Comments | mothball_07: "Communication is the key."

mothball_07

"Communication is the key."

Mar 20, 2007 14:11

A calls B and says, "I made chocolate chip cookies." B says "Good for you," and feels bummed about not having cookies and about A boasting of having cookies while B has none. Two days later A says, "Why didn't you come over and have some cookies?" and B says, "You didn't invite me." A says, "Yes I did! I told you I made cookies!" - suba-al-hadid ( Read more... )

Comments 16

gr8mom2tac March 20 2007, 21:31:41 UTC

If A didn't want B to have any cookies, A wouldn't have mentioend baking them and would have quitely eaten them with B none the wiser. Therefore B's lack of communcation resulted in no cookies.

Or perhaps B is more familiar with being left out and subconciously ignored A's open invitation.

Either way, A is not my choice for responsible party in this situation.

(The comment has been removed)

suba_al_hadid March 20 2007, 21:54:23 UTC

We were once amused to discover we were having arguments over hearing problems:

Him: Would you take out the garbage?
She hears: Did you take out the garbage?
She answers: No.

katybeth March 20 2007, 22:11:57 UTC

I've been there. Now, if think I may have misheard, I will either ask for the question again ("Would I, or did I?") or answer unambiguously, "I have not, but I will." There is, of course, still a problem when I think I've heard correctly but didn't.

suba_al_hadid March 21 2007, 13:59:32 UTC

Yup - I ended up doing the same thing, "I haven't and I will".

suba_al_hadid March 20 2007, 21:52:01 UTC

When I was told the story it was an illustration about making sure you're clear about invitations, especially when you're selling stuff that you think is really great and can help people.

I personally agree with a previous poster that both parties are at fault here. I recognized myself in both A and B when I first heard this. I've been more prone to ask for clarification from both angles since then (not entirely successful always).

I'm terribly amused that this was of interest :)

katybeth March 20 2007, 22:19:04 UTC

Did A fail to communicate in a reasonable manner? Did B jump to a pessimistic conclusion?

Yes, and yes. A's invitation was not at all clear, and unless they had a previous understanding, B was right not to take A's statement as an invitation. But B should not have jumped to the conclusion that A was just boasting and there would not be an invitation forthcoming, and could have asked, "Might there be extras?" or something if unsure about A's intentions.

It's a good lesson.

hlmt March 20 2007, 22:33:52 UTC

A very readable, very short book on this subject exists by Deborah Tannen, called That's Not What I Meant! She talks about lots of situations such as this...