Casual Vs. Considerate

[morethings5]

(Posting this blog entry’s full text, because I want to share and am desperate to start a discussion on this. Here is the original post.)

I screwed up today, friends. In a major way. I misgendered a child at work. I am profoundly disappointed in myself. Here’s what happened: a man came in with his kid, who had shoulder-length hair and was wearing

Comments

[acousticshadow2]

point 1. What is the rest of the story? ie what happened with the father and child

[morethings5]

Ugh, yeah I hate those scenarios, though fortunately I haven't run into many specifically gender-related ones at this store. Plenty of "Kid likes clothes, parent ignores or contradicts kid's wishes because they are just there to dress their kid like a doll."

Regarding Point 1, fortunately there was never really any chance that this girl would not be buying a "boy's swimsuit," and buy one they did. Complete with a "boy's hat"! The dad was pretty cool, treating the whole thing with a sort of good-humored resignation and the occasional weak question about whether the boy's clothes would fit properly.

[shinyquill]

As someone who is occasionally misgendered by strangers (and was more frequently misgendered by strangers pre-puberty) and hopes to be read as androgynous in the future, a lot of people don't care provided there's apology and not a fuss. Frankly, the really profuse apologies for reading me as male as a masculine child always made me vaguely uncomfy - not everyone considers it terribly important to be gendered correctly, and lengthier discussion only calls attention to one's non-normative gender status. "Sorry, [preferred honorific], my bad" is my most-preferred handling. Disclaimer on personal experience: in contexts where the nature of misgendering is actually upsetting it hasn't been for what I perceive as "serious gender issues" reasons, and I've often preferred not to discuss it at length with the stranger who erred. (Most frequent example: someone misreading me on account of my technical knowledge and presence in a programming classroom, which happened frequently at the university I attended. I had long hair! I wasn't