!Dialect Fic6
Title: Anyone Have a Scottish-English Dictionary? Part Six
Author: Pippin (McTaggart_Pegg@hotmail.com)
Pairing: BB/DM (no longer your call)
Rating: R just to play it perfectly safe
Warning: !Superdialect! Dialect thicker than 3-day old porridge. If you don't like dialect, GO AWAY. Please do not complain to me that I'm writing Billy with a thick accent--that is the point, and I will laugh at you. This is supposed to be fun.
Disclaimer: Don't know 'em, never met 'em, this is all lies. (*sigh*)
Summary: Elijah fixes Billy. Dom & Elijah talk. Dom keeps Billy awake.
Feedback: Yes please. Pretty please. I've discovered I'm a feedback junkie.
Scottish-English Dictionary
Part Deux
Part Trois
Part Quatre
Part Cinq
And so we've reached the end, my friends. Thank you for your encouragement, comments, and lots of laughs. *sniffle*
Maybe someday there will be a little epilogue-type chapter (after all, Elijah never got his dictionary), but I'm not promising.
Thanks much to Epicanthus for the beta. You rock.
Dom, Billy, and Elijah sat sprawled on the sofa. Typical of Elijah's current trend, it was old and well worn--but it was big enough for the three of them (it could handle four at a pinch, he was fond of pointing out), and it was fairly comfortable to sleep on.
Which was what Billy was currently--stealthily--trying to do. Feet on the coffee table, head resting against the high cushions where he sat between the other two, who were completely engrossed in the current TV program on computer gaming. Again. Geeks, the pair of them. He had a headache after stumbling his way through an apology to Margaret. Oh well, at least they'd patched things up. He cautiously twisted his neck--was rewarded with a quiet click.
Elijah threw up his hands. "For fuck's sake, Billy, would you get on the floor already?"
"Ah beg yer pardon?" Perhaps not totally engrossed, then.
"If you can't sleep because your back is sore, then get on the floor and let me fix it. If you sit there twitching and cracking your bones any longer I'm going to freakin' lose it."
"Goin' tae? Ah think ye're a wee bit after th' fact theer." Belatedly added, "An' Ah wasnae tryin' tae sleep."
"Whatever." He pointed to the floor in front of the coffee table. "Down. On your stomach."
"Why, Elijah," Billy said, feigning surprise with his voice but getting up to comply. "Ah didnae expect tha' kind o' talk froom ye."
"Asshole," Elijah grinned, his cheeks tinged pink.
"Exactly mah point. Getting' downreet blue in heer, so it is."
Elijah snorted, but kept his mouth shut this time. If only he could learn to do that more often when Billy was around. It was hard to keep ahead of that brain.
"Wha' are ye goin' tae do?" Billy asked as he stretched out on the floor, propped up on his elbows.
"Do you trust me?"
He started to get up again. "No if ye have tae ask, Ah doan!"
Elijah put his foot on Billy's jean-clad ass, pushed him back down. "Shut up. I'm really good at this."
"Would you shut your gob, please?" Dom muttered, eyes still glued to the TV. "I'm trying to learn something here."
Billy snickered as he settled back down. "Wha', how tae make yer wee ninja spin-kick? Verra valuable, tha' is."
"Spin-kick? Idiot."
"Wank--" Startled, Billy abruptly cut off his word as Elijah's fingers began ungently prodding his spine. He hadn't felt him come down to floor level.
Elijah straddled Billy, but on his knees, not putting any weight on him. Let all his senses channel through his fingertips as he searched for the trouble spots.
"All right. Breathe out when I tell you to." Elijah locked his hands together, fingers entwined, rested the heel of his bottom-most hand against the lowest of the knots in Billy's spine. Wiggled it side to side a bit to make sure the position was good. "Breathe out--all the way." At the end of Billy's deep exhalation, he leaned in, gave a sharp, swift upward thrust. The resulting crack was loud enough to distract Dom from the commercial on TV.
Billy yelped.
"Bloody hell, Elijah," Dom protested.
"Wha' th' fuck are ye doin' tae meh?" Billy shouted, incensed. "Ye're goin' tae break meh bloodeh back!"
"I'd like him back in one piece, you know Elwood."
Elijah rolled his eyes. "Calm down, you pantywaists. Billy, move."
"Noo, Ah've bin paralyzed--"
"Move, jackass!"
Billy tentatively twisted, bent. "Oh. Weel--it's no so bad…"
Elijah snorted. "I told you. All right, lay down again. Next."
He hesitated, but lay down.
"Breathe out."
Billy breathed.
Pop.
The nail-bitten fingers did a little more exploration. "Okay, last one. Breathe out."
He exhaled, eyes closed. The final crack was as loud as the first, and Dom winced.
"Fuck's sake, 'Lij, you're going to hurt him."
"No, I'm not." He got to his feet, prodded Billy gently in the side. "Am I?"
Billy didn't move. Just moaned.
Dom sat forward, concerned. "Bill? You all right? Jesus, 'Lij--"
"'S guid, Dom," Billy mumbled, still facedown. "Really, really guid. 'Lij, wheer th' hell did ye learn tae do tha'?"
"Remember when I was filming Eternal Sunshine, and I told you how Kate Winslet messed up her back?" Elijah returned to the sofa.
"Aye."
"Well," he grinned. "I kinda dated her massage therapist for a couple of weeks. She taught me. Turns out I'm pretty good at it."
"Brilliant." Dom reclined back again, disgruntled. "It's nice you have something to fall back on if the acting thing doesn't pan out."
Billy sat up. Looked at Elijah imploringly. "Teach him--" he pointed a finger at Dom without moving his eyes, "--how tae do tha'. Now. Teach now." He flopped back down.
Elijah laughed smugly, and Dom turned up the sound on the TV.
The gaming show ended, and Billy's snores rose from where he still lay in the middle of the floor.
Elijah hit the mute button. Looked at the prone figure on his rug, asked, "Is there anything I should know? About him?"
Dom looked down too, smiling. "He'll be okay. I think yesterday scared a little sense back into him."
"Good. He was hammered."
"We'll just have to…push and pull him along for a bit. 'Til he gets his feet back under him."
"We can do that. What about you?"
Dom stilled. "What about me?"
Elijah didn't look at him. Carefully said, "I, um…I hear you were in rough shape yourself the other day. It's just--you know, if there's anything I can do…"
Dom softened, slouched to lean his head on Elijah's shoulder. "Sometimes you're such a girl, Elwood," he said fondly.
"Am not."
"Are too. I'm fine. You know that play I did in London?"
"Yeah."
"Total and utter crap. Billy's mostly convinced me my career may survive this. I was just feeling sorry for myself."
"That's allowed once in a while, you know."
"Thanks for letting us crash with you."
"You'll stay for a bit, right? It's--like old times."
"Yeah. Like old times," Dom repeated.
A little later, Elijah cleared his throat. "Dom?"
"Yeah?"
"You and Bill--things were…not good, were they?"
A pause. "No. Not really."
"But you're still--"
"Yeah. We are."
"Good," he breathed with heartwarming relief.
"You've been hanging out with Astin too much, you know that?"
"Whaddya mean?"
Dom grinned. "You've gone all soft. You're gonna make a good Mum some day."
"Shut up, asshole."
"Elijah Wood!" Dom scolded. "Watch your language! Whatever will the children think?"
"You're the only child here."
"Spank me, Mummy."
Elijah elbowed him in the ribs.
"Dom," he said quietly.
"Yeah."
"Take him to bed. If he sleeps on the floor much longer, he's going to undo all my hard work."
"If you insist. You staying up?"
"Nah. I gotta be up early in the morning. Damn agent scheduled a fucking breakfast interview."
"Bastards."
"You're telling me."
"Help me get him up."
Together they hauled Billy to his feet. The green eyes opened, heavy-lidded.
"Put meh doon."
"That's the plan, Billy-boy," Dom reassured him, propping him up under his arm. "As soon as we get you to the bed."
"Ah can bloodeh weel walk, ye numptie."
"Fine." He let him go.
Billy staggered.
Dom put his arm back around his waist. "That's what I thought. Come on, Bills, it's sleepy-time. 'Night, 'Lij."
"'Night, Dom. 'Night, Billy."
Billy grinned sleepily. "'Night, John-Boy. 'Night, Jim-Bob."
"Idiot."
Billy sat on the edge of the bed, slowly pulling off bits of clothing. Looked dejectedly at his jeans. Sighed. Sat there.
Dom chuckled. "Come on Bills, stand up. I'll help you. Are you going to be able to wait for 'Lij to fall asleep, or do you want to leave that for another night?"
"Tonigh'. Befoore he forgets he seid it. Can ye keep meh awake?"
Dom arched his eyebrow. "I think I probably can, yeah. He's got to be up early. You realize he's going to wake the fuckin' neighbours when he starts in on us?"
Billy struggled to his feet. Tried to get the button on the fly, but his sleep-clumsy hands just couldn't do it. Dom came over, reached down, and easily slipped it open. Long fingers pulled the zipper down. As Billy watched, he said, "Ah noo. Ah think it'll be woorth it." Dom let him push the waistband down, let him lean against him for support while he tiredly lifted each leg in turn to kick the denim off.
"In you go." Dom pulled the covers back, waited while Billy crawled in, still wearing his shorts, pulled the covers up over him. Went around to the other side and quickly rid himself of his own clothes. All of them. Climbed into bed.
Billy immediately turned to move closer. Dom opened his arms, welcoming him. Held him snugly.
"Missed this, Dom."
"Me too. I missed you too. Three months is way too long."
"Ye coulda coome back earlier."
"I know. You could have come with me when I asked."
"Ah noo."
Dom reached for Billy's chin, tipped his face up. Softly kissed him.
The kiss warmed. Heated when Billy opened his mouth, teased at Dom's lips with his tongue. Flamed when Dom opened his mouth and tangled his tongue around Billy's, humming. They eventually, slowly withdrew.
Billy rubbed his nose against Dom's cheek. "Why have ye no kessed meh again 'til noow?"
"Well, I wasn't going to yesterday, was I? I don't fancy kissing someone that drunk unless I'm more than a little wobbled myself. Why didn't you kiss me? You had your chance at the airport."
"I didnae noo if ye woanted meh tae."
"You didn't kn--how the hell could you not know?" He suddenly grinned. "And here I thought I had very clear fuck-me eyes."
"Oh, ye do. Ah caught tha' signal loud and cleear. But Ah wasnae goin' tae jump yer bones in th' middle of a flamin' toy stoore."
"Why not? We could have imitated porno Merry and Pippin."
"Ye're twisted, ye noo tha'?"
"So I've been told."
Billy reached up and captured his lips again. Licked the top one, nibbled on it. Dom made a low, quiet noise in his throat. "An' Ah still didnae noo if ye woanted meh tae kess ye. I wasnae sure ye woanted meh back." He trailed his lips down Dom's chin, underneath it to his throat.
"I came to get you, didn't I, Billy?" he breathed.
"Aye. Tha' ye ded, Dom. But ye're also meh mate, an' a mate woulda done th' same thing."
"A mate wouldn't have held you in his arms as you passed out--twice."
"Noo fair pickin' soomethin' Ah doan remember."
"All right. How 'bout I make it perfectly crystal fucking clear?" He rolled them over until he was laying half on top of Billy. Kissed him deeply, thrusting his tongue in his mouth, letting his hands slide down to Billy's hips. Gripped him tightly, pressing his erection down against Billy's. One thin layer of cotton did little to disguise the heat. "I still love you, Bills. I'm not losing you to that damned void."
Billy's breath hitched in his throat, his arms snaked up around Dom's neck. "Ah loove ye too, Dominic. Ah'm glad Ah goat smeekit at th' strip cloob an' called ye. Glad Ah gave ye an excuse tae coome hoome."
"Me too." He covered Billy's mouth with his. Kissed him hard. Lifted his head, searched his eyes, flicking back and forth from depth to green depth. "Tell me you need me, Bills. Please?"
"Ah need ye, Dom. Ah've always needed ye. Inside, ootside, an' six ways froom Sunday, Ah need ye. Doan ye ever fuckin' leave meh like tha' again."
His lips never leaving the surface of Billy's skin, Dom traveled down, under the sheets and blankets. The final layer of cotton swiftly disappeared.
"Oh God, Dom--three months is def'nitely too loong. Bloodeh hell. Dom--Dom, doan ye ever let anyone tell ye ye doan have a real fuckin' talent," he gasped, arching up.
A low laugh floated up.
"SHHH!"
"Doan 'shh' so loud," Billy whispered, giggling. "Ye'll wake 'im oop."
"Oh, please. This is 'Lij we're talking about." Dom spoke quietly, nevertheless.
"True." He plugged it in. "He can programme it tomorreh."
"Yeah. It's just the initial pants-wetter we're after here."
"Doon th' hall. A bloodeh trail of 'em."
"Yeah. The big one right outside his door. He doesn't put his glasses on before he goes to piss, he'll probably step on it," Dom snickered gleefully.
"Ye doan think it's too much, doo ye?"
"Nah. It's just this side of too much. We're good."
"Give meh a coouple. Insehct versus machine."
"Love it. Battle to the death."
A few minutes later, they stood back and surveyed their handiwork.
"Perfect," Dom sighed happily.
"It'll serve him reet."
Flicking off the hall light, they went back to bed.
Elijah stumbled through his door. It was too fucking early. He stepped on something round and hard. Looked down, squinting.
"EEEEEIIIIIAAAAUUUUUGGHHHH!!"
The ear-splitting shriek nearly knocked the doors off their hinges. Dom and Billy woke with a start, disoriented.
Elijah leapt back into his room, raced to his night table, and fumbled his glasses onto his face. Grabbed a large, hard-soled boot from his wardrobe. Started toward the door again. Thought better of it, and returned to the wardrobe to don slippers.
At the door, peered out into the hall. Shrieked again. "Cockroaches?? Where the fuck did these come from? FUCK!" He launched himself at the big one he'd stepped on, thwacking it with all his might with the boot, hearing the loud, satisfying thud. Squealed as it launched in the air directly toward him. And landed at his feet, unmoving.
He stared at it. Something wasn't right here--
He looked down the hall. Looked at the perfect little trail of different sized cockroaches that led straight to…
Fuck. A new goddamned answering machine, its little red lights blinking merrily away as it fought the evil insect army. He walked over, a grin starting despite himself, shook his head at the roaches triumphantly perched on top, the less valiant ones crushed underneath. Noticed they'd even gone to the trouble of tearing some of the rubber legs off and scattering them around. Nice touch.
Then he heard them. Helpless giggles, muffled but not muffled enough. They were pissing themselves in there. "You are so fucking dead, Monaghan!"
Billy howled even louder.
"Oi!" Dom protested with a shout, his voice ragged from laughing. "It was all Bill's idea!"
"Why ye bloodeh traitor--" Billy's voice gave out, dissolving into high giggles yet again.
Elijah went to the kitchen. Prepared his retaliation, shouting threats and imprecations and curses the whole time, trying not to laugh at the shrieking and snorting coming from his spare room. Their room.
He carefully opened their door. They were laying in bed, clutching each other, Billy wiping tears from his eyes, Dom just letting them trickle because he was too weak to lift his arm and swipe at them. Yep. Pissing themselves.
"Assholes." He advanced toward the bed. "Fucking cunts."
"Ach, shite, 'Lij, doan--" Billy wheezed, as he and Dom started to thrash about. They were too tangled up in the sheets and each other to escape though, and Elijah stood over them with glee.
He poured the huge basin of cold water directly over their chests. Satisfied, watched it soak through the blankets and sheets as they shouted and cursed and laughed themselves hoarse.
Just like old times.
Elijah smiled.
Author: Pippin (McTaggart_Pegg@hotmail.com)
Pairing: BB/DM (no longer your call)
Rating: R just to play it perfectly safe
Warning: !Superdialect! Dialect thicker than 3-day old porridge. If you don't like dialect, GO AWAY. Please do not complain to me that I'm writing Billy with a thick accent--that is the point, and I will laugh at you. This is supposed to be fun.
Disclaimer: Don't know 'em, never met 'em, this is all lies. (*sigh*)
Summary: Elijah fixes Billy. Dom & Elijah talk. Dom keeps Billy awake.
Feedback: Yes please. Pretty please. I've discovered I'm a feedback junkie.
Scottish-English Dictionary
Part Deux
Part Trois
Part Quatre
Part Cinq
And so we've reached the end, my friends. Thank you for your encouragement, comments, and lots of laughs. *sniffle*
Maybe someday there will be a little epilogue-type chapter (after all, Elijah never got his dictionary), but I'm not promising.
Thanks much to Epicanthus for the beta. You rock.
Dom, Billy, and Elijah sat sprawled on the sofa. Typical of Elijah's current trend, it was old and well worn--but it was big enough for the three of them (it could handle four at a pinch, he was fond of pointing out), and it was fairly comfortable to sleep on.
Which was what Billy was currently--stealthily--trying to do. Feet on the coffee table, head resting against the high cushions where he sat between the other two, who were completely engrossed in the current TV program on computer gaming. Again. Geeks, the pair of them. He had a headache after stumbling his way through an apology to Margaret. Oh well, at least they'd patched things up. He cautiously twisted his neck--was rewarded with a quiet click.
Elijah threw up his hands. "For fuck's sake, Billy, would you get on the floor already?"
"Ah beg yer pardon?" Perhaps not totally engrossed, then.
"If you can't sleep because your back is sore, then get on the floor and let me fix it. If you sit there twitching and cracking your bones any longer I'm going to freakin' lose it."
"Goin' tae? Ah think ye're a wee bit after th' fact theer." Belatedly added, "An' Ah wasnae tryin' tae sleep."
"Whatever." He pointed to the floor in front of the coffee table. "Down. On your stomach."
"Why, Elijah," Billy said, feigning surprise with his voice but getting up to comply. "Ah didnae expect tha' kind o' talk froom ye."
"Asshole," Elijah grinned, his cheeks tinged pink.
"Exactly mah point. Getting' downreet blue in heer, so it is."
Elijah snorted, but kept his mouth shut this time. If only he could learn to do that more often when Billy was around. It was hard to keep ahead of that brain.
"Wha' are ye goin' tae do?" Billy asked as he stretched out on the floor, propped up on his elbows.
"Do you trust me?"
He started to get up again. "No if ye have tae ask, Ah doan!"
Elijah put his foot on Billy's jean-clad ass, pushed him back down. "Shut up. I'm really good at this."
"Would you shut your gob, please?" Dom muttered, eyes still glued to the TV. "I'm trying to learn something here."
Billy snickered as he settled back down. "Wha', how tae make yer wee ninja spin-kick? Verra valuable, tha' is."
"Spin-kick? Idiot."
"Wank--" Startled, Billy abruptly cut off his word as Elijah's fingers began ungently prodding his spine. He hadn't felt him come down to floor level.
Elijah straddled Billy, but on his knees, not putting any weight on him. Let all his senses channel through his fingertips as he searched for the trouble spots.
"All right. Breathe out when I tell you to." Elijah locked his hands together, fingers entwined, rested the heel of his bottom-most hand against the lowest of the knots in Billy's spine. Wiggled it side to side a bit to make sure the position was good. "Breathe out--all the way." At the end of Billy's deep exhalation, he leaned in, gave a sharp, swift upward thrust. The resulting crack was loud enough to distract Dom from the commercial on TV.
Billy yelped.
"Bloody hell, Elijah," Dom protested.
"Wha' th' fuck are ye doin' tae meh?" Billy shouted, incensed. "Ye're goin' tae break meh bloodeh back!"
"I'd like him back in one piece, you know Elwood."
Elijah rolled his eyes. "Calm down, you pantywaists. Billy, move."
"Noo, Ah've bin paralyzed--"
"Move, jackass!"
Billy tentatively twisted, bent. "Oh. Weel--it's no so bad…"
Elijah snorted. "I told you. All right, lay down again. Next."
He hesitated, but lay down.
"Breathe out."
Billy breathed.
Pop.
The nail-bitten fingers did a little more exploration. "Okay, last one. Breathe out."
He exhaled, eyes closed. The final crack was as loud as the first, and Dom winced.
"Fuck's sake, 'Lij, you're going to hurt him."
"No, I'm not." He got to his feet, prodded Billy gently in the side. "Am I?"
Billy didn't move. Just moaned.
Dom sat forward, concerned. "Bill? You all right? Jesus, 'Lij--"
"'S guid, Dom," Billy mumbled, still facedown. "Really, really guid. 'Lij, wheer th' hell did ye learn tae do tha'?"
"Remember when I was filming Eternal Sunshine, and I told you how Kate Winslet messed up her back?" Elijah returned to the sofa.
"Aye."
"Well," he grinned. "I kinda dated her massage therapist for a couple of weeks. She taught me. Turns out I'm pretty good at it."
"Brilliant." Dom reclined back again, disgruntled. "It's nice you have something to fall back on if the acting thing doesn't pan out."
Billy sat up. Looked at Elijah imploringly. "Teach him--" he pointed a finger at Dom without moving his eyes, "--how tae do tha'. Now. Teach now." He flopped back down.
Elijah laughed smugly, and Dom turned up the sound on the TV.
The gaming show ended, and Billy's snores rose from where he still lay in the middle of the floor.
Elijah hit the mute button. Looked at the prone figure on his rug, asked, "Is there anything I should know? About him?"
Dom looked down too, smiling. "He'll be okay. I think yesterday scared a little sense back into him."
"Good. He was hammered."
"We'll just have to…push and pull him along for a bit. 'Til he gets his feet back under him."
"We can do that. What about you?"
Dom stilled. "What about me?"
Elijah didn't look at him. Carefully said, "I, um…I hear you were in rough shape yourself the other day. It's just--you know, if there's anything I can do…"
Dom softened, slouched to lean his head on Elijah's shoulder. "Sometimes you're such a girl, Elwood," he said fondly.
"Am not."
"Are too. I'm fine. You know that play I did in London?"
"Yeah."
"Total and utter crap. Billy's mostly convinced me my career may survive this. I was just feeling sorry for myself."
"That's allowed once in a while, you know."
"Thanks for letting us crash with you."
"You'll stay for a bit, right? It's--like old times."
"Yeah. Like old times," Dom repeated.
A little later, Elijah cleared his throat. "Dom?"
"Yeah?"
"You and Bill--things were…not good, were they?"
A pause. "No. Not really."
"But you're still--"
"Yeah. We are."
"Good," he breathed with heartwarming relief.
"You've been hanging out with Astin too much, you know that?"
"Whaddya mean?"
Dom grinned. "You've gone all soft. You're gonna make a good Mum some day."
"Shut up, asshole."
"Elijah Wood!" Dom scolded. "Watch your language! Whatever will the children think?"
"You're the only child here."
"Spank me, Mummy."
Elijah elbowed him in the ribs.
"Dom," he said quietly.
"Yeah."
"Take him to bed. If he sleeps on the floor much longer, he's going to undo all my hard work."
"If you insist. You staying up?"
"Nah. I gotta be up early in the morning. Damn agent scheduled a fucking breakfast interview."
"Bastards."
"You're telling me."
"Help me get him up."
Together they hauled Billy to his feet. The green eyes opened, heavy-lidded.
"Put meh doon."
"That's the plan, Billy-boy," Dom reassured him, propping him up under his arm. "As soon as we get you to the bed."
"Ah can bloodeh weel walk, ye numptie."
"Fine." He let him go.
Billy staggered.
Dom put his arm back around his waist. "That's what I thought. Come on, Bills, it's sleepy-time. 'Night, 'Lij."
"'Night, Dom. 'Night, Billy."
Billy grinned sleepily. "'Night, John-Boy. 'Night, Jim-Bob."
"Idiot."
Billy sat on the edge of the bed, slowly pulling off bits of clothing. Looked dejectedly at his jeans. Sighed. Sat there.
Dom chuckled. "Come on Bills, stand up. I'll help you. Are you going to be able to wait for 'Lij to fall asleep, or do you want to leave that for another night?"
"Tonigh'. Befoore he forgets he seid it. Can ye keep meh awake?"
Dom arched his eyebrow. "I think I probably can, yeah. He's got to be up early. You realize he's going to wake the fuckin' neighbours when he starts in on us?"
Billy struggled to his feet. Tried to get the button on the fly, but his sleep-clumsy hands just couldn't do it. Dom came over, reached down, and easily slipped it open. Long fingers pulled the zipper down. As Billy watched, he said, "Ah noo. Ah think it'll be woorth it." Dom let him push the waistband down, let him lean against him for support while he tiredly lifted each leg in turn to kick the denim off.
"In you go." Dom pulled the covers back, waited while Billy crawled in, still wearing his shorts, pulled the covers up over him. Went around to the other side and quickly rid himself of his own clothes. All of them. Climbed into bed.
Billy immediately turned to move closer. Dom opened his arms, welcoming him. Held him snugly.
"Missed this, Dom."
"Me too. I missed you too. Three months is way too long."
"Ye coulda coome back earlier."
"I know. You could have come with me when I asked."
"Ah noo."
Dom reached for Billy's chin, tipped his face up. Softly kissed him.
The kiss warmed. Heated when Billy opened his mouth, teased at Dom's lips with his tongue. Flamed when Dom opened his mouth and tangled his tongue around Billy's, humming. They eventually, slowly withdrew.
Billy rubbed his nose against Dom's cheek. "Why have ye no kessed meh again 'til noow?"
"Well, I wasn't going to yesterday, was I? I don't fancy kissing someone that drunk unless I'm more than a little wobbled myself. Why didn't you kiss me? You had your chance at the airport."
"I didnae noo if ye woanted meh tae."
"You didn't kn--how the hell could you not know?" He suddenly grinned. "And here I thought I had very clear fuck-me eyes."
"Oh, ye do. Ah caught tha' signal loud and cleear. But Ah wasnae goin' tae jump yer bones in th' middle of a flamin' toy stoore."
"Why not? We could have imitated porno Merry and Pippin."
"Ye're twisted, ye noo tha'?"
"So I've been told."
Billy reached up and captured his lips again. Licked the top one, nibbled on it. Dom made a low, quiet noise in his throat. "An' Ah still didnae noo if ye woanted meh tae kess ye. I wasnae sure ye woanted meh back." He trailed his lips down Dom's chin, underneath it to his throat.
"I came to get you, didn't I, Billy?" he breathed.
"Aye. Tha' ye ded, Dom. But ye're also meh mate, an' a mate woulda done th' same thing."
"A mate wouldn't have held you in his arms as you passed out--twice."
"Noo fair pickin' soomethin' Ah doan remember."
"All right. How 'bout I make it perfectly crystal fucking clear?" He rolled them over until he was laying half on top of Billy. Kissed him deeply, thrusting his tongue in his mouth, letting his hands slide down to Billy's hips. Gripped him tightly, pressing his erection down against Billy's. One thin layer of cotton did little to disguise the heat. "I still love you, Bills. I'm not losing you to that damned void."
Billy's breath hitched in his throat, his arms snaked up around Dom's neck. "Ah loove ye too, Dominic. Ah'm glad Ah goat smeekit at th' strip cloob an' called ye. Glad Ah gave ye an excuse tae coome hoome."
"Me too." He covered Billy's mouth with his. Kissed him hard. Lifted his head, searched his eyes, flicking back and forth from depth to green depth. "Tell me you need me, Bills. Please?"
"Ah need ye, Dom. Ah've always needed ye. Inside, ootside, an' six ways froom Sunday, Ah need ye. Doan ye ever fuckin' leave meh like tha' again."
His lips never leaving the surface of Billy's skin, Dom traveled down, under the sheets and blankets. The final layer of cotton swiftly disappeared.
"Oh God, Dom--three months is def'nitely too loong. Bloodeh hell. Dom--Dom, doan ye ever let anyone tell ye ye doan have a real fuckin' talent," he gasped, arching up.
A low laugh floated up.
"SHHH!"
"Doan 'shh' so loud," Billy whispered, giggling. "Ye'll wake 'im oop."
"Oh, please. This is 'Lij we're talking about." Dom spoke quietly, nevertheless.
"True." He plugged it in. "He can programme it tomorreh."
"Yeah. It's just the initial pants-wetter we're after here."
"Doon th' hall. A bloodeh trail of 'em."
"Yeah. The big one right outside his door. He doesn't put his glasses on before he goes to piss, he'll probably step on it," Dom snickered gleefully.
"Ye doan think it's too much, doo ye?"
"Nah. It's just this side of too much. We're good."
"Give meh a coouple. Insehct versus machine."
"Love it. Battle to the death."
A few minutes later, they stood back and surveyed their handiwork.
"Perfect," Dom sighed happily.
"It'll serve him reet."
Flicking off the hall light, they went back to bed.
Elijah stumbled through his door. It was too fucking early. He stepped on something round and hard. Looked down, squinting.
"EEEEEIIIIIAAAAUUUUUGGHHHH!!"
The ear-splitting shriek nearly knocked the doors off their hinges. Dom and Billy woke with a start, disoriented.
Elijah leapt back into his room, raced to his night table, and fumbled his glasses onto his face. Grabbed a large, hard-soled boot from his wardrobe. Started toward the door again. Thought better of it, and returned to the wardrobe to don slippers.
At the door, peered out into the hall. Shrieked again. "Cockroaches?? Where the fuck did these come from? FUCK!" He launched himself at the big one he'd stepped on, thwacking it with all his might with the boot, hearing the loud, satisfying thud. Squealed as it launched in the air directly toward him. And landed at his feet, unmoving.
He stared at it. Something wasn't right here--
He looked down the hall. Looked at the perfect little trail of different sized cockroaches that led straight to…
Fuck. A new goddamned answering machine, its little red lights blinking merrily away as it fought the evil insect army. He walked over, a grin starting despite himself, shook his head at the roaches triumphantly perched on top, the less valiant ones crushed underneath. Noticed they'd even gone to the trouble of tearing some of the rubber legs off and scattering them around. Nice touch.
Then he heard them. Helpless giggles, muffled but not muffled enough. They were pissing themselves in there. "You are so fucking dead, Monaghan!"
Billy howled even louder.
"Oi!" Dom protested with a shout, his voice ragged from laughing. "It was all Bill's idea!"
"Why ye bloodeh traitor--" Billy's voice gave out, dissolving into high giggles yet again.
Elijah went to the kitchen. Prepared his retaliation, shouting threats and imprecations and curses the whole time, trying not to laugh at the shrieking and snorting coming from his spare room. Their room.
He carefully opened their door. They were laying in bed, clutching each other, Billy wiping tears from his eyes, Dom just letting them trickle because he was too weak to lift his arm and swipe at them. Yep. Pissing themselves.
"Assholes." He advanced toward the bed. "Fucking cunts."
"Ach, shite, 'Lij, doan--" Billy wheezed, as he and Dom started to thrash about. They were too tangled up in the sheets and each other to escape though, and Elijah stood over them with glee.
He poured the huge basin of cold water directly over their chests. Satisfied, watched it soak through the blankets and sheets as they shouted and cursed and laughed themselves hoarse.
Just like old times.
Elijah smiled.