"Dyin' of a Broken Heart" R (Mike/Peter) 06/10/09

[moondreams87]

Title: Dyin’ of a Broken Heart
Author: Moondreams
Rating: R
Pairing: Mike/Peter
Genre: Slash
Disclaimer: I don’t own The Monkees and make no claim that this ever really happened. It is purely the result of an overactive imagination.
Summary: Sometimes it’s just not a good idea to hide your feelings under a mask of indifference…
Author’s Note: OK, firstly, SO sorry I’ve taken so damned long writing this!! If you need a refresher, here are the other parts. I had a LOT of trouble with this one, trying to really think how someone would feel about this was tough so I apologise if it doesn’t play out how you imagined it would. Secondly, I need your opinions. You’ve all been awesome during this whole series and I really, really appreciate how involved you’ve gotten. I hit a bit of a crisis where I realised something…this may well be the last in the series. I’m of two minds: it hasn’t gone the way I’d originally planned, which is fine because I want to keep it as realistic as possible. BUT, naturally, I am loathe to just abandon them when I feel deep down there is more to explore. So, what I’m asking is: after you read this, do you feel that this is an appropriate way to leave it or would you be willing to read a little bit further? I really don’t mind either way, I think I will still write the other parts and just not post them to give me some peace of mind!




There they go again. What, do they think I can’t see them? Christ…

Mike couldn’t get away from it: the pointing fingers, the hushed voices, the judgmental glares… It was the same on the set and in the recording studio, everyone seemed to be against him.

He knew they didn’t have a clue what had happened, they didn’t know why they were against Mike. There was just a tension in the air that seemed to loom heavier when he was around and so they’d all come to the conclusion, it was his fault.

What made him feel worse was that he knew it was his fault, all of it. But it had exploded into something far bigger than he had ever imagined and for that he really hated himself. He was so absorbed in how things would affect him, he never contemplated the big picture. But here it was.

Obviously, there was Peter. He’d been true to his word, not speaking or hanging out with Mike unless it was absolutely necessary. Mike thought it best to give him his space for a couple of weeks and to get his head around what to do. But a couple of weeks became a month, then it was Christmas, then New Year. Pretty soon a couple of weeks had become three months and they hadn’t had a single casual conversation.

The longer he left it, the harder it was for him to approach him. They became more and more distant and Mike found it harder to relate to Peter in any way. It was like he was someone totally different, he was always much more serious and quiet, spending more time with those hippie friends of his. He seemed to have moved on completely and Mike was reluctant to bring up all the old feelings, knowing how much they hurt.

Well, if he’s happy, then I’m happy for him. He deserves something good like this.

But deep down, selfishly, he knew he didn’t mean that. He wasn’t happy for Peter, he was bitter. How could he just turn his back on him and just start a whole new life? Surely those feelings were still there, weren’t they? Weren’t they?

Why should they be? He thought to himself. You walked all over him, knowing how it would crush him and ya did it anyway. Fucking idiot.

He decided to distance himself as much as he could from the whole ordeal, not being able to stand that cold shoulder he received from Peter. Whenever he looked at that face, he may have seen a smile and heard a compliment but he felt the anger and pain. It was still there, simmering, as much as Peter may have tried to hide it.

So he focused more on his own projects, spending as little time as he could on the set and in the studios, trying to spend more time with Phyllis and Christian, especially once the new baby arrived.

Phyllis…

That was another thing. She knew. She hadn’t mentioned it to him or even hinted towards it but he suspected that she’d thought he’d been unfaithful. His body language had changed, he was more closed in than usual, he constantly looked guilty or depressed and he was being more attentive than usual. It wouldn’t have taken a genius and Phyllis was a smart woman. Plus, she had friends on the set so whatever gossip was going around would no doubt have reached her.

But if Peter and Phyllis weren’t bad enough…there was Micky.

Once his faithful confidante, even Micky had turned on him. Not that he blamed him, he wished he could leave himself too but that wasn’t exactly possible. But he just hadn’t anticipated it.

He could still see the look on Micky’s face when he told him about the affair. After everything he had done for them both, Mike especially, he just threw it in his face and it had seriously upset Micky. He’d sided with Peter and even three months later, he was still avoiding Mike and it hurt.

Mike knew he shouldn’t have been annoyed but he couldn’t help it. Micky was supposed to be his friend, to be there to help him through tough times and he couldn’t think of a time when he needed someone more. He knew he was in the wrong, he was sick of people punishing him for it. He was punishing himself enough for anyone.

As if on cue, Micky round the corner at a fast pace and Mike threw up his arm to catch his attention.

“Hey! Hey Mick!"

~*~

Oh crap. There he is again. What should I do? Damn, I’m gonna have to go past him…

“Sorry, Mike. Don’t got time. Late.” He bustled past the Texan, briefly looking into those intense brown eyes before continuing on without slowing.

But that brief look felt like a punch in the stomach. Those eyes were so desperate, so pleading and his whole posture had slumped at Micky’s words. He let out a long sigh as he slowed slightly when he was out of Mike’s sight.

He was really beginning to hate this. Sure, he was mad at Mike for how thoughtless he’d been. He was mad at how he’d treated Peter. He was mad at how he clearly hadn’t even considered his own feelings. But dammit if he just wanted to move on now!

He knew it wasn’t the kind of thing you just forgive and forget but quite frankly he hated leaving Mike out in the cold. The first month had been easy, he didn’t really want to speak to him and Mike didn’t want to talk to anyone anyway. But as it went on, it got more difficult for Micky.

By nature, Micky liked to be friends with pretty much everyone. He had that sort of personality, he wasn’t used to keep people at arms length. But he just felt that if he suddenly started to be friendly with Mike again, Peter would see it as a betrayal and Micky didn’t want that. He wanted Peter to know that he had his support.

He just felt like he was abandoning his friend when he was clearly going out of his gourd. Sure, Mike seemed fine, maybe a little quieter than usual, maybe more reserved but Micky knew that he was being eaten alive by all this and he had absolutely no-one to vent to.

He also knew it wasn’t helping that Peter seemed to be doing absolutely fine. Micky kept a close eye on him, making sure he wasn’t going to suddenly have an emotional breakdown but it never came. He genuinely seemed to have gotten over it all. Micky found it hard to believe, not after everything he and Mike went through but it was all very convincing and he knew that, although he didn’t show it, it must have crushed Mike to see him so…happy?

Now that he thought about it, he didn’t think Peter was necessarily happy. When was the last time he saw him smile? I mean, really smile? He couldn’t remember. Content was probably a better word. He seemed content to be living this hippie lifestyle, away from the media frenzy of the Monkees.

But he couldn’t help but think that it wasn’t what he needed.

~*~

I knew it! I knew there was something going on! This has to be it, or at least something to do with it…

Davy made his way into the recording studio in search of Peter. It was about time he confronted him about his behaviour. He knew that something was going on and he had a feeling that he was being kept in the dark and it offended him.

He considered Peter to be his closest friend of the three and to see him cut himself off so suddenly got his back up straight away. Like everyone else, he blamed Mike. It was obviously his fault, the tension between the two had been unbearable at times. Now they just seemed to steer clear of each other.

But what bugged the Englishman most was that everyone seemed to be ignoring it and just going about their business. Every time he tried to talk to Peter or even Micky, he was just brushed off to the point where he just gave up.

But as the months passed, he realised this was actually much bigger than just Mike saying something nasty to Peter. As much as he hated to admit it, he knew that Peter just wasn’t right without Mike somehow. He’d become more intense and Davy didn’t enjoy spending as much time with him anymore.

And then he heard the rumour. The rumour that in some way explained why Peter had been behaving so weird and distant lately. It needed to be cleared up of course, rumours are never to be trusted but isn’t there always just an element of truth? So he was on a mission to finally get the truth out of Peter.

Thankfully, for everyone, he crashed into Micky first.

~*~

“’Ere Mick! -“

“No time, Davy, babe. I’m late for a session I totally forgot about and I am like nowhere near where I’m meant to be.” Micky continued down the corridor at a semi-jog.

“But I think I know why Peter’s been acting weird!” That made Micky stop dead. Firstly, he hadn’t been sure if Davy had thought anything of the change in behaviour, he hadn’t said anything. Looked like he knew Peter better than they gave him credit for. Secondly, he worried about what Davy knew.

“OK, man but quick. Places to be and all.”

“Remember that Nurit chick, friend of Peter’s that was on the set for a bit? Takin’ pics?”

Shit. “Yeah...”

“She’s pregnant.” Micky waited for the rest of the sentence but it didn’t come, Davy just stared back at him.

“What? That’s it? Well...good for her! I gotta go.” He turned on his heel again but was abruptly stopped by a hand on his arm.

“No, that’s not it! Guess who they’re saying the father is?”

Micky closed his eyes out of fear and frustration. “No games, Davy. Just tell me already!”

“Micky, it’s Peter’s...” Davy whispered.

Micky stared back at his friend dumbfounded. Peter’s? Where the hell did that come from? Although it was probably better for him to think that, Micky wasn’t convinced that Peter would be at all pleased.

“Do Peter and Mike know yet?”

“No, man. I was just trying to find Peter to ask him about it.”

“NO! I mean, I really don’t think that would be a good idea. Don’t mention it to either of them, just...keep it to yourself for now. OK?” Davy frowned at him, hurt registering in his eyes.

“You know something, don’t you?” Micky sighed, not wanting to get into this conversation now.

“Look, I promise you it is not something you want to get into. Please, trust me on this.”

“I trust you, why don’t you trust me!?”

“It’s not my place, Davy! Cool it. Just, don’t tell them.” Davy hung his head in annoyance but he nodded all the same, he didn’t want to make Peter feel any worse than he already seemed to.

He may have seemed happy in his new world of sex, drugs and rock n’ roll but Davy was about as convinced as Micky. Micky thanked Davy before continuing on his brisk walk. But now he had a new destination in mind. He had to talk to Peter.

Davy continued his walk, anger bubbling away. Why was he being kept out of the loop? Didn’t he have a right to know what was going on too? Peter’s out there behaviour and Mike’s attitude change was affecting the whole group, didn’t he deserve some sort of explanation?

As if to torment him, he suddenly spotted Mike ahead of him, aimlessly wandering the corridor. He stormed up towards him, ready to give him a piece of his mind, ready to demand some sort of reason as to what was going on.

But as he got closer, he gradually slowed down and was hit with a bizarre feeling he was not expecting. It was no secret between them that Davy didn’t really get on that well with Mike. They were OK most of the time, but only usually just OK. But now, seeing Mike he was hit with a wave of concern.

Davy had never seen Mike look quite so...lost. He always looked moody or focused or just intense. But looking at him now, Mike looked totally out of his depth, sort of like a child that has just been separated from his mother. Davy approached him cautiously, not really knowing what he was going to do.

Mike saw him out of the corner of his eye and tensed. Great, this is all I need...

“Hey, man. You OK?” Davy put an arm on his shoulder and Mike looked him in the eye seeing only genuine apprehension. It was the first time in three months someone had asked him how he was and he wasn’t prepared for it, tears forming in his eyes and he looked up quickly trying to blink them away.

“Yeah, Davy. Thanks, I’m good.”

God, I’m really sick of people lying to me. “No you’re not. Seriously, what’s up? It’s Peter, isn’t it?” He decided to keep his promise to Micky and not mention the rumour but he still wanted to know some of what was going on. Mike looked at Davy sharply, did he know something? He decided he didn’t care anymore, what difference did it make? He leant up against the wall, hands in his pockets.

“Yes, it’s Peter. Everything’s gone to shit. I don’t know what’s happening anymore. He’s different, right? It’s not just me.”

“No. It’s not just you.”

“I hurt him. And I think I just thought he’d get over it and everything would be OK. I swear I live on my own fucking planet sometimes, why is it so hard for me to think about other people?”

Davy had never seen or heard Mike be so down on himself, he was always right and knew better than anyone else. This really was totally new territory for him but he urged Mike on.

“How did you hurt him, Mike?” Mike scoffed, bitterly.

“It’s a long story and I really don’t wanna get into it.” He looked over to see Davy grumble to himself. “I think I’ve lost him, Davy.”

“Man, I think we’ve all lost him! As much as I hate to admit it, you made him happy. Whatever you did, no doubt it was pretty fucking bad but you need to talk to him about it, whether he wants to listen or not. I’m bettin’ you’re the only one that can sort this out. Everyone screws up, you seem to always want to do things on a grander scale than anyone else so you’ll have to work a little harder but you need to do something. I’ve never seen you like this, if he knew how sorry you were, he might forgive you. Worth a try, huh?”

Mike couldn’t believe he was having this conversation with Davy of all people but the guy made sense. It was time for him to get everything out there, whether there was forgiveness at the end of it or not. Mike gave Davy a sad smile.

“Thanks, Davy. You’re not a bad friend after all.”

“Gee, thanks. No offence but I still get the impression you’re a fuckin’ idiot.” Mike’s eyes widened but he saw the jest in Davy’s expression and smiled back.

“Join the club, man.” And with that Davy, walked off, feeling a little better at attempting to resolve this emotional slump they’d all succumbed to.

~*~

Why isn’t this working? Why can’t I get this fucking song right?!

Peter sat in the recording studio working on Lady's Baby. Again. Three months he’d been working on it and was still not satisfied.

Whenever he was depressed or down, he’d always turned to music to take his mind off things or cheer him up. Now, he couldn’t seem to make anything work.

Mike hadn’t just broken Peter’s heart but he’d broken his soul as well. He obsessed over this song, determined not to be beaten by it and somehow Mike by proxy. He was better than that, he didn’t need anyone. But the more he worked on it, the more he was consumed by it to the point that he saw no end in sight.

He didn’t want anyone to see how unhappy he was, didn’t want to give them the satisfaction. A few weeks after he walked out, he knew he had to act fast or he would just get sucked into an emotional black hole and he wouldn’t allow that to happen.

The hippie route was the most appealing. He was already part of the community so for the most part it didn’t seem like much of a departure, more of a development. He’d have people over for parties all the time, his house was never empty. The atmosphere was fantastic and it was a great way to live.

But it occurred to him after a month or so of this lifestyle that he was merely surrounding himself with the free love and passion of many to make him forget the gaping hole left by the priceless love and passion from one.

The drugs, the sex; they did nothing to make him forget about Mike. But they did help to totally confuse how he felt. The pain, heartache, anger, disappointment and bitterness had all been mutated, mushed together over the course of the last few months and now he was just emotionally exhausted.

Was he even still angry at Mike? When he thought about it for long periods of time, yes he was. He’d been walked all over and Mike hadn’t even gotten up the courage to apologise.

Was he prepared to forgive him? Why should he? It wouldn’t achieve anything, it was too late.

But the question that haunted him the most was the question that had the most painfully clear answer.

Did he still love Mike?

A knock at the window interrupted his thoughts as he looked up and saw Micky frantically rapping at the screen. Peter rose with a small smile although inside he was very happy to see a friendly face, he rarely spent much time with them anymore. He opened the door and Micky rushed in.

“Hey Mick. Something wrong?”

“You haven’t heard the rumour yet, have you?”

“What rumour?”

“About you and Nurit.” Peter’s heart stopped. A rumour? That cannot be good...

“What about us?”

“They’re saying her baby is yours.”

“Mine!?” It wasn’t what he expected and in a way he was relieved that it wasn’t anything involving Mike but he realised it still left him in a crappy position. He sat back down on the floor and Micky perched on a nearby stool, watching Peter’s reactions carefully. It had been harder to do lately.

“Who the hell started that?”

“I don’t know man, who cares!? What are you gonna do?”

“There’s nothing I can do, I’ll just have to go along with it. I won’t confirm or deny it.”

“But...” Micky didn’t have anywhere to go with that sentence. He just stared at Peter dumbfounded.

“What am I supposed to do? Tell them whose it really is? It would destroy him. I can’t-“ His voice caught in his throat and he cursed himself for it. “I can’t do that. And if I say it’s not mine then they will keep trying to find out whose it is. They obviously know it’s within our camp, it would only be a matter of time before the spotlight falls on Mike.”

Micky nodded, solemnly. He was right, it was easier this way. Although, Micky couldn’t even imagine how hard it would be for Peter to go along with it, knowing that that baby is the cause of so much trouble.

They sat in silence for a long while, mulling over their own thoughts before Micky decided it was probably best to leave.

“Well, I’d better leave ya to your music. What ya workin’ on?” A glare answered for him, it was a stupid question anyway.

“Right. Sorry. See ya Peter.” As he was almost out the door, Peter’s voice drifted to his ears, barely above a whisper.

“...I miss him...” Micky turned back in, closing the door again.

“What?” Peter huffed, tears threatening to spill over.

“I miss him! I miss talking to him.”

“THANK GOD!!” Micky looked back at Peter, slightly guilty at his sudden outburst. He couldn’t help himself, he knew Peter had been holding out on them and now he was determined to salvage as much of their friendship as he could.

Peter smiled lightly, realising how selfish he’d been at making Micky desert Mike. He’d never even told him to, Micky just took the cue but Peter hadn’t exactly encouraged Micky to talk to Mike.

“You need to talk to him. I haven’t spoken to him in...well, a long while really but I know him well enough to know he is almost out of here. Whether you’re prepared to forgive him or not, I really don’t think it matters at this point, you just need to talk to the guy. Let him know that you don’t wish he was dead.”

Peter looked at the floor, guiltily. The thought had crossed his mind, early on. Then he wished he was dead. Then he wished they were both dead, then maybe they’d get some peace and quiet. Pretty much any scenario had gone through his brain, he was tired of it all. Micky was right, this needed to get out in the open, sooner rather than later.

“I just...I don’t want him to win.”

“Win?”

“If I go back to him, no matter what my intentions, he’s won. It shows he can treat me like shit and I’ll still come crawling back.”

“Peter, I think this goes way beyond winning or losing, man. You’ve both lost here, let’s face it. You’re the one who walked so the ball’s in your court. Do what you think is right for you. Frankly, if you miss him, I think you need to tell him.”

“But what should I say?”

“I really don’t think it would matter. If you said ‘Hey Mike, how’s the baby?’ I think that would be more than enough, just let him know you’re still on talking terms. Don’t think so much. Do it, now. He’s in the studio already, I saw him wandering around. He might still be here.”

Peter jumped up and ran out the door, not even saying a farewell or anything to Micky but he didn’t mind. He just wanted to see those two sorted out, it wasn’t fair.

~*~

Peter found Mike curled up on a row of chairs, asleep. He knew that the newborn baby had been keeping him awake at all hours, he heard staff moaning about how he would just zone out every now and again. So often he’d had the impulse to defend him but fought it back, it wasn’t his place anymore. Was it ever?

He lay down on the floor beside the sleeping figure, staring up at the ceiling with his hand folded over his stomach, occasionally looking over at the innocent face above him. Still so beautiful, so painfully beautiful. Peter chose to return his full attention to the ceiling, beginning to doubt if this was such a good idea. What was he even going to say? Maybe it would just be better to get as far away as possible and not look back.

Before he had a chance to think any more, however, he heard a sharp intake of breath and his eyes fell back on two now wide open black orbs.

They stared at each other for what seemed like forever. Mike was too scared to move a muscle, he realised he was even holding his breath. He was like a wildlife expert discovering an extinct species; overwhelmed with excitement but all too aware that any movement could scare it away.

He suspected it was another dream, it wouldn’t be the first time but he forced himself not to blink. Dream or no dream, he wasn’t going to let it go that easily. Peter’s gaze returned to the ceiling.

“So, how’s the baby?” And Mike broke.

Peter sat up, startled at the reaction. He had expected a violent outburst, a Nesmith rage, silence…but certainly not tears. He couldn’t help but feel bad at waiting so long and making him lose all hope but a part of him took some wicked glee in seeing that Mike has suffered some of the pain he had inflicted.

Someone rounded the corner and stared at the display. Peter frowned at them, rare anger tingeing his voice.

“What the hell are you looking at? Move it.” The person quickly shuffled off and Mike composed himself, looking down at Peter.

“We should probably go somewhere else. We really need to talk.” Mike nodded his agreement and was led into an empty recording room. Mike grimaced to himself. God, why do we always end up in these damned rooms?

They both sat on the step where the drums lay, both staring at the floor. Peter was caught off guard when Mike spoke first.

“I’m sorry. For everything. You gotta know that, right?” Peter nodded, sullenly.

“I know. But you gotta know that doesn’t make it all go away. You just took everything we had, everything I felt and stomped all over it. And what’s worse is you knew! You knew you were doing it and you carried on, knowing what would happen.”

Mike ran his hands through his hair. The amount of times he’d played this conversation over in his head and now he was completely stuck for anything to say.

“Why her, Michael? Of all the women that throw themselves at you, why did you have to choose her?” Peter whispered to the floor but looked to Mike for a reply.

Mike swallowed hard. “She was…I don’t know, she was there. That was all it was.”

“So you didn’t do it to hurt me more?” The thought made Mike feel physically sick. The fact that Peter had even thought such a thing of him made him realise how much he’d really screwed up, how much trust he’d lost.

“God, Peter! No, I would never. I was not thinking straight, or at all even. I couldn’t…I loved being with you. In that way. I hope you know that, but my brain just could not handle it.”

“So why didn’t you tell me?” Peter asked, exasperatedly.

“Because I’m me!! You knew I wouldn’t be able to handle it and I wanted to prove you wrong, prove myself wrong but I couldn’t. This is who I am, I am a self absorbed jerk who can’t help but get in his own way all the goddamn time. And that ain’t never gonna change...”

It hurt. Peter had thought, or wanted to think at least, that he’d made a difference in Mike’s life. That he’d helped him overcome some serious character flaws but now it seemed even he couldn’t break through that last barrier that Mike held up.

“We should never have done this. You were right to hide it all, it was stupid.” He noticed Mike swallow hard again, trying to keep himself together. “Don’t you think?”

“No.” He stated flatly. Peter was surprised at the admission. He was convinced that Mike would take it all back if he could and he wanted to feel the same way but he just didn’t.

“I know it’s been far from perfect for everyone but I don’t regret any moment I was with you. I mean that. I wouldn’t take it back.”

Peter stared back at him, stomach churning horribly. He’d always known that he could never have Mike the way he so desperately wanted him, he could never have him all to himself and there was always the lingering thought that the relationship had an expiration date. He never imagined it would go down like this but it had, it was over and he was totally unprepared for it.

He came to a decision that he hoped he wouldn’t regret. He turned to face Mike full on, face deadly serious.

“I know you’re sorry, I do know that. And I know you regret it. But I just can’t forgive you for it.” Mike went to speak but Peter held up a hand, cutting him off. “No, please just...let me get it all out. I died when you came clean about Nurit. You have no idea. Music is my life and I just didn’t want to do it anymore, I didn’t care about it, not once you’d gone. I knew it couldn’t last, I knew that and it’s my own fault for getting so attached, it was stupid... But you’d become everything to me and you didn’t care.”

Mike watched him carefully, wanting to interject but restrained. He hated hearing it all because it was true. He’d destroyed this gentle soul, walked all over him without any consideration, it was a wonder Peter was talking to him at all.

“That’s not something you forget and it’s not going to go away. I hated you, Michael. I swear to God, I just didn’t know how else to feel. I can’t go through that again, even the thought...I can’t go back to it. I’m sorry.”

“Fuck. What is wrong with you?!” Mike couldn’t control himself and Peter looked incredulously back at him.

“What?!”

“What the hell are you apologising for!? In this whole thing, you’re the only one that hasn’t done anything wrong. ‘Cept perhaps fall for a jackass.” Peter laughed lightly, despite himself. And that’s what spurred him on to the conclusion of his speech.

“I don’t know if it’ll work, if we can go along with it but...I don’t want to keep going on like this. I don’t hate you, I don’t want people thinking I do. So why don’t we try this ‘friends’ thing I hear so much about?” Mike raised an eyebrow, he was sure Peter was going to amiably suggest going their separate ways but this sounded more appealing. Neither of them were prepared to let each other go so easily, whether they admitted that to each other or even themselves was a different matter.

“You serious?”

“We start shooting the movie in a couple of weeks, we won’t get through it if we aren’t talking. Plus Micky’s going out of his head thinking he has to avoid you all the time.”

Mike smiled inwardly at that, glad that Micky wasn’t a totally lost cause after all. “Yeah, I’d noticed that. So had Davy apparently when he came over giving me advice today.”

Peter’s mouth practically fell open. “Davy?! Davy spoke to you. As a friend.” Mike nodded, making Peter give the first real laugh he’d heard the blonde give in months. Strangely, the sound made him incredibly sad. Just friends... never again would he see that sweet smile or hear that infectious laugh while they’re in bed together, living in that moment for each other and only each other.

He let out a long sigh and instinctively leant his head on Peter’s shoulder. The older man flinched slightly but perched his head on Mike’s.

Mike knew what he should say. He should tell Peter to just give up on him, he was a lost cause. He shouldn’t let Peter set himself up for another fall, he couldn’t bear to break his heart again but he knew he couldn’t seem to help himself, it seemed to be the way he was wired. He should just let Peter move on, it would be better that way...

“I’d like to try this friends thing.”

“Good.” Peter said, slowly before his voice got very serious, almost threatening in its tone. “Please don’t make me regret it, Michael. I don’t want to lose you completely but I will leave if I think you’ll hurt me again.” His voice broke a little. He knew he was taking a risk but he just remembered how miserable he’d been the last few months, he was tired of the loneliness. He had to give this a try, to save his own sanity.

They stayed that way for what seemed like hours before Peter decided to lighten the atmosphere to a more ‘friendly’ tone.

“So, how is the baby?”

“Loud.”

“Well, I hear that’s often the case.”

“Yeah, you ain’t kiddin’. Christian’s great with him though, not jealous or nothin’. Phyllis is too tired to really do much at the moment.” Peter continued to listen intently to Mike tell him about Jonathan before going wide-eyed all of a sudden making Mike stop mid-sentence.

“What’s wrong?”

“You fucker.” Mike’s mind reeled, surely he hadn’t screwed up already!? Before Mike could question him, he spoke again.

“I don’t believe you. Three fucking months I have been working on that damned song! Three months and you talk for about two minutes and I get it. I know how to finish it.” It re-affirmed Peter’s decision to keep Mike as a friend, there was more to their relationship that was worth trying to salvage.

Peter ran off back to his studio, leaving Mike alone with his thoughts. He couldn’t believe he was getting a second chance, even if it was just platonic. That won’t be too hard, we always talked about stuff anyway. I’ve missed talking to him...

But in the back of both of their minds they knew that ‘just friends’ always played out harder that it sounded.