Miguel

[moraldyslexic]

It's been more than a few days and Lennox still mostly feels crappy. He knows Miguel is avoiding him, but it's not like he's gone out of his way to find him either. He knows where Miguel lives now and he could be the pushy jackass who just drops by and forces him to talk, but it still kind of stings. It all just reminds him of why he was avoiding

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[number97a413]

He freezes, Angelo clinging to his front like a giant, grey tumor with claws and a tail. He carries that cat like the baby doll they gave him while Maritza was pregnant, like he's burping it, and Angelo alternates between snuggling against his neck and clawing at him to be let down. He's perfectly still, now, calm but wary of going down where the dog is. He's forgotten King after all this time, which is kind of sad.

"Hey," he says, more to the dog as it comes trotting over. He doesn't have an excuse for not being around, so he doesn't try to give one--he might not even need it, easy as it was to keep away from Jim all week.

[moraldyslexic]

"Hey," Lennox echoes, although he's pretty sure that Miguel isn't even speaking to him. It fucking sucks, how much this hurts, mostly because he was never expecting it to be painful. He wants to run away and he wants to go over to him and every single thing he wants seems to conflict with everything else.

"You okay?" he asks finally, because he has to say something and if he says what he really wants to say, he has a feeling he'll just end up more hurt. The last thing in the world he wants right now is a fight, because he's not sure he can even stomach it.

[number97a413]

It's probably the first time he hasn't just told someone he's fine, dismissed the question automatically and moved on. Because he's not fine, how could he ever be fine after that.

For fuck's sake, he had to turn over his meds so he wouldn't down the bottle to get away from this shit. "Does it even matter," he asks, instead, letting Angelo down. "It was island bullshit, it happened, now it's not happening and we're barely talking. Whatever."

[moraldyslexic]

It's like a shot to the stomach, hearing those words, not even for the first time and Lennox winces before he looks down. It's not by choice that they're not talking, he wants to say that, but that isn't fair. He hasn't been looking for Miguel either, so they're both at fault, really.

"Thought it mattered," he says finally, trying to force away the look of pain. It obviously doesn't matter much to Miguel what he feels, pain or otherwise. "I wouldn't have asked if I didn't think so. But I guess not."