I used to believe that I couldn't get what I wanted. Like, either I wasn't capable, or the world didn't work that way, or luck wasn't with me, or whatever. This is a lesson I learned over many years. When I was a child, I wanted to fit in, and several peers laughed at me and told me I couldn't. When I was a teenager I wanted a boyfriend, and every ( Read more... )

Sometimes I have these moments in life when I just can't deal ( Read more... )

Today I got to listen to Noelle being quotable, she was in a decent mood even though TV was forbidden all day (she lied to me yesterday), and I bought her her first pair of Barbies (Elsa and Anna from Frozen were on clearance at the grocery store). There was snuggling and a couple of decent naps. And then I ate broiled salmon and kale. Yum ( Read more... )

One of the strangest parts of depression, at least for me, is anger. Every so often I look at all the hard, ugly parts of life that plague me and mine, and I just get pissed. I want to scream with impotent anger about all the things I wish I could change and can't, to storm at the universe for the unfairness of it all ( Read more... )

I have never literally been homeless. Although my family was poor, we never came to that fine edge where we couldn't make the rent. In large part that was due to the fact that my father was a professional carpenter and built our house. We didn't have a mortgage, or rent. We had credit card payments to cover what those materials cost, but my father ( Read more... )

Any time my resolve wavers on my goal to avoid dating this year, I can just go to the personals ads on Craigslist and remind myself of the kinds of guys I have to wade through if I'm going to attempt to find someone decent. This has only been necessary one time so far, and it only took 30 seconds. Quite effective ( Read more... )

I'm having feelings. About like 85 things at once. Not crippling, overwhelming feelings. But feelings. A complex tangle of gratitude, confidence, sorrow, yearning, frustration, excitement, even anger. I feel like my heart is becoming fully alert after a long, drowsy nap and I'm not sure why. But it will be interesting to see what happens next. ( Read more... )

This is shaping up to be an odd week ( Read more... )

I'm working on a story for the Carleton Voice about Carleton's TRIO program. TRIO is a federally funded program that helps disadvantaged students succeed in college. Specifically, TRIO Student Support Services programs (the kind of program we have at Carleton) serves students who are low-income, first-generation, have a documented disability, or ( Read more... )

Last night I was explaining the Virgin/Whore Dichotomy to my mom (the broader argument of men's desire in our society to cast women as either entirely pure and virtuous or fallen and degraded, rather than the original technical Freudian term about why men don't want to have sex with their wives). I was explaining it as a feminist argument, a ( Read more... )