kbl_reversebang: In My Life I Love You More, Part 5
Title: In My Life I Love You More (5/7)
Author: moongirl24
Artist: emc14
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don’t own Glee or its characters. I’m just borrowing them.
Characters/Pairings: Kurt/Blaine, Burt Hummel, Tina Cohen-Chang, Sam Evans, Mrs. Anderson, other Glee characters
Word Count: ~36,600 words
Warnings: Some homophobia, bullying, mention of violence, mention of character deaths (not Kurt or Blaine!)
Summary: It’s not easy being secretly in love with your best friend. Especially when your name is Blaine Anderson, the year is 1965 and your best friend is a boy.
Story Master Post | Art
Part 5 - Yesterday
Blaine feels kind of down after the dinner with the Gilberts.
It’s like reality came crashing down on him all of a sudden - a reality he had effectively been shutting out ever since getting together with Kurt. For a while he had almost forgotten that there’s a world out there, a world that would not look at him and Kurt with kind eyes if the truth about them were to come out.
With Kurt, and their newfound relationship always at the forefront of his mind, it’s been easy to forget the concerns he once had about what people might be thinking about him. And now, it’s not just about him anymore, it’s about Kurt, too. Hiding their true selves is more important than ever and acting ‘normal’ is absolutely vital for them. Something that Mr. Hummel makes very clear to Blaine the first time Blaine meets him after the day he walked in on them.
It’s an awkward afternoon. Blaine is having dinner with him and Kurt, as he’s done hundreds of times before, but things are different now and they all know it. Mr. Hummel’s eyes on him feels different than before, more considering, more apprehensive, more thoughtful. Blaine tries his best not to squirm under his gaze and isn’t really able to form a whole lot of coherent sentences during the meal.
Kurt seems nervous too, and is overcompensating with a never-ending stream of words. He’s chatting non-stop, a little too high-pitched and with a bit too many hand gestures for it to seem completely natural.
At the end though, Mr. Hummel finally addresses the elephant in the room.
“Blaine,” he says, and Blaine startles and looks at him and automatically straightens his back, nerves rising. “Kurt already promised me that he’d be careful. I need you to promise me the same thing.”
It’s not like he doesn’t know what Mr. Hummel is talking about so he just nods vigorously. “I promise, sir,” he says sincerely. “I would never do anything to put Kurt in danger.”
Mr. Hummel keeps looking at him for a really long time and Blaine racks his brain trying to figure out if there’s something more he should have said, something that Kurt’s father expects to hear from him. But after a while Mr. Hummel finally nods, seemingly satisfied, and Blaine’s lets out a breath. He feels as if he just passed some kind of test.
Coming to Kurt’s house is a little easier after that, and in a way it’s a relief that Kurt’s father knows the truth now, because it gives them the chance to relax more when they’re there. It doesn’t matter so much if they happen to brush against each other or sit a little too close together on the couch - even though they try not to be too obvious with their affections. Mr. Hummel has already handled things way better than they could’ve expected and it seems unwise to push things too far.
They’re allowed to go to Kurt’s bedroom as long as the door stays open and that’s where they find themselves one Sunday, a little over two months after they got together.
They’re lying next to each other on Kurt’s narrow bed, staring up at the ceiling, hands laced together between them. They have the whole day to spend together and Blaine feels lazy and warm and comfortable. He tries not to let his thoughts wander too much in the direction of other things they could be doing in a bed because that’s not an option right now and it’s not something they’ve really talked about either. For now he’s happy just being here with Kurt.
“Do you think there are other gay people in Lima?” he wonders out loud, voicing something that he’s been thinking about quite a bit. Lima isn’t a very big town, but he figures it would be weird if he and Kurt were the only ones here.
“Of course there are,” Kurt says matter-of-factly. “I’ve seen plenty.”
“You have?” Blaine turns his head and looks at him, surprised. “Where?”
“Everywhere,” Kurt says. “After a while you just… learn to recognize them, I guess. It’s like a radar, almost.”
“Huh,” Blaine says, strangely impressed. “So you can just… pick gay people out from a crowd?”
“Sort of, I guess.” Kurt shrugs. “Not everyone, though. I’m not that good. But some people give off a certain vibe, you know.”
Blaine doesn’t really know. He’s never been very good at reading people. “So how come you didn’t sense anything about me?” he asks, mostly out of curiosity.
Kurt turns his head to look him. “I don’t know, maybe my radar doesn’t work on the people closest to me?” He shrugs again and smiles fondly. “I really didn’t have a clue. There was no vibe about you.”
Blaine’s not quite sure whether to take that as an offence or a compliment.
The conversation then moves on to the McKinley High student body, which is sort of a favorite topic of theirs. It’s always fun to exchange a bit of harmless gossip, about who’s currently dating whom, about who’s been spotted together where, and of course, who’s broken up during the past week.
“Is Sam actually serious about Brittany?” Kurt wonders, shifting closer into Blaine’s side.
Blaine shrugs. “He seems to be. He likes her a lot. But I get the feeling that he’s a lot more serious about her than she’s about him, and that… worries me a little.”
“Hmm,” Kurt says, nodding thoughtfully. He seems to be mulling something over in his mind, but he doesn’t say anything else, and neither does Blaine.
“What about Tina?” Blaine asks instead. “Do you still think she likes me?”
“I’m not sure,” Kurt says. “She’s still asking about you. She always seems very interested in what you and I have been doing.”
“Huh, that’s a bit weird. Do you think she’s jealous?”
“Maybe. She hasn’t, like… approached you about it or anything, has she?”
Blaine shakes his head. “No. I mean, I talk to her sometimes but just about normal stuff.”
Kurt shifts and curls into him. He sighs. “Well, I hope I’m wrong. Because you’re mine and I don’t want her to get hurt.”
Blaine smiles to himself and leans his head against Kurt’s. Being Kurt’s sounds… perfect. “I’m yours,” he confirms and sighs happily, closing his eyes. “I love you.”
It takes a few seconds for him to realize that those last few words were actually spoken out loud. He freezes, eyes snapping open. He hadn’t meant to say that. It’s not like he doesn’t mean it, or like he hasn’t already kind of said those words to Kurt before. But saying them like this, straight out, to another person feels like a really big thing. Blaine kind of feels like he should’ve made the occasion a bit more… extraordinary. Like, maybe he should have taken Kurt to dinner, or attempted to cook for him, or sang him another song or something. Having it just slip out like this is hardly memorable.
Kurt looks up at him. His smile grows wide and his eyes are shining in a way that makes Blaine reconsider all of that, thinking instead that okay, maybe this is exactly how it was supposed to happen. Simple, unforced, natural. That’s how it’s always been with them.
“I love you, too,” he whispers, and Blaine already knows that, but the words still make him warm and giddy inside. He leans in to kiss Kurt, needing to feel that connection with him, but he doesn’t let it go on for too long, all too aware that they’re in Kurt’s room with the door open and Mr. Hummel downstairs. Instead he pulls Kurt closer to his side, Kurt following easily.
This is a good day, Blaine thinks.
----
The next week is intense - schoolwork is piling up and Blaine doesn’t have much time to see Kurt outside of school.
Kurt’s just as busy as Blaine, so the only time they see each other is at school, which isn’t ideal but it’s what it is. Kurt looks terribly stressed out and Blaine wishes he could take some of the pressure off of him, but as it is he hardly gets the chance to talk to him, much less hug or kiss him.
Blaine doesn’t find the hiding all that exciting and thrilling anymore. Mostly it just feels frustrating and unfair. He loves Kurt and he’s so proud to be with him - but no one can know that. He knows that his feelings are something he’s probably supposed to feel ashamed about, but he’s not. Maybe he was, a little, in the beginning, but now he knows that he has nothing to be ashamed of. Kurt has showed him that. Kurt has showed him that what they share is nothing but right, and Blaine is so proud and so happy and sometimes he hates that he can’t share that with the world around him.
He tries not to let his thoughts linger on things he can’t do anything about, though. And right now he’s just ready for the weekend to finally start. He’ll still have schoolwork to do then, but he should have at least some time to spend with Kurt.
And then Kurt doesn’t show up to school on Friday.
Blaine waits for him outside the school building in the morning as he often does - there just isn’t much time to see each other throughout the day so those few minutes before school starts are precious - but Kurt never shows.
It’s strange, because he can barely remember Kurt missing a single day of school in the past, but with how stressed he’s been lately it’s no wonder if he ended up getting sick.
Blaine goes about his day as usual. After lunch he asks Tina and Mercedes if they know anything about Kurt, but they both shake their heads and tell him that they don’t. And later, in his first class after lunch, Mr. Schuester asks Blaine if he’s heard anything from Kurt. Blaine just shakes his head in response, but he finds it strange that someone as responsible as Kurt or his father hasn’t called the school to let them know if he’s sick. And Kurt definitely wouldn’t just skip school. That’s not like him at all.
Blaine can’t help but worry, but he also knows that Kurt’s lack of appearance probably has a completely natural explanation. It’s not like it’s the first time a student hasn’t shown up.
It just… doesn’t seem like something Kurt would do.
When the bell rings after the final class of the day, Blaine wastes no time getting out of the school building. He’s missed Kurt terribly all day and now he just hopes that Mr. Hummel doesn’t mind him showing up at their house with Kurt being sick and all. He just needs to see Kurt, just for a few minutes. It hits him that since they got together, there hasn’t been a single day that they haven’t seen each other. He really doesn’t want today to be the first.
But when he arrives at the Hummel house, there’s no one there.
Blaine just looks at the house for a while. Everything is dark and quiet and Mr. Hummel’s car isn’t even in the driveway. And that doesn’t necessarily has to mean anything because Mr. Hummel uses the car to drive to work, but… the house seems completely abandoned. He tries the door bell, but he already knows that no one is going to open.
If Kurt’s sick, then why isn’t he at home?
Blaine walks home feeling unsettled. Something about this doesn’t feel right. He thinks about going to the tire shop to talk to Mr. Hummel there, but that’s far enough away that he has to drive there and he doesn’t have access to a car today. So he goes home instead and tries to convince himself that there’s a good explanation for all of this.
He spends the afternoon trying to get some homework done, but he can’t seem to focus and after an hour of getting nothing done he puts the pencil down and grabs his guitar instead. But he puts it away after only one song - he can’t even focus on playing right now. He walks over to his bed and flops down on the mattress, staring at the ceiling.
He knows he’s being ridiculous and attempts to laugh at himself for it. His boyfriend disappears for one day and Blaine is going crazy. Kurt will undoubtedly laugh and tease him about it if he ever finds out.
But Blaine just can’t seem to shake the feeling that something is wrong.
He doesn’t know what time it is - it feels like the day has lasted for an eternity - when his mother knocks lightly on the door and tells him that Kurt’s on the phone for him.
Blaine bolts out of bed and down the stairs, not caring about the strange look his mother gives him - Kurt’s on the phone! - and grabs the receiver, his heart hammering in his chest. “Kurt?”
“Hi.” Kurt’s voice sounds small and far away.
“Kurt.” He lets out a slow breath. “Are you okay? What’s going on? I’ve been so worried today.”
There’s some rustling on the other end. “I know. I’m sorry. It’s just…” More rustling. Blaine presses the receiver closer to his ear. “Something happened, Blaine. I’m at the hospital.”
“You’re-” Blaine feels himself go cold, fear settling in the pit of his stomach. “Why are you at the hospital? Is something wrong? Are you hurt?”
“No, I’m… I’m okay.” He doesn’t sound okay. He sounds tired and scared and not okay. “It’s… it’s my dad.” His voice is breaking on the last word.
Blaine feels dizzy - with relief over the fact that Kurt isn’t hurt and dread for whatever is going on with Mr. Hummel. “What happened?” he asks and tries to keep the worry out of his voice, but he doesn’t think he’s all that successful.
A choked sound comes through the line. “I can’t… Can you come down here? I’m so scared, Blaine, and I don’t know what to do and I just really need to see you right now.”
Blaine doesn’t even have to think about it. “Of course. I’m coming right away.”
----
It’s, thankfully, not very far from Blaine’s house to the hospital and he’s able to get there within half an hour.
Kurt meets him by the entrance, looking pale and exhausted, and Blaine immediately wraps him up in his arms and just holds him. Some dam seems to break inside Kurt then and he starts sobbing against Blaine shoulder, and Blaine feels so helpless - he doesn’t even know what’s going on - but he continues to hold Kurt, slowly rubbing his hand up and down his back in what he hopes is a soothing motion.
Kurt’s sobs eventually subsides and he pulls away, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hands. He wipes his nose with a tissue that he fishes out of his pocket and attempts a weak smile. “Thank you for coming,” he says with a voice that’s rough from crying. “It’s been a long day and I just really needed someone.”
“Of course, Kurt,” he says softly, rubbing Kurt’s shoulder. “I’m here for you, always.”
Kurt nods, wiping at his nose once more, before throwing the tissue in a nearby trash bin. “My dad’s room is on the fourth floor,” he says. “I talked to one of the nurses; she said it’s okay if I bring you up there. Usually they only allow family but she was nice enough to make an exception.”
Blaine just nods and they make their way through the reception area and up to the fourth floor. As they walk through the stale white corridors towards Mr. Hummel’s room, Blaine asks quietly, “Kurt, what happened to your dad?”
Kurt slows his steps and turns to face him, looking like he’d forgotten that he hasn’t actually told Blaine anything yet. There’s so much sadness clouding Kurt’s face, and also… guilt? He grabs a hold of Blaine’s jacket and pulls him towards a row of chairs by the wall, gingerly sitting down on one of them. Blaine sinks down on the chair next to him.
“It happened last night,” Kurt starts quietly, looking down at his hands instead of making eye contact with Blaine. “My dad was working late at the garage. I don’t know all the details, but… he got into a fight with some guys. They beat him up pretty badly.”
An involuntary gasps slips out of Blaine. He stares at Kurt in shock.
“Are you serious?” he blurts, but it’s a pretty dumb question - it’s not like Kurt would lie at a moment like this. It’s just… he can’t see Burt Hummel, of all people, getting into random fights. There must be something more to the story.
“What…” he starts, confused. “I mean, how-”
A shaky sigh slips out of Kurt. He looks like he’s on the verge of breaking down again. Blaine reaches out and takes his hand. He doesn’t care that people can see them. This is a hospital - it’s normal to give comfort here. Kurt eyes his hand for a moment, but he doesn’t pull away.
“Those guys,” Kurt says, his voice trembling. “There were, like, four or five of them. They came into the shop last night. They were pretty drunk.” He pauses, taking a few deep breathes to gather himself. “My dad thought they needed help with their car. But they were just… being really rude and loud, and my dad eventually asked them to leave. And that’s when they… when they…”
“When they what, Kurt?” Blaine urges softly, caressing Kurt’s hand with his thumb.
Kurt wipes at his eyes with his free hand. “They started saying things. Awful things.”
Blaine sits quietly, waiting for Kurt to continue.
Kurt’s voice breaks. “They were saying things about me, Blaine. Really awful and hateful things. And… dad didn’t tell me exactly what they said but I’m worried it was about me being… gay.”
Blaine feels frozen. He can’t do anything but stare at Kurt.
“My dad… I guess he tried to defend me or protect me, or something.” Kurt lets out a hollow laugh that sounds more like a sob. “But he was outnumbered. He didn’t stand a chance.”
Blaine’s head is spinning. He feels numb and even though he’s hearing the words coming out of Kurt’s mouth he almost can’t believe them. This is starting to feel like a really horrible nightmare.
“How… how bad is it?” he asks tentatively, not sure he even wants to know.
Kurt tries to pull himself together again and is a bit more successful this time. “According to the doctors it looks worse than it is,” he explains. “His face is really bruised and swollen and he’s got some cracked ribs. And he twisted his foot somehow when he… when he fell. He’ll be okay; he just needs time to heal. But he… he looks awful, Blaine. I can’t even imagine what those guys did to him.”
Blaine shuffles closer on his chair and wraps his arm around Kurt’s shoulders in a sideways hug. “I’m so sorry, Kurt,” he whispers. “This is awful. But your dad is going to be okay. That’s what we have to focus on right now.”
Kurt nods wordlessly, wiping at his eyes again.
“But how…” Blaine is still trying to understand. “How would they know about you being gay? There’s no way, Kurt. We’ve been so careful. I can’t see how we slipped up.”
Kurt huffs a bitter laugh. “We didn’t. Don’t you get it, Blaine? This isn’t about us. It’s about me. People know about me. They can tell.”
“How can they tell?” Blaine asks, confused. “Kurt, people don’t know about you any more than they know about me. How would they? It’s not like we’re walking around announcing it.”
Kurt levels a steady gaze at him. He looks tired again. “Blaine… it’s not the first time people have called me things. I’ve tried to ignore it because it’s not like I’m the only one in school being bullied, and I know that bullies will say whatever to make themselves feel better.” He shrugs, letting out a small huff. “But I’m different, Blaine. People don’t like that.”
Blaine just stares at him. This can’t be right. He would have known if someone was harassing Kurt. He should have known. How is it possible that he didn’t?
“Why haven’t you told me?” he asks quietly, trying to hide how upsetting this is to him. The thought of people saying mean or hateful things to Kurt, who is so incredibly special, breaks his heart.
Kurt’s expression softens as he looks at Blaine. “I just didn’t want you to worry.”
Blaine shakes his head in disbelief of all this. Nothing about this is right. Some idiots have been bothering Kurt and now is dad is in the hospital. How have Blaine not seen any of this? Clearly he’s been absolutely blind.
He’s so engrossed in beating himself up for being so completely ignorant that he almost misses Kurt’s next words.
“My dad’s in the hospital because of me. That’s the bottom line, isn’t it?” The words are spoken quietly, without emotion.
Blaine shakes his head vigorously, like that’s somehow going convince Kurt that he’s wrong. “No, Kurt, don’t even say that. Your dad is here because some bullies were out to pick a fight. None of this is your fault.”
It’s Kurt’s turn to shake his head. “Maybe not directly. But it happened because I am who I am. And there are people out there who can’t handle that.”
Blaine doesn’t even know what to say to that. He doesn’t know what he can say. He doesn’t have all the facts here but there’s a chance that Kurt isn’t wrong. In the midst of being over-the-moon happy and in love, Blaine had almost forgotten about… well, about everything other than Kurt, really. And now he feels like he’s failed somehow. He’s failed to see what’s been going on around him, failed to see the world for what it can really be.
He just never thought that something like this would happen.
“I hate that this happened to your dad,” Blaine says finally. “It’s terrible. But please, Kurt, don’t blame yourself for it. You couldn’t have done anything differently and you shouldn’t do anything differently because you are incredible. I think that’s something both your dad and I agree on.”
Kurt gives Blaine an almost unnoticeable smile and squeezes his hand, but he doesn’t say anything. Blaine gets the feeling that no matter how much he tries to convince Kurt that he’s wrong, Kurt’s not going to believe him.
Blaine is allowed a quick visit to Mr. Hummel’s room. Kurt was right - he does look terrible. He’s awake though, and seems angry more than anything else. It soon becomes obvious to Blaine that he’s trying to act normal as long as Kurt’s in the room, but when Kurt leaves for a few minutes to go to the bathroom he starts muttering things like “fucking idiots” and “speaking crap about my kid.”
Blaine tries to ask him about what happened but Mr. Hummel just shakes his head.
“Those bastards aren’t worth our time and I’m sure Kurt’s already told you the story. They provoked me and I wasn’t about to just stand there and listen to their crap.” His face softens a little. “I didn’t want to say anything to Kurt, you know, about what they said. I knew it would only make him blame himself. But my son is stubborn. And smart, too. When I tried to keep certain things away from him, he knew that I wasn’t giving him the full story. Forced it out of me.”
He shakes his head again, the movement making him wince, and then he attempts a fond smile that mostly just looks like a grimace because of all the cuts and bruises on his face.
Blaine smiles, too. “Yeah, that’s Kurt. He’s definitely stubborn.”
Kurt eventually returns from his bathroom break and Mr. Hummel manages to convince him to go home to get some sleep (apparently he’d spent the previous night at the hospital - no wonder he looks tired, Blaine thinks), and Kurt reluctantly agrees but claims that he’ll be back first thing in the morning.
Kurt drives Blaine home in his dad’s car and when they arrive at Blaine’s house, the street is dark and quiet enough that Blaine risks leaning over to press a quick kiss to Kurt’s lips. Kurt stiffens a bit in his seat and doesn’t seem entirely comfortable with it, but he doesn’t protest either. Before they say goodnight he promises to come over to Blaine’s house the next day after he’s been to the hospital.
Blaine goes straight to bed - it’s past midnight when he finally slips inside his room and he’s completely beat. But he can’t sleep. He feels too worried and unsettled and he can’t seem to rest.
Tonight was a true wake up call. Blaine hasn’t really thought about it before but things can actually happen. Really scary things.
Blaine doesn’t know exactly what happened to Kurt’s dad last night. He doesn’t know if Kurt’s right or if it was all just a coincidence - bullies looking for some action, just happening to pass by Mr. Hummel’s tire shop - but when it comes down to it, it doesn’t really matter. It happened. Things were said about Kurt and Mr. Hummel got hurt.
Blaine knows it’s risky business to stand out in a town like Lima. The place is small enough that people know who you are - or they know someone who knows. And gay or not, Kurt has always stood out from the crowd. And that’s enough for some people.
They really do have to be careful now. Clearly there are people in this town already seeing Kurt’s uniqueness as something negative (Blaine doesn’t understand how that is even possible) and the last thing he and Kurt should do right now is give them more reason to think that way. Blaine hates having to hide, hates that he can’t show Kurt off to the world, hates that they can’t be themselves - but he’s seen now what might happen if anyone finds out.
Blaine sighs and turns around, pulling the cover a bit tighter around himself. Things have been so great lately. It all just seems scary now.
----
Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away, now it looks as though they're here to stay, oh, I believe in yesterday, Blaine sings quietly, strumming his guitar and staring absently out his bedroom window. Music has always been a comfort to him, but today even the familiar Beatles songs can’t quite put his troubled mind to rest.
Waking up this morning he had a blissful moment where he thought that Mr. Hummel’s hospitalization and the reason for it was nothing but a bad dream. Where the world still seemed like a relatively innocent place. Unfortunately reality kicked in soon enough. It really did happen. Mr. Hummel will be okay - he told Blaine the night before that he hoped to go home in a couple of days - but Blaine can’t help but worry about Kurt and what all this is going to do to him. Blaine knows that no matter what he tells Kurt, Kurt’s still going to feel guilty. It will hang over him like a dark cloud, possibly for the rest of his life. He’s always going to be scared that something like it will happen again.
The really terrible thing is that it probably could.
A light knock on the door interrupts his thoughts, making Blaine pause in the middle of the song. “Who is it?” he calls but instead of an answer the door opens quietly and Kurt peeks inside.
“Hi,” he says quietly. “Your mom let me in.”
Blaine smiles and sets his guitar aside. “Hi,” he murmurs, sliding off the bed and to his feet. He walks over to Kurt and pushes the door shut before giving him a brief kiss and pulling him by the hand over to sit on the edge of the bed with him. “How’s your dad?”
“He’s okay,” Kurt says, stretching his feet out a bit. “I was with him all morning and the doctors seem quite optimistic. They say he might be able to go home tomorrow.”
“That’s a relief. I bet he can’t wait to get out of that bed.” He grins, remembering how Kurt’s always complaining about his dad’s restlessness. Kurt just gives a faint smile in return.
Blaine looks at him. “And how are you?”
Kurt shrugs, not meeting his gaze. “I’m okay.”
Blaine considers him. He’s dressed and styled perfectly, as always, but it’s like there’s a shadow over him, like his spark is more subdued than normal. He looks a little less exhausted than the previous day and Blaine hopes that means that he got some sleep last night, but he seems fidgety and uneasy, almost uncomfortable. “Are you really?”
Kurt sighs and keeps looking down at his hand intertwined with Blaine’s, like it’s the most interesting thing he’s ever seen. They do fit together really nicely, though. “I’m not the one lying in a hospital bed, am I?”
“No, but your dad is, and that affects you too.” He squeezes Kurt’s hand. “Talk to me.”
Kurt looks up at him then, and nods once. “There is actually something that I need to talk to you about.”
“Okay,” Blaine says, shifting until he sits faced towards Kurt on the bed. “What is it?”
Kurt looks at him for a really long time. Straight into his eyes, like he’s staring into his soul. Or like he’s… memorizing him. Then he closes his eyes and just breathes for a moment before opening them again. “This is really hard for me to say, Blaine.”
“Kurt, what’s going on?” Blaine asks anxiously, dread settling in the pit of his stomach. He’s suddenly starting to realize that something is going on and it’s not good. “You said your dad was okay, is-”
“He is,” Kurt interrupts softly. “I mean, as okay as can be expected, you know. This isn’t about that.”
“Okay. Then what is it about?”
Kurt is still looking at him. His bottom lip starts to tremble slightly. “Blaine, I… I don’t think we should be together anymore.”
The silence that follows feels heavy and wrong. Noisy. Probably because of the sudden buzz in his ears. Blaine just stares at Kurt, automatically pulling his hand away from him. He feels cold.
“What?” He whispers finally, even though he heard perfectly well what Kurt said. He just doesn’t want those words to be real. Doesn’t want their meaning to register in his mind.
“It’s not that I don’t want to be with you,” Kurt continues instead of answering. He looks down at his lap again, twisting his hands together. “But with everything that’s happened, I just think it’s best if we spend some time apart.”
Blaine continues to stare at him. Kurt is clearly uncomfortable - he keeps his gaze downward and is fiddling with his hands. His words sound like they were rehearsed beforehand.
“Kurt,” Blaine says finally, finding his voice again. He has to pull himself together to remain calm. “Is this because of what happened to your dad?”
Kurt looks up then. “Of course it is,” he says, sounding upset. “It’s not safe for us to be together, Blaine. My dad is going to be okay this time. But next time it might be worse. It might happen to you or me. It might not be okay. Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about that.”
Blaine doesn’t answer that. Kurt knows him well enough to know that he has been thinking about it. Instead he grabs Kurt’s hand again. He’s not going sit here and just let Kurt slip away from him without a fight.
“But do you really think we’ll be safer if we break up?” he asks. “We’ve been careful, Kurt. No one knows about us except your dad. And we’ll continue to be careful. You said it yourself, that what happened probably wasn’t about us.”
“Not this time,” Kurt says, pulling his hand away and moving a bit away from Blaine, putting some distance between them. Just that little movement hurts more than Blaine thought was possible. “But maybe next time it will be. It’s so easy to slip up, Blaine. What if someone walks in on us kissing in the school bathroom? What if someone sees us making out in the car? It only takes one wrong move and I’m not going to risk it, Blaine. I would never forgive myself if something happened to you.”
“So, what, I don’t get any say in this at all?” He slumps, defeated. Kurt clearly made up his mind about this long before he even set foot in this room.
The look in Kurt’s eyes is so sad that if it had been any other time it would have broken Blaine’s heart. But right now he just feels numb.
“I wish more than anything that there was another way,” Kurt whispers. “But I really think that this is what we need to do right now. There are already people throwing words at me. Keep hanging out with me and you’ll be next.”
“I don’t care,” Blaine whispers emphatically. “I don’t care about any of that. I care about you, Kurt. I love you. Don’t you know that?”
Kurt nods, unable to keep the tears back any longer. “And I love you. But that’s why we need to do this. Don’t you understand?”
Blaine shakes his head. It’s like he’s watching his world fall to pieces right before his eyes. His voice breaks when he speaks. “No, Kurt, I don’t. If we love each other, we should be together. And if you don’t want that, then you can’t possibly love me as much as I love you.”
Kurt stares at him in stunned silence, his mouth opening wordlessly. Blaine doesn’t even care what he’s saying anymore. Anger flares in him, the growing pain in his chest threatening to choke him. He doesn’t understand this. If Kurt really does love him, then why does he seem so determined to break his heart?
“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” Kurt says quietly, his voice trembling with emotion. “I’m doing this for you. For us.”
Blaine doesn’t want to listen to this anymore. Hearing Kurt list all the reasons why this should somehow be a good idea - he can’t stand to listen to it.
“I don’t care, Kurt. You’ve obviously made up your mind about this and nothing I say is going to make a difference, is it?” He doesn’t wait for an answer from Kurt. He just barrels on. “It’s so typical of you. Whatever you say goes. Never mind what I think. Never mind that you’re breaking my heart right now. You don’t even care, do you? Because you’ve decided that this is the way it’s going to be.”
Kurt just shakes his head in disbelief or sadness or anger or something, tears running freely down his face now. It makes Blaine realize that his own eyes are wet as well. He wipes angrily at them.
Kurt slowly gets to his feet, swaying a bit, like he’s dizzy. “I should go,” he says quietly.
“Yeah, you do that,” Blaine says curtly, his voice sounding cold and foreign to his own ears, like it belongs to someone else. “I don’t even want to be in the same room as you right now.”
He watches Kurt walk toward the door like he’s watching a movie unfold in slow motion. This is where the hero is supposed to step up, rush over to Kurt, grab his arm and beg him to stay. This is where they sort things out somehow. But there are no heroes here. There’s only Blaine, and it feels like the only thing he can do right now is just sit there and watch it happen.
Before Kurt leaves the room, he turns around and stares at Blaine with wide eyes, filled with sadness and pain. Blaine just turns away from him, towards the window. Even looking into those eyes feels like too much to handle right now.
Not until he’s heard the front door slam shut downstairs and he’s sure that Kurt has left the house does Blaine allow himself to break down.
Part 6
Author: moongirl24
Artist: emc14
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don’t own Glee or its characters. I’m just borrowing them.
Characters/Pairings: Kurt/Blaine, Burt Hummel, Tina Cohen-Chang, Sam Evans, Mrs. Anderson, other Glee characters
Word Count: ~36,600 words
Warnings: Some homophobia, bullying, mention of violence, mention of character deaths (not Kurt or Blaine!)
Summary: It’s not easy being secretly in love with your best friend. Especially when your name is Blaine Anderson, the year is 1965 and your best friend is a boy.
Story Master Post | Art
Part 5 - Yesterday
Blaine feels kind of down after the dinner with the Gilberts.
It’s like reality came crashing down on him all of a sudden - a reality he had effectively been shutting out ever since getting together with Kurt. For a while he had almost forgotten that there’s a world out there, a world that would not look at him and Kurt with kind eyes if the truth about them were to come out.
With Kurt, and their newfound relationship always at the forefront of his mind, it’s been easy to forget the concerns he once had about what people might be thinking about him. And now, it’s not just about him anymore, it’s about Kurt, too. Hiding their true selves is more important than ever and acting ‘normal’ is absolutely vital for them. Something that Mr. Hummel makes very clear to Blaine the first time Blaine meets him after the day he walked in on them.
It’s an awkward afternoon. Blaine is having dinner with him and Kurt, as he’s done hundreds of times before, but things are different now and they all know it. Mr. Hummel’s eyes on him feels different than before, more considering, more apprehensive, more thoughtful. Blaine tries his best not to squirm under his gaze and isn’t really able to form a whole lot of coherent sentences during the meal.
Kurt seems nervous too, and is overcompensating with a never-ending stream of words. He’s chatting non-stop, a little too high-pitched and with a bit too many hand gestures for it to seem completely natural.
At the end though, Mr. Hummel finally addresses the elephant in the room.
“Blaine,” he says, and Blaine startles and looks at him and automatically straightens his back, nerves rising. “Kurt already promised me that he’d be careful. I need you to promise me the same thing.”
It’s not like he doesn’t know what Mr. Hummel is talking about so he just nods vigorously. “I promise, sir,” he says sincerely. “I would never do anything to put Kurt in danger.”
Mr. Hummel keeps looking at him for a really long time and Blaine racks his brain trying to figure out if there’s something more he should have said, something that Kurt’s father expects to hear from him. But after a while Mr. Hummel finally nods, seemingly satisfied, and Blaine’s lets out a breath. He feels as if he just passed some kind of test.
Coming to Kurt’s house is a little easier after that, and in a way it’s a relief that Kurt’s father knows the truth now, because it gives them the chance to relax more when they’re there. It doesn’t matter so much if they happen to brush against each other or sit a little too close together on the couch - even though they try not to be too obvious with their affections. Mr. Hummel has already handled things way better than they could’ve expected and it seems unwise to push things too far.
They’re allowed to go to Kurt’s bedroom as long as the door stays open and that’s where they find themselves one Sunday, a little over two months after they got together.
They’re lying next to each other on Kurt’s narrow bed, staring up at the ceiling, hands laced together between them. They have the whole day to spend together and Blaine feels lazy and warm and comfortable. He tries not to let his thoughts wander too much in the direction of other things they could be doing in a bed because that’s not an option right now and it’s not something they’ve really talked about either. For now he’s happy just being here with Kurt.
“Do you think there are other gay people in Lima?” he wonders out loud, voicing something that he’s been thinking about quite a bit. Lima isn’t a very big town, but he figures it would be weird if he and Kurt were the only ones here.
“Of course there are,” Kurt says matter-of-factly. “I’ve seen plenty.”
“You have?” Blaine turns his head and looks at him, surprised. “Where?”
“Everywhere,” Kurt says. “After a while you just… learn to recognize them, I guess. It’s like a radar, almost.”
“Huh,” Blaine says, strangely impressed. “So you can just… pick gay people out from a crowd?”
“Sort of, I guess.” Kurt shrugs. “Not everyone, though. I’m not that good. But some people give off a certain vibe, you know.”
Blaine doesn’t really know. He’s never been very good at reading people. “So how come you didn’t sense anything about me?” he asks, mostly out of curiosity.
Kurt turns his head to look him. “I don’t know, maybe my radar doesn’t work on the people closest to me?” He shrugs again and smiles fondly. “I really didn’t have a clue. There was no vibe about you.”
Blaine’s not quite sure whether to take that as an offence or a compliment.
The conversation then moves on to the McKinley High student body, which is sort of a favorite topic of theirs. It’s always fun to exchange a bit of harmless gossip, about who’s currently dating whom, about who’s been spotted together where, and of course, who’s broken up during the past week.
“Is Sam actually serious about Brittany?” Kurt wonders, shifting closer into Blaine’s side.
Blaine shrugs. “He seems to be. He likes her a lot. But I get the feeling that he’s a lot more serious about her than she’s about him, and that… worries me a little.”
“Hmm,” Kurt says, nodding thoughtfully. He seems to be mulling something over in his mind, but he doesn’t say anything else, and neither does Blaine.
“What about Tina?” Blaine asks instead. “Do you still think she likes me?”
“I’m not sure,” Kurt says. “She’s still asking about you. She always seems very interested in what you and I have been doing.”
“Huh, that’s a bit weird. Do you think she’s jealous?”
“Maybe. She hasn’t, like… approached you about it or anything, has she?”
Blaine shakes his head. “No. I mean, I talk to her sometimes but just about normal stuff.”
Kurt shifts and curls into him. He sighs. “Well, I hope I’m wrong. Because you’re mine and I don’t want her to get hurt.”
Blaine smiles to himself and leans his head against Kurt’s. Being Kurt’s sounds… perfect. “I’m yours,” he confirms and sighs happily, closing his eyes. “I love you.”
It takes a few seconds for him to realize that those last few words were actually spoken out loud. He freezes, eyes snapping open. He hadn’t meant to say that. It’s not like he doesn’t mean it, or like he hasn’t already kind of said those words to Kurt before. But saying them like this, straight out, to another person feels like a really big thing. Blaine kind of feels like he should’ve made the occasion a bit more… extraordinary. Like, maybe he should have taken Kurt to dinner, or attempted to cook for him, or sang him another song or something. Having it just slip out like this is hardly memorable.
Kurt looks up at him. His smile grows wide and his eyes are shining in a way that makes Blaine reconsider all of that, thinking instead that okay, maybe this is exactly how it was supposed to happen. Simple, unforced, natural. That’s how it’s always been with them.
“I love you, too,” he whispers, and Blaine already knows that, but the words still make him warm and giddy inside. He leans in to kiss Kurt, needing to feel that connection with him, but he doesn’t let it go on for too long, all too aware that they’re in Kurt’s room with the door open and Mr. Hummel downstairs. Instead he pulls Kurt closer to his side, Kurt following easily.
This is a good day, Blaine thinks.
----
The next week is intense - schoolwork is piling up and Blaine doesn’t have much time to see Kurt outside of school.
Kurt’s just as busy as Blaine, so the only time they see each other is at school, which isn’t ideal but it’s what it is. Kurt looks terribly stressed out and Blaine wishes he could take some of the pressure off of him, but as it is he hardly gets the chance to talk to him, much less hug or kiss him.
Blaine doesn’t find the hiding all that exciting and thrilling anymore. Mostly it just feels frustrating and unfair. He loves Kurt and he’s so proud to be with him - but no one can know that. He knows that his feelings are something he’s probably supposed to feel ashamed about, but he’s not. Maybe he was, a little, in the beginning, but now he knows that he has nothing to be ashamed of. Kurt has showed him that. Kurt has showed him that what they share is nothing but right, and Blaine is so proud and so happy and sometimes he hates that he can’t share that with the world around him.
He tries not to let his thoughts linger on things he can’t do anything about, though. And right now he’s just ready for the weekend to finally start. He’ll still have schoolwork to do then, but he should have at least some time to spend with Kurt.
And then Kurt doesn’t show up to school on Friday.
Blaine waits for him outside the school building in the morning as he often does - there just isn’t much time to see each other throughout the day so those few minutes before school starts are precious - but Kurt never shows.
It’s strange, because he can barely remember Kurt missing a single day of school in the past, but with how stressed he’s been lately it’s no wonder if he ended up getting sick.
Blaine goes about his day as usual. After lunch he asks Tina and Mercedes if they know anything about Kurt, but they both shake their heads and tell him that they don’t. And later, in his first class after lunch, Mr. Schuester asks Blaine if he’s heard anything from Kurt. Blaine just shakes his head in response, but he finds it strange that someone as responsible as Kurt or his father hasn’t called the school to let them know if he’s sick. And Kurt definitely wouldn’t just skip school. That’s not like him at all.
Blaine can’t help but worry, but he also knows that Kurt’s lack of appearance probably has a completely natural explanation. It’s not like it’s the first time a student hasn’t shown up.
It just… doesn’t seem like something Kurt would do.
When the bell rings after the final class of the day, Blaine wastes no time getting out of the school building. He’s missed Kurt terribly all day and now he just hopes that Mr. Hummel doesn’t mind him showing up at their house with Kurt being sick and all. He just needs to see Kurt, just for a few minutes. It hits him that since they got together, there hasn’t been a single day that they haven’t seen each other. He really doesn’t want today to be the first.
But when he arrives at the Hummel house, there’s no one there.
Blaine just looks at the house for a while. Everything is dark and quiet and Mr. Hummel’s car isn’t even in the driveway. And that doesn’t necessarily has to mean anything because Mr. Hummel uses the car to drive to work, but… the house seems completely abandoned. He tries the door bell, but he already knows that no one is going to open.
If Kurt’s sick, then why isn’t he at home?
Blaine walks home feeling unsettled. Something about this doesn’t feel right. He thinks about going to the tire shop to talk to Mr. Hummel there, but that’s far enough away that he has to drive there and he doesn’t have access to a car today. So he goes home instead and tries to convince himself that there’s a good explanation for all of this.
He spends the afternoon trying to get some homework done, but he can’t seem to focus and after an hour of getting nothing done he puts the pencil down and grabs his guitar instead. But he puts it away after only one song - he can’t even focus on playing right now. He walks over to his bed and flops down on the mattress, staring at the ceiling.
He knows he’s being ridiculous and attempts to laugh at himself for it. His boyfriend disappears for one day and Blaine is going crazy. Kurt will undoubtedly laugh and tease him about it if he ever finds out.
But Blaine just can’t seem to shake the feeling that something is wrong.
He doesn’t know what time it is - it feels like the day has lasted for an eternity - when his mother knocks lightly on the door and tells him that Kurt’s on the phone for him.
Blaine bolts out of bed and down the stairs, not caring about the strange look his mother gives him - Kurt’s on the phone! - and grabs the receiver, his heart hammering in his chest. “Kurt?”
“Hi.” Kurt’s voice sounds small and far away.
“Kurt.” He lets out a slow breath. “Are you okay? What’s going on? I’ve been so worried today.”
There’s some rustling on the other end. “I know. I’m sorry. It’s just…” More rustling. Blaine presses the receiver closer to his ear. “Something happened, Blaine. I’m at the hospital.”
“You’re-” Blaine feels himself go cold, fear settling in the pit of his stomach. “Why are you at the hospital? Is something wrong? Are you hurt?”
“No, I’m… I’m okay.” He doesn’t sound okay. He sounds tired and scared and not okay. “It’s… it’s my dad.” His voice is breaking on the last word.
Blaine feels dizzy - with relief over the fact that Kurt isn’t hurt and dread for whatever is going on with Mr. Hummel. “What happened?” he asks and tries to keep the worry out of his voice, but he doesn’t think he’s all that successful.
A choked sound comes through the line. “I can’t… Can you come down here? I’m so scared, Blaine, and I don’t know what to do and I just really need to see you right now.”
Blaine doesn’t even have to think about it. “Of course. I’m coming right away.”
----
It’s, thankfully, not very far from Blaine’s house to the hospital and he’s able to get there within half an hour.
Kurt meets him by the entrance, looking pale and exhausted, and Blaine immediately wraps him up in his arms and just holds him. Some dam seems to break inside Kurt then and he starts sobbing against Blaine shoulder, and Blaine feels so helpless - he doesn’t even know what’s going on - but he continues to hold Kurt, slowly rubbing his hand up and down his back in what he hopes is a soothing motion.
Kurt’s sobs eventually subsides and he pulls away, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hands. He wipes his nose with a tissue that he fishes out of his pocket and attempts a weak smile. “Thank you for coming,” he says with a voice that’s rough from crying. “It’s been a long day and I just really needed someone.”
“Of course, Kurt,” he says softly, rubbing Kurt’s shoulder. “I’m here for you, always.”
Kurt nods, wiping at his nose once more, before throwing the tissue in a nearby trash bin. “My dad’s room is on the fourth floor,” he says. “I talked to one of the nurses; she said it’s okay if I bring you up there. Usually they only allow family but she was nice enough to make an exception.”
Blaine just nods and they make their way through the reception area and up to the fourth floor. As they walk through the stale white corridors towards Mr. Hummel’s room, Blaine asks quietly, “Kurt, what happened to your dad?”
Kurt slows his steps and turns to face him, looking like he’d forgotten that he hasn’t actually told Blaine anything yet. There’s so much sadness clouding Kurt’s face, and also… guilt? He grabs a hold of Blaine’s jacket and pulls him towards a row of chairs by the wall, gingerly sitting down on one of them. Blaine sinks down on the chair next to him.
“It happened last night,” Kurt starts quietly, looking down at his hands instead of making eye contact with Blaine. “My dad was working late at the garage. I don’t know all the details, but… he got into a fight with some guys. They beat him up pretty badly.”
An involuntary gasps slips out of Blaine. He stares at Kurt in shock.
“Are you serious?” he blurts, but it’s a pretty dumb question - it’s not like Kurt would lie at a moment like this. It’s just… he can’t see Burt Hummel, of all people, getting into random fights. There must be something more to the story.
“What…” he starts, confused. “I mean, how-”
A shaky sigh slips out of Kurt. He looks like he’s on the verge of breaking down again. Blaine reaches out and takes his hand. He doesn’t care that people can see them. This is a hospital - it’s normal to give comfort here. Kurt eyes his hand for a moment, but he doesn’t pull away.
“Those guys,” Kurt says, his voice trembling. “There were, like, four or five of them. They came into the shop last night. They were pretty drunk.” He pauses, taking a few deep breathes to gather himself. “My dad thought they needed help with their car. But they were just… being really rude and loud, and my dad eventually asked them to leave. And that’s when they… when they…”
“When they what, Kurt?” Blaine urges softly, caressing Kurt’s hand with his thumb.
Kurt wipes at his eyes with his free hand. “They started saying things. Awful things.”
Blaine sits quietly, waiting for Kurt to continue.
Kurt’s voice breaks. “They were saying things about me, Blaine. Really awful and hateful things. And… dad didn’t tell me exactly what they said but I’m worried it was about me being… gay.”
Blaine feels frozen. He can’t do anything but stare at Kurt.
“My dad… I guess he tried to defend me or protect me, or something.” Kurt lets out a hollow laugh that sounds more like a sob. “But he was outnumbered. He didn’t stand a chance.”
Blaine’s head is spinning. He feels numb and even though he’s hearing the words coming out of Kurt’s mouth he almost can’t believe them. This is starting to feel like a really horrible nightmare.
“How… how bad is it?” he asks tentatively, not sure he even wants to know.
Kurt tries to pull himself together again and is a bit more successful this time. “According to the doctors it looks worse than it is,” he explains. “His face is really bruised and swollen and he’s got some cracked ribs. And he twisted his foot somehow when he… when he fell. He’ll be okay; he just needs time to heal. But he… he looks awful, Blaine. I can’t even imagine what those guys did to him.”
Blaine shuffles closer on his chair and wraps his arm around Kurt’s shoulders in a sideways hug. “I’m so sorry, Kurt,” he whispers. “This is awful. But your dad is going to be okay. That’s what we have to focus on right now.”
Kurt nods wordlessly, wiping at his eyes again.
“But how…” Blaine is still trying to understand. “How would they know about you being gay? There’s no way, Kurt. We’ve been so careful. I can’t see how we slipped up.”
Kurt huffs a bitter laugh. “We didn’t. Don’t you get it, Blaine? This isn’t about us. It’s about me. People know about me. They can tell.”
“How can they tell?” Blaine asks, confused. “Kurt, people don’t know about you any more than they know about me. How would they? It’s not like we’re walking around announcing it.”
Kurt levels a steady gaze at him. He looks tired again. “Blaine… it’s not the first time people have called me things. I’ve tried to ignore it because it’s not like I’m the only one in school being bullied, and I know that bullies will say whatever to make themselves feel better.” He shrugs, letting out a small huff. “But I’m different, Blaine. People don’t like that.”
Blaine just stares at him. This can’t be right. He would have known if someone was harassing Kurt. He should have known. How is it possible that he didn’t?
“Why haven’t you told me?” he asks quietly, trying to hide how upsetting this is to him. The thought of people saying mean or hateful things to Kurt, who is so incredibly special, breaks his heart.
Kurt’s expression softens as he looks at Blaine. “I just didn’t want you to worry.”
Blaine shakes his head in disbelief of all this. Nothing about this is right. Some idiots have been bothering Kurt and now is dad is in the hospital. How have Blaine not seen any of this? Clearly he’s been absolutely blind.
He’s so engrossed in beating himself up for being so completely ignorant that he almost misses Kurt’s next words.
“My dad’s in the hospital because of me. That’s the bottom line, isn’t it?” The words are spoken quietly, without emotion.
Blaine shakes his head vigorously, like that’s somehow going convince Kurt that he’s wrong. “No, Kurt, don’t even say that. Your dad is here because some bullies were out to pick a fight. None of this is your fault.”
It’s Kurt’s turn to shake his head. “Maybe not directly. But it happened because I am who I am. And there are people out there who can’t handle that.”
Blaine doesn’t even know what to say to that. He doesn’t know what he can say. He doesn’t have all the facts here but there’s a chance that Kurt isn’t wrong. In the midst of being over-the-moon happy and in love, Blaine had almost forgotten about… well, about everything other than Kurt, really. And now he feels like he’s failed somehow. He’s failed to see what’s been going on around him, failed to see the world for what it can really be.
He just never thought that something like this would happen.
“I hate that this happened to your dad,” Blaine says finally. “It’s terrible. But please, Kurt, don’t blame yourself for it. You couldn’t have done anything differently and you shouldn’t do anything differently because you are incredible. I think that’s something both your dad and I agree on.”
Kurt gives Blaine an almost unnoticeable smile and squeezes his hand, but he doesn’t say anything. Blaine gets the feeling that no matter how much he tries to convince Kurt that he’s wrong, Kurt’s not going to believe him.
Blaine is allowed a quick visit to Mr. Hummel’s room. Kurt was right - he does look terrible. He’s awake though, and seems angry more than anything else. It soon becomes obvious to Blaine that he’s trying to act normal as long as Kurt’s in the room, but when Kurt leaves for a few minutes to go to the bathroom he starts muttering things like “fucking idiots” and “speaking crap about my kid.”
Blaine tries to ask him about what happened but Mr. Hummel just shakes his head.
“Those bastards aren’t worth our time and I’m sure Kurt’s already told you the story. They provoked me and I wasn’t about to just stand there and listen to their crap.” His face softens a little. “I didn’t want to say anything to Kurt, you know, about what they said. I knew it would only make him blame himself. But my son is stubborn. And smart, too. When I tried to keep certain things away from him, he knew that I wasn’t giving him the full story. Forced it out of me.”
He shakes his head again, the movement making him wince, and then he attempts a fond smile that mostly just looks like a grimace because of all the cuts and bruises on his face.
Blaine smiles, too. “Yeah, that’s Kurt. He’s definitely stubborn.”
Kurt eventually returns from his bathroom break and Mr. Hummel manages to convince him to go home to get some sleep (apparently he’d spent the previous night at the hospital - no wonder he looks tired, Blaine thinks), and Kurt reluctantly agrees but claims that he’ll be back first thing in the morning.
Kurt drives Blaine home in his dad’s car and when they arrive at Blaine’s house, the street is dark and quiet enough that Blaine risks leaning over to press a quick kiss to Kurt’s lips. Kurt stiffens a bit in his seat and doesn’t seem entirely comfortable with it, but he doesn’t protest either. Before they say goodnight he promises to come over to Blaine’s house the next day after he’s been to the hospital.
Blaine goes straight to bed - it’s past midnight when he finally slips inside his room and he’s completely beat. But he can’t sleep. He feels too worried and unsettled and he can’t seem to rest.
Tonight was a true wake up call. Blaine hasn’t really thought about it before but things can actually happen. Really scary things.
Blaine doesn’t know exactly what happened to Kurt’s dad last night. He doesn’t know if Kurt’s right or if it was all just a coincidence - bullies looking for some action, just happening to pass by Mr. Hummel’s tire shop - but when it comes down to it, it doesn’t really matter. It happened. Things were said about Kurt and Mr. Hummel got hurt.
Blaine knows it’s risky business to stand out in a town like Lima. The place is small enough that people know who you are - or they know someone who knows. And gay or not, Kurt has always stood out from the crowd. And that’s enough for some people.
They really do have to be careful now. Clearly there are people in this town already seeing Kurt’s uniqueness as something negative (Blaine doesn’t understand how that is even possible) and the last thing he and Kurt should do right now is give them more reason to think that way. Blaine hates having to hide, hates that he can’t show Kurt off to the world, hates that they can’t be themselves - but he’s seen now what might happen if anyone finds out.
Blaine sighs and turns around, pulling the cover a bit tighter around himself. Things have been so great lately. It all just seems scary now.
----
Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away, now it looks as though they're here to stay, oh, I believe in yesterday, Blaine sings quietly, strumming his guitar and staring absently out his bedroom window. Music has always been a comfort to him, but today even the familiar Beatles songs can’t quite put his troubled mind to rest.
Waking up this morning he had a blissful moment where he thought that Mr. Hummel’s hospitalization and the reason for it was nothing but a bad dream. Where the world still seemed like a relatively innocent place. Unfortunately reality kicked in soon enough. It really did happen. Mr. Hummel will be okay - he told Blaine the night before that he hoped to go home in a couple of days - but Blaine can’t help but worry about Kurt and what all this is going to do to him. Blaine knows that no matter what he tells Kurt, Kurt’s still going to feel guilty. It will hang over him like a dark cloud, possibly for the rest of his life. He’s always going to be scared that something like it will happen again.
The really terrible thing is that it probably could.
A light knock on the door interrupts his thoughts, making Blaine pause in the middle of the song. “Who is it?” he calls but instead of an answer the door opens quietly and Kurt peeks inside.
“Hi,” he says quietly. “Your mom let me in.”
Blaine smiles and sets his guitar aside. “Hi,” he murmurs, sliding off the bed and to his feet. He walks over to Kurt and pushes the door shut before giving him a brief kiss and pulling him by the hand over to sit on the edge of the bed with him. “How’s your dad?”
“He’s okay,” Kurt says, stretching his feet out a bit. “I was with him all morning and the doctors seem quite optimistic. They say he might be able to go home tomorrow.”
“That’s a relief. I bet he can’t wait to get out of that bed.” He grins, remembering how Kurt’s always complaining about his dad’s restlessness. Kurt just gives a faint smile in return.
Blaine looks at him. “And how are you?”
Kurt shrugs, not meeting his gaze. “I’m okay.”
Blaine considers him. He’s dressed and styled perfectly, as always, but it’s like there’s a shadow over him, like his spark is more subdued than normal. He looks a little less exhausted than the previous day and Blaine hopes that means that he got some sleep last night, but he seems fidgety and uneasy, almost uncomfortable. “Are you really?”
Kurt sighs and keeps looking down at his hand intertwined with Blaine’s, like it’s the most interesting thing he’s ever seen. They do fit together really nicely, though. “I’m not the one lying in a hospital bed, am I?”
“No, but your dad is, and that affects you too.” He squeezes Kurt’s hand. “Talk to me.”
Kurt looks up at him then, and nods once. “There is actually something that I need to talk to you about.”
“Okay,” Blaine says, shifting until he sits faced towards Kurt on the bed. “What is it?”
Kurt looks at him for a really long time. Straight into his eyes, like he’s staring into his soul. Or like he’s… memorizing him. Then he closes his eyes and just breathes for a moment before opening them again. “This is really hard for me to say, Blaine.”
“Kurt, what’s going on?” Blaine asks anxiously, dread settling in the pit of his stomach. He’s suddenly starting to realize that something is going on and it’s not good. “You said your dad was okay, is-”
“He is,” Kurt interrupts softly. “I mean, as okay as can be expected, you know. This isn’t about that.”
“Okay. Then what is it about?”
Kurt is still looking at him. His bottom lip starts to tremble slightly. “Blaine, I… I don’t think we should be together anymore.”
The silence that follows feels heavy and wrong. Noisy. Probably because of the sudden buzz in his ears. Blaine just stares at Kurt, automatically pulling his hand away from him. He feels cold.
“What?” He whispers finally, even though he heard perfectly well what Kurt said. He just doesn’t want those words to be real. Doesn’t want their meaning to register in his mind.
“It’s not that I don’t want to be with you,” Kurt continues instead of answering. He looks down at his lap again, twisting his hands together. “But with everything that’s happened, I just think it’s best if we spend some time apart.”
Blaine continues to stare at him. Kurt is clearly uncomfortable - he keeps his gaze downward and is fiddling with his hands. His words sound like they were rehearsed beforehand.
“Kurt,” Blaine says finally, finding his voice again. He has to pull himself together to remain calm. “Is this because of what happened to your dad?”
Kurt looks up then. “Of course it is,” he says, sounding upset. “It’s not safe for us to be together, Blaine. My dad is going to be okay this time. But next time it might be worse. It might happen to you or me. It might not be okay. Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about that.”
Blaine doesn’t answer that. Kurt knows him well enough to know that he has been thinking about it. Instead he grabs Kurt’s hand again. He’s not going sit here and just let Kurt slip away from him without a fight.
“But do you really think we’ll be safer if we break up?” he asks. “We’ve been careful, Kurt. No one knows about us except your dad. And we’ll continue to be careful. You said it yourself, that what happened probably wasn’t about us.”
“Not this time,” Kurt says, pulling his hand away and moving a bit away from Blaine, putting some distance between them. Just that little movement hurts more than Blaine thought was possible. “But maybe next time it will be. It’s so easy to slip up, Blaine. What if someone walks in on us kissing in the school bathroom? What if someone sees us making out in the car? It only takes one wrong move and I’m not going to risk it, Blaine. I would never forgive myself if something happened to you.”
“So, what, I don’t get any say in this at all?” He slumps, defeated. Kurt clearly made up his mind about this long before he even set foot in this room.
The look in Kurt’s eyes is so sad that if it had been any other time it would have broken Blaine’s heart. But right now he just feels numb.
“I wish more than anything that there was another way,” Kurt whispers. “But I really think that this is what we need to do right now. There are already people throwing words at me. Keep hanging out with me and you’ll be next.”
“I don’t care,” Blaine whispers emphatically. “I don’t care about any of that. I care about you, Kurt. I love you. Don’t you know that?”
Kurt nods, unable to keep the tears back any longer. “And I love you. But that’s why we need to do this. Don’t you understand?”
Blaine shakes his head. It’s like he’s watching his world fall to pieces right before his eyes. His voice breaks when he speaks. “No, Kurt, I don’t. If we love each other, we should be together. And if you don’t want that, then you can’t possibly love me as much as I love you.”
Kurt stares at him in stunned silence, his mouth opening wordlessly. Blaine doesn’t even care what he’s saying anymore. Anger flares in him, the growing pain in his chest threatening to choke him. He doesn’t understand this. If Kurt really does love him, then why does he seem so determined to break his heart?
“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” Kurt says quietly, his voice trembling with emotion. “I’m doing this for you. For us.”
Blaine doesn’t want to listen to this anymore. Hearing Kurt list all the reasons why this should somehow be a good idea - he can’t stand to listen to it.
“I don’t care, Kurt. You’ve obviously made up your mind about this and nothing I say is going to make a difference, is it?” He doesn’t wait for an answer from Kurt. He just barrels on. “It’s so typical of you. Whatever you say goes. Never mind what I think. Never mind that you’re breaking my heart right now. You don’t even care, do you? Because you’ve decided that this is the way it’s going to be.”
Kurt just shakes his head in disbelief or sadness or anger or something, tears running freely down his face now. It makes Blaine realize that his own eyes are wet as well. He wipes angrily at them.
Kurt slowly gets to his feet, swaying a bit, like he’s dizzy. “I should go,” he says quietly.
“Yeah, you do that,” Blaine says curtly, his voice sounding cold and foreign to his own ears, like it belongs to someone else. “I don’t even want to be in the same room as you right now.”
He watches Kurt walk toward the door like he’s watching a movie unfold in slow motion. This is where the hero is supposed to step up, rush over to Kurt, grab his arm and beg him to stay. This is where they sort things out somehow. But there are no heroes here. There’s only Blaine, and it feels like the only thing he can do right now is just sit there and watch it happen.
Before Kurt leaves the room, he turns around and stares at Blaine with wide eyes, filled with sadness and pain. Blaine just turns away from him, towards the window. Even looking into those eyes feels like too much to handle right now.
Not until he’s heard the front door slam shut downstairs and he’s sure that Kurt has left the house does Blaine allow himself to break down.
Part 6