.
" Mikado-kun?"
" Ne, Shizuo-kun, I was wondering if tomorrow, since it's Saturday... mind going out to a cake shop with me? We talked about it that one time I was over your house..if you're not busy..would you like to go with me?"
"O-of course!" Shizuo says quickly, and Mikado just smiles and laughs. Kasuka started up the car giving them a peace sign while Anri smiled and waved, her eyes meeting with Izaya's dark ones.
" Neeeee, Mikado -kun." Izaya chided gently. " I'm jealous! You have been giving Shizuo-chan so much attention lately! " He stomped his foot. " I'm going to cry if you don't take responsibility for it!"
Mikado laughed and played along.
" Ahh, I'm sorry Izaya-san." He enveloped his small arms around the boy. " I'll make it up to you some how."
Izaya grabbed on to him more, tighter, softer , needier and whispered " I hope you will."
It was a Saturday and Shizuo was fidgeting and trembling since he had breakfast. He showered quickly, and he scrubbed so hard his skin was red
he crumbled the soap bar in his hands, leaving it nothing more than small dust. He was nervous was all. Today was the day of Mikado and his da- , pardon me, 'hanging out'. He didn't know what to wear, and he really wasn't a fashionable sort of guy. When he thought the words 'fashionable' and 'guy' he automatically thought of his elder brother and sped to his room.
He knocked."Oi, Kasuka"
It was a front.
His elder brother hadn't woken up yet, and it was already 12:45, his brother looked at him quizzically and his eyes seemed lost.
"Hn?"
"I ..kinda wanted to borrow some of your cloths...I need help..in a outfit..or something.
The elder brother looked at his younger brother , so monotone, and yet so heartfelt.
"Are you going on a date?"
"What! NO! I'm...going..out with..a f-friend."
Kasuka smiled and opened the door to his room a little wider.
"Come in."
When Shizuo was sitting in the living room he kept looking back at the clock in the kitchen. It was placed between the microwave and the refrigerator. Every two minutes he sighed , and since he felt he couldn't control himself to be in one spot for too long he began to pace around the room. His thoughts keeping him preoccupied ' What if this is too dressy? What if this looks completely wrong on me? On Kasuka they might have looked good but that's because he's Kasuka..'
The doorbell rung, and immediately Shizuo went frigid. Was it Mikado? The sides of his mouth s tarted to go upwards. On second thought he should just call it off, -no! Shizuo was many things but a coward he wasn't. He would go through this no matter what!
He walked toward the door and tried his hardest to hide that goofy grin off his face.
" Wel-"
He felt three pairs of arms encircle his legs with an iron grip.
He blinked and saw his small relatives , Tsukishima, Delic, and Tsugaru . They were Shizuo's cousins from his father's side all of them inheriting their natural blond hair to their own father who was a foreigner. And just like that his smile turned into a light frown, he lowered his head and grunted.
That was his sort of greeting.
He dis-latched them from his legs ushering them inside to the living room. He began serving them hot milk as refreshments. What were they doing here anyways?
" Oi, What are you guys doing here? Where is your mom?"
Tsugaru, the most responsible and eldest of the three answered.
" She was called in suddenly to work.. she told us to go with Auntie today..is that a problem?" The boy adjusted his blue coat leaving it on the sofa near him.
Shizuo frowned. His mother had just left for shopping with Kasuka and he knew how long would it take for them to finish. Last time he went along with them on their shopping sprees he had sores on his feet for a week.
He had no choice. He had to take the children out with him, he couldn't just leave them alone. But could he really take the children on his dat- day out ? Mikado didn't seem the type to mind...
" Oi!" Delic , the middle child who was wearing a hot pink long sleeve sounded irritated. " We're waiting!"
" Don't be such a brat Delic. I was thinking of going out today."
Knowing this piece of information the youngest, Tsukishima drowned himself in his red scarf, his glasses pressing on the red fabric.
" I'm sorry.."
"O-oi, you don't gotta apologize. Besides your mother was at fault! She should have called!" Shizuo growled and rubbed his head. " Or something..."
At that second, the doorbell just had to ring didn't it?
" Coming!" Shizuo knew it had to Mikado.
Indeed it was.
To Shizuo, he never knew Mikado to be fashionable. But then he thought, of course he had to be he was a friend to his brother after all. Maybe he took lessons from him after all. Light blue really did look good on Mikado, and the white also made such a nice combination. What was that shade of blue again? Periwinkle? Or was it cornflower?
" Hello, Shizuo-kun!," Mikado's blue eyes were grinning. " Ready for our date?"
Shizuo turned to a hundred different shades of red with dashes of pink all in a complete second , steam was coming from his ears. He was beyond speechless.
He really was so easy to rile up.
" I was just teasing! Are you ready to leave yet , Shizuo-kun?" The elder man fanned the air in good humor only stopping when he noticed three small pairs of eyes staring at him from the hall. " Oh, my."
Shizuo walked alongside Mikado to the living room, introducing him to his cousins.
" This is my teacher and friend. Ryuugamine Mikado," He had actually remembered his name, he thought excitedly. " We're gonna go out with him today...don't be rude you hear! If I see you giving him a hard time I'll pound you!"
Tsugaru seemed unimpressed ( Mrs. Heiwajima always did say he resembled Kasuka)) and bowed deeply.
" My name is Tsugaru and I'm the eldest out of my brothers. It's very nice to meet you."
Mikado bowed deeply as well, and seemed to have a tint of blush on his cheeks.
"It's very nice to meet you too Tsugaru-san! Ah, you're Yukata is so..cute. "
Tsuguru smiled and before he could introduce his youngest brother the middle one stood up instead. He positioned himself haughtily, with a huge grin. His hand on his waist.
" My name is Delic! And I have ten girlfriends!" He held out both of his hands, showing off just how many girlfriends he had just in case anyone wanted see.
Shizuo groaned. He really should talk to his Aunt to do something about the middle child. He was turning out to be such a playboy.
" Delic, stop lying stupid!" The blonde teen lightly swatted the back of the middle child's head.
"Ow! I'm not lying you big oaf! You're just jealous because you never kissed anybody! Who'd wanna kiss you with your ugly face!Ogre!"
"N-now, Now. Uhm, it's very nice to meet you Delic-san." Mikado didn't want anyone to start fighting, much less Shizuo loosing his temper so early in the morning.
" What is it with this 'san' stuff? Aren't you bigger than us? Aren't you supposed to call us 'chan' or 'kun'? I dislike it when people are so timid!" Delic crossed his arms.
" DELIC! SHUT THE-"
" Ah, of course! I'm sorry! Delic-kun it is! I hope me and you can become good friends.."
Emerging from his elder brother's back, the youngest came out of hiding. He was a bespectacled boy who wore a red scarf. He looked up at the man, timidly.
"M-my name is T-Tsukishima..." He was playing with the hems of his sweater.
Mikado smiled a knowing smile and bent down to his knees. He bowed when he did so.
" Hello Tsukishima-kun , It's a pleasure to meet you."
Tsukishima blushed and nodded slowly, not sure of what to do or say.
When the house was locked and the gate chained the group headed off to their destination. Their prior plan was to just go to the cake shop near the edge of town, but Mikado had suggested they should do something more fun since the children where with them. After a while Shizuo mentioned the arcade he saw when visiting the place a while back. It was a unanimous decision and they walked to the subway station with excitement.
Delic kept walking ahead of them causing light mischief and often playing games of 'not stepping on the cracks' while Tsugaru and Tsukishima held on to Mikado's hands. They became attached to him in such a short time that even Shizuo became a little jealous. Not on Mikado, but on his cousins. He crossed his arms and glared at their tiny mop of blonde hair. Oh well, he thought. He'd be lying if he said he didn't like their company.
Shizuo was nervous, he had never went to the arcade before , since he never had any friends to play with. He became frightened that he would look like a fool in front of his Belle. His hands started to shake and before he could put them in his pockets a small hand found a way on his.
It was Tsukishima's and he looked a little worried.
" Oi when are we gonna get there?" Delic was swaying his feet back and fort on the train seat. Tsugaru sat next to him, calm and looking at the scenery.
" I think in about ten minutes.. why? Do you need to go use the restroom?" Mikado asked from his own seat. He had Tsukishima in his lap, who was taking a small nap.
" Nah, I peed at home."
Shizuo glared. " Quit being so fucking gross."
" Quit being so stupid."
Shizuo's glared intensified and it took all his strength to not knock that boy out the window. He gripped the handles on his seat and bended them .
" Tsugaru!" Shizuo commanded. " Punch Delic in the stomach for me!"
"OW!"
Mikado laughed. " All of you remind me when I was in school. Masaomi-kun and Aoba-kun would always create some sort of trouble everywhere they went ."
Shizuo sighed. " I...I'm sorry this happened."
" No. Don't be! I love talking to children, I used to teach elementary for a while."
Shizuo pictured Mikado's elementary school students all busy being taught by him, given snacks, and taking nap times with him. Oh boy, he thought. I bet he was never left alone.
He pictures the man smiling gently , standing in between his students, but then he realized he wasn't imagining a scenario, he was seeing a memory. Now that he had time to think about it properly Shizuo noticed Mikado was always around people. He always saw him surrounded by some student, staff or faculty member. Mikado was a people person, and his common every day appearance gave him the impression he was easy to talk to. So harmless. Then Shizuo wonders why a man like him would be here instead of somewhere that had a vast sky , the kind where you can see the stars instead of airplanes.
The arcade was busy for a Saturday, the noises all jumbled up with children's laughter . The gang began to try all sorts of games , since Shizuo never went to an arcade Delic took it upon himself to teach him everything he knew.
" OK, check this out Shizu-kun. Look," The young boy took a plastic hammer. " You need to hit the miles like this! And the more you hit the more points you'll get. Now you try."
Shizuo grabbed the hammer and as soon as he hit the poor machine it broke in two.
" A-ah, Shizuo -kun that game was so o-old, let's look for another one that is new." Mikado began pulling the elder boy away from the disaster as children all flocked to the machine snatching away the tickets and coins.
It was going to be an interesting day.
"Tsukushima-kun are you ok in there?"
Mikado's voice was laced with concern as he was standing in front of the male's restroom. His back on a stall. There was a flush.
" Ok, let's wash our hands now." The pair washed their hands together, lathering up their hands in suddenly as they were both drying their hands the younger grabbed a hold of him.
" Tsukishima-kun , what happened?"
" Shizuo-kun ..." The boy began , " Is a nice person."
Mikado smiled.
" He is."
It was mid afternoon when the whole group decided that enough was enough and they had gotten a bit hungry. So of course, when asked what the blondes wanted to eat they all simultaneously answered at the same time.
"Hamburgers." The Heiwajima's deadpanned.
It was a nice family restaurant, with nice furniture and spacy room.
" Hey y'know what? This sort of looks like we're a family. " He points to Shizuo. " You're the fat daddy, Mikado-kun is the pretty mommy, Tsugaru is the mean big brother, and Tsukishima is the crybaby younger sister."
Shizuo took his tongue out and threw a fry at the boy. " Oh yeah, and what are you retard?"
" The perverted uncle."
Tsukishima smiles and tugs at Mikado's sleeve.
"What is is Tsu-kun?" He smiles at the boy so tenderly, it was as if he really was his mother.
" I want to go play, " He said in a quite but audible voice. The boys all joined in and stood up from their chairs running to the back of the room where the family games were stationed at.
" No running!" Shizuo yelled , causing everyone in their close proximity to flinch. He sighed and stared at the man across from him.
" I'm sorry their a handful."
" No, it's fine! I'm glad their so energetic and healthy!"
" You don't need to worry about them. They're too energetic if you ask me. That reminds me, why are you only eating that?"
" This?"
" Yeah, that."
It was a salad with a cup of ice tea.
" Is there something wrong with it?" Mikado began to inspect his food just in case. He was cut off by a hand in the air.
" No, not at all. I'm just..I never met someone that would eat a burger rather than a salad.. and you can't be on a diet."
" It's for my health, the doctor said I'm not allowed to eat so much meat."
Shizuo sits straighter. " You're sick? Since when?"
" I've always been like this Shizuo-kun," he says gently. " Please don't concern yourself over me. "
Shizuo's eyes narrowed a good degree, because the person in front of him looked exactly like his own mother's reaction, the reaction when she saw her husband on his deathbed. He gives up that conversation and began another.
"Mikado..can you tell me about that day?"
"That day?"
It rewinds to the time they played that game by the ocean.
"That day you said you regretted..."
Mikado's smile remained on his face, his upbeat nature never fading. Although his eyes told something much darker, they looked like rotten apples. Shizuo wasn't sure why he thought that. He didn't know. He just did. The man raised the cup to his lips and said-
"I think the world of adults is horrible, don't you think?"
That cut the conversation flat because when Shizuo glanced at Mikado's eyes it said ' Don't you even, Don't you dare, Don't push me.'
That was when Shizuo learned that even the kindest of people can be cruel.
The afternoons passed, as did the evenings and mornings. The 'Nows' and 'Laters' and the 'Tomorrows' turned into memories; they turned into photographs and laughter, they turned into 'Time wasted' or rather to some 'Time well spent'. It was now but almost a whole year .
One night Masaomi was having tea in Mikado's apartment. Actually , only the latter was having tea.
" I'm sorry," Masaomi waved his hand around,like swatting a fly. " I never got the hang of tea, give me some soda instead."
Eyes narrowed.
" Soda is bad for you."
" So? Just because you don't drink it doesn't mean I can't."
Mikado shoves him a bottle of juice and Masaomi thinks he's nothing but a prude. So he says it.
" You're a prude."
" Yes, yes, and your a blond."
" You hung around Aoba too much on Friday, he's a terrible influence on you my friend."
Mikado looks at him, lips puckered.
" And you aren't?"
" Hey, I'm harmless , You know that right?" He has an amused undertone, that same tone he speaks with in private with his girlfriend. " Anyways, what you're doing is dangerous. Who would have thought you'd be trying to council two of Raira High's top whack jobs. What have you learned about them so far?"
Mikado was serious now, his lips flat. A hand on his chin.
" In a first glance Orihara-kun looks perfectly fine. But when you notice his pattern of behavior you notice that it seems all articulated. He's so off balance. As for Shizuo-kun, he's.. just a boy. That's all he is, a lonely self loathing child. Both of them are so alike yet so different."
" So they repel each other." Masaomi added.
" The reason why they repel each other is simple . Orihara-kun feels he is inferior to Shizuo-kun because he has that super strength of his. He doesn't view him as human, and is jealous because of that. That's why he distances himself around others, he rejects what makes him human because he doesn't-"
" He doesn't what?"
" He doesn't want to die." he answers stiffly, swallowing his other answer down which was ' Don't make me say it.'
" They sort of remind me of.." Mikado stared out the window. " ...you and Aoba."
The table in which they were seated under flew backwards, the tea on the floor, spilled, the flowers trampled. Masaomi was standing ,enraged.
" Don't compare me to that-that- Don't compare me to Aoba!"
It was as if the gentle man ignored him, picking up the shards of his tea seat . It was broken on the ground, beyond repair. But Masaomi knew him better, what he really was doing was forgiving him. He always was.
" Why can't you let me take care of you? Quit your job at school! I thought that when you came back from China you'd let me take care of you, but instead you buy an apartment , as if, as if you expect to live that damn long!"
"Shut up." Mikado says, coldly and so uncharacteristic of him.
" No you shut the fuck up and listen to me Mikado! I - I love you!"
"Masaomi you will never love me in that way. You're just forcing yourself to think so...You need to accept that since you are the type of person to run away from things. "
He picked the remaining shards and threw them in the trash bin.
"So I'm a coward? Jeez, thanks."
"And there is nothing wrong with that. You're alive aren't you? What's wrong with wanting to escape things that hurt you..to be a coward..takes a different type of courage."
" I'm having problem with Saki, " he breathes. " I want to leave her, she's suffocating me."
" But the town we used to live in suffocated you also right? Who is the one really bringing the trouble? "
Neglect.
" Mikado, Mikado, I'm serious. Get your lover to help you with this, or ask me! Your friends. Let us take care of you! You returned from China because you knew your health was fucking up. Don't try to lie! Anri is your personal doctor here in Japan, she told us yesterday when you and Kasuka's brother were off some where."
" I just want all of you to be happy." He said truthfully.
" And what about you? What about your happiness? "
" That's fine because-"
That was when Mikado began to have a coughing fit, and as his shoulders shook fiercely Masaomi held him, scared and he really seemed like he was fifteen again instead of twenty two. In all this time he hadn't grown up at all. What a waste.
But Mikado pushed him, as if to say ' I can deal with it on my own.' His arms felt weak, they trembled as he gripped the edge of the table for support. When he removed his hands away from his mouth , there was blood. Blood on his hands and on his arms. That's when he turned around to Masaomi and stares at something right above his head,( or maybe his floral wall paper that he prides himself in or that flower vase he just bought on sale at the corner store) and said
"Ever since I was born I have never felt happiness."
Thank you.
♠TITLE♠ And I Wondered Why It Burned
♠RATING ♠PG-15
♠WORDCOUNT♠ 8,309
♠SUMMARY ♠In which Shizuo realizes he's a train wreck, Izaya knows that they can see him ,and where Mikado desperately wants to show two young boys just what trust really is.Alternative Reality
♦NOTES♦ Shizuo/Mikado/ Izaya and other pairings. These are all slightly hinted of course.