"I didn't fuck him, I just blew him! And it was just once!"

[moxiemylove]

I saw a movie about a woman who blows her dog during a moment of loneliness in college. It's a secret until her fiance insists they tell each other their secrestest dirtiest moment

Comments

[anonymous]

i'm careful not to tell people things that would make my life go to smithereens.

an abusive ex-boyfriend put his finger up my rectum, withdrew it, and said, "it smells like shit."

i can't tell anybody because of how weak it makes me look. people have sympathy for the wham-bam kind of violence. they assume that if he punched you, you hadn't seen it coming, but it's impossible to show someone, even yourself, how this is violence if you laid there and "took it.:" instead of fighting like hell. it's not the act that is shameful (i know lots of people do anal play and consensual humiliation games), but it my case it was unwanted (which he knew) and was intended to be a humiliating violation. if i had physically foguht him i'm sure he wouldn't have forced me into anything). but i didn't. i can't cop to anyone how messed up i was that i allowed myself to be (what i felt was) horribly degraded.

[moxiemylove]

there's messed up and there's being a human girl or a human boy. and it's tricky. there are parts of my character that i consider the best parts, that were part of the worst that any man or woman has ever done to me. You just can't separate out your sense of responsibility for yourself and for others, curiosity, the trust you entered the relationship with, your pride, the impulse to negotiate the impulse to self-sacrifice, from the dissonance of the situation. That sense of responsibility for instance, is loaded, because i would guess it's part of what kept you in the relationship too. We learn it takes experience to balance it out.

It pisses me off that someone would do that. I have empathy for the past you not sympathy. His actions were meant to immobilize.

[anonymous]

(last commenter coming in to say thank you. your words make sense, and they help.)

[archaist]

Have you ever read Jean-Jacques Rousseau's Confessions? I think you'd probably get a kick out of it.