Mixed States and other annoying crap
Just me bitching about some bipolar stuff -- nothing major is wrong.
Blarg. Mixed states suck. I'm mostly hypomanic at the moment, and although the productivity is nice, the random crying jags and "guess I'll go eat worms" hurt irritability aren't so much. For that matter, the confuzzled "trying to think too many thoughts at once and getting overwhelmed" part isn't so awesome either. It's an emotional high that feels very brittle, dropping from excited happiness into tears almost instantly at the slightest emotional jarring. And because I'm at my most emotionally open and vulnerable when I'm up, and tend to be putting myself out there in various ways, I really do mean "slightest". In some ways it makes me feel needier than my depressions do, since those tends toward anhedonia and being emotionally closed off. Also, the longer a hypomania runs, the more it tends toward the anxious and irritable side of mania for me. Ick.
Definitely need to talk to my primary again about a mood stabilizer. She wanted me to see my regular psych for it, since the one I'd rather try (Lamictal) isn't one she has all that much familiarity with, but apparently my regular psych has left her practice (again!). The higher dose of Cymbalta and the Provigil are doing wonders for my overall functionality levels, but I'm still worried about keeping a cap on these hypomanias, and am running a bit hotter than I'd like or suspect is a good idea for me since changing meds.
Also, if I'm going to be hypomanic, could I at least get some of that hypersexuality up in here, instead of gratuitous spending sprees? *grump* The spending's been very minor, since I've gotten better over the years at where I aim my manic impulses, but we're broke enough at the moment that its made a difference in spare cash for the next two weeks. And I always feel a bit cheated when I get manic and don't get the hypersexuality along with it; that one isn't destructive in my life, just damned fun, and it only turns up about half the time (sometimes I get so focused on projects and such that it has the opposite effect, and I become completely disinterested).
Blarg. Mixed states suck. I'm mostly hypomanic at the moment, and although the productivity is nice, the random crying jags and "guess I'll go eat worms" hurt irritability aren't so much. For that matter, the confuzzled "trying to think too many thoughts at once and getting overwhelmed" part isn't so awesome either. It's an emotional high that feels very brittle, dropping from excited happiness into tears almost instantly at the slightest emotional jarring. And because I'm at my most emotionally open and vulnerable when I'm up, and tend to be putting myself out there in various ways, I really do mean "slightest". In some ways it makes me feel needier than my depressions do, since those tends toward anhedonia and being emotionally closed off. Also, the longer a hypomania runs, the more it tends toward the anxious and irritable side of mania for me. Ick.
Definitely need to talk to my primary again about a mood stabilizer. She wanted me to see my regular psych for it, since the one I'd rather try (Lamictal) isn't one she has all that much familiarity with, but apparently my regular psych has left her practice (again!). The higher dose of Cymbalta and the Provigil are doing wonders for my overall functionality levels, but I'm still worried about keeping a cap on these hypomanias, and am running a bit hotter than I'd like or suspect is a good idea for me since changing meds.
Also, if I'm going to be hypomanic, could I at least get some of that hypersexuality up in here, instead of gratuitous spending sprees? *grump* The spending's been very minor, since I've gotten better over the years at where I aim my manic impulses, but we're broke enough at the moment that its made a difference in spare cash for the next two weeks. And I always feel a bit cheated when I get manic and don't get the hypersexuality along with it; that one isn't destructive in my life, just damned fun, and it only turns up about half the time (sometimes I get so focused on projects and such that it has the opposite effect, and I become completely disinterested).