(no subject)
Title- Sudden Realization
Author- geekchic29
Rating- PG-ish, for angst and bref language
Pairing- Morgan/Reid, slight glimpse of JJ/WIll
Summary- Reid's insecurities make Morgan feel unwanted.
Disclaimer- No, I do not own these character or the show (sad but true), and this is a work of pure fiction.
Notes- Part of the wedding challenge...also, this is my very first fic (Yay!), so sorry for the kinda cliche ending...and just to be safe, the song at the end of the fic is David Archuleta "To Be With You"... any and all comments are welcomed. enjoy :)
Spencer never really liked big crowds. In fact, when he wasn't working he tried his hardest to avoid them. Even an overly crowded subway would make him feel nervous. And now he was about to stand at the front of a church filled with over 400 hot, tired wedding guests.
When Will first asked him to stand in his wedding party as a groomsman, Reid was flattered. He never had that great of a relationship with Will, but as Will had simply put it when Reid had questioned his decision “You are the godfather of my son.” So now Reid stood with the rest of the wedding party in the church lobby waiting for the music to start. It was 85 degrees outside, and with the A/C broken and the bodies of friends and families packed into the small church, it felt about 10 degrees hotter. Reid could feel the sweat starting to form on the back of his neck, but he couldn’t tell if it was from the immense heat, or nerves.
“Pretty Boy, calm down, you look like you’re the one about to tie the knot.” Morgan said with a smile, placing a firm hand on the young man’s shoulder. Reid turned, looking his best friend, and lover, in the eyes, and smiled. Morgan laughed, and pulled Reid into his arms. His lips found their way onto Reid’s. For a second, Reid forgot about the 400+ people in the church, and concentrated on the taste of his lover’s lips.
But in another second, reality quickly set in. Reid pulled away for a moment, and noticed the entire wedding party, including Prentiss, Garcia, and a shocked group of Will’s college buddies, were watching their “tender moment”. Without thinking, Reid let go of Morgan and pulled away quickly, his already flushed cheeks now turning a dark shade of pink. Morgan sighed and sat down on a bench gave Reid a confused look, but Reid kept his head down and leaned against a wall.
So far, only JJ, Prentiss, and Garcia were the only team members that were in the know about Morgan and Reid’s relationship, although Reid suspects Hotch and Rossi probably know as well. And they have all made it perfectly clear (on multiple occasions) that they are completely fine with it. Still, Reid can’t help but get embarrassed when their relationship is brought up. Even when they are surrounded by complete strangers, people whom they will most likely never see again, he can’t help but blush.
Next to Reid, a small wooden door opened, and JJ’s mother and aunt, dressed in similar purple tweed skirt suits, stepped out, followed by JJ. Or at least Reid thought that was JJ. The normally conservative agent was adorned in a soft white strapless chiffon dress, and her head was a cascade of golden curls, topped off with a long veil, secured to her head with a tiny silver tiara. The wedding party “oohed” and “ahhed” as they gathered around her. Reid sat down next to Morgan and watched with a curious yet pondering look.
“What’s going through your head, Pretty Boy?” Morgan asked, noticing Reid lack of enthusiasm for JJ’s new look.
“Well, I was just thinking…I mean…d-do you think that will be me someday?”
“What do you mean?” Morgan asked, leaning back in his chair.
“I don’t know, I guess I’m just a little envious of JJ.”
“What, do you want to wear a dress too?” Morgan raised a brow in confusion.
“What? No, I mean, I’m envious of the fact that she is getting married. That-, that she has found that one person she wants to spend the rest of her life with.”
“Ah”. It was only one word, but Reid could feel a lot of hurt buried in it.
“No, Morgan, I didn’t mean it like that, you know that. It’s just…I don’t know.” For once in his life, the young genius was at a loss for words. He looked down at his hands. He hurt Morgan, he could tell that, but he didn’t know how to explain how he felt. He liked Morgan, a lot, but they have only been together for six months. Was he sure that Morgan truly was the one for him? It was something he hadn’t really thought about till today, but all of a sudden that question seemed to flood his thoughts.
Luckily he was saved by an angel in purple tweed. JJ’s mother came over and pulled Reid over to a 20 something girl in a faded pink dress and short blonde hair; JJ’s cousin. Reid was supposed to walk her down the aisle. She took one long look at Reid, then rolled her eyes and turned away, crossing her arms. Reid frowned and wiped his sweaty palms on the pants of his tuxedo. The heat of the room began to feel ever more present. Luckily, the music started, signaling the beginning of the ceremony. Prentiss and one of the college buddies were the first to go down. Then it was Reid and JJ’s sisters turn. They slowly marched down the aisle, JJ’s cousin was smiling and waving like a prom queen. Reid just looked straight ahead and tried not to focus on the hundreds of eyes that were staring at him. He tried to focus on the rhythmic marching they were required to do.
Right foot. Pause. Left foot. Pause. Right foot. Pause…
-----------------------------------------
“And with the power vested me by the state of Virginia, I know pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride”. Applause broke out as JJ and Will embraced. Reid broke the focus he had on the small arrangement of flowers on the podium in front of him, and looked up. He didn’t even realize the ceremony was over. Trying to look inconspicuous, he quickly stood up and joined the rest of the group in the applause. Then the music started, and the wedding party started their long march back down the aisle. Reid linked arms with JJ’s cousin one more, and once again stared straight forward. This time his thoughts weren’t focused on the groups of people sitting in the pews. The guests were focused on getting out of their seats and trying to slowly make their way to the back of the church. Instead, his thoughts were focused on his lover. He tried without success to catch the older man’s eyes, but Morgan gave no hint of wanting to make contact. Instead he stared at the happy couple in front of him, neither smiling nor frowning; just staring.
As soon as they were to the lobby, Reid broke away from the young girl and made his way through the crowd and outside onto the hot pavement of the parking lot. The black tar that covered the parking lot made the air incredibly hot and sticky. He found Morgan’s SUV and slipped inside. Not thirty seconds later, Morgan joined him. They sat in silence as Morgan started the car and they made their way out of the parking lot and down the country road towards the banquet hall where the reception was being held. Reid tried to put words together in his head so he didn’t end of making a fool of himself again, but he wasn’t having much luck. Finally, as they were pulling into the banquet hall parking lot, he just opened his mouth and said the only thing that made sense.
“Listen Morgan, I’m so sorry.” Ok, that sounded lame. Morgan kept staring straight forward, his face calm but unemotional. They pulled into a parking space, and Morgan pulled the key out of the ignition. He took off his seatbelt, but made no effort to get out of the car. He just sat, staring at the steering wheel, a mixed look on his face like the one he had earlier during the ceremony. Reid couldn’t tell what Morgan was thinking, all he knew was that he couldn’t take the silence any longer.
“What do you want from me? What do you want me to say?” Reid blurted out. Morgan’s head quickly turned to face the profiler, clearly just as shocked as Reid. For a moment, they made eye contact, then Morgan sighed, and said the last thing Reid was expecting.
“Are you ashamed of me?”
“What do you mean?” Reid replied after a moment, shocked.
“How come you never want to be seen together with me?” Morgan’s brown eyes looked sad in the sunlight that bounced of the sleek black paint of the SUV.
“Whoever said that?” Reid felt surprised by his lover’s odd question. “We always go out together.”
“Nobody ever said that, but you have been making it quite obvious. And yes, we do go out, but not as a couple. When we go out to dinner you sit on the other side of the table, you never let me hold your hand in public, let alone kiss you. We might as well be frickin’ strangers when we are out in public, because that’s how we look to them! Even in bed it seems like half the time you are unsure of why you’re there, unsure of yourself.” Morgan kept his voice quiet, but the anger spoke loud and clear. “So tell me Reid, what’s the deal, because I need to know. I know what I want, and I’m tired of waiting. Either we are in this 100%, or not in it at all.” The last sentence stung. Reid looked away and stared out the front window, lost for words. The other guests were starting to arrive. Dozens of happy looking, well-dressed men and women were pouring into the banquet hall. Reid felt the older man’s eyes boring a hole into the side of his head, willing him to answer. Reid kept opening and closing his mouth, but the words seemed to fail him. Second time today; that’s a new record.
After a few minutes of silence, though to Reid it felt like decades, Morgan let out a sigh, and got out of the car. Reid unbuckled his own seatbelt and pushed the door open, almost hitting the truck parked next to them.
“Morgan, MORGAN! Please, listen to me…” Reid hated to beg, but that didn’t matter at the moment. “C’mon, please Morgan, just please, listen to me!” Without warning Morgan stopped mid-step, causing Reid to collide with him. Morgan spun around and Reid took a step back. Morgan eyes were severe, filled more with pain than anything else.
“No Reid. You have already said enough.” His voice was back to calm, but they were harsh words none the less. Morgan spun back around and left Reid standing dumbfounded in the middle of the parking lot.
_____________________
It was quarter after 8 when Reid finally snuck into the banquet hall. The lights were all down, and a disco ball that hung from the ceiling painted the room with vibrant dots of multicolored light. A hundred or so small round tables were around the outside of the room, and in the middle was a giant dance floor, complete with DJ. He was playing some generic dance song that Reid had never heard of, and a group of young kids were out on the dance floor, dancing like they were in some kind of hip hop video. Reid frowned at the sight of the young kids dancing. The thought of dancing always made him weak. Somehow, in all the talents he possessed, dancing and coordination was not one of them. Not even in the privacy of his own bedroom would he do that. Sing, maybe, but dancing was out of the question.
He pushed the dance floor out of his mind and started to scan the room for what he had came back for. For the last two hours Reid had sat in Morgan’s SUV, trying to put together the right things to say. At first he didn’t think he could look Morgan in the eye, but he realized this is something he has to do. Or else he is doomed to face even more awkward moments and painful glances when they return to work on Monday.
Reid finally found Morgan sitting at the bar. Reid started to make his way across the dark room, rehearsing his speech in his head, and successfully bumping into several objects along the way. After a rushed apology to a very cross looking flower girl, whom he had tripped over and nearly gave her a black eye, Reid stopped to look around the room again. Morgan was still at the bar, but Reid realized he wasn’t alone. He was sitting uncomfortably close to a young man with short blonde curls and bright blue eyes. They were deep in conversation, and Reid could tell from Morgan’s sly smile and quite a few empty plastic cups sitting on the bar that Morgan was most likely drunk. And Reid knew when Morgan got drunk, he got quite…frisky.
Then Reid saw Morgan do the unthinkable. He watched as Morgan pulled out his wallet, and slipped a small white square of paper across the bar towards the blonde. Reid didn’t have to be standing right there to know it was his business card, fully equipped with name…and phone number.
Reid felt hurt, but he felt a new emotion course through his veins. It was a mixture of anger and jealousy. Without a second thought, he marched straight up to the bar and grabbed a hold of Morgan’s hand, pulling him up from his seat at the barstool, which was quite a feat considering he did weigh quite a bit more than Reid. Reid pulled Morgan into his arms, and collided his lips with Morgan’s. He tasted of champagne and rum, a sickly combination, but through the liquor, Reid tasted something familiar. The sweet taste he craved at night when he lay alone in his apartment. And even after nights of passionate love, he still would crave the taste of those lips. It was pure Morgan, through and through.
After what seemed like an eternity, Reid pulled away. Morgan looked shocked, like when Reid had confronted him on the drive over, only this time, he had hint of a smile on his face. Suddenly, looking into his lover’s eyes, the cheesy speech Reid had worked out in the SUV had vanished, but not without being replaced by what he later recalled as being a “sudden realization”.
“Morgan, I am so sorry if I ever hurt you. It’s not that I am ashamed of you, that is not it at all. I guess I have always been so self-conscious. I always felt like people were judging us, especially since you are so…so gorgeous…and I’m…I’m…” Reid paused to catch his breath, but it was stolen away from him again by a deep kiss from Morgan. When the older man pulled away, his eyes were soft, yet serious . His hands were buried deep in Reid’s brown hair, which by now was completely drenched in sweat, and his forehead was pressed against Reid’s, make it unavoidable for the younger man to look into his lover’s eyes.
“You listen to me…you are the most beautiful person on this god damn planet, you hear me?”It was almost a whisper, but it rang loud in Reid’s mind. It wasn’t the first time Morgan had called him beautiful, but most of the other times were right before intercourse, and Reid has always assumed it was because people would say pretty much anything if they knew it would get them laid.
But this time felt…different.
Reid could feel that Morgan truly felt this, deep down in his heart, and it was too much for the young man to handle. He felt a stinging in his eyes, and buried his face deep into the older man’s shirt. He could smell Morgan’s irresistible mix of Axe deodorant and Ralph Lauren cologne. Morgan wrapped his arms around Reid, and felt each spasm as Reid cried. It was the first time in a long time Reid had let anyone seen him cry. He didn’t like when others felt pity for him, least of all Morgan.
When all the tears were gone Reid pulled away from Morgan and wiped his face on his own tuxedo shirt. He made a mental note to take it to the cleaners before taking it back to the rental store. Morgan led Reid over to the bar, and ordered him a Coke. Reid noticed the blonde man was gone, and the business card was still on the bar. Morgan noticed this as well, and placed the card back in his wallet.
The two sat at the bar all night, watching the kids dance the night away, and occasionally chatting with members of the team, who all seemed to be enjoying themselves. It was just before 1 AM when the DJ announced he was playing the last song of the night. Morgan got up from his stool, causing a tired Reid, who had been leaning his forehead on Morgan’s shoulder, to stir and look up clumsily, almost falling off his own bar stool. Morgan steadied Reid and took both of his hands in his own.
“So, Pretty Boy…may I have this dance?” he asked, giving a sly, yet warm smile. Reid was stunned. Never in his life had anyone ever asked him to dance. He looked cautiously over at the dance floor…almost all of the remaining guests were making their way onto the floor for the last dance. He was going to say no thanks, and that he was too tired, but then he looked back into the eyes of his lover, and smiled.
The older man led the younger one out onto the dance floor. A slow piano intro was playing over the loudspeakers. Morgan guided Reid’s shaking hands on his hips, and his own around the younger man’s shoulders. A tinge of nervousness started to bite at Reid’s stomach, making him feel uneasy. Morgan noticed this, and smiled. “Don’t worry Pretty Boy, just close your eyes and let the music guide you. It’s just you and me out here, nobody else.” Reid followed his directions, closing his eyes, leaning his head against the side of Morgan’s, like he had seen countless times in movies, and listening to the words of the song:
And when we finally meet I’ll know it’s right,
I‘ll be at the end of this restless road.
But this journey, it was worth the fight,
to be with you, just to be
holding you for the very first time,
never letting go
what I wouldn’t give, to feel that way.
I can imagine two worlds spinning apart
come together eventually .
And when you’re standing here, in front of me,
that’s when I know that god does exist.
‘Cause he will have answered every single prayer
to be with, just to be with you.
“Hey, Pretty Boy?”
“Hm?”
“Love ya.”
Reid paused for a moment, then smiled.
“I love you too”.